Devastated! :(

[deleted account] ( 107 moms have responded )

I'm gonna be 33 at the end of April and I'm the proud owner of a beautiful 18 month old lil' girl! My boyfriend just informed me that " WE'RE NOT HAVING ANYMORE KIDS! ".........I understand the reasons for his decision but it doesn't change the fact that I'm devastated!? What's ur experience? Anyone else with just one child? How many children do you have?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Lyn - posted on 03/25/2010

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unfortunately, you probably won't like what i am going to say, but it's time to MOVE ON. This is your life... your life, and you need to fulfill your life with what you expected it to be, not what HE expects it to be. This may be only one of many things you don't agree upon. You also don't want to "trick" him into another child. It would only make him more resentful. Live your life to the fullest, enjoy your child, and when you are ready, prepare your life for the future with whatever you want. Good luck

Christine - posted on 03/29/2010

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Sorry, you are really gonna be mad at me now. I did read the post you had put on and this is what worried me about what you said:

"the proud owner of"........someone already pointed this out
"boyfriend just informed me".......what...looks arrogant
"doesn't change the fact that I'm devastated"....does he care
"We've been together for 8 years and we're extremely happy and very committed"..:0
"looking for some moral support"...unmarried after 8 years? timing..huh
"we had always talked"....now, he just does?
"although I'm devastated I'm not sure that he's wrong"....so if you were happy,
"he's pretty easy going......I think it was just the way I brought it up"...it is your fault
" timing absolutely factors"....yeah, now it does...
"I'm gonna bring it up again in a few months"....so he'll be more open
"EVERYTHING happens for a reason"...does it? or is there some thought involved
"He's agreed to at least discuss it with me"...aren't you lucky

And you said this all before I made my comment. Not too mention you expressed yourself as "I, me" around 28 times and "he, him" around 20 times. (Sorry, I was a communications major and it is key for a HEALTHY relationship)

Not once did you express how BOTH of your decisions were affecting your child. It seemed like you wanted answers but then just went on to justify why your boyfriend, after 8 years, makes the decision and some how he knows better. We, as woman, know how to have or not have children and you waited this long, so to me you have the answer but are afraid of what it means. You contradict yourself quite often.

I think you use "responsibility", "commitment" and "moral support" a little loosely. Children do not care about how much money their parents have and anyone who is a stay at home mom, is fully aware that we all have to cut corners in order to raise our children. I believe, part of my responsibility, in being a good mother is picking a good father and my husband feels the same way about picking a wife. We are truly commited to each other in every way, including the moral developemnt of ourselves, our children and how we impact those around us.

Is the only job he could get, have to be so far away? Odd. Take a less paying job closer to home and make budget changes. You need him, as well as your daughter as you say the clock is ticking.

There are true consequences to having an only child and are you prepared for them? If you are great. Having kids is a blessing, no matter when you have them.

I was only concerned because you like many woman, have true feelings but never demand too be heard and rather explain away, why their husbands/boyfriends don't see their needs as just as important as theirs.

I am 40 with 2 kids and married 19 years. My husband has been deaf since childhood, so we are forced to really communicate, not matter how painful or unpleasant the subject or the marriage would have fallen apart years ago. With all this, I would be crushed, if my husband ever said to me...this is how it is gonna be, whether tempory or not. In the same, I have never told my husband what to do or made a decision for him. We would both be highly insulted and hurt, to think we MAY have disrespected the others intelligence or feelings.

I hope you for you and your daughter the best....your daughter deserves it...:)

Kelly - posted on 03/28/2010

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I just wanted to add a "postscript", regarding only children, and also adoption/fostering as mentioned by Michelle McNeil. One thing to think about with only children, is that it doesn't just affect them now, when they are little, although the benefits of having siblings twhile growing up are numerous, but it also affects the rest of their lives. If an only child marries another only child, their children will never have cousins, aunts or uncles. And when the time comes to make decisions about aging parents, they will have no one to share this with, all responsibility and all decisions will fall on them alone. If they never have children, then you never have grandchildren. Basically the only child is under more pressure than a child who has siblings. I know my feelings about this are somewhat slanted, because I have two brothers, two sisters-in-law, and three nephews whom I love dearly. Of course we didn't always "play nice" growing up, but as an adult I am so thankful that I was not an only child! It is worth the sacrifices of sharing parents' time and resources, to not grow up alone. As for foster parenting and adopting, I am a huge advocate, as we were foster parents for a couple of years and one of our four kids is adopted through fostering. If anyone would like to know more about this process, or the perspective of someone who has gone through it, please feel free to contact me!!

