Cry-It-Out: Did your parents do it?

Jessica - posted on 12/10/2009

My parent never did it to me...they co-sleeped. I need a fan on to sleep at night. We did the cry it out method w/ my daughter at nine months. Our doctor told us to. She is twenty one months old now sleeping in a big girl bed. She stays in her bed all night. I will swear by it. Rocking, music, putting them down just before they fall asleep...none of it works. Eventually it will have to be done or you'll have someone sleeping w/ ya. Some people disagree with the idea but you are the parent so if you can get your baby to sleep now it will be a lot easier then dealing w/ it as a toddler. Try routines also!! Bath and a story. Good luck!!

Amanda - posted on 12/09/2009

My Mom surely used cry it out with me, she was adament about people using it. I never had any issues of the sort you mentioned and I have always been very close with my Mom.
I am not sure how I feel about CIO, I think I am in the middle that certain amounts of it do more good than harm. my girl was colicky so we had to use it to a point, an inconsolable colicky baby essentially has to cry it out as you try to help them remove their gas! I use it to a point, but I treat every cry differently at this point.

Sarah - posted on 12/08/2009

Mine did it and I'm fine. Lol...

Sheryl - posted on 12/08/2009

my parents used the method with me. i need a tv to sleep. i did it with my first born and know he needs a tv too. plus, on top of it he wants a light. my other child i let him fall a sleep on me or in the couch. know he likes the dark to sleep and no tv. so who know's there really should be a study on it. i feel bad for doing the crying it out method with him. know i let him fall asleep near me then move him or i just lay by him till he falls asleep. to let him know it ok. but he still needs the tv. but hopefully we can get him to the point he don't need the light or the tv.

Vanessa - posted on 12/08/2009

yeah they did..no i wouldn't say that i feel that i suffer from it now at all..i sleep just fine..i think if you're going to have sleep issues it's probally from a wide range of enviromental factors not just one.

i really never let my daughter cry it out..however lately, i let her cry for a good 15 minutes when i put her down for bed (not freaking out sobbing..just sorta that yell wimper cry ;) then i go in for a moment..sometimes nurse her for literally like a minute and then she passes out..but, for me she is in a full size bed..if i try to let her cry it out in the crib forget about it that could go on all night ;)

Renae - posted on 12/08/2009

Quoting Louise:

I had really problems with the cry it out method, my degree is in councelling and psychology so I was always taught that if a child, no matter what their age is, is crying it is because they need something. I have found that my son just needs reassurance that we are there if he needs him. We tried the cry it out method but he seemed to cry longer and I felt like I couldn't cope after 10 days so we stopped. I now hug him for 5 minutes then sit at the side of his bed so he know's I am there as he goes to sleep. I am gradually moving further away and over time I will not need to stay in his room at all. He now sleeps better than he has ever done.
I do know people that have tried it and found it has worked for them, you just have to remember that whenever the child is ill or teething or something you end up back at square one. You also have to be prepared for the child to cry for a long time. By the time me and my husband gave up on the controlled crying, my son was crying for around 4 hours, sleeping for 2 then getting up again and crying for another 3 hours before we could finally get some sleep.
If you do decide to go down this route I hope it works out. If not try the gradual withdrawal method. You need to do what you feel in your heart is best because nobody knows your child like you do, and only you know how you will cope
Good luck!

Unfortunately Louises story with control crying is not an uncommon one. Although, CIO and Control Crying are two very DIFFERENT things. Many babies who are control cried continue to cry for hours every night and it has also been known to make the situation worse. Lets remember that control crying was invented to make parents feel better, not to make the situation better for the baby.

Melissa - posted on 12/08/2009

Of course crying it out doesn't work for all babies, but I have heard it works for most. I think the main thing is it helps the child learn to fall asleep on their own so you are not still going in there 3 years later. And, I think it is best to wait until they are older, like at least 9 months old.

