depression

Angelina - posted on 06/05/2010 ( 49 moms have responded )

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ive been depressed for a while now and its just getting worse. causing me to yell and fight with my boyfriend over stupid things like socks on the floor. ive even become jelous of him and his job. just the idea of getting out of the house without baby!!!! but its really becoming a problem what should i do?

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Shalah - posted on 06/05/2010

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I'm a mother of five who stays at home and cares for them, and it is lonely and overwhelming sometimes. I feel for you. Depression is not just feeling sad, tho I'm sure you know that, it is a lack of proper chemistry in your brain. It feeds on itself and your negative thoughts and thus grows and deepens. Your diet is a good place to start. Eat foods high in protein, lots of extra protein, and green leafy veggies( not iceburg lettuce, but spinach and kale). Don't drink alcohol, it only makes it worse. Stay well hydrated, lots of water(not soda or juice). I also take a B-100 complex vitamin daily, twice sometimes, to help stabilize my mood. Foods high in these vitamins are good too, like orange and red fruits and veggies. But your diet probably isn't the only thing that needs to change for you to feel better.
If you don't have a support network, i.e. family and friends, close by to help out, now is the time to either join or start a mom's group. There should be resources in your community to help you get in touch with other moms and/or community advocacy groups that can help you with childcare for "me time". Or ask your child's doctor. I know for me in those early years I was very frustrated with being trapped at home and I had no friends and family to help. I eventually learned that, as hard as it is, I needed to take time to nurture myself every day if I was gonna be any good to my kids. What are your interests outside of your child? Write a list for yourself of the things you would want to do just for you, and then take time every day to do one. Nurture yourself, nourish your spirit with the things that bring you joy, and remember you are a beautiful and unique woman who deserves to feel happy. There is a book I read maybe 8 years ago called "Feeling Good". Self-help books were never my style but this one impressed me. It was a book on how to turn all your negative thought into positive thought, which research has found to improve brain chemistry and emotion. I spent a long time doing cognitive exercises where, every time I had a negative thought, I thought the opposite positive thought to myself in order to retrain my brain to work in positive cycles rather than negative. Sounds silly, but it was a huge help to me. I know my words can't make the feelings go away, but I hope my encouragement will help you find ways to improve them. Depression is a deep, dark hole we can fall into in these tender and trying years. If you can't find ways to pick yourself up, by all means, find a professional to talk to. Best of luck to you. This happens to the best of us, but you can overcome it.

Lea - posted on 06/07/2010

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...this is insane... you say you just want to get out of the house without the baby and then people tell you oh its depression go to a doctor and get medicated... wtf ...no u need your bf or someone else to help out thats all.

[deleted account]

Personally, I'd go to the doctor and get some help. The doctor can help you with the depression, whether it's getting you some antidepressents to suggesting certain activities.

Get out of the house, do activities. It does help. I'd definately contact MOMS and get some help through them. Sometimes even just talking about everything helps.

I hope things get better for you.

Jennifer - posted on 06/10/2010

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Take care of yourself. Go to your doctor, see a counselor, ask for help with the baby, get out alone as often as you need to to gain your inner-strength back.

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Lindsay - posted on 06/12/2010

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I agree with the lady that says to go see Medical help,because alot of mother's do go through this,and it will get worse if you just ignore it! don't be embarrsed either,remember lots of women do feel like this!

Jessica - posted on 06/12/2010

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I went through the same thing you are... I talked to my OBGYN and she put me on Zoloft (but different Rx work for different people) and I am on YAZ as my bc.... together along with loading up my almost 4 month old in her stroller and walking around town....maybe to the park or the mall? Do you have family that can help you? I would deff talk to your bf and let him know how you are feeling so he knows whats going on and why the fuse is so short lately. Maybe look on the internet together if you have a hard time talking to him and showing him some of the other womens stories about going through the same thing. I really hope you get to feeling better and just take it easy on yourself ... nobody is wonder woman.... we all make mistakes and none of us are the "perfect" parent. We just try new things and learn from our mistakes. :) :) Talk to your Dr... he/she will know exactly how to help you. I can almost guarantee that they have heard just about everthing. You are not alone in this :)

Michelle - posted on 06/12/2010

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for depression you really need to seek profession help.

