Cannot let go!

Deundra - posted on 04/27/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I want to get a job but I don't want to leave my daughter at daycare while I work. When she gets to school age I plan to go back to work but for now I really don't want to take her to daycare everyday. Please help. Stressing.

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Julie - posted on 04/27/2010

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Humans are the only animals who have babies and then leave them... (think about it!)
Be willing to sacrifice 'nice things' for inputting good, loving things into your child.
NO ONE loves that preciousl little one like you do - NO ONE!
We have them SUCH a short time and once they enter school the school system has them more waking hours than we do - I figured it out on paper once... and that includes summer vacations - seriously!
How stressless it is to be home - bake when you want to - nap with them when you want to - for for walks when you want to - YOU couldn't have it any better!
I raised 5 and have no regrets... only that they grew up SO fast...
♥ to you precious mommie

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7 Comments

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Ameriah - posted on 04/28/2010

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Don't stress about it. If you have to go back to work, or want to go back to work, it is okay. Just do your research. There are a lot of good daycares out there. My daughter's first daycare actually had cameras everywhere so that I could check up on her throughout the day online (with passwords, etc. of course) but Alyssa really grew and blossomed in daycare. Now, I enjoy staying home with my youngest, but I don't regret my oldest going, it was just what she needed to bloom.

Louise - posted on 04/28/2010

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If you have a partner why not work in the evenings or at weekends. I know some mums feel they need to get out of the house for their own sanity. Share the baby care together so your baby gets the best of both of you. Also consider working inthe day care that you choos. This is what I did! Then when my kids went to school I volunteered until a job came up and then I worked there too. I am not my kids stalker lol but I worked in different classes to them and they could come and see me at breaks if they wanted to. Worked out very well. Now I have teenagers about to leave home and I have started again with a beautiful daughter so back to training for day care work again soon. But for now I am happy to be at home with my 17 month old. Don't stress if you want to work then do so as staying at home will only cause you more stress and make your child miserable too!

[deleted account]

Hi Deundra,

I struggled with staying home vs. going back to work, too. Sometimes there is a part of me that really misses being a professional adult, feeling smart, and feeling appreciated for my hard work as well as the income it brings. I found the shift from working to staying home to be hard on me emotionally as well as financially. It took me a full year of being at home to get into my groove and really appreciate the advantages of being home. Like you, I did not want to let go and give my babies to someone else to raise all day. Many women do not have the option of staying home, and having that option is a blessing.

Whatever your reasons are for wanting to return to work, you have to make the best possible choice for you and your family. One of my friends feels that she is a better mom because she works outside the home, and another struggled with post partum depression and did not start to feel better until she started working again. My mother in law always says "if momma aint happy, nobody is happy" so if returning to work is what you need to do for you, then you should do it! Staying at home is not for everybody and no one should make you feel guilty for choosing what you need to do, one way or the other!!!!!

If working part time is an option for you, I highly recommend that. It gets you out of the house and lets you be the non-mommy side of you for a little while without taking you away from your little one for too long.

When my son was 9 months old, I returned to work part time, but we had an on-site childcare program so I didn't feel like I was really leaving him and it was only for 3.5 hours a day. Once my daughter was born, it did not make financial sense to pay for the two of them to go to child care part time and I decided to stay home full time.

I recently started working as an afterschool nanny for 3 school aged kids in the afternoons. I take my two children with me and only work about 2-3 hours each day, and they pay me quite well. If you are good with children and need the income, perhaps you could look into finding a similar situation where you could bring your child with you and not have to leave her at all!

Best of luck to you!

Nicole - posted on 04/27/2010

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Deundra I have been a stay at home mom for 7 years and recently started working from home and LOVE it. I am able to work when I want and do not have to work days that I do not have time and I still make money. If you are interested leave me a message or your phone number.

Kristin - posted on 04/27/2010

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Unless you are so financially strapped to be bordering on homeless or starving, you don't have to go back yet. Wait a bit, when you feel more comfortable with leaving her somewhere (preschool or half day daycare?), then maybe go back part-time. Or wait until she starts full day school, the go back.



I guess this could all be in theory. We don't know your full situation. Have you sat down and looked at your household budget/finances? You should sit down and look at what $$ is coming in versus what is going out. Then, decide what is a must (power, rent/house payment, insurance, healthy food, phone line, savings account) and what is a want (cable, cell phone, coffee habit, weekly facial (I wish), junk food/eating out). If you can cut back on the wants to just the needs and still have some fun $$, then stay home or work when your family can watch her. Or maybe just swap child care a few days a week with a friend who would like to do the same.



Here's a really important question, why are you stressing about a decision it sounds like you've made? Are you being pressured by family or friends? If so, you can explain or not, up to you. If it's your spouse, then tell them why you want to be home with her and show them the tallying you've done on the finances.



Basically, what I want to say is figure out where you stand financially first. Then really look at your options before you decide what to do. Even if you have to go back, you are not letting go of her. You are making sure that she is fed, clothed, housed, has health care. There is nothing wrong with going back to work at any point, even if it's because you just need to get out of the house. It's all good and stessing is a waste of energy best used to play with that beautiful baby girl.

Crystal - posted on 04/27/2010

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I was almost in the same boat as you. I was thinking about returning to work to help out with the household financials, but I realized I'd rather go without for just a little bit longer. I've been at home since my son was born, almost 5 years ago, and I've loved it. My daughter is 2.5 and I feel like if I go back to work now, I'll be cheating her from her time with me too. My son will be going to Kindergarten this year, so I'm excited to be able to take him and pick him up... and then have one on one time with my daughter while he's at school. I would say if you can afford to keep staying home, do it.. or maybe just go back part-time? I'm against daycares, so if I do have to go back to work .. it'll definitely be family or a family friend watching my kids. We all have to make sacrifices one way or another for our kids .. it's your choice which way it goes --- go without some luxcuries and stay home -- or spending too much time away from your child to have more financial freedom. That's the way I look at it anyways.

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