Being told to get a job

Erin - posted on 08/17/2010

Don't take that from anybody!!!
You are definitely NOT sitting around eating bonbons all day! Anybody who thinks that a mom doesn't work, never tried staying home with her kids (if she has any at all.)
If at home with your baby is where you want to be, then STAY HOME! It's definitely the best thing for your baby too.

Faryn - posted on 08/17/2010

I definitely haven't had to deal with this. Instead, I feel like I need to be contributing financial, especially since I spent time/money getting my degrees and taking board exams and keeping up my licenses. My husband and family on the other hand, are very supportive (but not overly so) of me staying home and raising our son. I think they all understand how difficult and time consuming raising a child is, especially if you want to do a good job of it. I think of it this way... if I can afford to stay home and RAISE my son... then why would I PAY someone else to do it. I am grateful that daycare and such exists for people who don't have the option of staying home... but for those of us that can... I don't understand why we would choose to have someone else care for our children (unless it is just 1-2 days/wk so that you can keep up your skills in your profession or just have some "me time" to stay mentally healthy).

Toni - posted on 08/17/2010

No, I have never been told that. If I ever was, i would have to tell whoever to try to be a sahm for a few hours, then come tell me to get a job! Being a SAHM, you are a cook, teacher, nurse, ref(if you have more than 1), and that is just a few of the jobs you have! It is the best job ever, and the hardest one I have ever had!!!

Kitty - posted on 08/17/2010

I hada job and i had to quit due to move and i went on disabilty due to not being able to keep a job i have but I may return back who knows

Louise - posted on 08/17/2010

where is it that you live? Depending what country you live in, in the uk they cant force you back to work if you have a child under school age.

Sharlene - posted on 08/16/2010

I see these posts and wonder if some lovely mums out there need to get nicer friends! I have never, ever been told that from family or friends - and almost ALL of my mummy friends have gone back to work. I'm just flaberghasted that some people seem to think that all mums need to go running back to work! Am I just lucky to have such great friends that they don't make comments like that???

Ruby - posted on 08/16/2010

oh yes all the time but i always said u can switch and of coarse a man would said "i can do it..they don't act like that with me" im thinking n the back of my head: he has no clue what these girls are like when u r with them for 24hrs straight....but all fact i love working for my kids at home...i do miss work but i'll miss them even more....so thats my pay check "seeing my kids grow"

Millie - posted on 08/16/2010

No! Never! You have the most important job in the world! If your family is able to make it on one income than whoever is telling you this is a JERK! Sorry you are having to hear this. :(

Loni - posted on 08/16/2010

Don't listen to them I stayed with my kids till they started school full time now I am looking for a job. It more fun watching them grow you can't do that if your working.

Bridgette - posted on 08/16/2010

Yes. I'm just a little blunt and honest. I tell people like that... "I'm sorry but God gave me these kids to me to raise. I don't need money enough to sacrifice my kids to people I don't know. Besides studies have proven children raised by mom have less problems in life and they are healthier overall. I don't want to read about my children's first steps or words. I want to experience it. I want to be my kids mom...who takes care of them the most is the mom, not the one who gives birth."

Yes its rude and harsh at times but at least I shut them up. One lady even quit her job bc she realized she only knew her kids by paper notes written by a teacher.

I work from home, not bc we neeeed it. But bc we want to be debt free in 5 years, plus what I do is helping moms. So it becomes a ministry to me instead of work.

Shannon - posted on 08/16/2010

I'm Shannon and the answer is for 9 years now! And I am a Bible College Correspondence Student, I volunteer more than the average person and I take care of my 9 year old, help her with all homework and the we have a 2 year old dog. Do you get my drift? The only job I am going to have is the ministry God called me to start when I am done. PS God wants us to raise our children. It is first on the list. I'll Praise You for Staying at Home!

Tina - posted on 08/16/2010

all the time....like staying home raising kids to so easy....some people can work...sometimes i wish i could, but it would cost me more to work- child care, gas, etc.... i miss adult conversation. just remember ur not alone. im even looking into work-at-home jobs but im worried about getting scammed. i wish it was a simple choice but its not. do whatever is best for u and ur child...ignore the rest of the crap... for anyone that keeps pushing u, there is a website that calculates what u should be paid as a mom for the work u do. show them that and ask if they r willing to pay u what u deserve...if not they can just be quite.

