C-section disappointment

Cori - posted on 06/29/2011 ( 28 moms have responded )

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I have a 25 month old and I am due in September with my second child. With my son, I ended up having an emergency c-section. I had planned to go all natural but when my bp spiked, they decided to induce. I didn't progress well and the baby was showing distress. In the process of the c/s they found out that I had a type of cyst/tumor on one ovary. (It was a rare type that doesn't show up on sonos or even hurt until they get HUGE.) They were able to remove it but I lost the entire ovary. I know that the c-section was the best thing for me. If I hadn't had the c-section they wouldn't have found the tumor until it was causing me massive pain later. I was disappointed but ok with how it turned out.

This time around they want to do another c/s so that they can check the other ovary for any damage or signs of the condition. I was ok with it. I had made peace with not being about to have a VBAC or have natural birth... Until I talked to one of my friends today. She just had her baby and was talking about her birth story. I certainly don't envy her for being in labor for 3 DAYS, but I envy that sense of accomplishment for being able to follow her birth plan.

Sorry it is such a long story, but does anyone else have a similar story? Anyone else disappointed with having a c-section or just how their birth turned out?

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Sandra - posted on 07/03/2011

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Congrats on your upcoming bundle of joy!! Remember, you do have a birth story to tell, and a beautiful outcome. That is your story that no one can take away from you. This next c-sect will go smooth and you will have another beautiful story to tell. Your babies are precious, and even though they didn't come the 'old fashioned' way, they did come in their own way.

My first was an induced labor that lasted 22 hours with severe tearing up the vaginal wall(painful). My second was induced, but ended in an emergency c-sect(scary). My third was a scheduled c-sect. I knew what was going to happen the whole way through, I did not want a repeat of the first two and take the risk of loosing, tearing, or rupturing. One surprise was the huge dermoid cyst that was found on my ovary. I was told one ovary would be fine for more babies and hormones, that the remaning ovary would take over. I have had the feelings too, hearing easy birth stories. After time they do fade, your children grow, and you can say everyday.."look how beautiful they are, I am the one who made them, I am the one who brought them into this world."

I tell myself it is so great that this is today and not 100 years ago, because both my child or I could have passed as many did back then. They are a blessing. I know this doesn't help the feelings, but know that you are not alone, and that little precious one is growing so he/she is able to meet their mommy soon, no matter how they 'get here'. HUGS :)

Kaitlyn - posted on 07/01/2011

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I don't get the disappointment phenomena that women have in regard to "how" they brought their children into this world. I think midwives, Douala's and the like put way too much emphasis on going "all natural" that when it isn't possible, mothers feel ashamed and disappointed. There is no shame and NO ONE is a better mother for giving birth "all natural" vs. another option. I guess I just can't grasp the concept as to why it would be disappointing. My mission was to have a healthy baby, not ensure I had a GREAT experience getting that baby here!! JMO.

Hilary - posted on 07/05/2011

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I totally understand the feelings of dissapointment with a CS, I had an emergency one with my first baby, but I think that the end result is what matters, and it is the babies journey, not our own, we are mearly the vessel. I also think that we should be grateful that we live in a country where we can safely give birth, either vaginally or through CS, because there are so many women in other places that would give anything to be so well taken care of.

Tracie - posted on 07/05/2011

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I had a c-section with my first because she was breech. I just don't understand the feeling of "failure" for women who have c-sections. Was your baby healthy? Then that's success by anyone's definition. Don't be so hard on yourselves! My second was a VBAC, but I feel no more "accomplished" by having done that than I did with my first. In fact, I'm MORE proud of my c-section because it is SO MUCH HARDER to recover from than a vaginal birth. Give yourselves credit, ladies! You made a whole brand new person!! Well done!!

Kellie - posted on 07/03/2011

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I had a booked Csect as my son was breech ( and was for 12 weeks prior to birth ) and when he was born had the cord around his neck twice too. I dont feel I missed out as I ended up with a healthy baby and was up and walking no probs after....but its all to do with the Ob you have mine was BRILLIANT!!!! Plus with csect, I didnt bleed for long after as I was "cleaned" out

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Cori - posted on 07/10/2011

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With my son I had some bad IV swelling I had a pocket of fluid on my hoo-ha... yeah... not so fun. I rushed into the doctor wonder what the heck was going on with my nether regions. Never expected that!

Tamyra - posted on 07/10/2011

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I had my first one naturally with no drugs and my second with an epidural. My second baby was 11 pounds. So 14 years later when I got pregnant with my third the doctor said I had to have a c-section. I thought if I had an 11 pound baby I don't need a c-section. They were worried if I tore again it could cause alot of permanent damage. Long story short. I have had so many problems since my c-section. It's been 17 months and I still have numbness and pain in the scar especially when I exercise. I also can't lose the belly. My recovery was so hard and long. My legs had so much fluid because when I was released i wasn't told what to do, so I have knee damage from the fluid. That's enough! I could write a book. I've had friends who have had good experiences. I just prefer the old fashioned way. Unfortunately I had my tubes tied. I wish everyone luck when I hear they are having a c-section.