That said, there are adjustments that come with being a stay at home mother, that seems to be part of what you are describing. Before your whole life was your own to do with as your pleased and then there is a baby, that you love with all your heart, there and suddenly there is no freedom at all. My advice is to join clubs you and the bub can go, that don't have to cost much, playgrooup for example, and you get to interact with other people. Being a stay at home mum is very isolating and takes time to adjust to. add to that that it is important that you have some "ME" time every week. For me, with three kids and one a bub, I get one hour a week where I am nothing to no one, I do zumba for that hour. Not for the exercise, or it is just another thing I have to do, it is for the simple pleasure of doing something fun and getting a giggle at myself. If it looks like I am going to miss one week I have my sons begging me to go or else I will get cranky again (makes me feel bad, but then I am entitled to one hour a week for me, and it has had a huge impact on this house). It all seems overwhelming at first. I have been a sahm for about 8 years now, and I remember the first year went so fast, but then it was difficult to realise that this was my life, until the end of year one at least...(Our choice) but you do get there, with a few adjustments.

go easy on yourself

Frances - posted on 06/10/2010

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Go seek medical help. Please don't wait until it is too late. It is very common to feel the way you are feeling. Don't forget to open up to your boyfriend about how you are feeling,too!

Christi - posted on 06/10/2010

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i've struggled with depression my whole life and after having my son i felt like crawling under a rock and dying. it is the worst feeling thinking you are not good enough. i would talk to either the doctor that delievered your baby or a family physician. there are low does medications that will make you feel a thousand times better without making you a zombie. alost just time helps with depression. as you get more into a routine and things start to return to normal (well as normal as possible with a child) you will start to feel better. my prayers are with you. if you need anyone to talk to feel free to email me @ mrscltforever@yahoo.com. this goes for anyone feeling this way, i am always here and willing to just listen.

Alicia - posted on 06/10/2010

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I believe in exercise for sure to ward off all negative mood swings. I can testify that if you will get into a routine of doing some cardio 2x or 3 x a week you will feel so much better. You have to really push yourself to get a good work out. I do 20 min of bike and then treadmill for 20-30 min light jogging and sprint at the end. It works girl. Then once you feel good, you eat better. It is a win win. I also pray, give my worries and fears over to God. I think that is the way he meant it to happen. We tend to want to control things that are out of our control so if you let go and give your burdens to God you will find a lot of peace.

Heather - posted on 06/10/2010

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This sounds like me. I am always yealling at my husband. Just today he was talking about his schedule at work I said F off rub it in my face somemore. He used to help me. But lately he's been leaving trash everywhere. He sleeps downstairs anymore what to do?

Cookie - posted on 06/10/2010

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I feel like that sometimes I could just walk out and run away .but hey our kids depend on us to be their for them we are their backbone and they are our blessings. I really think that the reason why we go off on our boyfriends and husbands is beacuse they don't know what we go through and that we are tired as well and need a break. but girl if it has gotten this far go and see a specialist or try leaving your child with someone you trust a family member or someone really close to you and asked them if the can keep your baby for the night and just go to a hotel and relax get a message .I have did this before and It is very relaxing .GOOD LUCK

Angie - posted on 06/10/2010

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go to the doctor and get some meds. I did and am MUCH better now. you may still be annoyed at things but you wont fly off the handle over stupid things. For me it was a laundry basket on the coffee table

Marisa - posted on 06/09/2010

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I did my internship at a place where I worked only with new moms and I cant tell you how many of them felt the same way you do. You would think studying and working with women who were depressed I would not be, but I was after my daughter was born. It is hard to give up everything you once were to be everything to this little person who is depending on you for everything. It is very hard to be a new mom and you should give yourself the credit you deserve and the breaks you need! I would defiantly suggest you tell your doctor what is going on, but also take time for yourself! Take a long bath, go get your nails done...anything that makes you feel like the pre-mommy that you once were. Just because you are a mom does not mean that you are ONLY a mom. When I was depressed and feeling unappreciated my husband said to me "you should see the appreciation in the way your daughter looks at you" and he was right. When I started getting out of the house more with my daughter and allowing other people to help me so that I can get time alone once in a while, I started to feel better. I hope you feel better and try not to put so much pressure on yourself..give yourself more credit and lots of praise!