Jordan - posted on 08/16/2010

Girl you stay home with that baby as long as you can as long as the baby is not going with out then no one should have any thing to say about you being home with you baby + at that age kids need mommy all the time.

Katie - posted on 08/16/2010

I am currently a stay at home Mom to my 8 month old baby. I love it! But I'm trying to go back to school soon so that I can get a good paying job. As much as I know I'm going to be doing it for my Son, I'm also dreading it. As HARD as being a SAHM is, there's nothing like it. You get to see and do things that you would otherwise miss. As for anyone who just thinks we sit around all day, HA! Yea right. All I do is play with my Son all day. Nap times are the only me time I get! Good luck with whatever you decide!

Marissa - posted on 08/16/2010

I have been nagged on and heard a bunch of nasty comments. i dont "work" because even if i did my money would just pay for daycare because of how expensive it is these days. my mom supports that i dont because i am a full time student, i babysit 3 days a week and i am a secret shopper to bring in some extra money but i can take my son to both of those jobs. My mom tells me as long as i can make ends meet and my son is doing well than it shld not matter!

Tanya - posted on 08/15/2010

My husband says he has a better deal than me , he goes out & works , he admitted , he can't do what I do look after the children , give them the medication , clean the house , cook meals , look after the pets we have , clean the stable & see to the pony , 3 dogs , 2 rabbits , 3 hamsters , he admires what I do , he says I am a brilliant mam ,I worked before I had children then I worked part time , when my 2 youngest were small , then became pregnant in 2004 , gave up work , I worked in 2007 for 5 -6 months , but had to give it up as I had really bad IBS was in pain constantly , it was hard juggling between work & the children .I am now a stay at home mam, a parent governor at my children's school & I am happier than ever my IBS has settled down , I do have the odd bad day with IBS , but I am happy ,enjoy being a mam, being a mam is a 24/7 job , do not let any one tell you different. Just enjoy being a mam.

Sunnie - posted on 08/15/2010

No one has said it outloud to me, but I have been made to feel like I wasn't contributing enough. Almost like what my husband does is more important than what I do. I think that's the curse of the SAHM. Even though I don't feel appreciated, I would not trade the time I get to spend with my son for all the recognition in the world!

Summer - posted on 08/15/2010

lol.....yes. I have 3 boys and now one on the way. I know certain people that think because they work, that I should too. My husband and I both agree that we didn't have children for other people to raise. I did work after my second was born until I became pregnant with my fourth because we needed the money. I loved my job, hated being away from the kids. I know some moms who feel like they can't handle the stress of being home all day with their little ones and that's their choice. Paying someone on average 12 hours a day to watch your child costs a lot! A LOT! And most weeks I felt like I was working just to pay someone so I could work.

Jennifer - posted on 08/15/2010

I havn't been nagged about getting a job but I have had some nasty comments about how I don't work. I'm just happy knowing that we are doing what's best for our son. My husband and I both had our mam stay home with us until we went to nursery and school and that's what we want for Logan.

Jaime - posted on 08/15/2010

No, I don't. There would be no point in me going to work because the money I did make would just go to childcare. Besides, my husband and I prefer that one of us stay home with the kid(s). We were talking about preschool yesterday but he was kind of against some of them because they start at 18 months old. It's only 2 mornings a week but he still though that was too young for our daughter. She has playgroup though so she gets to interact with other children her age...

Edited to add: LO is 10 months old in a few days.

Jennifer - posted on 08/15/2010

Wow! It's nice to know that I am not the only mother out their that is being pushed to get a job, when we are incapable. Thanks everyone for giving their story. I read all of them, and I am a lot less stressed out about it.

Jennifer - posted on 08/15/2010

I get nagged all the time too. It is kinda impossible to get a job when you don't have the money or the people to help you watch your kid when you are at work. Back in the day, moms were expected to stay at home and take care of the kids and the house, but nowadays we have to take care of the kids, the house, the man, and NOW we are expected to work, also. how are we supposed to spend any time with our children?

Kellean - posted on 08/15/2010

A stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world and yet the most rewarding.

If you go to http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Col...