Shayna - posted on 03/31/2010

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I have only 1 child in which the pregnancy was horrible, after we had him I got pregnant again but had a miscarriage. After that I truly never wanted to experience being pregnant again, I HATED it! My hubby & I both decided he would get a vasectomy. It has been 2 years now since he had the procedure done, I've never thought twice about it. I love my life & adore our only child.

You're in a really tough situation because you're both not on the same boat. If you really want him to wait & think about it I would suggest you taking a IUD. It is a form of birth control that is very effective you don't have to maintain often.

Katy - posted on 03/29/2010

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I feel for you, I have a 5 year old girl who is my angel. She made me want to have more. After years of trying I finally have a 6 month old baby boy. And although I would never change it now, it has made me realise that the time I had with just me and her was golden, adding her brother to the mix has made life so much harder and I feel guilty all the time for not having enough time for her. She has excepted him so well and loves him. But believe me having one is a very beautiful and special thing. You can pour all your love in one direction and focus on just one child. I used to get people telling me I was selfish only having one, but I loved it and she loved the one on one. You just can't do that when you have more. It helps me that she is so much older though, from my experience it is nice to spend time on my son in the day then focus on my daughter in the evening. Although sometimes it just does not work out that way. I was an only child and it never bothered me, I think if you have loving parents thats what matters more than having a sibling. But If you want more children I would suggest to you that maybe your partners mind will change in time, when the baby days start turning into kindy days, and school days thats when the pang of wanting more will be at it's strongest I think. Talk to him gently, tell him how it makes you feel and ask him if there is anyway he thinks he might change his mind. Good luck, and if you only end up with one, be thankful for every one of them is a blessing, even if they do run you ragged!

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Catherine - posted on 04/06/2010

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I know just how you feel. I don't think I am ready myself to have another one any time soon although my hubby can't decide. I will tell you that having one child can be a real blessing at times. Other times it truly can be a hardship on you and the child. PLAY DATES are a lifesaver for both parties!! There just isn't anything that can be said to help with the feeling of loss knowing that the chances of getting another bundle of joy are nill. Good luck and enjoy the one you have!! Who knows, maybe your BF will have a change of heart!!

[deleted account]

Kathy: I personally think your post was just a bit judgemental. Marriage is not always the key to a happy family. I am married yes but telling people that their only way to happiness is marriage is bollocks to be perfectly honest. Some people don't want to be married, some do. Dana is her own person and with her partner they decide what's best for them.



My husbands parents aren't married and have 4 children and they aren't unhappy they are very happy.



Yes you have a particular belief and that's fair enough but not everyone believes baby's come from God - I was raised Catholic but I know fair and square baby's are made by the parents not some higher being. There's giving advice and stuffing religion down someone's throat.

[deleted account]

Candice: The success rate of achieving pregnancy after the reversal of a vasectomy is very low. This is what I found on one website: "With improved microsurgical techniques, reversed vasectomies have become not only more popular, but more effective. Even still, there is no guarantee that a vasectomy reversal will result in pregnancy. Studies indicate that sperm recovery occurs successfully in up to 90 percent of vasectomy reversal patients, and of those patients, approximately 50 percent achieve pregnancy."



I have no idea how it feels like to go through any miscarriage nevermind 9 but he went behind your back anyways. He should have discussed it with you like an adult rather than running away from his problems like a three year old.



I hope for your sake he does change his mind and will have the operation to reverse it and if he does fingers crossed you will be able to get pregnant.

[deleted account]

This is probably going to sound judgmental, but I will try my best not to. If you want to really be happy with you and your family, you need to first off - get married. Then, find yourselves a good Bible based church home and start going. Babies are wonderful, gifts from God, but they don't bring lasting happiness. That only comes from God. Do these two things first and then I will assure you that God will bring many more beautiful happy babies into your life and he will bless you both. Your children will also be blessed if you do this. I know from experience. May God bless you and your little girl, who is adorable!

Bonnie - posted on 04/06/2010

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Many men have a hard time understanding the changes that take place during pregnancy and the months following. You are no longer just their partner but now a mother. Children demand your attention and they have no choice but to sit on the sidelines. Make sure he is sharing in the childs care. Many men relate to a toddler better than an infant because they start relating to them better. Also, schedule a date night. A time when it's just the two of you. Sometimes for my husband and I it is a simple as a rented movie and popcorn after the kids are in bed. If this doesnt' change his mind then it's time to voice your concern and desires a bit stronger. Make sure you tell him that you have heard his concerns and understand them but that despite everthing you still desire another child.

Candice - posted on 04/05/2010

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jenifer all i can say is he is getting it reversed.......otherwise both myself and his daughter are walking out...... and he did it coz he was scared of the outcome if we tryed 2 have more we went thru 9 misscages b4 having our daughter........ he couldnt put her thru seeing mummy losing her brother or sister......

Tricia - posted on 04/04/2010

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I have one and a new little babe on the way. My husband has three siblings, and I always wanted a house full of children, a home packed at the holidays. My advice would be to sit down and have an open and honest conversation. Tell him your feelings and ask that he understand your viewpoint. Hopefully, after more consideration, he'll want to have more babies with you. Especially if this a man that you plan on spending your life with. Compromise is so key in a successful relationship. Good luck!

Rebecca - posted on 04/04/2010

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Hi dana,

I can understand where you are coming from but I see there is no right or wrong time to have children. If it just a money problem well my partner isn't on the best money but we learn to get by. If its a age thing I have no experience as i'm only 22. But both my husband and myself where told we couldn't have children. My husband had cancer when he was a teenager, he is all good now but we had our first little girl on the 7th July 2009. We where not ready to be parents due to money and work hours but we have made it work and would never change a thing. When our girl turns 2 we will try for number two and if it happens like the first well all good but please don't just give up... My partner was hard to me through pregancy as he said it was my fault but he is the best dad and i would never change that for the world. I wish you all the best and i hope you and your partner work through this and you do get a chance to have another baby. I know you don't have time but it will all come together in the long run..

Best of luck thinking of you..

Lori - posted on 04/02/2010

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I read your post regarding the economy and believe me I understand it whole heartedly as the economy has hit home directly ourselves. With your daughter being so young maybe it wouldn't hurt to see how things go and if it's not in the cards and not meant to be look at it this way *LOL* If you only have one if something gets broken~You know who broke it. If something comes up missing~you know who took it. When something happens~there's no one else your daughter can point at and deny doing it!! You won't have to worry about paying for more than wedding or putting more than one through college and your daughter will have more love, time, affection, and paitence than if you have more than one. Sometimes, believe me it's a juggling act. Don't get me wrong I love my children with all of my heart and soul but I can't honestly say over the years that I haven't said to myself, "OMG!!! Why couldn't I have just had one!!!" Sometimes you have to take things with a grain of humor in order to get through them.

DeAnne - posted on 04/02/2010

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The biological clock is ticking and your not getting any younger, however a lot of women have babies when they are older, I had my last one when I was 37. I would try to find the underlying reason for him feeling this way. Stand back and asess your life together, how it has changed, how you have changed and well men are at times are like children they need attention as much as the little ones do. Maybe he is feeling like he wants everything for his child but with todays economy he worries about how in the world you would be able to afford another little one. Or you need a date night when you can be together as a couple and enjoy each others company without the baby. Listen, pray and wait, people change their feelings all the time about these matters. Be patient and not angry, division is not good in a relationship. I know that things will get better if you really pay attention to the reasons why he is feeling this way, at that point you have some good raw material to work with to perhaps change his mind, and don't forget you already have the greatest gift ever, a beautiful little girl!

Stephanie - posted on 04/02/2010

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My husband and I are the proud parents of one 2-year-old. The way things are looking for me right now medically, she'll be an only child. But when she was born, I felt complete. I felt like I didn't need another one.

