Can you forgive the father of your child if you found out he cheated on you while you were pregnant

Lee - posted on 03/01/2010 ( 126 moms have responded )

28

150

0

Can you forgive the father of your child if you found out he cheated on you while you were pregnant and your little boy is only 7 months old? Should I try and work it out with him or get on with my life? Ive told him he can see his son whenever he wants but he said hes gonna make it up to me but ive kicked him out. What would u do? Please help

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Elisha - posted on 03/02/2010

80

69

7

I have to respectfully disagree with everyone who said "once a cheater, always a cheater." Believe me when I say I'm speaking from the voice of experience here. There is hope for your marriage, as long as he is truly truly repentant... not just sorry that he got caught, but sorry that he ever did it in the first place, and humble enough to do whatever it takes to earn your trust back, no matter how long it takes. Counseling is definitely a must, for the both of you. And if he is truly sorry and honest about not doing it again, the full disclosure part is true, too. He should have no problem giving you whatever information you as for, facebook and email passwords, access to check his phone whenever you want, stuff like that. You have a right to have him earn you trust and respect back again. Only you can make the decision of whether you want to work it out or cut your losses, and anyone who truly loves and cares for you will support you in whichever you choose. You have to do what's best for you and your son, and sometimes that's cutting out the person who hurt you and sometimes it's keeping daddy around. Personally, I thought I was headed for divorce, no question, and now, miraculously, my girls have their daddy back and he is a totally different man than he ever was. It took him learning a hard, hard lesson, but he's now the husband and father that my girls and I deserve. Praying for you, girl! If you need to talk to someone, you can always email me. :D

[deleted account]

Many woman are able to forgive but it depends on the circumstances of the situation. Was it a one night stand or a long term affair? Has he ended the lies and been completely honest with you about everything? Do you still love him? My marriage counselor mentioned something called full disclosure. If there is any hope of rebuilding the marriage then the guilty party needs to be fully up front with you about what happened. My ex refused to come clean about anything and continued with the lies and that's why I knew it was completely over. I wouldn't take your husband back without marital counseling. Taking him back also needs to be because of you and not because of the child. You need to keep your son separate from the situation and do what's best for you right now. Good luck to you!

Kristine - posted on 03/07/2010

3

16

0

my fiance cheated on me with three differnt women while i was pregnant and managed to kick me out of his home twice... every one told me that i was ridiculous for forgiving him... but he is a great father and fiance to me now...he works full time and supports us both.

[deleted account]

Wow!! Well, we are a Christian family and I would never leave my husband. Divorce is not an option for us. I would have to forgive him and we would have to work it out. I would do whatever it took to keep my family together. It would be super super hard. I'd have to depend on the strength of the Lord. Lots of prayer and help somewhere outside the home. :-) Sorry to hear that!

Samantha - posted on 03/07/2010

5

0

0

i would say no, pregnancy it the time when all your emotions are everywhere and can lead to you thinking you are the most unattractive/fat person in the world when you are really doing the most beautiful n natural thing and for him to take that time to forget about you and your unborn to fulfil his own desires is soooooooo selfish. i wouldnt trust him a far as i could throw him

This conversation has been closed to further comments

126 Comments

View replies by

User - posted on 09/26/2012

1

0

0

I'm not sure it's hard. I was preg with my 2nd child when my fella slept with my best m8 of 11yrs it still eats me up inside im trying for the kids but everytime he touches his fone or goes out I get that horrible feeling hes gonna do it again it's up 2 u if u can put it at bk of ur head it might help its hard 4 me she was my only best m8 I'm finding it hard cuz they did things under my roof so all memories bring it all bk when we in the bedroom all I can think bout is wat they did this happend in Jan it's now Sept it still hearts as much as wen I found out

Crystal - posted on 03/10/2010

11

30

1

you have to do what you think is right. like people say once a cheater always a cheater. but i think they could change if they really do want to. like ask yourself if he really could change and tell him that he is not gonna have the same trust as before. he has to gain that trust back. my boyfriend cheated on me too, and i was heart broken cause he promised he stopped cause our daughter was born, and i found out myself, when he was telling me something else. i threatened to leave with our daughter and other stuff and he straightened out, he started noticing what he was doing. but i still dont trust him like i used to. you just got to know whats best for you and your baby