This is a great article on MSN for all of you just to know. If anyone ever nags you about getting a job just tell them how much you are worth and demand they pay you! lol

They have made lists of all that we do as moms. Weather you have one or 20 children. Your time is important and you are molding these little children. You are a Personal chef, chief cook and bottle washer, chauffeur, laundress, domestic dispute resolution consultant, personal assistant, interior decorator, product demonstrator, nurse, teacher, mind reader, magician, maid, caregiver, super hero, daycare and as you know the list goes on.

So the next time someone tells you to get a job you can either say I am working and pay me what I am worth. You can also say fine but we need to hire the following people to do the job I do and btw it will cost you more than I charge. :) Mom's are after all Super Heroes!!

Josey - posted on 08/15/2010

Hi hun, I was pushed and pushed and was told the same stuff... Im the end we broke up and now im doing it alone... but I doing it my way and its great.... I have gone back to work now... but that was because i wanted too....
Stick to your guns hun.... u do what i want... males will never understand whats its like being a mum and that it.... you know whats best!!!!

Alice - posted on 08/14/2010

Yes, but then I tell them that I do work... it's just at home! :) We have a working farm, I'm a published author, I home school + tutor others, occasionally babysit for other moms, and I am an online fitness coach!
That usually makes them give me an open mouth stare and maybe an "oh" grunt. My father-in-law still rags me about not having a "real" job, but then he's the one that sits home and does nothing all day!! He has no children at home and all he does is complain about cleaning up behind their dog!! lol!!
Honestly, I don't really care what other people think. What my family does is my family's business, and as long as my husband loves me being home and I can keep more income by staying home, I will be a SAHM ~ and proud of it!!

Laura - posted on 08/14/2010

Being a mother and going back to work is a difficult decision to make. It should be a family decision, and made with the best interests of everyone in mind.

Good luck!

Breanna - posted on 08/14/2010

yes.. when i tell the man that he is falling behind on the bills and try to get him to pay everything on time he turns it around like im the bad guy saying that if i want to take care of it why dont i get a job and quit hounding him but then he tells me im the one who is supposed to keep him together with all his stuff its stupid. and now that i want a job i get all kinds of crap about it...ugh stupid guys

Carrie - posted on 08/14/2010

i love beening with my kids. do not get me wrong sometimes i miss the drama of a job. really adults to talk too.but i think it is worth it. just do this when he gets home one day say i am going out for a little bit. i bit he wont say that to you again after a few hour by himself with the baby.

Jenny - posted on 08/14/2010

I get that a lot!! Sometimes, even though my husband completely supports me staying home, things come out sounding like he thinks I have it easy being home. Our daughter is 15 months, and even when he's not deployed or working, if she has a need I'm usually the one making sure it gets taken care of. I love this job, and it is most certainly hard work. When people make comments in passing, I flat out ignore it. Clearly they have no clue, so it's pointless to start an argument with some one who doesn't understand. Those who actually have a conversation about it, I point out that all of the jobs included in being a stay-at-home mom (driving, cooking, cleaning, day care, teaching, shopping, etc.) all adds up to a lot of money (6 figures). So I am working my butt off to get the opportunity to make sure I am the one raising my daughter, not some one else, and in addition saving more than they make in at least a year. Not to mention the reward in knowing that my daughter knows I'm her mommy and that I love her more than anything, and will always make sure she is 100% taken care of.
Regardless... if they still can't at least appreciate all that I do even after explaining it... then they have no really understanding of what being a full time parent is.
I respect those that don't have the option of staying home, but still make sure their kids are the top priority, but those who can't stand staying home, and then judge those of us who do, I just don't waste my time.

Ramona - posted on 08/14/2010

Yes! A lot of people have asked me where do I work and don't have a positive response or just have silence when I say I stay at home. I think a lot of people have no idea what it takes or how hard it is to stay home with your kids. I get this from people who have kids and people who don't-people who don't have no clue. My husband and I feel it is the right decision at this time and that helps me through. It's frustrating and I wish I had a good response for people.

ASHLEY - posted on 08/14/2010

Me and my hubby agreed early on that as long as we could afford it I would be home with kids while they were little (till school age) we thought having a parent with them was best and daycare would be used only if we had too (we have no family to babysit)

Brandy - posted on 08/14/2010

My fiance and I agreed that it would be in our families best interests if I was the one raising our children, not some babysitter or daycare. I don't look down on working moms, to each their own, but I couldn't stand the thought of somebody else making all the decisions and disciplining my children all day, deciding what is right and wrong for my children. What's the point of having kids if somebody else is going to raise them? And,no SAHM's are not lazy. (not the ones I know anyways) If the house is clean and there is nothing to do, spend time with your children. Play, do crafts, read books, teach them. Being a parent isn't about just sitting on your ass, looking over every once in a while to make sure everyone is behaving.

