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Dayhome child cries constantly.....

Britney - posted on 10/19/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hi Everyone,

I operate a very busy day home and have recently taken on a child that is having a lot of issues being away from his mother. We are on week 4 of him being here and week 4 of him crying constantly all day, every day. I'm hoping that I can get a little help/advice on what I can try to help him settle in and make this work!

Here's a little bit of background info:

He's 2 1/2 years old. And the youngest of 2. He's been in a day home since he was 1 and, from what I understand, spent the majority of his time crying at the old day home. I don't know much about his home life. I think I'm understanding that his parents are contemplating separation. Father works away most of the time. From what I can see, his is babied a lot and talked to in baby voices. He doesn't seem to understand direction when spoken to in a normal adult tone.

Here's what I've tried:

Asking Mom to bring a blanket and/or stuffy from home for him to attach to (attaches to it, but still cries). Consoling him for the first 2 weeks (this creating a full out melt down most of the time). Ignoring him. Putting him in time out (not very effective, nor did it make me feel like I was doing him/me any good). Offering options of toys, books, shows, etc. Opening the door and giving him the choice of staying or leaving (this completely back fired as he took off down the sidewalk.....don't do this!)

I'm at a loss. 4 weeks of non stop crying. 5 other children wondering what the h*** is wrong with this child. And several bottles of wine (in the evening.... ha! ). I'm truly considering letting him go as the stress on me and our routine is starting to be too much.

Please offer suggestions that you think may help. Please don't criticize others suggestions or start debate/conflict. Thank you.

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6 Comments

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Lisa - posted on 10/20/2011

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I think you need to enlist the help of one or both parents. I would sit down and tell them what's happening, what you've tried. If he's literally crying nonstop 8-10 hours a day, he should also be examined by a pediatrician. Maybe the mom could arrange to spend some time with him at daycare. For example, staying and playing with him for awhile so he doesn't feel abandoned.

I would assume that the reason he is now at your daycare is because the old daycare couldn't/wouldn't deal with him anymore? If it were me, I would tell the mother that I want him to stay but I also want him to be happy but you also have to think of the other children and if she wants him to stay, he needs to be evaluated by a pediatrician.

Another thought, if he has social issues, maybe he could start his morning at your house in a quiet room watching a video so he can slowly acclimate himself to this new environment.

Crystal - posted on 10/20/2011

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My son is mildly Autistic and therefore has major seperation issues. What has worked for us is me staying for a few minutes and getting him interested in a toy or something before I go. It has also helped to let him take something of mine with him so he knows I'm coming back. For example I've let him keep a key in his pocket (it's actually a junk key but he doesn't know that!) or he's also taken one of my hair scrunchies and kept it on his arm all day. Just something that reminds him when he looks at it that I'm coming back

Kellie - posted on 10/20/2011

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This is a toughie! Poor little boy ad in turn poor everyone else!

What do you mean by consoling him? Is this meaning cuddles, pat on the back, holding his hand what exactly?

He sounds like he is scared and lost. The issues at home are making him so distraught he isn't sure what to do with himself and is scared Mummy isn't coming back for him.

What's the Mother like? Is she receptive to listening to you and trying to resolve this with you?

Only thing I can suggest is to not give up and continue to try to involve him by saying, Oh look, we're going to colour in now, would you like to help me colour in this Monkey? What colour crayon would you like to use? Take his hand and lead him to the activity. Encourage him to participate but try not to push.


Keep your interactions with him gentle, soft and understanding and hopefully he will start to respond.

Please don't give up on him, he needs someone to stick it out other wise he's going to continue to be shuffled from home to home and then no one will be able to get through to him.

Sharlene - posted on 10/19/2011

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Goodluck !!!!!!!!

Sharlene - posted on 10/19/2011

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I dont know if this might help,Does the child have a security blankie or a favorite toy that he play.. My me asking does the child having a learning disablity or just as Autstim maybe,Have the parent told you everything abiut this child or needs,Please get back me Im really concerned. And I dont blame you having several bottles of wine. LOL .Cheers

Liz - posted on 10/19/2011

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This is so sad! I'm so sorry for you and for this child. I don't have much advice, just sympathy for you.



What happens if you give him some space at first (when he's dropped off) and then approach him slowly, with just one or two toys?

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