Discipline: Do you believe in Spanking?

Kyleigh - posted on 06/04/2011 ( 449 moms have responded )

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I know there is a lot of you out there that say Yay or Nay to this one. Wasn't sure. I would love to read your "own ," opinions on what you think about "spanking."



I personally don't spank not even my own bio. my 2 sk's know that time outs is what is given.

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OhJessie - posted on 06/07/2011

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*raises hand* Christina :) I doubt you're the only other one since apparently someone else was bringing that up earlier.

[deleted account]

Personally, I do spank. I don't abuse my children and it is the last resort of punishment that I use. I am a firm believer in the Bible which clearly states in Proverbs 13:24 and Proverbs 29:15 that those who love their children should chastise them. (Not saying that y'all who don't spank don't love your children, just reading the Word). It says do not spare the rod (the rod represents when the shepherd uses the rod to "spank" his sheep for discipline). I was spanked as a child and I appreciate every last one of them! Any other Bible believers in here??

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I don't thing all parents who spank are angry or frustrated when they do it. I don't think they're awful parents. I don't even think it's the worst method of discipline. But it is clear not the BEST method of discipline... or even in the top 5 best methods... so, once again I pose the question... why would you settle for a second rate disciplinary method that involves hitting your child when you could give them BETTER.

OhJessie - posted on 06/07/2011

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Wow, you quoted the whole thing from a website? That's rather unoriginal.

OhJessie - posted on 06/07/2011

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Johnny, I'm sorry anyone went there, but where you're going...I really don't recommend it.

Kendra - posted on 06/07/2011

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My assumption is that there is a bent against spanking to those posting here, but I'm going to comment anyway. I believe there is a big difference between spanking for disciplinary purposes, and 'smacking', which is done while the parent is angry. There are times and situations in which spanking is the most effective discipline tool available, and others in which it should not be used. Angry parents should never use it, until there has been time to calm down, but if you are one of those that say never, no child, than either you struggle with a level of behavioral problems you must regularly deal with (that probably could have been effectively solved by now), or you have a compliant child. If the latter, congratulations, don't press your luck on having more ;-) If the former, and you are among those that consider it our parental duty to raise children to be a well behaved member of society, not just successful, then you may wish to consider what tools you are neglecting that may help, and seek guidance from older parents whose kids you perceive as well behaved (but not compliant) as to how to employ them. Either way, I submit that you observe the evidence fully before making such blanket decisions - is it spanking that created the problem, or the misuse of multiple disciplinary tools. For those who know our family, I submit all 3 of our strong-willed, yet well behaved daughters as evidence ;-)

Johnny - posted on 06/07/2011

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For those of you who keep "quoting" God but clearly don't actually know your bible....

"Spare the rod, spoil the child" is not a biblical phrase.

This phrase has quite a long genesis. The coiner of the version that we use in everyday speech was Samuel Butler, in Hudibras, the satirical poem on the factions involved in the English Civil War, which was first published in 1662:

Love is a Boy,
by Poets styl'd,
Then Spare the Rod,
and spill the Child.

[by 'spill', Butler did mean spoil - that was an alternative spelling at the time]

The precise words were Butler's, but the proverbial notion is much older. William Langland's The vision of William concerning Piers Plowman, 1377, includes this line:

Who-so spareth ye sprynge, spilleth his children.

'Spilleth' is used to mean 'spoils', as in Butler's poem. 'Sprynge' was commonly used in mediaeval English to mean the verb 'spring', i.e. 'rise quickly, at a bound'. It seems that Langland was using here as a synonym for 'sprig', i.e. rod or offshoot of a plant, although the OED has no other records of 'sprynge' being used that way.

English version of the Bible pre-1377 don't include the line in the form we now use, but they do contain a similar thought, and this is probably where Butler took it from. In the King James Version, Proverbs 13:24, we find:

He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

There are many different interpretations of the Hebrew word Shebet which is often translated to rod and assumed to be a rod with which one hits. Many biblical scholars and rabbis state that it is a rod of guidance, not of violence.

If you feel the need to hit your children, own it. Don't blame religion for it.