Cheyenne - posted on 08/14/2010

yes by my mother in law. she doesnt understand that i have no one to watch my son and have no way to get there. it makes me mad

Elizabeth - posted on 08/14/2010

when people tell you that you need to get a job do what I do. I stay at home with my 2 girls and have been told more times than I can count I need to get a job. I always reply to the same thing.

I am sorry what is it you do in a days work? oh, you work at a bank (or whatever), so you sit all day and count money. My job is this... I get up every morning at 7 make coffee, start the first load of laundry, make my husband something to eat going out the door for work, then I shower. Wake up Alex (my oldest) get her showered and dressed, while she is eating I wake up Katie (our youngest) and get her showered and dressed. While Katie is eating I am doing class time with my oldest. After class I switch the laundry, get Katie down. Do dishes. Then I start a new load of laundry, clean the table and counters. After this I work from 1 room to another. I will pop in a movie for the girls and then I sweep & mop the kitchen & laundry room, then vacuum the dining room, and clean both bathrooms. After this I set the table for art time for my girls, while they paint or color I vacuum the living room, then I start lunch, fold clothes and switch. My husband comes home for lunch we eat as a family, he leaves and I do the dishes while the girls "clean up" their toys. Then I lay them down for nap. During there nap time for about an hr i have me time (watch tv, read, get on computer) Wake the girls up and it's class time again, then trash goes out and both their rooms are picked up and vacuumed. By this time laundry is done and I finish taking care of clothes, make all beds and organize bills and our budget. While they girls are having free time I start dinner. We eat, my husband takes care of the girls while I re-clean the kitchen, do more dishes. then Katie our baby usually gets another bath. Pj's are put on and the girls have quiet play. During this time I am able to relax. Girls go to sleep and as soon as they are out so am I. THIS IS A MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY THING AND I LOVE IT! so tell me again I need to get a job

Kristi - posted on 08/14/2010

I think you should go back to work if you want to or need to. Not everyone is lucky enough to be financially able to stay at home with their children. I think ignorant people make those types of comments - there is no way someone who has been in your shoes (or the shoes of any stay at home mom) would ever say anything like that. It is hard not to be affected by those comments and not doubt yourself or question your choices. But you cannot let others dictate what is important to you and important in your life.

Jessie - posted on 08/14/2010

You do have a job! one that you never get off of, 24/7 you are mommy. You dont get to get off work and relax.
I dont get nagged to get a job, but i do find that i feel guilty a lot for not having one. Every time my husband complains about work I feel guilty, even though we all know being mommy is the hardest, and most important job in the world.

Lisa - posted on 08/14/2010

Here's the article about how much a SAHM would make.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Col...

Trisha - posted on 08/14/2010

All of you women are GREAT.. haha.. Why is it that men even some women dont understand that what we do is HARD WORK.. Not everyone wants to have other people raise their children. I asked my girlfriend.. When did your son learn his colors and she said oh i dont know.. he learned them in darcare.. See now I take pride in being the person to teach my child his ABCs and 123s.. There is nothing better then other women complimenting me on my childs maners and politness.. They are 4 and 3. :) I love being a stay at home mom. More power to US.. WE are the ones that do all the hard work. I 'd love to see the women without nannies and house keepers to do what we do.. We do it for our own family and whats better then that satisfaction?! Nothing.. Besides your husband being happy. haha

Charlotte - posted on 08/14/2010

I know the feeling! People should think before they open their mouths sometimes! Being a SAHM is a job! And I reckon that those who tell us to get a job are either clueless cos they've never had kids or jealous cos they didn't get the chance to stay home and enjoy watching their kids grow up. Just don't listen to them, I don't.

Christi - posted on 08/14/2010

me me me me me! lol. i am a stay at home mom, not out of choice, but necessity. my son is autistic and i stay at home with him, even though it would be extremely beneficial if i could work. i do still look for part time work, but the economy is crappy and i am very young and don't have a lot of work experience so i am pretty much screwed, lol. just forget them and know that you do more for your family that anyone will ever know.