Clare - posted on 03/10/2010

1

8

0

It takes a very strong woman to forgive and continue to love her husband if he has wandered away from a union that you both signed on for the day you both said I do. If he is truly sorry and you can both work on it but you have to be able to forgive him and never bring it up and never dwell on it otherwise it's not in the past and it will surface again one day. Only you can answer this question. Dig deep and truly see the situation for what it is. What caused him to seek out another relationship? When did the relationship start becoming a chore instead of feeling like you were both loved? How can this turn out for the best for all involved? Remember you can live with out him and find what you are truly looking for in a loving honest relationship.

Michelle - posted on 03/09/2010

1

3

0

I would say depends on what the situation was. Everyone can give advise but its hard to listen to people who dont know you or the situation. I have been with my husband for 10 years just had our first child and when I was pregnant he cheated and with someone I know. Because of the it all came out he told me everything and we know what happened and even seeing a shrink for a little while we choose to stay together, Some people dont understand it. but it was the first time and it will be the last because I made that understood. He know where the door is and I will not hesitate to throw him out it if he were to ever try it again

[deleted account]

On the note of Christians my mam is Roman Catholic and she divorced my dad after he comitted adultery. When she consulted the priest he said that as my father had committed adultery it was acceptable for her to end the marriage as in him commiting the sin he lost the right to being married to my mam.

Stacey - posted on 03/08/2010

24

55

5

i couldnt

and didnt

i found out when our son was 14 months old

hes about to turn 3 and now i get on well with his father, but i will never forgive him for what he did

Jamie - posted on 03/07/2010

3

21

0

This is a hard question...but I will try to answer it and hope that my answer helps you. I am very much in love with the father of my child, and my fiance, Tyson. I have never forgiven any boyfriend who cheated on me, which was most of them, because "once a cheater, always a cheater" they say. I have to agree and disagree with this quote because every boyfriend Ive had in the past that has cheated on me once, did it again...although a lot of the time I didn't find out till way later. But at the same time...I had one boyfriend that I cheated on one time and I wouldn't want my fiance now to hold that against me. The key is being honest. My fiance knew of my past when we first got together and I am honest with him anytime he has questions. When it comes to your specific comment, its hard for me to answer because I haven't had to deal with that, and hopefully never will. My question is...why are you finding out about it so long after it happened? Did he tell you or did you find out some other way? If he was the one that told you, it shows that he regrets it, but at the same time why would he wait so long if he truly wants to save your relationship? I personally couldn't see myself without Tyson, especially when I would be looking at a child that came from him every day of life. But sometimes I guess it just isn't worth the stress you are going to put yourself under to keep the relationship going. I think that no one will be able to answer this for you. This is one, you can only take advice. How long have you two been together? And is this the first time it has happened? Do you truly think that if you were to stay with him, you would be able to move on without constantly questioning your trust for him? When you have a child involved, you have got to think about what is best for him. Even if you feel the relationship is worth saving, but you know you would stress about this issue, you have got to think about how your stress is going to affect your son. He is the first priority now. I really don't know how else to answer this question, but I hope that what I have said will truly help you in making your decision, and in the long run, I hope whatever your decision is, it is the right one.

Suzy - posted on 03/07/2010

1

16

0

Wow I am so sorry that happened to you!! That is horrible! Well I think its something you will never be able to firgive..once that line is crossed there is no turning back. Without serious counseling it will definantly be a rocky relationship and the audience will be your son. What mother wouldnt want to work out the relationship, especially for the child. But that image of a "traditional home" might be unattainable now. Sometimes the best decisions to make are the hardest. I don't think I would take my husband back, especially because of the timing. That is such a special time for a woman. Also a very hard time. Cheating during that period is beyond selfish.

JASMINE - posted on 03/07/2010

6

44

0

my hubby did 8 months prego day of my b-day and i 4 gave him but i did it 1st and he 4 gave me even though 2 wrongs dont make a right

Cathleen - posted on 03/07/2010

7

10

0

Someone brought up Christianity, and yes while most Christians are against divorce, I would also imagine they would be married to a spouse who is against adultry......no adultry no divorce............but in the end you have to do what is right for you and your children and what you want your children to learn from this, because some time in the future it will come back and your children will find out.........

