Depressed stay at home Mom

Mary - posted on 01/22/2012 ( 83 moms have responded )

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I know I should feel lucky to be a full time stay at home Mom, but lately I feel like I have no time for me. I feel like life is one big routine. My daughter if 15 months old and gets into everything. When she naps, lately I just sit and watch television or sleep. I don't feel like doing house work and I don't have the motivation. I did have a couple of friends at work, but we have not been in contact. No friends to talk with. Sometimes i will call my Mom, but it is difficult to talk during the week because of her work hours. Lately, my husband and i have been arguing constantly about stupid things. I feel guilty if i god for bid go out to the store by myself while my daughter naps on the weekends when my husband is home. My husband says, he never get to do anything. He says if u want to work, i will be more and happy to stay home, if u can bring home the money i am making. Thoughts???

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Mrs. - posted on 01/30/2012

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DEAR STAY at Home Moms!

DONT GIVE UP, YOU can DO IT!



Ive been a Stay at home Mom for 12 years now,

I went through many of the same feelings you were describing and I BEAT IT! These are the TOP 3 things you can do to change your stay at home MOM LIFE.



1.# This is the hardest for most, but will make the most effective change in your life AND in the life of your children and family.



GET RID OF YOUR TELEVISION, PERMANENTLY.



The Hell-a-vision will drain your mind, and the minds of your children, EVERYTHING on the TELEVISION is indoctrinating , hypnotizing, demoralizing and corrupt.



Anyone who has spent time watching television should agree with some, if not all, of these statements.

"I feel hypnotized when I watch television."

"Television sucks my energy."

"I feel like it's brainwashing me."

"I feel like a vegetable when I'm stuck there at the tube."

"Television spaces me out."

"Television is an addiction and I'm an addict."

"My kids look like zombies when they're watching."

"TV is destroying my mind."

"Television is turning my mind to mush."

"I feel mesmerized by it."

"If a television is on, I just can't keep my eyes off it."



Do some research on the internet about how to remove television from you life and WHY its so dangerous to your health and mind!



We've been TV free for 6 years and Its The best Thing we did as a family. My children love reading and have a WAY easier time waiting and being patient, as well having longer attention spans. Im not as tired and dull feeling as I remember being during the time we did have the TV.





2. After the kids fed, right after bedtime, go for a walk in the evenings for at least an hour, assuming your husband is home of course.



Taking that 1 hour to get out in the fresh crisp air, is lifesaving. You can bring your favorite music on your mp3 player, and just walk around for an hour in your neighborhood. I started this regime when I, also was arguing with my husband alot, and feeling really cooped up and worn down. The results were fantastic. I could unwind, and just sort of come down after the day. eventually i got stronger on these walks even though i didnt start this as an excersize thing, just really more of a get away for an hour thing, i did end up loosing 20 lbs and feeling so much more happy.





3. there is but one who can comfort us in all things,

he is the Lord God. Get close to God, read the bible, mature in Christ and he will help you IN ALL MATTERS of life!

Dont give up, being a mom is The most important JOB in the world!!!

(even if the world doesn't remember that as we do)

Mimi - posted on 02/26/2013

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OMG i am going through the same thing. I dont think our husband dont understand at all. I have 2 babies a 2 month and a 18 month. I have been a stay at home mom since i found out i was pregnant with my first. I feel like i am lock in a cage and cant breath, dont get me wrong i love my kids but i would love some me time to myself but my husband dont get it, he says the same thing, "i work all the time and dont get to do anything", yeah u do but i get to step outside the house and breath. I have no friends, i feel alone, there is nothing fun to do but clean, sleep, take care the babies and watch TV. I wish my husband will understand our point of views