My husband wants at least one more, but that might not be a possibility.

What your boyfriend needs to understand is that this is a decision you make together, not for him to enforce. Also, is he your daughter's father? Does he have other kids apart from with you?

Why does he feel this way? Has your daughter had a hard time or is she especially active? It's hard to offer an opinion on the matter because there are all kinds of reasons he might not want another child at the moment.

But like others say, he could change his mind tomorrow or in six months or three years. As it nears the time when you feel you need to make a real decision about biological children, venture to bring it up then. Don't talk about it now. Let things cool off.

Another option is this, if you understand the reasons for his decision and you don't think he'll ever change, you have to decide whether his goals meet yours. If you want a larger family, and he doesn't, you might not be on the same page. Are you in a long-time committed relationship?

In essence, this could be a big decision you have to make about remaining with him. In the same sense, you have to decide if he's just talking or he is truly serious about his feelings. As a couple, you have to work to a consensus, not just go along with what he wants because you want to make him happy. This isn't deciding what movie to watch or where to go to eat. This is your life, too, and you're definitely entitled to your desires and wishes.

Digna - posted on 04/02/2010

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me i only got one.and it stops there.i totally understand my husband's decission.where i capable as a mom,finances arent.Here i singapore,to rare a child is very expesive.a lot of consideration has to be taken.other factors also has played a part.as for ur situation,consider it for awhile.and have a good talk.

Christy - posted on 04/01/2010

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If you want my opinion and it is just that...focus on your daughter now and things will eventually calm down..the more you stress over it an bring it up to your boyfriend the more adamant he will be to not want anymore. Give him some time and space, and things may change. It is a big deal to men. My husband ONLY wanted one..we now have 3 the age diff between the oldest and my 2nd is 7 years, and then 12 months between the 2 youngest. Men have to have time to adjust and not like us who want what we want when we want it. Some men do others like my hubby and possibly yours need time to take it all in.

Again don't stress over it because you are only taking your energy away from your daughter, eventually she could start to feel as if you want another baby because she is not enough for you. You are blessed to have the one you have live in the moment and time will tell.

Just a side note...your not the "Proud OWNER" you are the proud "Mother" makes it sound like she is a pet.

[deleted account]

If he has real concerns about what you were like during pregnancy you could remind him that it is only for 9 months and maybe look into things you could do to reduce the symptoms. Then let him know how you feel and that if he ever changes his mind you'll be open to discussing it. Then, most importantly enjoy your time with your child and partner.

Melissa - posted on 04/01/2010

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We have one daughter that is 4 and a half. We're now thinking of trying for another, but she is wonderful and well adjusted and very social (unlike lots of rumors about only children). She is a great sharer and defies lots of the stereotypes we've heard. So much of how she turns out is based on her hard wiring and the experiences she has. We got our daughter a puppy recently so she doesn't get that lonely feeling when others talk about their siblings. She is an extremely happy child at 4 and a half and I wish you the best of luck. She can be fine as an only. The question is: can you?

Heather - posted on 04/01/2010

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Dana, it's partially a joke, but some not. We're both very sarcastic so he laughs at me. He wants a big family, but we're in the process of buying a bigger place so he feels overwhelmed right now. He'll be ok. He loves kids and he's amazing with them. Right now he's working so much we barely see him and it causes quite a few arguments. If he really decided that he didn't want more babies, I'm not sure I could stay with him because I'd feel like a big part of me was being smothered. No thanks. We've both said that if we did have more children, it wouldn't be until she's outta diapers. Maybe I'll hope she'll potty train fast ;] lol. Good luck! I'm sure it will all work itself out.

Mechelle - posted on 04/01/2010

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not really screwd up i think u have a good veiw on this and what u are saying is pritty much true

Mechelle - posted on 04/01/2010

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well i have 2 wonderfull kids my girl to first relationship and 15 month to my husband ,i was shocked at his veiws about not having any moore kids cause i would like another but he dosent so i know how u are feeling

Raven - posted on 04/01/2010

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I am SO SO sorry. In my early twenties I didn't want any kids, ZERO. I then agreed to one for my husbands sake. Once she came I was so overwhelmed with love that I knew I had to have another, which we did. Now we are planning bubba #3 in a few years and have even discussed the SLIGHT possibility of a forth, although it will be more likely that we will adopt. So, it is possible that he changes his mind... As I did. Good luck!