Christa - posted on 03/07/2010

583

80

45

Only you can answer this one....do you have it in your heart to forgive him? Do you love him with all your heart? Can you imagine him not in your life? or your son's life?



Are you married to him?

[deleted account]

I tried the forgiveness route for nine months before I finally had enough of the second guessing. Once trust is gone it is very hard to gain it back and I finally realized that his father was not the kind of role model I wanted to expose my son to. Besides we forget that children are very perceptive and pick up on the tension etc that comes up after.

Cheryl - posted on 03/07/2010

1

24

0

Forget about him! Run now, thats an ultimate betrayal! The same thing happened to me and i still cant forgive him a year later. If i would have known then what i know now, i would have kicked him out when it happened. To me thats just something a woman can never get over. Once you loose trust in someone, they have a hard time getting it back!

Joanne - posted on 03/07/2010

1

19

0

Get on with your life - you will find it very difficult to forgive and it will remain on your mind until it eats at you - you will become suspicious with everything he does and says and you will not like the person that you become. Concentrate on you children - be the best mum you can be to them.

DeAnn - posted on 03/07/2010

31

32

2

Take time and figure out what is going to make you most happy and if you can even forgive him and move past it. That really depends on how strong your relationship is (if he cheated its questionable) and how willing you are to put it behind you and not let it haunt you. It's not easy and not many women are able to forgive a man for cheating and those who do don't always completely forgive and it causes problems later in the relationship. Don't do it just because he's the father of your child, in this day and age that shouldn't be a deciding factor in something like this. He's going to be the babys father regardless of what you decide. Time to do some soul searching and figure out what works best for you, the best advice I could give is not to rush back into anything.

Marcy - posted on 03/07/2010

13

10

0

You can forgive him,but it's going to be the end of his mistake. Could you yourself let it go. Keep moving on with life. There is a lot ahead that's what matters.

Cathleen - posted on 03/07/2010

7

10

0

hmmmm, I'd say NO!!! I have a fiend who's husband did the same thing to her, she found out he did it during 2 of her pregnancies.....he told her it was her fault!!!! They are now separated and in the final stages of divorce.

Geraldine - posted on 03/07/2010

14

3

1

I don't think i could forgive him. He has broken a trust that you have built up over your relationship. To repair that, would be almost impossible and a lot of hard work. I couldn't help but wonder if he was going to cheat again???

[deleted account]

I'd kick him out, if it was my hubby, but thats because i know his character well enough to say he should have controlled himself. Your husband lacks integrity and the question is can u live with a man like that? I can't. Dont settle for a cheater is my opinion

Leah - posted on 03/07/2010

2

19

0

I have been through this exact thing. I believe if he is going to do it once he will do it again if he gets the opportunity. I told my ex he could see his daughter whenever he wanted but that soon changed. He has seen her twice in since we split up and that was 5 years ago.

I guess if you can forgive them give it a go, but I never could and I feel your pain as I have been through it all. Even denying it when you walk in on him when he has just finished sleeping with someone and denies it still.

Neneng - posted on 03/06/2010

5

38

0

It depends upon the situation. You have to figure it out before bursting into a wrong decision. If ever first, the man should ask your forgiveness and do whatever should be done. Then way the situation and ask yourself "Do I still love him" , " Can I live without him" If you choose to forgive, then give him the second chance and never bring back the pain that he had done to you. Forgive & Forget.... Just leave all the pains behind and ask the guidance of our lord. Always pray for contentment and peace to keep your family intact and happy.

Amber - posted on 03/06/2010

31

10

0

It depends. I agree with Jennifer Bulthuis...my man had a one night stand with someone because he thought very sincerely that I had cheated on him (when I had not, but it doesn't matter). I was like three months pregnant, and he ended up telling me about it when I asked him. Of course I love him and I was able to forgive him (on the condition that if he ever does it again, it really will be over). That was over 2 1/2 years ago and we are going strong now.