Julie - posted on 06/09/2010

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I struggled a lot with depression and felt like if I went to the doctor and got a prescription that I had failed somehow as a wife, mother - woman. My husband finally realized how bad things had gotten for me though and encouraged me to go to the doctor. I started on some meds and I am amazed at how much better I feel. My only regret is not going on this sooner because my behaviour did have a negative effect on our home life - even if I couldn't control it at the time. Give yourself a break get some help - then you really can be the person you want to be to your family.

Kyle - posted on 06/09/2010

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See your doctor - or any doctor - please. I've been there and you will be so relieved just to have talked to someone about it. I'm on medication, which isn't right for everyone, but I feel like I have my life back. You won't regret finding some source of help outside your home. The first step is talking to a medical professional. Good luck and best wishes. It's really tough being a new mom.

Judy - posted on 06/09/2010

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It's interesting..... people who have never fought depression think it's just as simple as getting out of the house or talking to the BF for support.... no offense, but not always. Sometimes meds really are needed and are wonderful. They don't have to be long term but your brain needs to have a certain amount of seretonin and dopamin - feel good chemicals. A happier environment at home is worth checking out ALL options. AND everyone has their own 'normal' so it's all okay.

Alicia - posted on 06/09/2010

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When I had my first son 6 years ago, I had hoorible depression. I would fight with my husband, it even got to the point of suicidal thoughts. I know scary!! Finally my family got me into my doctor for help. THey prescribed me antideppresants. And had my family watch me for 2-3 months until the medicine kicked in. I never got out I was always with the baby, it was hard. Thankfully I have a family who was willing to take the baby for a couple of hours while I had "me" time. 6 years later I am still on the meds, but on the lowest dose. So if you have family to help ask them, talk to you r husband about letting you have "me" time a couple times a week. Also medicine might help you to. Get the help you need before it's to late. Good Luck!!!

Kyla - posted on 06/09/2010

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focus on what you have. a man that works, and man that loves you enough to stay and a healthy baby, do you have family that you can talk to? Friends? All of us moms experience the new mom effect: sleep deprived,overworked,and fear of doing something wrong, seperated from the world, unable to pick of and go whenever we want without packing (everything imaginable) for example, I love fountain drinks from the gas station but I have days I wonder if its worth is the take him to the car, buckle him in, drive 2 blocks, unbuckle him again carry him into the store, carry my drink in one hand and pray he does not latch onto my shirt and give everyone a peep show while I have no hands waiting in line then rebuckling him back in driving back home and then have him swipe my drink at the first moment of mommys inattention..... It is a minor thing but It is all the little things that add up to make you not want to go out and do things. When you dwell on the negetive it allows it to become bigger. I dont know if you have post partem and only a docter can help with that but I hope you dont have to recieve medications. laughter is always the best medecine and believe me. I aint preaching. I had cancer when I was pregnate, I recieved my first chemo treatment when he was 2 weeks old. I had open heart surgery to remove the cancer when he was 4 months old and the same week I came home from the hospital my husband of 5 years left I am now a divorced single mom of a 9 month old and staring 30 in the eye BUT I will not let anything bring me down. my child has givin me the strength to endure all that is or can be or will be thrown at me and I hope you can find the light in your soul and embrace it. and by the way I was on a ventelater for two weeks because the cancer was wrapped around the diaphram and a nerve controlling my lungs was damaged and it took two weeks for my left lung to start working and during that time I was kept in a drug induced sleep but I have vivid nightmears that I was in a bad place I knew I shouldnt have been and I was in a dream llike place that I had no control of and I was so scared and I cried out to god and then I woke up. Now I am not saying I seen or heard him BUT I felt his presence and my first words to my mom was I thought you left me. Dont feel bad that you are depressed, feel happy you have taken a step in the right direction and asked people thier opinion on what you should do, we cant give perfect answeres but I think in your heart you know what is best for you. I hope I in some small way helped and if you ever want to talk my email is shelly1184@yahoo.com and I would love to talk to anyone who just needs someone to talk to.

Sarah - posted on 06/08/2010

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This is very common no matter how old or young your child is, you need to go and see ur doctor so they can help. I have depression and it comes and goes all i have to do is c my doc and get on the meds and it helps me so much. Your boyfriends needs to be understanding and supportive so just explain to him the way your feeling and how he can help out, also getting out every now and then even if it is just for a simple walk will help so much when you have a child and are constantly taking care of the child and doing chores and shopping it gets very over-whelming so have someone watch your child so you can go out by yourself or w/ ur boyfriends or with a friend. It doesnt mean that you do not love or care for oyur child you need this and your amily does as well since they need you. Depression can come and go with weather and lifestyle changes even differsnt foods...i am not a doc so please go and see one they will be able to help you. ♥... i hope this will help you some and take care!

Kemi-Alicia - posted on 06/08/2010

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Kerri - posted on 06/08/2010

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i would also advise you go and see your doctor even if it helps to just talk to someone on mutual ground can help. i had my second child 6 months ago and the first couple of months were fine but i started to have panick attacks about silly little things and was soo very tired all the time so i went and thats what it turned out to be. even just talking to my doctor helped because he didnt judge me,he gave me the options on what i could do and i chose some tablets to try,i took them for 3 weeks but they didnt suit me so have been taking new ones for just over a week now. they moniter you very closely now too. it also helps to try and talk to your partner,he may not understand you but at least its someone to share it with and you may work it out together.hope this is of some help x

Michelle - posted on 06/08/2010

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I'd talk to the doctor. It could become a bigger problem. Maybe if he would watch the child for a few hours maybe once or twice a week would help.

Dorothy - posted on 06/07/2010

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yep DONT jump into meds first DONT look at options try getting out first without the baby I KNOW THIS IS HARD I AM THERE, my boyfriend never helps with kids and i have messed up i took meds and once u start taking them you need them sometimes they are wrong and the syptoms and withdrawls SUCK.
If it is only cabin fever and there are other options look into it but dont start meds right away it you do not need seritonin and you take anyway, DOCTORS are over medicating people theese days think that all lifes probles are solved by antidepressants NOT SO

Lea - posted on 06/07/2010

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its not crazy to be treated for depression, duh! its crazy to be treated for depression when its not depression, its cabin fever!

Carisa - posted on 06/07/2010

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Go see your doctor. When my 2nd daughter was born (now 14 months) I started getting irritated at my 3 year old...I felt like I wanted to take the baby and run away. I found myself yelling at her a lot. My Dr. put me on Welbutrin, and I am so much more calm now. I was afraid about going on drugs because I breastfeed, but my pediatrician assured me it would not harm my baby...a happy mom is the best thing you can do for your baby. Good luck!

Brittany - posted on 06/07/2010

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The topic says Depression so its not crazy to be treated for it!Yes she can go out and take her lil one for a stroller ride it does help but it is hard gettin out sometimes even if you want too.Sometimes a mother does do more stuff for the baby and its not easy.

Kathryn - posted on 06/07/2010

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It's important to go out for a walk with bub as it destresses, I had 4 children under 5 years, and I used to walk heaps and keep fit pushing the stroller, and double stroller when I had 2 children under 18 months :) , try to go out for dinner/walk/picnic/pictures with your hubby, ask someone to babysit if you can (I used to pay $20 which was a lot of money 17 years ago for our 4 to be minded so my husband and I could go out).
Hopefully, you have supportive friends and family, and also even if you don't, I hope you can seek people at church and have close prayer and fellowship with the Lord and His people, as this has saved my life :) xolxoxo lots of love Kathryn and family ♥ , ps I used to suffer from terrible depression, try to eat healthy as well and rest, but support is what has helped me most :) xoxoxo and especially the power of prayer