Hannah - posted on 08/14/2010

My husband gets on my case a lot. we are limited with income and i've told him many times that its easier if i can just stay home with my daughter, because the cost of day care would basically take up any pay I'd make. so it'd be completely worthless.

Sandra - posted on 08/13/2010

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Lisa - posted on 08/13/2010

I'm sorry you are going thru this. You have to weigh how much can you make versus would you have to leave your child, if you can make it without working that's what I would do, obviously your husband needs to be supportive to yours and your babys needs.

Barb - posted on 08/13/2010

I looked for it but couldn't find it - sorry ladies. But we had an article in our paper of the salary of a stay at home mom (or dad). It was hilariuous and accurate - laundry, personal chef, housekeeper, chauffer, tutor, counselor etc. The list went on and on - definitely, what we do.

Hang in there. When you see your child's face light up, it is all worth it.

Gloria - posted on 08/13/2010

yes i feel you..i hear that all the time too. It seems that because u at home taking care of a baby is the easy job. My son is 9months and i dont even like to think about leaving him with someone that I KNOW that they wont take care as well as i. But it doest get tired when all you hear is get a job. LIke what we do is not a job... Good luck

Barb - posted on 08/13/2010

I'd love to share the business with you because I too have run into far too many scams. Shaklee has been around over 54 years so you know you can count on them as a legit business. It is also the #1 natural nutiritonal company. Check out our sites - www.feelexcellent2.net and www.homebizsuccessteam.com. I am so sure and so is Shaklee that this can work that we actually guarantee the business kit for customer satisfaction.

Sorry you have to hear the snide comments - unfortunately, we all get them. I work hard but I do it around our kids schedules. Do you have any other moms or groups that you could share healthy choices with? That is the key. People are meeting ever day in there homes to discuss how to protect our children and family from harmful things like toxins. Heck, you can do this while your baby is crawling around. We even have people who have pplay dates and discuss it. Hang in there.

Alisha - posted on 08/13/2010

My "mother-in-law" (quotes because we're not married) always make little side comments like "must be nice to stay home all the time" and my boyfriend says things like "well I was out in the heat all day while you were in the a.c. all day, its not easy working ya know" I just want to smack them both. I don't like day care because of all the bad things that you hear about. And I just can't see him working days and me working nights. What kind of relationship would he and I have and our daughter would hardly see us together as a family. I'm looking for work from home stuff but that is so hard with all the scams out there. We are really struggling because of only having one income but I just can't see the alternative unless I find something that I can do from home.

Barb - posted on 08/13/2010

I'm sorry to hear that because being a mom of 5, I can tell you that whether you ahve 1 or 5 - you are never on your a-- unless you are playing a game with your children or one of them is sick. Fortunately, my husband does understand how much we do. Have you ever seen the mom video that is song to the theme of the Long Ranger? So funny. Recently, I did decide to go back to work but from my home doing something that I cater around my children. If you are interested, please email or call because the business plan is so awesome they are patenting it. I love the business because we teach others how to help keep their children safe - right up a mom and dad's ally. Check it out at www.feelexcellent2.net under join now. Don't worry, no charges to learn more or anything. I'd never go back to the corporate job I had now. What better job than raising a 1 year old to become a healthy independent person - I certainly don't think you are sitting on your A--.

Good luck:)

Brandi - posted on 08/13/2010

oh yes i am a stay at home mother of 3 i have a 7 month old and a 17 month old and a 7 year old if only peaple like that new how much harder it is to be a stay home mom its stressful and when you have toddlers its even harder i think all moms should stay home at least till there kids are in school or preschool cause daycare would take up your whole paycheck anyway so your just working to pay someone else to take care of your kids its dumb besides the first few years of a childs life is the most important time for mom to be home with her kids cause thats when the children need constant attention and they are not old enuff to do things on there own they need mommy there to teach them about life and get them ready and prepare them for school and many other things that only a mother can show there babies besides there is not a single daycare or babysitter who will take care of an attend to your baby like you do so dont listen to them and tell them they have there way of parenting and you have yours

Griselda - posted on 08/13/2010

... Reply to them"You can only wish you could stay home with your children, I'm fortunate. This is what works for MY family" then smile and walk away.... that usually shuts people up :-D