Alexandrea - posted on 02/13/2013

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right now, i feel the same way...
My husband works full time and has always done his best for our family. i really respect him and appreciate all he does for us, but sometimes i really think he doesnt understand or apprecaite what i do at all. and that can hurt the most when i really need his support and understanding.
i was a stay at home mom for almost a year then went to work as a nanny/housekeeper, bringing my now 2 year old daughter to work with me. i love her with all of my heart and am so greatful to have been able to spend so much quality time with her, but sometimes i get so overwhelmed and loney!
I take care of 3 girls (2.5, 2, and 6years old) and clean the whole house 4 days a week/ 8hours a day then come home, cook/prepare dinner for the family, pack lunches for the next day, entertain the hubby, occasionally do a workout dvd and then crash in bed. that is my week. the weekends are cleaning house after 6 people, errands, etc. oh and we have a un-potty trained puppy and its just astonishing how stressed i get about the potty messes allll over my house!
im just really tired. nobody even takes out the garbage/ recycling! i know im ranting now, but sometimes i just want a whole week off!! i havent had a break from my daughter- other than walking my dog- since early November 2012. thats 3 months now. im not exagerating. i need a break!!! :(
its a treat to have a grown up conversation, because all of my old friends are still single and living a totally diferent life. all i talk about is my daughter, dog, and husband and i know thats boring to people...
i dont know. i havent been this sad in a long time. 85-90% of my days are good, but i guess when it hits me, it hits hard.

Christina - posted on 03/08/2013

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I do not feel that is ok. He has to understand that with you taking care of the kids (which is not even easy to take care of one sometimes) that instead of drinking all afternoon and night when we gets home he should help you around the house. Especially being pregnant. And as far as the no affection thing, I wish I had advise for you for that. I don't think mine knows the meaning anymore. He knows how to have sex and that is it. And when we do I feel like it is for his pleasure only, because I don't feel loved and if I don't feel loved how can I make love to him? And the worst part is that we are not even married yet. We have been engaged for almost 6yrs.

Mary - posted on 02/13/2013

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Hang in there Alexandrea! The speed bumps of parenting are constant.... but with a positive perspective can be easier to drive through. I parented 4 children (6 yrs apart) with little to no help and remember how frustrating times were.
*Talk to your hubby. Ask him to 'releive you' while you: (exercise, go shopping, read a book, take a walk)
*Calendar time for YOU. This is something hard for women. We feel guilty~ Don't. Just don't overdue.
*Ask your husband and train your children to help around the house. Give chores, YES even at 2, pulling their sheet over their crib/bed. Putting a few toys away. Putting their clothes in the hamper, shoes in a specific spot. These little things add up and are worth it.
*Keep life simple. Play, engage with kids. Don't over clean. It doesn't matter... look at the big picture. :)*Don't get too discouraged. I promise you are a champion! It's o.k. to get down every once in a while, just don't let it overwhelm you.

Let me know if I can help in anyway with ideas.

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Samantha Nicole - posted on 03/08/2013

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Well I am in a relationship with a man that has 3 kids and I have 2 and we just found out were pregnant! We have one kid all the time and the other 4 every other week. It's been a year and 3 months since my boyfriend has even wanted to take me out:( I feel depressed 24/7 and unhappy I've changed my whole life for him. He drinks beer everyday after work so I am always excepted to do all the driving! We have done nothing but fight for 4 months and my pregnancy well to be honest it has just sucked:( I really feel like giving up... He don't show me affection for days not even a kiss! He also won't help me do a thing at home he says that's my job and he has his own. Is this really okay??

Christina - posted on 03/01/2013

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WOW........this is so crazy........I feel the same way. You took the words right out of my mouth. I feel worthless and like the biggest piece of crap. My fiance keeps telling me that I should get a job. I have no problem with that, but what job out there is going to pay enough for daycare as well? None. I worked for the first 3.5 years of my sons life. All he ever did is say that I was cheating on him and he always had bad things to say. I would get off of work at 2 and I could not get home at 2:10 because if I did then he would scream and yell. I only worked 1 mile up the road. So I quit and now he wants me to get a job. For what? Its not going to pay for daycare and just so you can accuse me some more. I still don't feel like doing anything around the house as far as cleaning or anything. I feel like nothing that I do is good enough anyway, so why do it right? No one will notice or care or they will just complain about how its not good enough.

I think that once us women have children men have it a lot harder than they did. They have to make sure the bills are paid food on the table, etc. Before we had children it was much easier for both of us to work. We as mothers need to realize that they have much more stress. I think that this is all part of life unfortunately we will all get through it. We may not have friends to call or to come over to our house but at least we have our circle of moms friends to talk to and vent.

Julie - posted on 02/23/2013

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I find that i just have to steal time for myself. I tell my husband when I am going to be gone and I go. I still feel a little guilty, my two year old cries, but I know I'm a better mom if I'm a less frazzled one.