Louise - posted on 12/08/2009

I had really problems with the cry it out method, my degree is in councelling and psychology so I was always taught that if a child, no matter what their age is, is crying it is because they need something. I have found that my son just needs reassurance that we are there if he needs him. We tried the cry it out method but he seemed to cry longer and I felt like I couldn't cope after 10 days so we stopped. I now hug him for 5 minutes then sit at the side of his bed so he know's I am there as he goes to sleep. I am gradually moving further away and over time I will not need to stay in his room at all. He now sleeps better than he has ever done.
I do know people that have tried it and found it has worked for them, you just have to remember that whenever the child is ill or teething or something you end up back at square one. You also have to be prepared for the child to cry for a long time. By the time me and my husband gave up on the controlled crying, my son was crying for around 4 hours, sleeping for 2 then getting up again and crying for another 3 hours before we could finally get some sleep.
If you do decide to go down this route I hope it works out. If not try the gradual withdrawal method. You need to do what you feel in your heart is best because nobody knows your child like you do, and only you know how you will cope
Good luck!

Katherine - posted on 12/08/2009

I was never allowed to cry-it-out as a baby, and other than some insomnia (it's a chemical thing, and it only started when I was 25) I sleep like a log. As a kid, I never had worries about monsters under the bed, or in the closet or anything.

My son has never been allowed to CIO either, because it always felt like the wrong thing to do. He's 15 months old now, and he and I are both happy with the amount of sleep he gets at night.

Melissa - posted on 12/08/2009

Oh, and the most my son ever "cried it out" was about 30 minutes, and he only did that once. But all babies are different. Also, it helped to have my husband there for support because I couldn't have done it myself! He kept telling me that this will help him learn to fall asleep on his own, and he was right.

Melissa - posted on 12/08/2009

Yes, my mom said they eventually had to let me cry it out when I was about 2 and I was climbing out of my bed every night and refusing to go to bed and my younger sister was born. They said I screamed for a few nights, and it was the hardest thing she had to do, but after that it was never a problem again!

I let my son cry it out around 9 months old when he started waking up at night. He had slept through the night off and on for a couple month, but then started waking up every night with teething. When the teething was over the waking continued, but at that point I knew it wasn't teething, he wasn't hungry, he wasn't wet, he had just got into a habit of waking up and getting attention. After a couple night of letting him cry if he woke up, it never happened again! Well, actually I would go in after 10 min of crying and check him to make sure he wasn't wet or cold or feverish, and then I would give him his nuk and walk out if he was all ok. The nuk helps a lot, too. It was the hardest thing I have ever done besides give birth, and it was the absolute last resort, but I am so glad we did it. We can all finally sleep better now. He is now 14 months and still sleeping great.

We still have to do it sometimes if we go to a relatives house and he gets off schedule. When we get home after a few days we sometimes have a day or two of crying it out again. Oh, and I have NO sleep problems now and I sleep much better than my husband.

Luschka - posted on 12/08/2009

Hi,
I don't know if this will help you, but it did help me. http://www.mothering.com/parenting/cryin... My mom is a CIO fan, and she says I should let my daughter cry for up to 20 mins a day. Personally, I find it completely unnatural. If I was lying in the bed unable to move and crying and my husband just ignored me, we'd have serious relationship issues. Why should it be different for children?

I found this article useful and the conclusions I came to in the end were that I will not let my two month old CIO. When she's older, I might have a bit of a struggle on my hands, but at least then she will UNDERSTAND what bedtime is and why she is being ignored.

Just my thoughts.

Renae - posted on 12/08/2009

Lots of research has been done on this topic. "Extinction" or "crying it out" is what most mums were told to do in the 50's, so anyone born in the 50s were probably left to cry with no attention from 7pm to 7am. Mums were actually told not to even listen to the crying and go in a room where they couldn't hear it! Can you believe that!



By the 60's and 70's extinction was becoming less popular. Due to mums not being willing to leave their babies all night, Graduated Extinction (we know it as Control Crying or Ferber method) and Parental Presence were invented. These methods were invented to make mums feel better about letting their babies cry. But modern research says that going in to settle them actually makes it worse for the baby. Since you go in and they are glad to see you, but then you LEAVE AGAIN and each time you leave them again they get more and more stressed, they would have been better off if you never went in. It is the leaving that causes trust issues. Infant Mental Health Institutes in most countries now say that going in to settle them like in control crying is worse than leaving them alone all night. (They measure levels of stress by monitoring brain waves.)