Maritza - posted on 04/01/2010

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Hubby and I spoke about this before getting married. We want three kids. Sadly, I'm infertile, and struggled to get pregnant. It took us 7 years to conceive my baby...and I don't know if I have the energy to go through it again. I do know I want more children--my infertile body sucks! Do what is best for you, though!

Katie - posted on 04/01/2010

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i was an only child and for that reason i feel like i got to have a very close relationship with my parents, especially my mom. she was my mommy and my bestfriend and not once did i ever feel like i was missing out on having siblings. you may want to have a longer conversation with him and or get some counseling to help ease you thru this type of discussion which with out the outside guidance my just end in shouting and no resolution. i dug being an only child but you have to think about whats right for you. what do you want? what to you see as your family? this is NOT just his decision. this is a decision that HAS to be made together. understnding must go bothways. the fact that you are not married (neither are my boyfriend and i) you HAVE to sit down and think... what if this particular relationship doesnt last forever? are you willing to let someone else make a decision for you that will effect the course of your life? the fact that you are devastated leads me to believe that it's something you may end up regretting. being an only child, however does have amazing perks! lol! good luck

Jenna - posted on 04/01/2010

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I don't conisder it unfair to have one child. I was basically raised as an only child, and for the most part I'm happy with that. My parents didn't spoil me but they were both able to attend my events and help me with homework. I had friends growing up where only one parent would go to a sporting event because the other parent was doing something for the other sibling/s. It's all personal choice.

Jenna - posted on 04/01/2010

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We have 1 child with 1 on the way. We originally wanted 2-4. We have decided to stop at this 2nd child because we were surprised with the 2nd pregnancy, it was much earlier than originally planned. I guess we don't want any more surprises lol. I honestly don't want to be pregnant anymore. I'm open to the idea of more children, years from now at least, I just don't want to be pregnant anymore lol. So we are open to adoption in the future if we feel we want any more children.

Ronel - posted on 04/01/2010

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I truly think it's unfair to only have one child (to child and parents) If I look at my two (6 & 4 yrs) and see how they are entertaining each other it certainly is worth while having a second child. Very good friends of ours only have one child, and it comes down to mommy having to entertain child. I am the youngest of 5 and will also be 33 in April. Just to see how much we enjoy each other now being adults, I just can not imagine my life without my sisters and brother. Good luck

Tabitha - posted on 04/01/2010

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Really you have a least 10 more years and if when he is ready you can no longer have a child there are children in the system who are toddlers and up that the states have grants so you can adopt. I have to bio kids and 2 stepkids but they are all mine. If thier mother would let me I would adopt as she is not even a good person let alone a good mom but of course she won't. You and your mate need to get on the same page though otherwise it will cause problems long term. It's part of what broke up my first marriage.

Petronela - posted on 04/01/2010

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lol sweetie they all say that eventually and yes it does feel bad at that time just give him a bit more time u can still have another one in a couple of years time dont worrie ...i only have a son 34 months but my partner already had a 9 yr old from a previous relationship and i really want another one or at least to fall pregs by the end of this year but for now all i am getting is no and no ...i dont feel sad about it and i know that he as well need time and also consider spending ur time with your daughter and catch everything while she is little as when she will be at school all day u will miss her much and then maybe u can ask ur partner about planning for another one :)

[deleted account]

Candice that's terrible! Why did he do it and most of all why didn't he tell you or even let you discuss it as a couple? If my husband did that I'd never forgive him and probably end up having a divorce.

Candice - posted on 04/01/2010

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my partner got snipped after the birth of our lil girl and only told me bout it 2days ago.......our daughter is 10mnths old.....

Julia - posted on 03/31/2010

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i had my fist son at 19 and he was an only child for 3 years, i loved it! he was an amaizing baby and even better as a tot. . . he didnt even go trough tarabul 2s. my husband and i desided we didnt want to have more children any time soon. but then when my son was 2 and a half we found out that i was prengnent agian. an accedent i would change for anything, but as a result my oldest (now 4) throws temper tantrams, is whiny and crys over everything. he was deffentely better being alone then he is with having a baby brother (who is now 1)

April - posted on 03/31/2010

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I'm just curious and not trying to sound offensive, Christine, but I just wondered what are the "true consequences of having an only child"?

i'm curious because I only have one child right now (he's 15 months) and my husband and I have plans to discuss what we want to do about having more children but our discussion wont take place til November 2010?

Cleo - posted on 03/31/2010

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There was a time to where i didn't think we could conceive and I was extremely devastated because even though we already had one beautiful little girl I still wanted to have more children. Praise God that we did conceive again and just recently had another baby but I do understand where you're coming from.

[deleted account]

Ugh! LOL! If that's what you got out of my original post then......WOW! Oh well!? I think you're reading a lil' too much into HOW I worded things but I'm not mad! A little confused maybe.....but not mad! I obviously didn't do a very good job expressing my feelings about OUR relationship or the situation! Although you brought up some valid questions Christine, your delivery was presumptuous and judgemental! I wasn't looking for a communication major to dissect my life or how I chose to tell my story........I just wanted to hear what other women had experienced? If you had questions about what I had typed you could have just asked nicely?



P.S. I honestly think you've got it all wrong about my situation but if you want me to clarify anything specific you can ask?

Lexi - posted on 03/29/2010

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I know how you feel. I'm sorry you are having this difficulty. I am 28 and my husband is pretty adamant about not having more kids. Our son is 8 months old right now. I have always wanted two. I will admit I've wavered back and forth. After my four day labor from hell, tearing badly, almost four months of recovering I swore I was never going to do that again. On Torstens clingy days, the weeks that he was cluster feeding and the colicky days I have a hard time not screaming and tearing my hair out. My husband says he doesn't think we could handle another one. Our son is very mellow most of the time. Just bad days here and there but those bad days are rough. What if we had a baby who was colicky all the time? What if we had a baby who was way less mellow and more needy then tor? I wonder how well we'd handle it too. But I can't imagine growing up without a brother or sister. And I always thought I would have two boys. For now we are waiting though. Who knows what we will feel like a year or two from now. Maybe I'll be happy with just tor, or maybe we, more specifically he will feel like we are more able to handle things and ready for number two. Some days it's hard to handle, other days I'm ok with it and I think my husband is right. It sounds like your husband has some responsible reasons for not wanting a second, even though it is hard for you to deal with right now. Wait and see what time holds for you. If/when you guys get back on your feet he might be ready for number two.

Nicola - posted on 03/29/2010

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I'm only a young mum and we plan on having more children in the future but I understand where your coming from because unfortunitly I have been cursed with a ticking time bomb known as PCOS. I love being a mother and I love being pregnant and the thought of never getting to experience it all again brings tears to my eyes.

I don't think its something that just one partner should have the right make the dessition on!

My husband doesn't really want more then 2 but I would like to have atleast 4 children so I have made him a deal, as I will be a midwife and the pays good for every child that I want after two I have to have saved a certain amount of my income to prove we can afford it and hes very happy with this plan.

I think your husband should atleast be open to the idea of 2 and if moneys an issue you can care for them with out it costing the earth, trust me I know!

Jane - posted on 03/29/2010

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never say never. he can't "inform" you. it's a joint decision. talk about his reasons and don't close any doors on the subject. just listen to his reasons. sit back and sleep on whatever they are for a while and then you can always try to come back to it - agree not to discuss it for a given period of time, don't mention it for any reason until you sit down again together. but again, never say never. if he wants to go and get a procedure done or wear condoms, let it be his to take care of, it's only fair.
18 months is when they begin to require a lot of interactive care - jumping off of things, etc. i found 18 months challenging for me. now at 2 1/2, she's a great helper and wants to learn how to do things and now that she's great at potty training, a whole world has opened up. we had our 2nd when she was 18 months old, our 2nd is 14 months and we're just newly pregnant. this will be our last. we had our first when we were 41 and 38, our 2nd at 43 and 40 and we'll be 44 and 41 when our 3rd arrives.
he may feel overwhelmed at times as a dad, it helps if he can talk about it and realize he's not the only one. i'm sure he wouldn't change things for the world. sometimes we stress out and say things. my husband said he didn't want a third, we agreed to talk about it when our 2nd was 1 yr old. two months later he came to me and said he wanted one more and i said we should still check in on things at the 1yr. and now we're going ahead w/it.
kids can benefit a great deal from having a sibling. our girls are hilarious together and they bring one another a great deal of happiness. it also lets you see just how great you two are as parents; you see all of the love and kindness you've given your children when they return it to one another.
good luck!