Alexandrea - posted on 02/13/2013

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thank you. i know i really do need to start having some 'me' time...especially because im still only 21 lol. this happens about every 1- 3 months when it hits me that i really need a break! i love this life but it definently can be draining. we just bought our house in August so i think i just want everything to be perfect. but i know thats not going to ever happen with a 2 year old and 6 month old puppy lol.
i feel better already. a hot shower, a bit of mom-to-mom advice, and coffee seemed to have done the trick :)

thanks again!

Mary - posted on 02/02/2013

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Look at the whole picture. Are you healthy? (Eating/Sleeping right) Are you getting enough me time? (Nails, reading a magazine, baths etc) Are you connected to any groups (MOPS, Church, Neighbors, friends etc) Is your marriage healthy, (date night, movie night etc)
I guess I'm saying to look at everything... Pray for help. It's amazing the 'doors' that open through prayer! If you came from the corporate/working world, perhaps there is something you can do at home to help financially, IF that made you feel better about yourself.
But I would not jump back into anything until you sort things through! Good luck!

Eri - posted on 02/02/2013

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blah!!! thingsare so hard economicly and its difficult to keep kids familyn and hsb and happy :(

Tre - posted on 01/28/2013

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I feel the same way. I want to be working but we moved to an area that doesn't have many job options in my field, and the ones I did try for I didn't get. I feel like a failure even though I am raising my baby. I also go to school online full time but a part of me rather be working too. I miss money and buying stuff when I want most of the times even though I love my little one and know how lucky I was to stay home this long.

Louise - posted on 01/25/2013

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I feel the same I have 2 children aged 3 and 16 months and last year we moved about an hour away from family friends because the rent etc was cheaper.

Originally the girls went to school and I went to the gym but then I decided I wanted to work part time which I did I found a job litreally on my road but as much as my partner wanted to help he would always moan saying its a pointless job because I can earn the more than you and he worked nights. Well my job called to say they didn't need me anymore because the lady I was covering for sick leave was not due to go in for her operation for months. Also we had to get rid of our car because it wasn't practical and not road worthy. So know I've been stuck in the house for what seems like forever the farthest I'll go will be to sainsburys on my road. and my partner is always working from early afternoon and all night. I feel like I have no one to talk to and feel so annoyed and upset all the time.

J M - posted on 01/09/2013

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Its not about money, yes its about keeping a happy healthy you, sorry that your husband is so critical of you.

If you are not yourself, yes you need encouragement, not criticism, you poor thing.

Biking getting fresh air "every day is vital" for mental Health and well being for anyone, with you wee on a hooked on back Buggy, can you do this?

A lot of Moms and dads do this, also gives baby fresh air.

Just get up and out and go out with your little one to the park which is " normal" and anything that gives you a life. Good for you young one to get out side and connect with others, even if not close in a friend ship way, to have more friends ... be a new friend to others.


Selfish for your husband not to understand. Does he expect you never to go out each day or often?

Rebecca - posted on 11/20/2012

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I can so relate to this. . . and was searching online to see if anyone else felt the same. For me, knowig it's "normal" makes me feel better. I feel so guilty that I watchTV in the mornings until my daughter gets up. I think because I was raised in a "do, do, do home. You MUST be constantly "doing" Sometimes we need to be lazy.

User - posted on 10/23/2012

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I have been staying at home for 6 years now. Some days I feel the exact same way you explained, actually most of the time. But I just try to keep telling myself that someday they'll be grown and won't need my attention. Even though you might suffer now, someday you'll look back and your going to be so proud of yourself.

Nikki - posted on 10/19/2012

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I know how you feel! I couldn't imagine leaving my one year old son with anyone else, but I do sometimes dream of being able to work part time. I live in the country and I feel so isolated and lonely all day long and just lay in bed and watch TV a lot when I'm not chasing my son. I want to be happy mother so that reflects on my child. What makes it worse is we live with my in laws who I can't stand and I just stay in my room all day. Something's gotta give here.

Grace - posted on 10/16/2012

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i am a 20 year old stay at home mom. my boyfriend works and i do the mom/wife thing at home with our 9 month old daughter. I have had the conversation with him multiple times about wanting to go back to work but the cost of paying for daycare and the fact that we live an hour away from civilization just makes it pointless. i love my daughter, but i feel like i am becoming unstable. i am so sad and completely not motivated to do anything..reading some of these posts about going to the gym or going to the store to walk around would be an amazing escape except for we literally live in the middle of a field 45 miles away from anything like that. we are starting to argue more often about the silliest things and sometimes i just get in these awful moods i don't want to talk to him or look at him i don't want to be anywhere around him or our daughter. i realize that he works hard and makes the money and pays both of our bills and i appreciate it. i just feel as if im trapped and will never find anything that makes me happy or that will jolt me out of this depression.

Donna - posted on 10/16/2012

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I am a stay at home mom with my two year old son. I feel the same way that you do. I have been to my doctor a couple of times thinking I am just going crazy or something. His advice is that I need to join a gym and have more time to myself. Like a mom group, which I know those can be silly since some moms love to compare their children just to make themselves feel better. Haha But I have joined a gym and it has a child care room in it that my son can stay in and play with other kids around his age and I can let some of my stress go by working out for either 30 mins or an hr. Its good for both of us. I hope this helps and I am glad I am not the only one out there that has this same issue.

Carrie - posted on 10/16/2012

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Hi,



You can still go out with your baby. Put her in a stroller or a carrier. She will enjoy going around and you can meet friends, visit your mom or just eat out.



Your husband should be more understanding to you. Being a full-time mom is NOT easy. It is a full-time job too. I hope he understands that we need to take some time-off too.



I wish you the best of luck.

Dayna - posted on 10/14/2012

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Exercise. You can work out while your daughter sleeps. This is what works for me. It is the only thing that keeps me sane.

Liliana - posted on 10/10/2012

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I am a stay at home mom . I was a real estate agent always out. now I stay-at-home I am more depression,sad, angry and worried. I Know many women would love to stay at home but We as human beings are not meant to be alone. The more we’re alone, the more we look at all the things we feel are not right with our lives. It contributes to people getting into a negative, self-attacking mentality

User - posted on 09/23/2012

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It's so funny reading this cause I feel the same exact way! wow! You definitely are NOT alone! Only difference is, I work full time. It's hard! I am ALWAYS tired. I never ever have any me time. Me and my husband never have any time as a couple because we have NO help and no one to watch the kids. It's iike one big revolving circle. Same thing every day. I am depressed also. I have tried a few different depression pills, but don't like the way they make me feel. I have no friends, no one to talk to. I feel totally alone. It's so hard. Having time to yourself every once in a while is a MUST. It does make a difference. Good luck! I hope you can find that balance. I'm still working on it myself!



~Check out Fandrop.com! A brand new way to collect and discover ANYTHING on the web~

Rachel - posted on 09/23/2012

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I think that you are completely normal to feel this way. I stayed at home with my kids for a couple of years and it was the WORST time of my life.

The best thing you can do is get your kids in daycare, immediately. Even part time to give yourself some sanity. If you can possibly afford it do it - it will change your life. Get your mum to pay for it until youve got a job and can pay for daycare yourself. I'm sure she would understand.

It is so lonely at home there is nothing to do and no one to talk or hang out with. It completely sucks I know. Going to the Dr is good and get some counselling and medication to help you survive might also help you cope with the dreadful monotony and soul destroying emptiness of staying at home with kids.

Go get a job/study and get on with your life. Staying at home in the mind numbing depressing loneliness is not for everyone - it wasn't for me. Some people can handle it and even enjoy it if they have the support and financial resources.

Hope you get your life back soon xx Get out of there girlfriend save your sanity!

Hayley - posted on 09/19/2012

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Sounds like alot of us are in the same situation, I know my baby is young, only 4 months old :) i decided to breast feed and my baby will NOT take a bottle ive tried everything! Being home almost every day with a baby is hard, i WANT to go back to work. I feel guilty, I should be greatful, and I am, my husband works hard, I just hate feeling lonley, sad, and i have NO motovation. I miss having a little bit of a life. Eesh, so many confusing feelings. Yes, this is my first child, lol im sure this is obvious....what gets me through is knowing that it wont be like this forver. Lets keep our heads up ladies!

Hayley - posted on 09/19/2012

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Sounds like alot of us are in the same situation, I know my baby is young, only 4 months old :) i decided to breast feed and my baby will NOT take a bottle ive tried everything! Being home almost every day with a baby is hard, i WANT to go back to work. I feel guilty, I should be greatful, and I am, my husband works hard, I just hate feeling lonley, sad, and i have NO motovation. I miss having a little bit of a life. Eesh, so many confusing feelings. Yes, this is my first child, lol im sure this is obvious....what gets me through is knowing that it wont be like this forver. Lets keep our heads up ladies!