Modern CIO methods involve cry interpretation. Which means you listen to the baby (not go in a room where you can't hear them!) and learn how to tell if they are getting distressed. The fact is most babies figure out they are supposed to go to sleep before they get distressed. With control crying, they get distressed long before they pass out asleep from exhaustion. If you can interpret your baby's cries and go in when the baby actually needs you, then you are not doing any harm.



There is no evidence that any CIO methods, even the cruel "7pm to 7am" one causes sleeping problems. Its actually the opposite. It avoids sleep problems in the future. Done properly, crying it out works in 3-6 days. Thats not a long time.



Having said all of that. CIO methods are not the only methods out there. Lots of behaviourists have come up with "no-cry" methods. These methods rely on changing things slowly and patiently and gradually teaching the baby to go to sleep.



The success rates for CIO are higher than "no-cry" and "no-cry" can take a long time. Each family needs to decide what is best for them and how desperately they need sleep.



If you would like instructions on how to do CIO without your baby becoming distessed feel free to PM me (also if you want info on no-cry methods).

Angela - posted on 12/07/2009

I never did CIO. IMHO I felt that it was cruel. Babies cant tell you what they need so crying means distress or something is wrong. My girls both slept in a room with me and I responded to every cry. Was I tried? SURE I was but that is life with a baby till about 12m. My kids are secure in the fact mom loves them and they know I will be there when they need me. They are now age 8 and 3.
It was my personal choice. I wont say anyones choice is wrong. You do what you feel is rt as a mom This was what was rt for me.

Found this on a site:
As for crying being healthy for baby's lungs? Kitzinger and Taubman both agree the advice is "stupid and inappropriate." In her book, Crying Baby, Sleepless Nights, Sandy Jones elaborates, "The real truth is that crying is hard on a baby, and it uses up his limited resources. Although young babies can't help crying, you can tell it is self-punishing behavior. When a baby's cries aren't stopped, his arms and legs tighten, his mouth gets dry, his lips start to turn blue, his lungs probably ache, his blood pressure goes up, the veins in his head may swell and even break, and his blood oxygen level starts to go down, not up."

Don't listen to the well-meant but misguided advice you receive that it's OK to let your baby cry. Only you are your baby's mother, follow your intuition -- pick up your baby, hold him, comfort him, love him. Follow your heart.

Dora - posted on 12/07/2009

Again, good question. I am sure I cried it out many times. I had no problems sleeping as a baby. My Mom has often said they had to wake me for company to get to see me because I slept so much. Now?.....Well much different. I thinks stress as adults affects us much differently than it does as a baby. Most babies cannot remembering crying it out. If your child was say....school age or a toddler...maybe could remember it. I also hated to wait over ten minutes. It may go on much longer all together but cking and soothing on 10 min. intervals I think is an adequate response to your child. Good luck and hope you and your child get some sleep soon.

Nikki - posted on 12/07/2009

my mom let me cry when i was a baby...it helps there vocal cords. but anyways it wont hurt your baby i let my daughter do it sometimes and she falls asleep and she still trust me cuz all u gotta do is talk to them let her know that you are not leaveing her and you are just in the other room and it will calm her down and she should fall right asleep. when andrea was first born i was the same way with letting her cry herself to sleep but as long as her diaper was changed and she ate and had a bath b4 bed i new she was ok so try those things and let me know how it works i promise u she will allways trust you your her mother

Cleo - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Katy:

Quoting Krista:

Doing something because your parents did it, or thinking "my parents did that to me and I turned out fine" is an incredibly sorry method for determining how to parent your children.

What kind of helpful advice is that? She was looking for advice not a judgement!

I don't see it as an incredibly sorry method of determining how to parent your children because who else do we learn how to parent our kids while growing up?? FROM OUR PARENTS.  Yes of course I  understand that some parents aren't the best infulence to go by but the natural thing for almost anyone to do is to try to raise their children like they were raised because that's what they know.  Thoughs were kind of harsh words there and i too agree that this person was looking for advice not judgement.

Cleo - posted on 12/07/2009

I don't have sleep problems at the least and trust issues. After my mom fed me, burped me, changed me, held me and sang to me to get me to sleep and nothing worked yes she let me cry it out and yes i wasn't happy at the time because I wanted to be in arms but I eventually fell asleep. I did the same with my daughter and she doesn't show signs of sleeping problems or trust issues.

Betty - posted on 12/07/2009

I know my mom did it with my little brother (who is 13 years younger than me) so I actually remember it. She'd try the usual soothing things first, but if he was being too stubborn, then she'd out him in the crib and let him cry. He's fine. He's in my old room which is extremely dark and there's no way he'll ever have a TV in there either.



It really depends on the situation. Of course you don't just ingore the baby all the time.



I started letting my little guy cry it out at about 11 months if he woke up in the middle of the night. For several months prior to that, when he woke up at 3AM or whatever, we'd try to rock him back to sleep (which worked) and put him back into his crib (which didn't work; he woke back up and cried even more) so we just let him sleep with us. I realized he was playing us. So at 11 months old I finally said no more of that, you will go back to sleep in your own bed. So then if he woke up I'd rock him a while and put him in his crib and let him cry. First few times he'd cry for an hour or so. Within a month or so, he accepted (for the most part) this new routine and the crying went away. Sometimes I'd even skip the rocking and not even go in to check on him. He's been a good sleeper, even when I took down the crib. Bed time is totally easy now a days. He's two. He just picks out a toy and a book, makes sure the night light is on and lies down.Sometimes he wants music on too. I cover him up and exit.



Your little girl will be fine if you let her cry sometimes. Consistency is key though. And do it while still in a crib and she can't hurt herself.



I can't imagine if I would've waited any longer than I did to ween him from out of our bed and able to fall back asleep on his own.

Beverly - posted on 12/07/2009

I don't let my kids cry it out, never have and I have 4. I read that if you let them cry/scream for more than 10 minutes it can rob them of oxygen & cause brain damage.

Katy - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Krista:

Doing something because your parents did it, or thinking "my parents did that to me and I turned out fine" is an incredibly sorry method for determining how to parent your children.

What kind of helpful advice is that? She was looking for advice not a judgement!

Katy - posted on 12/06/2009

I agree with you, silly answer to your question. I was left to cry it out by my parents and I had major bedwetting problems until I was around about 9 years old, I also couldn't sleep without the tv on, who know if this is connected? It could be that it is totally unrealated. I myself don't do the cry it out method, but I am very lucky that both of my kids have been and still are extremly settled and easy care babies. (not everyone is so lucky I know) the few troubles I did have I resolved with Tracey Hogg's advice in the baby whisper book, found this very helpful and sort of middle ground. I do believe that her methods are extremely good and leave you feeling not to frazzled! I do believe that if a baby is crying "hard out" it probably needs you to help sooth him/her in someway, be it gentle shooshing or rocking. Good luck and ignore the stupid comments. No one is born with parenting skills, and we all must learn our own way of dealing with issues. My daughter is 5 soon and my boy is 10 weeks and I am still learning everyday.

Kellyn - posted on 12/06/2009

Learning from our parents (both the mistakes and the successes) is not a "sorry method" of parenting. To me, it's called wisdom and learning from the experience of your elders. And I don't want people to try to convince me that it's okay, I simply want feedback for it. I am, by nature, typically a very logical thinker and having a baby has thrown me because I'm using emotional reactions a lot more. I want to think logically without having emotion cloud my thinking too much.



Most parents start out with little or no experience as parents (raising children), myself included, so I would rather take the advice and experience of other parents including my own before I make rash decisions.



But thank you for judging me without knowing me. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Krista - posted on 12/06/2009

If you have a problem with the CIO "method", why try to be convinced that it's okay?

Krista - posted on 12/06/2009

Doing something because your parents did it, or thinking "my parents did that to me and I turned out fine" is an incredibly sorry method for determining how to parent your children.

Bridgette - posted on 12/06/2009

My son slept in bed between us in one of those baby beds until he was 2 1/2. Race car bed was too cool not to sleep in.My daughter we trained her from the day she got home to sleep in her room in her bed. I wake up everyday with a 5 year old girl between us in our bed. Thats my experience. Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 12/06/2009

My mum definitely used CIO with all four of us and none of us have sleep or fear issues.

I think it's really important to distinguish between a newborn and an older child. The studies that I've read suggest that responding to a crying newborn immediately is important. But as the child gets older, they begin to understand that they're not abandoned.

My son (now 8 months) cries whether I was holding him, rocking him, in the room, at the other end of the house, whatever! We currently let him cry for up to 15 minutes (listening to the kind of cries and responding earlier if he sounds distressed as opposed to cranky/tired), then go in and pat his bottom and he goes to sleep almost immediately. If I pat his bum from the start he just keeps crying.

Our Maternal Health Nurse said that some babies just cry themselves to sleep and Daniel seems to be one of those. Sometimes he goes to sleep with just a minute of sooking, but sometimes he's really full-on for half an hour (in which case I'm in the room trying to settle him). If he gets really distressed we "take a break" and leave the bedroom so he can calm down then try again a bit later.

Jessica - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Jessica:

i had sleep issues as a kid and i think it was because my mum made me too attached to her, i had to have a tv on, i was always held as a baby to go to sleep, slept with mum every night as a baby cos i was breastfed, when i was older i would always wake up in the middle of the night and kick my dad out cos i wanted to sleep with mum.

Apart from that have grown up with no trust issues with my mother or people or family, in saying that im not doing the CIO method with my son as such but i do let him cry a little and its just the way he falls alseep, i was concerned about the trust thing and my doctor assured me that its quite normal for babies to cry before they go to sleep.

Crying does not hurt them, its they only way they can communicate so they will cry for anything really, whether its good or bad...i wouldnt worry too much i have a friend who's mother did it with her and she is a perfectly normal person, she has twins now and had to use the CIO method with them cos she pretty much had no choice as she couldnt hold them both at the same time. At the end of the day do what you think is best for you and your child, the CIO method takes alot of patience and if you dont do it properly you will just confuse them, good luck either way =)

i thought i better add that my mother did not do the CIO method with me, which is why i had attachment issues

Jessica - posted on 12/06/2009

i had sleep issues as a kid and i think it was because my mum made me too attached to her, i had to have a tv on, i was always held as a baby to go to sleep, slept with mum every night as a baby cos i was breastfed, when i was older i would always wake up in the middle of the night and kick my dad out cos i wanted to sleep with mum.

Apart from that have grown up with no trust issues with my mother or people or family, in saying that im not doing the CIO method with my son as such but i do let him cry a little and its just the way he falls alseep, i was concerned about the trust thing and my doctor assured me that its quite normal for babies to cry before they go to sleep.

Crying does not hurt them, its they only way they can communicate so they will cry for anything really, whether its good or bad...i wouldnt worry too much i have a friend who's mother did it with her and she is a perfectly normal person, she has twins now and had to use the CIO method with them cos she pretty much had no choice as she couldnt hold them both at the same time. At the end of the day do what you think is best for you and your child, the CIO method takes alot of patience and if you dont do it properly you will just confuse them, good luck either way =)

Anna - posted on 12/06/2009

My parents didn't do it. From everything I have heard, leaving a baby to cry causes far more problems than it solves, if it even works at all. I really think it is neglectful to leave a baby to cry. I could never stand to leave my baby alone when he needed me.

Natasha - posted on 12/05/2009

My parents let me cry it out and i don't think i have been affected by it at all! I have never had sleeping problems and have never had trust issues with my parents. I think that a lot of it has to do with other ways that you are brought up not just being left to cry for a while. My parents loved me and showed this to me daily so i had no need not to trust them.
I also let my son cry it out. He used to cry ALL the time and if i was to give him attention every time he cried when i put him to bed he would never have slept! He wouldn't sleep on me, he wouldn't sleep being patted, he wouldn't sleep if i was in the room with him so what else could i do? i never let him cry for more then 10 min at a time with out checking on him and giving him his dummy back and as soon as he gets hysterical i go to him straight away and cuddle him quietly until he calms down then put him back to bed. He is almost 8 months old now and has grown out of the screaming every time i put him to bed thing. Thankfully! :)
But my opinion is that there is a balance to everything. I don't agree with letting a baby cry hysterically for ages at a time and i don't agree with giving a child attention every time they make a noise. Just do what ever works and show ur kids as much love as possible!