Brenda - posted on 07/10/2011

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I was in labor for 13 hrs and then i had to have an emergnecy c-section because she was stuck and she was in distress. I allso had to have c-sections with my second and thid I oppted to, just as well as I did because they were stuck as well and there was no way they were comming out that way.I fell a bit cheted but my kids are fine and I don't have much of a scar.(no more babies 4 me)

Lisa - posted on 07/05/2011

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My first two birth plans were nothing like I had hoped with the exception of the beautiful bundles of joy I was handed at the end of each one.
I wanted all-natural, no drugs, no inducing births. My children apparently had different plans. My first was 2-18 hour days after being induced because I was a week overdue and had preclampsia. Day 2 I finally asked for drugs and it was better until the doc took away my drugs and my daughter was stuck and a 9.9 pound baby was vacuumed from me when I had not stretched. My 2nd child I wanted another natural birth but was prepared for a big baby. Did everything to try to get him to come out on time but at 2 weeks overdue I was induced and after laboring for 18 hours, his heart rate dropped and he was taken by an emergency c-section. I didn’t see him until he was 4 hours old, didn’t get to nurse him until he was almost 8 hours old. Everyone got to see him before I did.
My third child was perfect. I planned the c-section, choose the day and laid down the rules. The only person who could see him before me was daddy. The nurses would make anyone else wait in the waiting room until I saw him. It was calm and pleasant and an hour after surgery, I got to see and hold and nurse my beautiful baby boy.
A birth plan is just that…it’s a plan. It’s not set in stone and babies are not predictable. If you trust your doctor, then he’s choosing a plan that is safest for you and your baby. Make your birth plan around the options that will give you a safe and healthy delivery, even if it’s not what you initially thought when you first thought about delivery your baby.
The most important part of the plan is a healthy baby. Everything else is just the stepping stones to getting there. Be more concerned with the end results then the path.

Mary - posted on 07/05/2011

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My daughter was an emergency c/s in 2008. I was very upset and I became disconnected with her and the world because I was so let down on how everything turned out. I was devistated!! I felt like a failure to my husband and my baby girl and I felt cheated. I didn't get to push.
It wasn't until I had my son two years and 5 weeks later, (scheduled c/s) that I realized everything was ok.
I realized it didn't matter how my children came into this world. My husband and I created them and I carried them. But just because I didn't have a vaginal birth doesn't make them any less or me any less.
Sometimes I feel left out when other moms talk about their experiences. At the same time, they are envious because I didn't labor with my son, I had a date of when he was coming and a time to be at the hospital. There were no labor pains, there were no panic attacks of "what if". And, there were no vaginal stitches. I knew when he was coming and it made everything easier because there was a plan.
I hope that helps. I am very blessed to have both my children.
Sometimes the cards you are delt are the ones you have to keep. And I'm ok with that.

Shanna - posted on 07/03/2011

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hello i am 32 and have had 4 c-sections and its not easy going thrue them all. i was 20 when i had my first kid i went in normal for a water check and found out it was low. so they decided to induce me this was june 8th 1999. well meanwhile i was in labor pains for 2 days finally on june 10th thee patocian to induce u with started to kill my babys heart beat.. so around 357am i had my daughters heartbeat go from 150 to 0 they then did an emergency c-section and had her out in 2mins. it was amasing i then sat in the hospital for 2and ahalf weeks with an infection they couldnt figure out till thee beginning of the third week. i then got treated and finally went home. i then was told when i had my secon child that i couldnt have a regular birth the doctors will scareand did. then ever since then i have had 4. well i hope i didnt scare u but just try to help at least i know what you are going thru

Cori - posted on 07/03/2011

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Sandra- Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm glad I'm no the only one with a dermoid cyst story. Mine had gotten huge and turned into a tumor. He tried to save the ovary but it was already way too gone. Apparently my other ovary did pick up the slack fine, as we are expecting again. I think I'm having jitters about it too. The c-section last time was a scary horrible experience. I was getting sick during it and then when he found the cyst I ended up being on the table for so long. My heart rate dropped really low at one point and the pain meds were starting to wear off. I'm praying that this one goes a lot smoother.