If he has been honest with you and is willing to go to counseling, it may be worth a shot, but like the other commenter said, do it for you, otherwise you will just be miserable. You have to have the strength to be honest with yourself. Hang in there and be strong...no matter what happens!

Sara - posted on 03/06/2010

3

22

1

My husband (then boyfriend) cheated on me for four months with my best friend when I was pregnant. I found out 2 weeks before I had my son...... I forgave him and we are now happily married. You have to do what your heart and gut tell you. If you think deep down that you can make it work and forgive and forget, then do it! But I warn you, if he does it again you need to have to courage and strength to kick him to the curb. I believe in giving people a second chance but after that your done. Good luck!

Nikki - posted on 03/06/2010

32

16

2

I think that you did the right thing. I believe that once someone cheats they will cheat again.. You are better off without him, wicked shitty thing of him to do to you. I hope you and your on are doing alright!! I also have always believed that everything happens for a reason (may not seem that way right now, but in the long run it may be for the best).. I say concentrate on you and your beautiful little boy!!

[deleted account]

You can forgive and you should in time, but you will never forget! I would get on with my life, you dont wanna live your life wondering if he is lying or cheating. That is not the "good life" anyone deserves. Sorry for him, get a brain and take responsibility for your actions!

Heather - posted on 03/06/2010

3

43

0

no way in hell could i forgive him if hes cheated once hel do it again, he cant respect you for doing it in the first place and the fact you wer pregnant when he done it is even worse you wer carrying his baby for gods sake. if it was me hed have no chance of ever having a second chance he could still see the baby when ever he wanted due to the fact he cheated on me not the baby. but its true what they say once a cheater always a cheater.a leapod never changes his spots.

Zatonda - posted on 03/06/2010

119

32

5

You can forgive with out being with him, just cause you forgive does not mean you have to move him back, it's just saying your the bigger person and life must go on. Never let a man see you sweat, you wake every morning get your sexy on and focus on you and your child, let him know without saying one word you still got it going on, don't argue the more you do the more he wins.

Cheri - posted on 03/06/2010

5

13

1

Sorry Lee

Once a cheater always a cheater... ( that is my opinion only).

Let him go and go on with Your life and Your Precious ones.

It really depends on You.

To be Honest its really none of Our Business..This is a Private Matter and its between the two of You.

Zatonda - posted on 03/06/2010

119

32

5

You can always forgive, you may not forget. Once you choose to forgive do not re-open the door. I understand it hurts and you may feel bad, if your are married to him I would say go for the forgive, if not atleast try to get along for the child. Sometime moms and dads can be selfish because of each other actions and the one that hurt the most is the child. Focus on you and child, if this a on going pattern then he may need a time out and understand this behavior is not ok with you, if you keep opening the door on his wrong, you will soon be a door mat. so let him sweat alittle and let him know you can stand alone, as you forgive him.

[deleted account]

I wouldnt forgive either, but then again, I havent been in that situation. People can always say they would do one thing, when they dont honestly know until they are put in that predicament. Follow your own heart. Dont listen to what other people say they would do because they are not you. They dont know how you honestly feel, or how your spouse is towards you. If you feel that you would be better without him, then stay strong on your own. If not, make it work. But always keep your guard up with him!

Louise - posted on 03/06/2010

54

15

1

in my opinion i would so NO. If he loved you he wouldnt have done it in the first place, he knew what he was doing, theres no excuse for it..really!!

Jacquetta - posted on 03/06/2010

2

0

0

YOU have to ask yourself, is he worth fighting for? YOU have to pray about, cry little, and then if you decide to take him back, please don't bring up the incedent again. Put the past in the past and work on your future (You, Kids, and Husband)! That is the most important thing! I hope this helps! Goodluck and God Bless!

Tammi - posted on 03/05/2010

1

20

0

it really depends on the situation, some women like myself are forgiving but others are not and forgiving and forgetting are two different things and neither should be confused with the other.

Amber - posted on 03/05/2010

217

27

18

HELL NO!!!! once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. believe me. good luck. LEAVE THAT PERVERT! :)

Sharon - posted on 03/05/2010

11

7

0

I wouldnt forgive because it is so hard to regain the trust and you go through so much stress trying to work through it. Once a cheater, always a cheater as they say. You would find it very hard to forget that is for sure. You have to do what is best for you though. Goodluck.