Carrie - posted on 09/18/2012

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It's hard!! My husband is the same to on the weekends. After we have run around with the kids to ther activities I come home and my job still isn't done. He will say sit and relax. Really who is going to do the dishes and get school stuff signed and ready? My job is never done. Just like homework. If I would be on top of the kids the homework wouldn't get done because he wouldn't check. He is great when I am not around. I managed to get away last Nov for a week with my cousin and he was great while I was gone but when I'm home I guess he feels like he doesn't have to do it or help? MEN!! LOL We are tired too. We do work just as hard or even harder.

[deleted account]

i feel like i am going through the exact same thing as you! i could have wrote it myself. My kids are 6 2 and 1/2 and 19 months. My husband tells me the same thing all the time and he knows i can't make enough to support us. I feel like every day is just the same thing and for some reason since my 6 year old started back to school things have been even worse. I wonder how i have made it this far staying home and suddenly i feel like i can hardly handle them. Its constant mess making. When my husband is home on weekends he barely helps at all, and then by monday i am even angrier because i feel like i didn't get a break at all. I dont want to be bitter and i do want to stay home with my children. i hope we can both start feeling better!

[deleted account]

First, remind your husband how much it would cost if you put your child in day care. I pay $110 a week. You're not doing anything? Ha.

Secondly, you gotta find some time for you. I know this probably sounds like a "heck no" suggestion, but have you tried exercising? When your husband comes home at night, set up an hour to a half-hour time for you. Go for a run or a walk.

Third, it shouldn't just be your job to clean up the house. Sounds like hubby needs a wake up call.

Amy - posted on 09/10/2012

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I know how you feel about being stepped on, Carrie. It seems most days I am KILLING myself to get all the laundry caught up and put away, the house clean, the bills paid, kids bathed, and a hot dinner on the table and my husband doesn't even notice!! Makes me not want to do ANY chores. Whether I do them or not, he still reacts the same, so WHY BOTHER, right?



Amy

Carrie - posted on 09/09/2012

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Ive been a stay at home mom for 15yrs. I did work on and off during those yrs as well. I so know how you are feeling. I have 4 kids and love them with every inch of my heart but I feel so lonley. My husband and I have been together for almost 19 years since I was 17yrs old. My 11 year old daughter has ADHD and I'm finding it very emotionaly draining caring for her some days. Some days it feels like I'm doing it all on my own. I get no help with anything inside the house and sometimes am up until 3am trying to get everything organized. Feeling stepped on alot!! My husband and I have been arguing alot latley about anything we can argue about. I am drained, tired, lonley, feeling very depressed and I cry alot. I feel like I have lost my best friend my husband :'( My family does not live close to me so I don't have them here to support me or talk to. I miss them very much. I really don't have any friends or have lost all the friends I had. I too feel very guilty when I want to take time for myself or buy myself something because I don't work outside the home so I feel it is not my money to take and spend. Unless it is something the kids need. We lost our son I was 5 months pregnant with 2 years ago whom we burried and I'm finding hard to get over still. I feel like my life is falling apart and I am nothing. When my daughter has episodes of anger it is very stressful. I then get very stressed and take it out on my other 3 by finding something to yell at them for. I ask for help from my husband and I hear " I worked all day. You wanted to be a stay at home mom" I know he doesn't mean it in a mean way but it hurts me alot when he says things like that. I love being at home with my kids and not having to worry about missing anything they have going on but I just don't know what to do anymore... I feel that it is starting to effect my relationship with my husband and I am starting to feel very guilty for being at home. I am not apposed to working outside the home but I feel I don't know any better. I feel like I have lost myself and I'm having a hard time finding her.