Cori - posted on 12/05/2009

I am going through the same issue with my second child. If your child has eaten, and has a clean diaper, there really is no reason to run to them and pick them up, they get used to that. Its almos as if they are playing you; thinking " if i cry i know someone will come and get me out of here!!" If you have ever watched Dr. Phill or Super Nanny they address this issue, it is a trust issue, your baby is trusting that when he/she cries you will be there. I have just started trying to sooth my child in her bed for as long as i can before i pick her up, which tonight was 20 minutes. Then i rocked her back to sleep and put her back in her bed. I also talked to her letting her know that i do love her but it is bed time and you sleep in your bed.... i also put one of my pillows in her bed, thinking that she could smell me???

Everybody has there own method. A friend of mine would just put her children in thier cribs and let them cry unitll they fell asleep. They are all good sleepers. My child hardly ever takes naps and is 14 months and still having issues sleeping through the nigh.

Good luck, stay strong, and be consistant!

Brittany - posted on 12/05/2009

This is really interesting thanks for the post. I never let my boys CIO Except when I was flustered and would set them down and go in the other room and CIO myself. lol. They both had colic and it was my own personal hell. I would want nothing more then for them to be happy babies. There are times as they were older like around one to 18mo when they would wake in the middle of the night and I would wait and see if them CIO would get them back to sleep if not I would go settle them down and lay them back down. My yougest is 2 and I still end up in there one time a night to rub his back.

As far as me, I really have no clue. My mom always talked about what a wonderful baby I was and how I slept well. But I am scard of the dark and Im 25. I do not know why I just always have been and I think its due to always having a night light in my room. I can not sleep with out one.

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 12/05/2009

My parents did not use it and I won't use it. I don't ever want my daughter to feel alone or scared. They've done studies and connected a lot of problems to CIO.
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Melanie - posted on 12/05/2009

Hi Kellyn

My mum used it on all three of us, as kids we all slept great, no fears no trust issues nothing. I don;t like the idea of using it on new bubs but my daughter is 7 1/2 mths and i have just started using it as she has started throwing tanties. Before i do though i check her nappy offer her a drink offer her food and offer her a rusk, if she is still crying then i put her in her cot and let her cry it out going in every so often to put her dummy back in.

Kellyn - posted on 12/05/2009

Just so people have a bit more to go on about me and my daughter, she is 5 1/2 months old, and if I do let her CIO, I don't let her cry alone for more than 10 minutes at a time. And if it's a constant cry that is obviously not just tiredness, I go in sooner. But I do a modified version of the ferber method, where I let her cry and when I go in to check on her, I usually pick her up for a minute or so to help calm her down (just going in there and patting her on the back doesn't calm her down, it usually only makes her cry harder). As she gets more used to crying it out, I will probably try just patting her and comforting her in her bed.

As for me, my mom finally had to let me CIO when I was about 8 months old, and whether it is related or not, I have to have the TV on to go to sleep. I am also a night owl (or was before my baby was born), and so is my husband. And although he works the night shift, he is on a leave of absence right now and still keeps odd hours. That makes it much harder for me to get my daughter to sleep on time each night, as well as to get me to sleep. But that's a whole other issue lol.

Kylie - posted on 12/05/2009

Hi, I'm pretty sure my parents used that method on us (me and my brother and sister) My bother and I were scared of the dark (but that is very normal) but I think that had more to do with the terrible stories that my older cousin used to tell us when we were little about monsters getting you in the dark and stuff. My sister (8 years younger then me) was never scared of the dark. None of us had any sleep issues.

When my son (now 1) was born we used to always put him to bed awake, and let him cry for 3 mins, and then go into him, and settle him in his bed, we didn't pick him up, and repeat until he was asleep, as he got older we would extend the time we were away before we came back. It took a while for him to get the idea some times but we were told by the hospitial that it was the best way. Our son slept through the night from 8 weeks, he doesn't need any special noises to go to sleep, and he hasn't had a dummy since 10 months. He is very happy. He is right were he should be with his development. It's part of healthy development to learn to settle yourself to sleep.