Brandi - posted on 03/05/2010

14

17

1

Wow! No! I know that it is really hard to imagine leaving him. I was there once. But, trust me it is so much better for you to go. Let me ask you... How did you find out? Did he tell you or did you catch him?

Juliana - posted on 03/05/2010

59

20

5

Will you ever be comfortable and trust him again? i don't think i would but you have to live with it so do what you feel is best.

ANGIE - posted on 03/05/2010

2

13

0

I was almost 6 mos pregnant with our first born son when iI found out he cheated on me. My son will be 4 in July and has a brother who will be 2 in April. It was hard. But I love my husband and was willing to work it out. Its not easy. Many a day will come when you throw it back up and you always question his whereabouts. But we moved and have worked hard to rebuild our relationship. I couldn't imagine life any other way.

Lin - posted on 03/05/2010

39

31

0

thats totally unforgivable and unacceptable and if he did it once he will do it again make no mistake about that. what a horrible selfish thing to do. if my husband did that pregnant or not ten kids or none it unforgivable regardless and id do the same as you and never take him back. he done it cause he taught youd have no choice but to forgive him being vunrable and all that with a new baby and the only reason why he so sorry now is because you did kick him out because you found out about it. you deserve better. he will always be your sons dad and what he did dosnt make him a bad father just a terrible boyfriend that dosnt deserve you. in this day and age men dont care if you have a child already. when your ready you will met someone really nice who wont cheat on you. what he did will make you stronger a better person for the future. if you decide to give him a second chance youll spend the next year checking up on him, questioning him etc youll have a constant sick feeling in your stomach everytime he going out with his friends or is late from work. and the truth is youdve gone through that for a long time to realise you cant trust him again anyway and it will end anyway. stay away now and save yourself months of all that crap. dont feel guilty he the one who cheated he shouldve taught about you and your son and future and consiquinces before he jumped into bed with someone else

[deleted account]

For me the answer is easy. I have been cheated on before by my ex husband of 8 1/2 years and as soon as I found out, I left him. Simple as that. I can't and won't stand for cheating on any level. I am to good to be with someone that is going to treat me that way. I was lucky enough that I didn't have any children with him so when I cut ties, i was able to do it without having to see him anymore, which makes your situation a lot harder. I look at it this way. If I don't respect myself who will. If you show him you will let him treat you that way, then he will continue to do it and then you in for nothing but a whole lot of trouble and heartache. Like Erin said, once a cheater, always a cheater and unfortunately it's true. Once you have set yourself free, and found yourself again, the right person will come along and be there for you and your son. Good luck.

Lynn - posted on 03/05/2010

9

25

2

i think ur doing the rite thing but honestly i also think that the best advice is from someone that also went through that. good luck

Martina - posted on 03/05/2010

22

13

2

it depends on u but i know i wud nt b able it wud kill me 2 think that he cheated on me when i am carryin his child but its ur choice and give ur self time 2 think abut whats best 4 u and the child and as wel how did u find out if he told u he might of reget it and if u found out sencond hand he just did nt wanted 2 get caught and how many times did he sleep with this person

[deleted account]

You have to make up your own mind, Lee. Noone can do that for you. I know what I would do, but I am not you, and my husband is not the man in your life.

Heather - posted on 03/05/2010

2

25

0

hey i just saw this and thought leave what i thought. im 25 and my bf cheated on me for 7 months while i was pregnant with my first baby i found out 2 weeks b4 xmas in 2008 i didnt knw what to do but i didn what i thought was best for me and my son. i have forgave him now and we r still togez my son now 11 months. they was times of hate etc but i got over it after a while.. but if again he out. so i would say do what u think is best for u and your family not what others tell u to do x

Gladys - posted on 03/05/2010

50

24

2

hi lee,if your man is a constant cheater who doesn't care about hurting you then i would say show him the door. but if this is the very first time he's done it and he's really sorry then do give him a chance. the decision lies with you really. you are in the best position to know what and who you are dealing with.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms