can you help me with my boyfriend problem

Tamra - posted on 07/02/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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my boyfriend is continually telling me to get out one day and then the next apologizing for it. i dont know what to do he calls me names and tells me im a bad mother and that i dont know how to take care of our daughter even though im the one whose raised her since birth without any help from him. we broke up almost a year ago and i left the state to start over he begged me to come back for our daughter and i did but nothing has changed he doesnt help out with the house or the baby. i just dont know what to do its starting to wear me down cause im home all day everyday with the baby and can only go places when he wants to. i cant spend time with my family and i have no friends any advice for me will be greatly appreciated.

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Elisha - posted on 07/02/2012

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Honestly... he sounds like an abuser to me, and abusers come in all shapes and sizes. They don't always hit. Verballly abusive men are just as bad. Coming from someone who is now going through a divorce from just such a man.... RUN!! Get away from this dude. Go back to your family, file for child support, and don't ever go back to him again. If you do, he will be verbally abusive to your daughter while she grows up, and possibly even worse, and no mom wants that of course. If he's like that now, he's not going to get any better, especially as your little baby grows up and definitely not if you stay with him or marry him. People only treat you the way that they think you allow them to, and apparently he thinks you've given him permission to treat you like crap, and you don't deserve that. Men like him the only way that you can show them that they can't treat you like that is to get away from them. I can just tell you, he's not going to change and he's not going to get better. You're too precious to be treated that way, and so is your baby. Good luck. RUN.

Tracie - posted on 07/04/2012

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Actually, you do know what to do. You did it once. You need to do it again. He has shown you his true colors. Believe him this time. You and your precious daughter deserve the best life has to offer, and he's not it. Best of luck you.

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Elisha - posted on 07/07/2012

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I know, hon. Just remember that a good father is a man who is good to his child's mother. If he's being verbally abusive towards you, he will eventuallly be verbally abusive towards your little girl, too.

Tamra - posted on 07/06/2012

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i moved away to get away from it and he begged me to come back even though we were happy i still moved back at first it was good then now he says im cheating on him and that i have to be watched like a hawk. my heart is still away but hes my daughters father and i dont want her to miss out on her dad because we cant get along i just dont know what to do my whole life is here my family and hers are here. its just a difficult choice

Elisha - posted on 07/06/2012

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All I can say is that if you decide to stay with and abuse of ANY KIND, you will be subjecting your children to that same abuse. He will not ever be a good father, and he will not ever change. It's the same thing as staying with a man who hits you and your little babies and allowing him to do it. Your children will grow up with damaged self esteems and when they are grown they will naturally seek out another abuser who will continue abusing them and their children, and it will be because you decided to stay. Get out and get out now. Your babies are innocent and you are the only one who can protect them. Abusers don't pick and choose who they hurt. They hurt everbody around them. He is not a good dad. He will hurt your babies. I know this is kind of straight forward and blunt, but I can say it because i've been there.

Sarah - posted on 07/06/2012

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You obviously Love this Man. YOU have a decision to make. Do you deserve better, yes! does your daughter, probably. Everyone comes with their own set of problems and issues. I grew up with a verbally abusive father; He had sugury on his vocal cords twice to remove nogels that formed from screaming at his family! I think because of this I was willing to tolerate a lot....maybe too much , from my husband of 13 years. We have three children together, he still has and always will have "tantrums" where he becomes vebally abuseive. Deciding to stay has cost me A LOT!!! At times my mental health, self worth issues, complete lack of support; Before I met my husband, in fact all my life, I have been very socialble and always had plenty of friends, good friends. I lost that. Having someone verballty abuse you WILL hurt. Fortunatly he is good with our children, and in this way has immense value in my eyes. I will not leave him. Over the years I have learned to protect myself and how to deal with his "tantrums." YOU decide his value, and if YOU are willing to put up with this. I know people who don't say but 2 words to their spouce daily for months on end. My point is everyone has issues, this is your choice, and if you stay, there will be consequences...there absolutely will.

Melinda - posted on 07/05/2012

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you have to to live life for yourself. be strong do what best for you not him. i went through the same thing. i was with a guy 5yrs loved him more than anything, he went out on me and we constantly fought i just wasnt happy. he went far enough to cry and beg and cut his self when i would try to leave. i eventually decided it was worse on my son to stay so i left. now i have a man that makes me happy and he raises my first son as his own plus we got one together and maybe going to have another. that goes to show life can be better

Annette - posted on 07/05/2012

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Consider your daughter and what she is taking in for her future choices in men also Consider Counseling for the both of you, so he can hear some things that he may otherwise can not hear from you! Obviously you love him or you would not have come back. Consider getting together with other moms with their child to get a break from just you and the baby alone. But as far as the name calling thats a NO-NO!!! Wishing you the best!

Dove - posted on 07/04/2012

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Leave him again. It's not good for your daughter to be raised in an abusive home and that's exactly what you have here.

Adrianna - posted on 07/04/2012

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honest truth is think about your child first. If he act like that and treats you that way in front of your daughter and you are just letting him do it by staying then its showing your daughter that its ok to let a guy treat you that way. Not one person can really tell you what to do. but the fact is you know what is best for you and your child. I know that it can be hard to walk away but at times its the best thing. I guess the best advice i could really say is look at your daughter and the woman you hope she becomes and what would you tell her if she was in your place and then do what you know is best for her.

Goldie - posted on 07/03/2012

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you are def not gonna be happy...if by moving back to him was for the sake of your child, then i suggest u dun at all. becos if there is unhappiness there will be quarrels and abusings. i dun think its nice for the child to witness all the drama and its gonna affect her..... most importantly is this the kind of life that u want for you and ur lil girl? unless, your bf is willing to sit down calmly and talk things thru on whats the best for everyone. and esp your lil girl :)

and if theres really abuse going on, remember when there is a first time, there will always be a 2nd, 3rd... so on and so forth .... never trust anyone but urself and ur own judgement.

Stifler's - posted on 07/03/2012

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I agree calling you names and and belittling you is disrespectful and abusive. You need to be able to get out and do things without his permission how do you live this way?!

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