Good Day! - posted on 12/05/2009

I used it with my daughter but I was very careful with it. She slept in a cradle next to my bed. I listened to her cries and if it got to be a solid cry I would comfort her. Then I would put her back in bed awake. It didn't take long for her to learn to fall asleep on her own. Now at 18 months she sleeps 12 or more hours a night (in the pitch dark) and takes a 1 and 1/2 hour nap everyday. It was hard to let her cry but I'm glad I did it because she sleeps so well now. I know some people disagree with the method, but it worked for me. I think the key is to know her cries and tell the difference between whinning and distress.

Sarah - posted on 12/05/2009

My parents used the cry it out method for us (there are 6 of us). They did not just put us in bed and let us cry for hours though. They would reassure us that things were ok. I have never had a sleep problem. When I hit my bed I am out. Sometimes I think sleep problems are due to other things like lack of routine and a consistant bedtime, or routine of bad habits. When I had my first I would rock him to sleep (I am sure my mom thought I was crazy, but she never said anything) as he became older it became harder and harder to lay him down without waking him up and starting all over. He would often times wake up in the middle of the night and would need to be rocked back to sleep (that was the only way he knew how to fall asleep). After spending 2 nights in a rocking chair because everytime I got up to lay him down he would wake up I decided things needed to change. We did the cry it out method with going in every so often to reassure him I was still there and he was ok, but that it was bedtime. After about a week I was able to lay him down and he would fall asleep right away and sleep though the night with no problems. He is now 11 years old and as soon as he hits his bed he is out for the night. My daughter I started right away with slowly teaching her how to fall asleep on her own. She slept through the night at 2 mos. and has no problems sleeping through the night today. She is a thinker, so sometimes it is hard for her to shut her mind down. She has found that if she reads a book for 10 to 15 mins. that relaxes her mind and she is able to fall asleep. I don't have any trust issues and as far as I can see with my kids there are no trust issues either.



On the flip side of things I think that if a child's means have not been meant both night and day (abusive sitiuation or an orphanage situation) then there are going to be trust and sleep issues. They have learned that no matter how long they cry no one is going to meet their need (there is no one reassuring them things will be ok). So those needs to be repaired before a child can trust that if they cry someone will be there.

Judy - posted on 12/05/2009

I think it depends on why you are letting them cry it out. If a child is over stimulated and exhausted and cranky because of it ... a 10 min cry will produce sleep then wouldn't that be a blessing for the child. How ever if your child is going through a fear of the dark and you leave him in the dark until fear has exhausted him.... isn't that abuse?? I think every situation is different. One time you might CIO and the next you might snuggle them up. What is best is going to provide your child with feelings of security and love. All of my kids have spent time sleeping in my bed when babies and toddlers because they needed me or my husband. They have also been carried to their room and calmly set on their bed and told that when they stop their tantrum they can return to the family room. Sometimes I used it for short periods like when breaking a bottle at nap time habit. After a couple of days the bottle habits is broken and all is fine. Or for a temper tantrum...but those are short-lived things not fear inducing.

Stevie - posted on 12/05/2009

well idk if my parents did that to me or not but no i dont think that if they did or anything they did caused me to have sleeping problems i dont need a tv to make me fall asleep every kid is at some point afraid of the dark i like to have a little bit of light either in my room or in the hall or bathroom since we have stairs lol that pretty much covers it lol i did the ferber method with my son and it has some crying but he did great with it he isnt afected by it he sleeps on his own falls asleep on his own and still loves us just as much anyways he is a happy and healthy 1yr old lol (only if you could see him now he is being so cute and funny) lol your child will more or less likely not even remember that you did the cry it out if you dont dont like the straite up cry it out method try the ferber methon tons of ppl use it it works in like a week (lol some kids very and parents too lol)

Debi - posted on 12/05/2009

I have two daughters that I allowed to cry but not for long periods. If you know she is not wet, hungry or gassy then letting her cry is healthy. How ever I dont think letting her cry for long periods... They are not scared of the dark actually they hate lights on.. they are 10 and 13.. Babies also cry when they are cold that is how they warm themselves. Hope this helps and good luck

Tara - posted on 12/05/2009

My mom used CIO with all three of us (all girls). None of us has ever needed any type of aid to go to sleep, and none of us have had any issues with fear of the dark, etc.