Ash - posted on 03/10/2012

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your daughter is so young! Trust me, it'll pass. I find that doing things for me and me only help me feel better, like I made my husband buy an elliptical trainer so I exercise every day, I do my nails here at home, I read the Bible and pray, my day is somehow incomplete if I don't. You need to relax because you're causing your family life to be tense... Ask him to invite places during the weekend so you can get out of the house :)

Caroline - posted on 03/08/2012

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Hi Mary,

I have had the very same issue with my husband. I was and am a independant person but I still will ask for his help. I have been a stay at home mom for 4 1/2 years now. I worked ever since i was 14 years old. I became a Medical Assistant and then took a job overseas in Iraq as a contractor. Only to come back to the states and become a housewife. I HATED it at first. But, since this was going to be my role in our family then I figured I had to find a way to be happy. I think men don't have the first clue as to what it takes everyday to be a stay at home mom. My daughter is 11 years old and I know your kids are younger but all I can say is it will get better even if oyu cannot see it now, and you need to train yourself to say it is ok on a Thurs. or whatever to take the time out to go get a soda and walk around the store or whatever. Don't beat yourself up because it leads to further depression and you rob your kids of having a good mom because you cannot be there for them like you need to be if your not happy with yourself. As for your husband, I would tell him your going to the store to get bread or whatever and go once your gone from the house turn off your phone and let him see what it is like for you. It is not so easy to take young kids to the store or park and he is going to call to either come home or fix the situation and I know it is hard to do that. But... once your home after a few hours and he's asking why you didn't answer your phone you can tell him that is how you feel everyday and it is like he turns his phone off when he doesn't take the time to hear you out or help out. I don't allow my husband to think it is ok for him to come home and not do anything. It is his family too. I hope I helped a little. Make sure you take time for you. Even if you have to sit out on your porch and read a book. I have found also that volunteering helps alot. At last resort if nothing seems to help you might want to look into seeing a therapist to help you find your inner happy.

User - posted on 03/08/2012

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I have been a sahm for 7 years now, and I hate it now more than I did seven years ago. I get to go to the gym twice a day w/my hus he is on salary so he doesn't have to be at work all day. We are so lucky, he gets to pick the kids up w/me from school also. And we sit down for dinner.



But still I hate staying home. This summer I'm volunteering at our zoo. Hopefully this will combat my problem w/not feeling productive. Idk.....it's endless, thankless and a hard road.



I give KUDOS to all of you out there who are doing it and making it work. That's all we really can do. :)

Jenna - posted on 03/08/2012

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I feel the same way. I'm a stay at home mom to two boys. An Ive been feeling very alone. I haven't hang out with friends. an every time im stress I call my boyfriend an tell him. an we argue. I love being home with them , an being there for every moment. But feel like I never have time for me. an if I go out alone I feel guilty an miss them. also when my boys farther gets home , he tries to help out with them so i can rest or have time for myself , but sometimes I feel like I do alot more with them then he does cuz he works. an I feel like I resent him sometimes. I feel like all I do is take care of the boys house an watch TV. an that's all im good for. theres nothing else I do. so no your not the only mom to feel that way. us moms need time alone sometimes . an its hard when we have little ones. but its healthy for us an for our children if we have time alone an there with there dads for a bit or grandparents. I always feel guilty if i go an do something. but then I go home an there happy to see me an I'm happy I got my sanity back :) an ready for the next day.

Daria - posted on 03/08/2012

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My husband has the same attitude. It just makes me so mad sometimes. I just wish he understood what it was like sometimes. You need to get out, do anything that gets you out of the house and away from your kids. I had a problem with feeling guilty if i left the kids wth him, but it hast to be done. Plus he's not a baby he can fgure it out. Idk my husand excuse is I dont know how to take care of them. ...Yah becasue i never gave him the chance to learn how to do it =)I'm a stay at home mom with a 2yr old and a 4 month old..and i live in a tiny appartment with no yard for the kids to play in. Everything I deal with on a daily basis tests my sanity. But slowley im learning how to deal with it all. Good luck, Hope my rambling helped alittle =)

Tiffany - posted on 03/05/2012

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My fiance works on the oil rigs and where we are living now I dont know very many people all my family lives elsewhere as well as friends so its just the kids and I for as long as he is gone I lose all motivation as well everything just gets boring doing the same thing over and over we have 3 kids so after a while I get sick of hearing myself nag so at times I justs keep quiet let the older ones battle it out themselves right now my fiance has been gone a month and wont be home for another 3wks so Im definitely feeling it these days I totally get where your coming from and how your feeling I get absolutely no break from kids while hes away and even when he is home a break is basically going to the grocery store alone which ill take what i can I guess and yeah he has said the same thing about him staying home but obviously Im not going to come close what he brings in Im grateful for being able to stay with the kids Im grateful for him working but I just need a change of pace at times.