Carrie - posted on 07/03/2011

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It's normal to feel dissappointed about a c section delivery. WIth my daughter I was in the same frame of mind. I'm doing this naturally all with no epidural or anything.. I didn't progress past 3 cm and started closing so the dr said we can wait or we can just do the c section. I was scared and looked at my hubby and said well what ever is best for our baby right? WIth my son the risk of me not progressing was higher and my dr said we could try vbac but most likely we'd be in the same boat so we did a planned c section for my son. Its a tough major surgery not fun but as a parent we make all our decisions for our kids by what we think is best for them and their health so if having a csection is what's best for the baby and you then it's what's right. Be proud you're doing what's right for your baby. My SIL tried to make me feel like less of a person because I didn't have my kids normally and I told her to bite me I did what's best for my kids health and that's never wrong

Stifler's - posted on 07/02/2011

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I had an emergency caesar, I feel it was the easy way out... no smashed vagina for 10 weeks. I love it.

Kristi - posted on 07/02/2011

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I really wish that as mothers and as women we would stop judging each other on our choices for our children. I, too, had an emergency c-section with my first child and i remember other moms saying things to me like "oh, too posh to push" and " you took the easy way out" - those comments really made me feel bad about my experience and I started to feel disappointed in myself but after the birth of my second child, which was a planned c-section I have to come realize that the safety and wellness of mom and baby are most important and if others want to judge me because I didn't do it the natural way - whatever, they don't understand that not everything goes according to plan. My kids are both healthy and wonderful little people and it really doesn't matter that they arrived here via c-section. You have accomplished A LOT bringing a beautiful and healthy little one into this world is no small feat. Don't be disappointed with how your child comes into the world beacuse it doesn't really matter, what is important is that you are both happy, healthy and here.

Cori - posted on 07/02/2011

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Kaitlyn- Natural is supposed to release more of the "bonding/love hormone" and be better for the baby's lungs. In the end it just matters that you get your baby out in the safest way possible. But it is hard to know that your body failed to do what it was supposed to be able to do as a woman. I personally ended up on bed rest at the end, was induced, had to have a c-section, ended up having even more surgery and losing an ovary, and then I couldn't breast feed well before of the hormonal change. It was totally against everything that I had hoped for. I knew birth wouldn't be some happy easy zen-like experience but I didn't expect to be left broken, drugged up, and missing part of my womanhood. You don't always think clearly with pregnant or postpartum hormones.

But yes, I do agree that there is a lot of pressure on moms now to go more natural with everything. Yes, natural birth and breastfeeding are great, but not every mom can do it. I had one mom in the store glare at me and ask why I'd chosen to bottle feed in the store one day. She had NO IDEA what I went through trying to breastfeed. I told her, "Yeah, when you loose an ovary during birth and it throws all your hormones off it tends to make you dry up and not produce milk." It shut her up pretty quick.

Racheal - posted on 07/02/2011

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my daughter was 2 weeks late i was induced i ended up having a c section and became very depressed i felt like i failed because i couldnt go natural i felt like i failed as a mother i found myself staying away from everyone and starting hated others who had natural births and also hated the babys. i had a hard time excepting the fact i had a c section. it took me 3 months to except my c section i had a lot of help from an awesome support team what got me through the best was looking at my daughter and knowing that if i didnt have the c section she might have been healthy and the main thing is that she is hear and perfect i have also thought about trying a VBAC when i have another child but my doctor said i cant because of the way they had to cut me and i have tilted back uterus so ive leatned to except it. i have an aunt who was never able to have children and she helped me get through it alot because she wouldnt care how the baby came shed just be happy if she could have children and made me be at ease im just happy i can be a mother

Rachel - posted on 07/01/2011

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I feel you! I really looked into seeing about a VBAC for my 3rd but I read about the risks one of which is the uterus rupturing. I read one account of it and it was enough for me to just say it's not worth the risk. Later I found out that rupturing risk is less with the bikini incision. Even though you are not pushing and sweating you should feel accomplished, you were the baby factory. You made that little baby! Also if you failed to progress once you will probably again. I had the same situation. Even with my 3rd I was barely 1/2 cm dilated at 38/39 weeks.

Stifler's - posted on 06/30/2011

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I would gladly choose to have a caesar over a natural now that I've had both to tell the truth.

Emily - posted on 06/30/2011

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With my first birth I had to be induced (NOT fun, and I would choose a c-section over it given a choice), and ended up with a 4th degree tear (through my rectum). I felt really robbed and grieved that it was so different from what I had imagined and wanted my birth experience to be. For my second child, born three months ago, I really wanted to try to go naturally, but ultimately I decided I couldn't risk tearing that badly again as I have had lingering issues due to that tear and ended up with a scheduled c-section. It was no picnic, but it was fine, and now three months out, I'm glad I made the decision I did. But I have to say that I do feel like I've missed out on something--I don't know what it feels like to go into labor naturally or to try to labor naturally, and I regret that. However, you can have a crappy labor experience, and you can have a crappy c-section experience. I have to remind myself that it's about having a healthy baby, not necessarily my experience :)

Christy - posted on 06/30/2011

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I wanted natural but I am type 1 diabetic and my babies were too big to come thru the birth canal. I was disappointed to say the least, but look at it this way, the END result is your baby and that you are healthy. You will be OK. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Cori - posted on 06/30/2011

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Thanks for your stories. I appreciate knowing I'm not alone.