[deleted account]

Thanks to ALL you ladies for the support! I really appreciate you all sharing ur stories! I just want you all to know that although we haven't completely made up our minds, the doors be opened for honest conversation and I'm hopeful! He's a big teady bear! LOL! I think he's just a lil' stressed about our current situation and after we talk it over this weekend I'm sure we'll come to some sort of agreement!

[deleted account]

I agree, my husband and I are thinking that same way now. If it happens it happens, if not we have our little boy :)

Shawn - posted on 03/29/2010

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We have two kids. As my husband puts it, we are staying "man to man" defense not going to zone. I am fine with this. I admire mom's with more than two kids, I barely can keep up with mine. Even with that decision, I don't think we would of had any more. My daughter was 7 weeks early and my son 5 weeks early with pre-term labor at 26 weeks. Doctors cannot find reason for early delivery.



I hope you can find a happy resolution.

April - posted on 03/29/2010

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my husband and i wanted at least 2 before we had our son. then he saw how hard it was to raise a child and has been contemplating not having any more children.

but...we discussed it and we decided that we will have another, but we won't have a set, specific time to start TTC. we will just concentrate on our son for now

Georgia - posted on 03/29/2010

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I have one son age six! He is the joy of my life. If you only have one it is not the end of the world. You will have lots of bonding time together and all the time you need to focus on her. I also understand your desire to have more. I went through a time where I longed for another child too. Hang in there! But having one and getting to spend so much time together is terrific!

Andrea - posted on 03/29/2010

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When my daughter was born both my husband and I didn't want to have more kids, LOL!!! I really didn't like being pregnant and it was a rough pregnancy that had my daughter born at 30 weeks. Right before she turned 1 we talked about it and it seemed like he wanted a lil boy so I said okay we will try for a boy... 14 months later still not prego!!! We have talked about it a few weeks ago and he said he thougth I really wanted another kid and I said I thought he wanted another kid. We are still trying for another one but it wont really bother us if we don't have another child. We were blessed with our DD and that she is healthy and happy!!! It took us a lil over a year to actually figure out that it wasn't a big deal if we didn't have another one... sit down like you said by yourselves and have a heart to heart!!! That being said my husband is 38 and if we do have another one he wants it soon so he won't be great-grandparent age when they are in High School, LOL!!! And funny wisdom from my father when my hubby said we werent' ready finicially for a kid (with our daughter), if you wait till you are ready it will never happen because you are never truly ready!!!!

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I have one son, he is now 9 yrs old. I think you have every right to feel sad, but you should look at the positive that you at least have your daughter. There are many women out there that don't even or can't have at least one.
That's what I tell myself when I see women w/ multiple children.
Keep your chin up and just spoil your daugher like crazy.

Karen - posted on 03/29/2010

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I have only one child. She will be the only child for me as well. What reasons did he give you?

Ann - posted on 03/29/2010

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WOW, Mynique...I am so sorry for what you went threw, I'm so glad that your baby girl is healthy and that you were able to live though that very diffucult pregancie....