Brittany - posted on 06/06/2010

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I was depressed after I had my son!I was kinda like that too!Once theyre older around 1yrs they're more dependent,not as hard in certain ways but in other ways constantly it is, chasing them not being able to keep them out of stuff!But Im seem happier tht my lil man is 14 months now!But I would go & get treated for postpartum!Good luck(:

Catherine - posted on 06/06/2010

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Angelina its a hard battle to fight there is no easy answer but seek medical help it does work and talking to someone who is neutral is often a big help i suffer depression and find that its a battle most days one that I will win dont feel ashamed to ask for help its the best way to fix things

Mellissa - posted on 06/06/2010

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Mayb you just need a day off all to your self go out with a friend or sumthing movies, dancing or somthing with out the child for once do it offten like once a week if you can,I totally understand i work but the days im home i go crazy lol

Sara - posted on 06/06/2010

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Talk to your doctor as soon as you can. Medication is an extremely helpful option. You have to take it as directed every single day, though, or it will not work. And if you end up choosing meds, and they work, DO NOT take yourself off of them when you think you are okay. Stay under the supervision of your doctor, for sure!! Meditation, support groups, friends, and family can also help out more than you may think when in a depressive state.

Ednie - posted on 06/06/2010

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I know it's not easy seeking help but you must do it in all ways that you can. Supposrt groups, counseling, mom groups, church, etc. Ask for help when you need it, try to plan a day or night by yourself if you can, ask a friend or family member to help. There are also lots of alternatives to mediccation, B vitamins help w energy, fish oil helps w depression, also take a multivitamin, melatonin helps w sleeping problems. All of these are natural and you can get them anywhere from your grocery store to GNC. All of this won't cure your depression but it's somewhere to start. Talk to people, someone, anyone! BUT from experience i encourage you to please seek prefessional help, it's the only way to really get the help that you deserve. If it doesn't work out or don't like that one keep searching for one that does work for you. Depression can become more serious than most would like to believe. I hope that at least some of this is of help to you and that you have the strength you need to take it one step at a time. And don't forget to stop and take a breath! Take Care and if you ever wanna talk i'm here. I've been there myself.

[deleted account]

Zoloft!!!!

I too have battled depression all my life and its pretty damn hard postpartum. zoloft has been a savior, hardly any side effects and its safe for breastfeeding mothers. go see your doc sweetie and get your life back. i send you big hugs and know your definitely not alone.

Katie - posted on 06/06/2010

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i would go to the doctors because this could be serious. It would be the safe thing to do because it could lead to suicidal thoughts and such. hope you feel better soon~

Jonie - posted on 06/06/2010

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absolutely go see your doctor.. this is common in alot of mothers.. nothing to feel guilt over and is highly treatable.- talk to someone..

Roxana - posted on 06/06/2010

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Angelina: think about meds as a jump start. Exercising and proper nutrition helps as well as being honest with yourself. It's only up to you to make that change to feel better. You don't deserve to feel this way, so is your baby and boyfriend.
Take baby steps to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Good luck! :)

Lydia - posted on 06/06/2010

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Thats called postpardum Depression. I also went through that and honestly i took the next step and went to see a shrink. I couldnt take any more. The fighting, fighting i the front of the kids had to stop. I have been on Zoloft and Lamictal for the last 6 years or so and i am a new person. I took myself off a few month ago and i turned right back into a bitch from hell. Thats how i knew i had to be on that stuff for the rest of my life. But i also did have a horribable childhood. So my point is, go see someone. At least talk to someone..you dont wanna let it go on. I really could get out of control..trust me i know =). GL girl

Antonia - posted on 06/06/2010

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Please go get help. Psychiatrists can prescribe medication and talking to a counselor can help a lot. I know exactly what you are going through. Stay strong. Talk with your boyfriend about how you feel and let him know you need to get out of the house every now and then.