JENNIFER - posted on 06/07/2011

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me and my husband both spank our two kids. We dont do it very often. we try to discipline them first by time outs , taking toys and or privileges away and grouding ( on their beds for a while with their hands on their bottoms ) but if that all still doesnt work on what they are being punished for then yes we will spank. We do talk with both of them to try to see why they are doing what they are doing be it lieing hitting or whatever and we try to teach them that what they do is wrong or it hurts or whatever and we try to educate them in the fact of that all of their actions have consequences whether they be good or bad consequences but they will get reprimanded and punished for bad and rude behavior. I believe that is more parents would discipline their kids more instead of letting them get away with whatever the heck they want to then we wouldnt have so many of these kids in juvie or jail. I admit some just wont listen or learn but most will. I was punished when I was a kid and I had ever talked to my parents the way that most kids now a days talked to their parents I would have gotten smacked with my fathers belt and I would have only done it once. Im sorry if any of what I say makes anyone mad that is not my intentions .

Stephanie - posted on 06/07/2011

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I have to say that I did "spank" my daughter a few times. She is 17 now and boy does she need a good one! LOL. I have such mixed feelings on this subject. I have spanked her before but I remember each time very specifically and it worked. When she was 3 years old, she would bite me when she got angry. Nothing was stopping this behavior and it was getting worse. One day I had her in the bathtub with me and I was trying to wash her hair. She was not cooperating and I told her that she needed to hold still because her hair WAS GOING TO GET WASHED. She looked at me and bit me so hard I started bleeding. I called for my husband and he said "You need to spank her and tell her why". I took her out of the bath and spanked her bare butt. Let me say that it was NOT hard and there was not a spot left behind BUT I know it stunned her and she cried. I told her that she got spaked for biting me and next time she bit me, it would happen again. It never happened again. I know some of you are thinking "you can't use violence to solve violence". I do agree with that...to a point. When you are dealing with a 3 year old who cannot use their underdeveloped brain to process their feelings, logical methods just don't always work!! The other times I "spanked" were a smack on the hand when she was playing with a candle at the dinner table at a restaurant and despite ALL warnings, refused to listen. Anyway, I have seen parents who BEAT their children and they keep doing it. Well, if it "worked" why are they continuing to "spank" them?? Obviously it's NOT working. I also think to myself "I can't swat my husband when he annoys me so why is it ok to swat a child?" EEKs, I have such conflicting feelings about this. Maybe it also depends on the child? I don't know. All I know is that my mother told me she NEVER believed in spanking until she had ME!! I didn't get spanked often but when I did, I KNEW she meant business!!!

OhJessie - posted on 06/07/2011

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Candice, I agree - it's up to each parent, and looking at it through the lens of the other side, knowing that if kids are raised lovingly and not overly permissively or overly authoritarian/abusive, they will turn out pretty much fine either way, I would not presume to tell other people what they should or shouldn't do. For the most part; I'm human lol. But realize the condescension is coming from both sides here; and the desire to criminalize non-abusive behavior is coming from the anti-spanking side. It needs to be left to the parents so long as they aren't abusing.

Kelly, OK, I understand your point - I'll go over a couple of your examples, but I DO understand.

"Kayli's analogy includes only spanking and time-outs."

I sort of thought she was being representative, using the most common things.

"Nancy said she agree's that spanking is not the only answer, but that those of us who don't do it will realize later than we should have."

Well, yeah, I wouldn't say that. Everybody has lots of regrets when they're older; doesn't mean they're all right, you know? Now parents who actually WERE overly permissive (I understand that's not what you're talking about) do have genuine regrets, and I feel for them. Likewise abusive parents end up losing their chidren one way or another - either the kids don't bother with them anymore, or they end up in serious trouble, etc. Whether they regret it I don't know for sure, but they should. The rest of us will all feel regret for something(s) but...we have to remember we did our best and we love our children.

"Angel said she believes in spanking because time outs do not work."

I rather thought she meant for her child and various other children, which would be true. Some children are so meek a raised eyebrow is enough; others are so defiant nothing but a spanking can get through. It's a mixed bag.

"Felichia said that she spanks because some kids laugh at time-out and because it is better than doing nothing, implying that those are the only two options."

Well, yes, I see what you're saying there. Remember that when our children are young we all know what's best for everybody else...when in fact we really don't.