With my oldest daughter, I wound up using CIO because I was averaging 1-4 hours of sleep a night, sometimes less, for months and when I found out I was pregnant with our second child I knew I had to do something in order to be healthy for both babies. The way I did the CIO was to go in periodically (every 10-15 minutes or so) and reassure my daughter, then tell her it was time to sleep and put her back to bed. I didn't start the CIO method until she was almost a year old though, and don't believe it should be used with younger babies. However, most moms know the difference between the "I need something/I'm afraid" cry and the "I'm mad because I don't want to go to sleep" cry.

I think CIO is a personal choice - it works for some and not for others.

Ashley - posted on 12/05/2009

im for the cry it out method once they hit a curtin age like a seven month old can cry for no longer then 15 minutes i dont think i new baby should cry but i also feel if they have colic then they should cry it out. my little cousin had colic an i babysit her an she would never stop crying if i held her she would cry so i look at it like why try to concole a a baby who cant ber concoled an dont think that i would hold her for 20 mins an give up an set her down it was like 2 hours an i would give up an i have her mon thru fri 8am till 5pm an i had my son to who is only a year an 19 older then her i couldnt do nuthing else but what i did, an my mom has told me i had colic really bad an she would hold me for awhile an then she would have to set me down an go do something else an yes i need a tv on an i dont like the dark at all an could it be because of that sure, but i by no means blame my mom for it because she let me cry it out. i dont think you should just let your baby cry it out because your doind something but there is curtin thing that i think is ok to let a baby cry every baby cries but when you cant do anything for that baby why make yourself go crazy

Jackie - posted on 12/05/2009

Here is why I don't agree with the cry it out method. Some animals are born indepentant for example spiders. Most mammals aren't! Humans not only are born depentant on their parents; they are not even physically ready to be born. A babys only instinct is to survive. Since they can't walk or run they need to be guarded and protected. The only way for a baby to communicate is to cry. Since we don't talk in a series of grunts and groans. There is a lack of communication between mother and child other then crying. If you allow a child to cry it out you are saying their form of communication is not effective and that you don't care enough to make sure they are safe. Watch a nursing baby you will notice something... when mom gets out of smelling range they start to fuss and complain. The longer it goes on the more upset they get and the louder they get. Why because their food source is gone! My younger sister can be in any room in my apartment and her son is fine. But if she does my dishes... her baby starts to get upset. My dish soap is very smelly *good smelly* and it covers up the smell of his mom. He truely belives she has left him and makes sure I know that he needs her. As a baby gets older and starts moving around nursing moms can go farther away because the baby can try to get to them. But put a baby gate in the way and watch the water works start! I figure this if you make a choice to be a parent then be a parent 24/7 and 110% which means not using things like cio method... and instead actually do your part for your baby for the short while they need it.

Ink - posted on 12/05/2009

I dont agree with the cry it out method either. My mother let all of us 'cry it out' and yes, we did need a tv to sleep, I still do.

Read a little of what I have found on the subject...



http://www.associatedcontent.com/article...



http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou...

Jennifer - posted on 12/05/2009

This would be an interesting study...as a baby, I almost always cried! So I really (or my mom) can't give you a good answer to your question. I have almost always been a night owl...that is until i had a baby...now i am in bed by 9-10 at night. I do think all children go through certian levels of fear and children also have vivid imaginations. I personally, haven't tried the cry-it-out method ( i know someday i might have to), but I don't see anything wrong with moms who use CIO, as long as they distinguish between those cries of tired baby and baby in need.



But again, I don't know, but would be interested to learn more about it.

Jennifer - posted on 12/05/2009

This would be an interesting study...as a baby, I almost always cried! So I really (or my mom) can't give you a good answer to your question. I have almost always been a night owl...that is until i had a baby...now i am in bed by 9-10 at night. I do think all children go through certian levels of fear and children also have vivid imaginations. I personally, haven't tried the cry-it-out method ( i know someday i might have to), but I don't see anything wrong with moms who use CIO, as long as they distinguish between those cries of tired baby and baby in need.



But again, I don't know, but would be interested to learn more about it.