Sherry - posted on 06/06/2010

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Angelina,

I know it's rough, I've faught depression in one form or another thoughout most of my life (but for different reasons) Your a mom, don't let yourself fall into a trap of feeling as if your an outcast in your own home .. Your not, your Queen always remember that..

When I was pregnant (only have one at present) my fiancee and I believe it or not faught about socks... common after the fact you've gotta be able to find the humor in it.. except his was misolanious socks in the wash.. no pairs... I'd made the comment "what's he going to do when the baby socks start going missing? because the dryer monster ate them?" My man flew into a fit and stormed out of my mothers house (which is 80 miles from where we live-- ) to walk home (because the truck died 1/2 a mile from the farm)... his temper held out until he walked 22 miles... then he called to beg a ride back-- now I don't drive standard, mom was drinking, and dad had to be up at 3am to go to work.. wasn't impressed wasn't sure who was in a depression at that point either.. find the humor in it and chuckle then have a full fledged bellyl laugh-- everyone might think your nuts but hey.. it works!

Always.. ALWAYS have someone to talk to.. I've got 2 that I trust beyond measure and another one close to home who happens to be my niece (12 years younger and has a son 1 month younger then my own-- but more experience with younger children since her youngest sister is a year old) these girls have definitely been a godsent. Especially when I needed a shoulder, someone to scream with, someone to bitch about my man at, a sounding board, and someone who was always ready with a tissue if I needed it..

Please be very very careful with a depression .. especially post-partom depression. If you start to have thoughts of violence towards either your child or your man, or thoughts of harming yourself.. get your butt to a hospital.. don't think about it just do it... None of us want to be medicated but if it comes down to it.. I'd sure rather be medicated then hurt myself, my child or anyone else for that matter... Post- partom depression is scary you are NOT alone... If you have something like healthlink or a health line to contact in the middle of the night do that.. just TALK to someone... When I felt myself at whits end wanting to throttle my kid because he wouldn't quit screaming I pick up the phone and calle Capital Region health link (in canada/alberta) I tell them flat out I'm a relatively new mom, who's presently at whits end.. and as much as they might feel I'm wasting they're time I need to talk... just TALK and that helps me calm down.... takes about 20 minutes but it works....

if your baby is under 3 months you can usually call a 1800 number that a health nurse should have supplied you with.. call it.. that's what they're there for... I don't know where your at or the services offered in your area.. but if I had that information I could find out for you.. email me and let me know if I can help any

Angelina - posted on 06/05/2010

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Thank all of you that have responded. I have been very low lately and like i said just getting lower all of the advice is great. I just found an organization called MOMS (moms offering moms help) that looks hopeful.
Im not sure that i really want to be on meds, but i think i will take Shalah Brown's advice and try a heathier way to cure my depression. thank you all though its nice to get some advice from people that know.

PATRICIA - posted on 06/05/2010

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Definitely talk to somebody, whether its your doctor or a counselor or someone you trust. Babies and children pick up on how mom is feeling. join a mothers group, go on walks to the park, or to the mall just to walk around and see other people, make coffee dates. It is up to you to be happy and you need to not only do it for you but for you family.

Staci - posted on 06/05/2010

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Talk to your doctor ASAP...Medication is an option and does not carry the stigma that it once did. I was surprised at dinner with friends the other night that all but one of the seven of us was either on depression meds or were on them at some point. Being a mom is tough work and as a SAHM, we can sometimes get to be isolated at home with our kids. Find some ways to get out and meet some other SAHM's who can sympathize too. I found great mom friends at church and at the library at story time. Having other moms who know how you feel to talk to and vent to are a God-send and SOOOOO necessary! If you love your kids, you need to take care of their mom...

[deleted account]

Go to your doctor. Talk to your boyfriend - you need his understanding and support. Also, it may be hard, but talk to some family and/or friends to give you support. I suffered from postpartum depression after my 2nd child. It was horrible. It took me a while, but after talking to my husband about it, he was a lot more patient & understanding. It will end, but you need support to get through it.

Lisbeth - posted on 06/05/2010

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Go seek medical help. Please don't wait until it is too late. It is very common to feel the way you are feeling.

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