cant get rid of brother-in-law. :/

Julie - posted on 01/10/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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my brother in law lived with my husband and i once for nearly 6 months. he was supposed to only be there a month. instead of making him get a job and get the heck out, my husband bought us a house. (he was too chicken to tell him we were even moving until the week of.) the brother in law lived in a camper behind the inlaws home and finally, not wanitng to put up with his crap any longer, the inlaws went and took trespassing papers on him, took him to court and got rid of him. (his own mother!) after me saying "NO!" my husband finally got me to agree to let the jerk in our home once again. :/ (he nearly caused us to divorce last time, we did separate.) so hes been here 4 months now. ive tried getting rid of him. once more, no attempt to get a job. my husband and i are pretty much back to square one. this is my childrens home. im not up rooting them but i cant get him to get rid of his brother. i understand thats his brother, but...hes my husband. im the mother of his children and im afraid we're not going to be together much longer if he keeps letting his brother cause problems between us. i dont know what to do. :( any advice?

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Cindy - posted on 01/12/2013

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Sounds so familar! I am a mother of 5 children which are all grown up, the youngest being 23. I really hope your husband can grow some balls and stand up to his brother, because it can destroy a marriage fast!. I myself have been married for 25 years and been with the same man for over 3 years and gave birth to his children. His brother lived with their mom til she passed away only cuz it was cheap for him and easy. Now that same brother does have his own apartment now but is at our house everyday for coffee hour that lasts for 6 hours to all day. He sleeps in the recliner, changes the T.V. channels, yells at my dogs etc. I have begged, screamed, cried to my husband and he says he will talk to him and yet the next day he is right here again. NO PRIVACY! It has come between our marriage so bad that now my husband screams at me and tells me I am selfish and then goes to stay at his brothers. I myself have M.S. and spent 14 years a power wheelchair on and off, plus many other health problems. But please let me clear one thing up.I do the cooking, cleaning,laundry etc. The one thing I can not do is drive a car, and YES I also cook n clean up after my brother in law daily. I pray you have better luck than I have. When my 5 children were all at home it was then his sister who my husband ran to to take care of and her 5 children, we came last then also, and she had a husband of her own. Good Luck! Wish I could receive some good answers too!

Marisa - posted on 01/11/2010

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I have to agree with Carolee. If he didn't talk to his brother the first time, he probably won't this time. Normally I would say DH's family is HIS responsibility but I can't go along with that in this case. The laws of what you can and can't do don't really help you in this case because it's not the law that's not on your side, it's your husband. I hope that he boots the mooch and that you guys never let him come back!

Carolee - posted on 01/11/2010

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Then go around your husband. I hate to say it, but it's what you've got to do if you really want this loser gone. Now, by going around your husband, there's a chance that it will break you guys up, so you need to think long and hard before you do anything! And take your husband to couple's counseling... maybe a third party telling him he's got to kick his brother out will work.

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That is just rediculous and you definitely need to put your foot down and hold your ground especially if you and your kids are uncomfortable in your own home!

Julie - posted on 01/11/2010

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i checked out the laws of what i can do and even set things in motionand talked to hubby about it and it literally blew up in my face. originally we all decided a month was good. well...its been over 4 months now. he got an extension and was supposed to be gone by dec. 16th. hubby wouldnt let me talk to him this time, said hed tell him. hubby said he told him (he wouldve had a month and a half total with the extension) but when the day came...found out he lied and never said crap to him. :/ hes now suppose to be gone feb 1st. and i asked him the other day if he talked ot him, bec once again im not allowed to say anything, and his reply was "i dont know." ?!?!?!?!?!?! im afraid this is just going to be a pattern with him. but im not budging this time. hes over stayed his unwanted welcome and its not fair to my kids and i to have to put up with him. hes raised our bills up sooo much! and eats all our food. he comes upstairs when im not home and messes in stuff. he has a history of stealing from his grandparents and even his mother. im afraid to even leave my home but hate being here because of him. even my kids hate him being here! is it too much to ask to have a husband that cares for someone other then hiself? :(

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Have all three of you sit down together and discussed your feelings? Your husband feels like he is in the middle. I am in a similar situation with my father and my fiance and I dont know what to do because I dont want to hurt either one of them but they both have different opinions. Your best option is all of you sit down together and in a calm enviroment express to each other your opinions and how you feel and set a plan/goal of the brother in law...as in, give him a 30 day-or longer- to find a job and a place to say. NO IF ANDS OR BUTS. And thats it. If he cant obtain those things in the alloted amount of time then...sorry but you have done more than enough and it just seems like he isnt making the effort! Some ppl need a push!

Carolee - posted on 01/10/2010

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Look up info on the laws of eviction in your state. You CAN have someone who is "rooming" or "renting" from you evicted in most cases. Usually it just consists of a letter that all parties sign stating that he has 30 (or so) days to find different housing, and if he doesn't leave, you can call the cops and have him removed from the property. Let your husband know that it's gotten to this point, though, and that you're serious about going through with it. Good luck.

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