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I know what your going through. Oh boy do I. I have a beautiful baby girl born the 3rd of july 2009, and I had a great deal of complications just to have her. First of all I'm diabetic and I had severe toxemia and preclampsia (sp) from the 7th month of pregnancy on. I had only gained 18 lbs up until the last 2 months, and in those 2 months I gained 50 lbs of straight water. My kidneys quit working and I had to be hospitalized at 34 1/2 weeks and was there for the duration of my pregnancy. I was induced at exactly 37 weeks because i had only 5 % kidney function and could hardly breath from all of the water that my body had retained. My blood sugars were dropping at such an alarming rate that I had to eat every 2 hours around the clock and they checked my vitals every hour because my blood pressure was so astronomical. I was on a 2200 calorie diet and was gaining 2 lbs every day due to water retention. My little hospital visit and the birth of our daughter was almost 60 thousand dollars by the time it was all through. My doctor said to me "please do not have any more children". She told me I could try for another and possibly die, or I could be happy with what I have and be around to raise her. My husband and mother both have said that they don't think I could live through another pregnancy. I will be 33 this year and I still harbor the hopes of having another child. I am on birth control and I know that it's not wise for me to have any others, but I always wanted a little boy to go with my little girl. Though I realize I will probably never have the opportunity to have another, I am still devastated at the thought. But I guess when things don't quite go as we wish them to, we must just be grateful for what we do have. I have a happy and healthy little girl that will be 9 months in just a few days and I get to stay at home with her and watch her grow. Sometimes what we want, gets in the way of enjoying what we do have. I am thankful every day for her, and I guess that if I can't have any more children, then that's the way it's meant to be. I am lucky enough to have her and a wonderful husband that loves us both, so I couldn't ask for more..I hope this helps you. Good luck

Ann - posted on 03/29/2010

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HI Dana, I know what you are going though with this...and I'm certain;y not going to tell you to MOVE ON! That Lyn idiot made me mad with her MOVE ON comment...Anyway, I'm 32 and Just had my 3rd baby (Boy) in Jan. BUT, my husband and I ( we started going out when we were in high school) 17 yrs. ago....we got pregnant when we were both 16 and had a boy in July 94'' ( he will be 16 this summer) and then we got married when he was 5 1/2...we bought a house alittle while after that and I was so ready to have another baby and he did not want it...and it truly drove me crazy.....Well, it really started to take a toll on our realionship and he finally gave in, after 12 longgggggggg yrs. my daughter was born in Feb 2007 when my son was 12..so my older son and daughter are 12 yrs. apart and as much as people have said to me, OH your so LUCKY...it's like you only have 1 child to care for now that your son is older and can do for himself...OK YES, that is very true and he was also such a wonderful help with his baby sister BUT, I wanted another one now because I wanted my daughter to have someone close to her age, my husband was so in love with our daughter when she was born that he was more then willing to give me my way when it came to having our new baby boy...even though now my hand's are really FULL!!!! haha

BUT I completely understand what your going though and it is very frustraiting and your doing nothing but worrying and worrying about this....you have every right to be upset and you should not let this go and you should not MOVE ON from this either....you deserve to have another baby to love and to give your daughter a brother or sister...my 3 yr. old daughter LOVE'S her baby brother!!! But I guess some men take a long time to realize that this is what make's many people happy and feel sercure...I understand that your devasted about this. I will deff. be keeping my finger's crossed for some good new's!!! And, don't listen to the other girl either that age is not an issue...it sure is and can be very scary when you get older! I know alot of people that have had many issue's with there age from getting pregnant, to carrying the baby full term, and then being completely exusted when the baby is born!!! Good Luck Girl, I'll be thinking about you. if you ever need some support then add me as a friend, I would be more then happy to talk with you

Ann - posted on 03/29/2010

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Lyn, honestly how would you like it if your husband/fiance didn't want anymore children and you did? I don't think it would be in your head to MOVE ON!!!! You have alot of nerve to say that to someone else who can't get another baby out of her head and also want's a sibling for her daughter....if you don't have anything nice to say, then keep your opition to yourself PLEASE!

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I dont think age should be a factor....yea there are risk but there are risk with every pregnancy. Give it time he might just change his mind. Be patient and enjoy your little girl..they grow up soo fast!!! In my relationship its the opposite...he wants two more and I am happy with two.
I wish you the very best!! Good luck!!

Chantelle - posted on 03/29/2010

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I only have 1. A 19 month old baby boy. & I would eventually like to have atleast 1 more by the time he is 2 and a few months. Except my fiance doesn't want any more. He says one is enough!. It's very sad because he is making the decission for me also. & it would be nice to be able to give my son a sibling. But maybe things will change and he will reconsider having another one.!

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