And it still happens that anti-spanking people quite come across as though those who do spank moderately don't do *anything* else - that they just get mad, whack the kid, and have done with it. Nothing could be further from the truth. There are a plethora of things - there are snuggling, reading, playtimes, dancing, trips, running through sprinklers at random when you see them, talking everything over with your child and helping them deal with their feelings, teaching them, explaining the things they see on television or in movies then listening to their thoughts, holding them when they have a fever, wondering how you're ever going to get them to sleep, instituting schedules and procedures for chores and various behaviors - parenting involves a buck-ton of work (much of it quite enjoyable, IMO), and spanking is just one small part of an enormous variety. If the anti-spankers could realize that that is their choice, and that moderate spankers employ everything else under the sun as well, things might be a lot nicer.

Megan - posted on 06/07/2011

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I like time outs better I've always been told spanking doesn't teach kids anything and I believe that is very true

Michele - posted on 06/07/2011

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Speaking from Experience growing up within a family that believed in spanking for everything. It does not work....All's It causes is hurt feelings, and teaches when you are frustrated its ok to hit something or someone. It depends on how or how often its used. I am not against smacking on the bottom IF its something serious BUT I also think its too easy to allow yourself as a parent to just be frustrated and use it as a means to teach.. And Me personally I don't agree with it. There are many other ways and tools in regards to teaching a lesson, instead of resorting to hitting; slapping; smacking,spanking and so on. when I was a kid, My step dad was pretty brutal in the use of spanking. we got it for everything.. even Crossing into The kitchen without asking, or Not finishing our plate at dinner. We would get spanked for every peace of food left. yes Thats pretty extreme BUT no matter the severity it still causes hurt feelings, Like " Why does mommy hurt me" or why is my daddy hitting me" and so on. When a child is acting out for whatever reason, its generally to get attention, some children think also negative attention is better then no attention. Looking deeply into the circumstance i believe is important regarding choosing what type of path should be chosen to punish or teach. Most of The time Its just a matter of getting Eye level with your child, and explaining. if the child is out of control, Then time out works... Until the child gets use to time out being a punishment it may take some time to sit with the child until they understand they need to stay put. being a parent is never easy. we have to make decisions everyday that impact our children's lives. there is no such thing as a perfect parent, nor will there ever be. there will be times we don't make the right choice. the important lesson for us as parents is to learn from our mistakes and brainstorm other idea's. coming together as parents is great like this site because it helps all of us to gain new tools and understandings of many different things. So in retrospect. I don't agree with spanking used on a daily basis, BUT I would never condemn a parent for choices they make regarding their children, as long as it did not include abuse.

Aisha - posted on 06/07/2011

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i ihav experienced that it depends on kids!! m elder daugters were very naughty wen toddlers so i had to tame them and i did a lot of spanking to discilpne them but my younger son is much more settled and foloow my instructions right away so i hav never raised my hand on him !!! so it depends !!1

Candice - posted on 06/07/2011

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Also, I find that parents who do spank often have to say that those of us who don't will regret it or are raising spoiled children. My cousin has raised 4 great children. She spanks. Friends have raised 3 great kids and no spanking. I think it's up to each parent and that the mud slinging and condescension is just adding to the guilt and shame that mothers seem to naturally feel. Let's be supportive.

Candice - posted on 06/07/2011

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I agree with what Kelly has to say. But I'm also interested Kelly in your discipline techniques. I am running out of ideas. Distract, time out (I don't really use this), take away ( i use sparingly), When...Then... statements. What do you do and give me some examples of when you would use them. Thanks!

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OhJessi, I should have said "Most" spanking parents, but I hurry and figured it was a general enough expression to be understood here....my bad.



Anyway, you shrug and say you don't know anyone who thinks that, yet in several, more than half even, of the pro-spanking posts on this very thread, imply such as I stated.



Kayli's analogy includes only spanking and time-outs.

Nancy said she agree's that spanking is not the only answer, but that those of us who don't do it will realize later than we should have.

Angel said she believes in spanking because time outs do not work. She also believes the reason most kids are disrespectful because they are not spanked. (Note, she didn't say "not disciplined" she specifically said "Not Spanked"

Felichia said that she spanks because some kids laugh at time-out and because it is better than doing nothing, implying that those are the only two options.

