Burnt out Mama

Sarah - posted on 10/31/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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This has been 2 very bad weeks. Both of my children (10 month premie, and 2 year old) are sick, and so am I. Needless to say I haven't slept much in 2 weeks, because one of the babies is always up at some point in the night right now (mostly the 10 month old,) My husband does not get up with them at night (actually he doesn't do much around the house, but that's a whole other problem.) I don't mind being the one that gets up, but then when my husband is getting ready for work in the morning he always wakes me up. Now I'm not a morning person to begin with, but when I'm running on so little sleep I really turn into a bear. I just don't know how to get him to leave me and the girls alone in the morning so we can sleep. I would just nap with the girls, but my 2 year old is going through a no nap phase (at least I hope it's a phase...) I am so tired, that I'm not a very patient mom right now. I hate feeling like I'm burnt out, but I think I have burnt my candle at both ends and now there's not much left. I guess this was more of a vent than a call for help. Is there anyone else out there like this, or does anyone have any suggestions?
My mom would normally help me with the girls in a situation of not enough sleep, but her and my dad both have lung issues so the avoid sick people like the plague...

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Jess - posted on 11/06/2009

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Do you think he just doesn't get that you have been up all night, or do you think he doesn't care when he wakes you up in the morning?
My advice is different for each.

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Kristina - posted on 11/09/2009

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Find a way to nap... It's hard but do it... i have four under four... had the flu along with the 3 oldest (thank God the 2 month old didn't get it)... If neccessary put your two year old in front of a movie (in a high chair or playpen)... sippy cup and small snack (cereal is good)... lay down on the couch... it will only buy you an hour or so, but hey an hour can save you...



As for your hubby... one morning you'll blow up at him... he'll probably be scared... you'll get like 3 days before he starts doing it again...

Shanee - posted on 11/03/2009

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I GET LIKE THAT AT TIMES BUT I WILL GET MY ME TIME AND MY HUSBAND KNOWS THIS YES I STAY HOME AND HE WK BUT EVERYONE IS DO TIME TO THEIR SELF DAILY WE HAVE 5 KIDS AND AT TIMES I THINK I AM GOING TO PULL THIS PONYTAIL OFF BUT I ALWAYS PRAY AND KEEP FAITH IN OUR GOD AND HE TAKES GOOD CARE OF ME WE AS MOTHERS HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO DO BE A WIFE,MOM,DOCTER,TEACHER,JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING UNDER THE SON BUT GOD WILL NOT PUT NOTHING ON US WE CANT HANDLE ITS ALL A TEST TO SEE IF WE ARE GOING TO LET THE GOOD OLD DEVIL IN LOOK UP TO GOD PRAY AND HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH I PROMISE LOVE SHANEE

Kristina - posted on 11/03/2009

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I totally hear you! I have 4 kids ages 8, 5, 3, and 9 months old. Sleep deprivation can really get you down. It would be hard without some sort of support from the hubby. Talking about it will help for sure! Just knowing you are not the only one going through it helps (it doesn't give you the sleep you need however). I think it is a good idea to rest when the kids rest. Even if you lay on the couch with your two year old (while the baby is asleep in their bed) and put a little movie in . Lay with your child laying behind your legs on the couch. You can lay there with your eyes closed but still be awake and feel if they try to get up. This will give you a little rest even if they don't want to sleep. Every little bit counts! Also be sure you have the kids going to bed at the same time every night. It will take about a week for them to get used to a contistent bed time if they do not already have one. I know sick kids do not sleep well at all, but the rest will really help them too. My 9 mo. old daughter was just sick with sinus issues (runny nose, cough, some congestion) and my doctor suggested benadryl. I would give it to her before bed to clear her head and it also helps her sleep for about 4 hours straight. As far as the mornings with hubby?? Stress to him that is it important that you and the kids get as much rest as possible (especially in the mornings) since you have been up numerous times through the night. Sometimes just saying it without expecting him to know it automatically helps. I know alot of times I think my hubby should just know and be courteous, but sometimes they just don't get it unless we spell it out to them. Good luck! I hope you all feel better soon!

Sarah - posted on 11/03/2009

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Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I've found that if I put the baby in the bed with us at night she sleeps a little longer between coughing fits.... (Poor thing, hopefully we are on the down hill side of this crud.)

I can't use Daycare as an option as many of you suggested. My youngest was born at 27 weeks and we don't feel like we can expose her that much. That is the biggest reason that I'm still a stay at home mom.

TaraLynn - posted on 11/03/2009

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girl....I'M RIGHT THERE WITH U!!! i have 18 month twins (28weekpreemies) and 6 month old (33 week preemie). they all came home from thenicuon a3hr feeding schedule and weSTILL haven't been ableto kick thehabit...meaning mommyis up at all hours of thenight refilling bottlesandrocking babies! i had to quit breastfeeding thebaby a cpl weeks ago bcuz my body was so exhausted from trying to keep up with everyone i wasn't making enough milk. just remember you are not alone and count your blessings bcuz i live3 hours from my family and if i want help,i have to hire it!