Gabrielle - posted on 03/05/2012

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I feel guilty if I take a shower after he gets home. I do a very quick shower. I went 3 whole weeks without shaving because of it.

Gabrielle - posted on 03/05/2012

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My husband is the same way. He doesn't understand why I am not always happy. I'm tired and he doesn't get up at night to take care of either kids if they wake up. He says if I need help I should ask but I feel like he is their father he should help either way. He tells me the house could be cleaner and that I don't do everything that I should be doing. A lot of the time I just want to cry cuz I get so frustrated. I feel the same way you do about going to the store.

Jennifer - posted on 03/05/2012

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I think all of your thoughts & feelings are very common & normal.

It is not easy to be a stay at home mom BUT it is a blessing....

Many women do not have this option and have to put thier trust

into a stranger to care for thier little one who will hopefully not harm or mistreat them. Also the love and bond you create with your

little one will last a lifetime!!! When stress from raising a child (children) does comes about, it does cause unnecessary arguements over the littlest things between couples. Having a baby will make you closer or tear you apart. You can try to get on the same page with one another to bulid a strong loving relationship. All you have to do is understand what eachother

is going through and work together to make eachother happy and help eachother meet thier needs. I am fortunate enough to

have a very helpful daddy with my son so he does realize

the time,hard work & effort it takes to do what we do as moms!

I have a suggestion for you and all those who have a significant other that thinks that we are lucky to stay at home

and "play" all day, that it isnt hard work. I put an ad on craigslist

stating i a m a stay at home mommy looking to make some $. I offered my services for cleaning 2 X's a month. I now clean

a house 2 Sat.s a month for $100 each time. That puts $200

a month in my pocket, i get a nice breather from being a 24/7

mommy, and my fiance watches my little one, realizing that

he cannot wait for me to get home to take over!!!!!!!!! Thats 3 great benefits!!!!!! $$$$, a nice break, & your significant other

will see that what you do is not only HARD but a very important

job!!!! They will do it 2x's a month for a full day and we do it EVERYDAY & EVERYNIGHT!!!!!!!!! Hope this helps you and others,

it has worked out very nicely for me =-)

Gabby - posted on 03/04/2012

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My husband has said that....I don't know what to stay. He makes me feel horrible some times. I'm the same way.



I want the best for my kids but, where does the line get drawn? When do we say "it's just not a good thing for me to be trying to do" actually admitting that staying at home is thankless, hard, and impossible.



After being out of my head and almost suicidal some days this year, I'd give it up after 7 years if I could I think. I really think so....

Selesha - posted on 02/28/2012

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You do need some what I call Mommy time.. My advise is. Find another stay at home mom. Someone you can trust. Than twice a week arrange playdates. One day your child goes to her house for a hour or two. And the next day the other person's child gets dropped off at your house for a hour or two. That way both moms gets a 1 or 2 hours of FREE TIME.. This is worked for me for the pass six years. I started doing this when my oldest was born. It took alot of the stress off of me, being able to have that 2 hour break even once a week. It also helps socialize your child as well.

Once you start getting a few hours to yourself you will notice that change of how you look at things. Also find a teenager to babysit once a week. That way your husband and you can get out and away from the house. Hope this helps

Carmen - posted on 02/28/2012

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I feel exactly like you do! I do the same thing everyday! I have a 9month old and a 2 year old...there is never anytime for me..sometimes I don't even get dressed. I do everything in the house, cook , clean,laundry. I feel pretty depressed at times. I don't have any friends and feel very isolated.I feel life is just passing by and I don't have a part in it.

Heather - posted on 02/26/2012

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I joined a group called MOMS club because I was having this same issue. We are a bunch of SAHM's that get together a few times a week with our kids. The kids play and the moms get to relax a little bit. It honestly keeps me sane! They're a national organization and they have chapters EVERYWHERE.



Got to www.momsclub.org and you can check if they have a chapter close to you.



Also, know that you aren't alone :( I know that everyone that is responding to your post wishes that we could hug you and help you in some way. Maybe you'l find someone in the MOMS club that is in the same situation as you and you can exchange babysitting!