I actually had a midwife the first time. I felt pretty good about the fact that when they said I needed a c-section, I NEEDED a c-section. And even if the c-section wasn't 100% needed for the birth, it was how they found the tumor. I KNOW it was for the best but it is still hard to cope with. This time I'm using the doctor that did the c-section and found the tumor that no one else had seen. With my son I was so doped up on the extra medicine it took to get me through the extra hour and half of surgery (2.5 hours of surgery folks... awake) that I could barely hold my son. They pretty much wouldn't let him stay with me. I wanted to nurse right away but my body wouldn't let me do any thing. This time I feel like I have more control of the situation. I'm making a birth plan for the c-section and trying to look at it as saving my energy for my baby after birth. But yeah, I feel like I lost a part of my womanhood. My body didn't do what it was supposed to. My entire birth plan was thrown out the window. I lost an ovary. I had trouble breastfeeding my son because of the drastic hormonal change of losing an ovary. I was doing ok but third trimester hormones mixed with hearing a friend's natural birth story are bringing me down again.

Bevely - posted on 06/30/2011

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Don't feel dissapointed, that is just those crazy hormones. I had a similar experience. When I was 41 weeks pregnant and got toxemia and had to be hospitalized the OB checked me out. Said I was not even thinned a little, the baby was transverse, you have cankles with +3 pitting edema, BP up, let's do a section in the morning. Sure I was bummed, but the doc didn't think I would ever be able to have that baby, especially since she was supposed to be over 10lbs. Luckily she was only 9lb7oz, and the section went well. She had, had her first BM inutero, but was okay thankfully.

Then when her brother was born 17 months later I had a repeat section. He was born at 40 weeks, but still same senario. He was transverse and I wasn't even thinned a little much less dilated. He was 9lb9oz. So basically I never went into labor, had a contraction, not even a BH contraction, never had my water break, so that was always kinda weird for me. (My labor is broken) Like I didn't have the right of passage to even be a mom. But dang recovering from a section was no easy task, neither was getting my stomach to stop looking like a 3D road map of the moon.

Stifler's - posted on 06/30/2011

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I had an emergency caesar with the second baby so I'll have to have one with the next kid (if I have one.). I had midwives there, if something goes wrong they will still call it off and do a caesar. I'm kind of disappointed but we're both alive so it does not matter.

Gina - posted on 06/29/2011

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Cori, I felt terrible after I had to have a c-section too.I had my daughter at 33 weeks because of complications,and I didn't feel like I 'gave birth'.I was so diappointed that my body couldn't do what women have been doing forever, but it did save both our lives so I've learnt to accept it .Though I can't have any more kids and I can't hope but feel I missed out . Maybe you can tell the doctors you want to try a natral birth if it's safe for you and the baby? In the end though, the health of the two of you is the most important, Goodluck!

Katherine - posted on 06/29/2011

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I wish I would have had a midwife too. I wonder if that would have helped you?

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I had an emergency c-section with my first and was pretty disappointed for a long time. I think it's a common feeling. I was able to have a VBAC with my second. I loved it. I wasn't at risk for anything though. YOU need to do what's best for your health so you can be the best mom for your kiddos. I wish I could hug you, because I can imagine that it must be disappointing.

Katherine - posted on 06/29/2011

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I had the worst experience with my second. First off I was coughing the entire time. A deep wet cough. I kept telling the staff I didn't feel well and they just told me it was "dry" in the hospital.

They induced me, I was in labor for 21 hours coughing up my lungs, then the babies cord got wrapped around her neck and they told me if I didn't get her out they were going to do a c-section on me. That's all it took. I could barely push because when they gave me the epidural they leaned me to my left side and me entire left side was numb. I could barely push.

They had about 20 "students" in there, they shoved everything but the kitchen sink inside of me. And then to top it all off they left my bloody sheets on the bed, I had to ring them to come and change them and they were pretty rude about it.

They didn't take care of me well AT ALL. The first night they asked if I wanted my daughter to stay with me and I said no, because I felt so sick. They gave me shit about that.

The second night, same thing, but I kept her with me and got no sleep. I literally felt like I was going to die. All this time I'm still coughing up my lungs.

Finally went home and made a doctors appointment about my cough. Guess what? I had effing pneumonia! I was so PISSED!
I was in the hospital for THREE days and they heard it, heard me complain and didn't do a damn thing. I seriously could have died.

So that was my really BAD experience.

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