Veronica - posted on 11/02/2009

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I feel your pain! I was working night shift for 5 years with my now 6 and 4 year old. When my oldest was little, I would take a sleeping bag in his room and lay beside the crib while he was napping. Is there any way your hubby would watch the oldest girl while you took a 2 hour power nap with the baby? Ask him to take your oldest 2 or 3 days a week and cook dinner while you nap. When my oldest got older, I put him in the living room in a playpen (he wasn't big enough to climb out) and put in a movie while the youngest and I napped, him in their room, me on the couch. Then he got too big for that and I would put the baby in my room in a playpen, turn on the baby monitor and shut myself and oldest son in the boys' room, napping in front of the door so he couldn't escape. The room was already safety proofed, so i didn't have to worry. If nothing else, look aroud for a private daycare. Mine takes all ages and can charge by the hour. At least ask, what's it going to hurt?

Christy - posted on 11/02/2009

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I completely understand your feelings. I used to be in the same situation. I asked my husband politely (it took a lot to be polite because I turned into a bear too) but he started to be better about his noise-making. As for the being tired and everyone being sick, I hate to say it but you will have to ride it out. The good thing is that colds don't last forever, a few more days and things will get better. When everyone gets back to par take a day for yourself. Get a hand with the kids and take a drive or get your hair done, you will feel good as new.

Heath - posted on 11/02/2009

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This sounds odd but I have two boys and when i am sick I can't chase them around and keep them out of EVERYTHING...so for a couple hours I will go in my room pick things up so they can't get into anything, put a movie on a few toys in there and shut the door. I can lay in bed while they play and they aren't able to run all over. Takes books too!!! Kids will lay and listen to the books!

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Have you tried talking to your husband about it? Maybe if you calmly explained that the extra hour of sleep you get in the morning is the only thing keeping you going...maybe then he would make more of an effort to be quiet? If this won't work, is there any way to set up a mattress (or sleeping bag) on the floor of one of the girls' rooms? That way, you can (hopefully) not hear the alarm go off to wake up your husband.

My son has had days where he boycotts naps. Will your daughter do "quiet time", so she stays in her room for an hour, even if she's not sleeping? She can have books or quiet toys in bed, but she has to stay put. Maybe this would help you get a nap in the afternoon?

Good luck, and hang in there.

Marlo - posted on 11/01/2009

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I've been feeling very much the same way. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 19 month old. My 19 month old has decided that she likes to wake up at 4 am and my son wakes up at 6. My husband can't help because he works from 4pm to midnight and I'm just feeling stressed out. We just moved to a new town so I have no friends and I'm going crazy. But as Brandi said this too shall pass. You will get through this time and we will look back and wish they were little again. My son (2 1/2) decided to stop taking naps at 2 so I've made quiet time. For one hour everyday while his sister sleeps he has to go and play quietly in his room. It gives me time to be with my husband and just be for at least a little bit without hearing MOM. I hope you are all feeling better soon.

Jayde - posted on 11/01/2009

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Maybe try putting them both in to child care just a few hours a day so you can have some much needed you time..

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Hang in there Sarah!! YOU are not alone!! I was actually almost in tears reading your post knowing EXACTLY how you feel!! I felt as though I was listening to myself! LOL Ok so not a laughing matter but maybe I gave ya a little smile knowing youre not alone! Anyway, I have a 6month old and a 2 year old who also has given up on naps! Being Im the one that gets up with the girls at nite and also tends to be woken up by my husband in the morning, I found a good way to get the 2 year old to nap is to offer her to sleep in mommys bed with you (and remind her its a special time for just you and her)! It always puts a smile on my face to see my precious girl asleep next to me and I can catch some ZZZZZ's myself!! I hope this helps you! I admit I feared her wanting to sleep with me all the time such as night-time but she knows its a daytime thing only :) Please msg me if you ever feel you need to vent again!! Sounds like we may be two peas in a pod :) Take care and good luck!! Hope you all feel better soon!!

Stacey - posted on 10/31/2009

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hi sarah i no just how u feel i have a son who wakes several times a night and have done since he was born he is six now and i also have a partner who is help full and mucks in with all are family needs.....but at the same time we run on very little energy due to lack of sleep and have often caused many problems as a couple we aso have 3 other children who are great and at times we snap at them as my son is hard work durin the day also, it isnt easy ,and dnt put urself down you show wot a gud mum u r by doin the best you can ur partner should be helping in all directions, and consider your feelings too along with ur childrens i went to my health visitor who was very helpfull and set me up with all kinds of agencies who are there to help families in all situations it dosent happen over night as we know i too have no family help my children very often, contact your health visitor or even contact banards they are also very helpfull i do wish you the very best and hope one day you will be on here with a vey happy endin all the best to you and your little girls

Brandi - posted on 10/31/2009

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I always hate it when my kids are sick for this and many other reasons. I don't have any suggestions, but hang in there. Moms are hard wired for this sort of thing and you'll make it through this rough time. One of my favorite things to remind myself of is "this too shall pass" and it will. Once you are feeling better and your kids are feeling better, you'll hardly remember how rough this period of time really was. Take a deep breath and plow through. You'll never be dealt more than you can handle. Good luck and I hope you and your kids get well REALLY soon.

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