Amy - posted on 02/25/2012

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Awww, Mary. I remember when my kiddos were the age of your little one. It was SOOOO HARD!! Trust me, it gets better! MUCH better!

When my kids were FINALLY old enough to go off to school during the day (and my youngest just went to Kindergarten this year) it was the happiest day of my life. I didn't cry at the bus stop, I did a dance and a cheer!



There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with wanting some time for yourself. You NEED that!! Try to keep your head up, it will definitely get better :)



Amy

Sarah - posted on 02/24/2012

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You definately need a little time to yourself. I think the advice to find some ECFE is absolutely awesome. I also found that a little bit of solo exercise does absolute wonders. The minute my kids are in bed and my husband is home the dog and I hit the door for a walk. This gives me some very much needed alone time, and also gives the hubby some down time from everything right away when he gets home which really helps on the crabby hubby front. I only go for about twenty minutes, but it really does wonders. I also have suffered the crab ass husband syndrome, and have found that defining and tackling projects one at a time (spice rack, junk drawer, entryway....) lets him see your work better than the chase the child method, but still gives you time to chase the child and keep the rest of the place in order. I hope this helps. Keep your chin up, it does get easier as time goes by.

Bek - posted on 02/23/2012

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I was a very depressed stay at home mom until my doctor finally found out that I was low in Vitamin D for so long that I was depressed. I am on supplements now and am starting to feel much better.

Audra - posted on 02/23/2012

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You can spend hours cleaning one room with a toddler underfoot, so it's no wonder you feel tired and unmotivated when you consider all that needs to be done around the house. You and your husband are likely arguing because you're both tired, and feeling stressed/unappreciated...



This feeling of guilt and "no time" is likely a product of expecting to be able to do it all. Well, our To-Do lists never actually get shorter, do they?! When one thing falls off, another thing replaces it. Right now, most of us could make a list of at least 30 things we need to/want to/should do. Some of us imagine the ideal version of ourselves and THEN make a list based on what that person needs to/should do.



You and your husband need to talk about a) what counts as 'relaxing' to each of you, and b) when each of you is going to schedule some time to relax.



We ARE fortunate to spend the day at home, but it is also a LOT of work...what you're feeling is normal. Don't be afraid to speak up about what you need, when you need a break, etc. Personally, I go to a Zumba class twice a week because I don't think about anything but Zumba when I'm doing it. I felt guilty at first for asking my husband to stay with our 2 boys, but I don't feel guilty now. I feel less stressed afterward and I come home happier.

Michelle - posted on 02/22/2012

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probably postpartum depression. or just an issue with your marriage. he gets lot of free time even if its at work. he probably get sot eat his lunch alone or take breaks. you basically are just asking for the same thing

Michelle - posted on 02/22/2012

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probably postpartum depression. or just an issue with your marriage. he gets lot of free time even if its at work. he probably get sot eat his lunch alone or take breaks. you basically are just asking for the same thing

Rachel - posted on 02/21/2012

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hi jess, i feel exactly the way you do!! I am new to this too!! I get so exhausted depressed, i have a 14 m boy and hes crazy and has been crying alot hes getting his molars, and my 6 yr old daughter i homeschool her because i have to. and i dont always get everything done. and when i clean 5 min later its dirty again! HAAAA!! its so stressful!! and i have no friends!! this is my only outlet!!

Wheng - posted on 02/21/2012

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I know how you feel, I am one of this too. Even I wanna go out by myself I can't really do it as the hubby always ask me to take my girl with me so he can rest. Even going out with my girl is not gonna happen as we only have one car at home. This is making me feel so depress too :( If you are close to me maybe we can set a play date as I have a 5 yr old girl who loves to play all the time and gets so bored at home coz she don't have any activities,hubby keeps saying no cash to do it. Se depressing I want something for my kid but I can't do anything.

Joy - posted on 02/21/2012

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I am a stay at home mom too. I have 2 kids. my son is 29 months and my daughter is 12 months. I too have often felt the same way. I try to get out of the house at least once a day with the kids. Library, mall, stores, food shopping, just if I am looking around and not buy anything. I also am part of some moms groups. DO you live in or around st. cloud, MN? I am part of a moms group that meets one night a months - just for the moms. It cost money but, to me it is worth it. I get me time, out of the house, and conversation with other moms and I have made some friends. Your feelings get worse during the winter cause you can't get out- but hang in there. You can do it.

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