Several stated in their posts that they have "tried everything" then gone on to list nothing more than time-out and taking things away.

Yaritza said "I know my girl, and if I gave her a time out, she would not get the message." so she spanks, but she never mentions attempts to teach her the message any other way but time-out, so one would think that time-out is the only option other than spanking.



And that's only from the last couple pages. If I had the time or patience to go back further, I could find tons.

Yaritza - posted on 06/07/2011

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spanking is just a different way of disciplining your child. now there also comes the need to have to control what you are doing, because there is a definite difference between spanking and beating. I was beaten I do however spank my baby girl. if she doesn't listen to the stern voice the first time she gets a spank on the hand. If it's something a bit more serious ie: talking back, acting out then she gets 1 or 2 spankings on the butt. just to let her know that what she just did is unacceptable. My baby is a very happy girl and most of the time listens very well. but that is because she knows that her mommy loves her but also knows I mean business. It's all up to the parent and what the child responds to best. I know my girl and if I gave her time outs she would not get the message.

OhJessie - posted on 06/07/2011

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"screaming, Spanking, slapping and beating with a belt" are abusive and authoritarian punitive measures, not discipline. That isn't something to compare with normal spanking. Screaming and beating and whacking out of frustration or annoyance are the things that really DO cause us to hate our parents and fear them. And yes, we grow up thinking we do deserve it. That's no way to raise a child.

Audrey - posted on 06/07/2011

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Absolutely not!!! I was spanked, slapped and beaten with with belt as a child. My parents separated when I was 9 and I moved into my aunt and uncle's home where I was never smacked or spanked, god forbid, beaten. I have absolutely no respect for my mother. Now I am a mother and understand how difficult it is to be a parent. She was a mother of 3 very rambuctious girls by the age of 23. It does not excuse using force or screaming at your child because you can't control yourself. My daughter will be disciplined with logic and reason as I was in my aunts home. I have been told by all the people who know me and my sisters (who lived with my mother their whole lives) that it is like night and day, the differences between us. JSYK, I'm considered the "good" one. My daughter will never be spanked or smacked or screamed at. NEVER. I can say this with certainty. If I should get so upset and angry, I will do as I was told by my aunt when i was little, to go into my room, scream into a pillow and calm down. I can't imagine her getting me that nuts but I have heard and seen children driving their parents over the edge. I also think some of those parents may not be bonding with their child as much as the child needs and thus, the child acts out. I didn't act out in fear of my life ... no child ever deserves that.

OhJessie - posted on 06/07/2011

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*shrug* - I don't know anyone who thinks that. Guess some people do. Why do so many (notice I don't say all) non-spanking parents think that parents who do employ spanking don't use a plethora of other parenting techniques as well? It would be ridiculous to spank and do nothing else; we're raising people - there are tons of things they need to know and learn.

As to the person who just said parents who spank do it when they're angry - some may, but they're doing it wrong, if they do. No one here seems to do that. Just because the only time you might ever hit is if you're angry doesn't mean by a longshot that that's how spanking is done properly by loving parents. If there's a need for a spanking it's essential a parent take time out, deep breaths and make sure they are not angry first, and make sure that spanking is what is called for. But distinctions seem to be hard for some people to make.

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Why do spanking parents always assume that time-outs & taking things away are the only two alternatives to spanking?

Also, why do parents who spank think that those who do not spank are overly permissive and let their kids do what every they want?

Nikki - posted on 06/07/2011

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No, parents usually do it when they are angry so the child learns when angry it's ok to hit.

Kelly - posted on 06/07/2011

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I use time outs for minor things, and I give a little slap on the hand or swat on the butt for more extreme things. I was spanked and I'm glad I was. I was a better kid after my first swat. I do think some people can go over board,though.

Kayli - posted on 06/07/2011

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Time outs only work with certain kids in certain situations. For example, my 6 yr old daughter is actually my stepdaughter. and the woman my fiance was with before me had a 6yr old son. and the difference between the two was like night and day. My stepdaughter is so polite and respectful and listens very well. the boy is very destructive and disrespectful and does not listen. The difference, the boy was never spanked and was only put in timeouts (mind you, according to my fiance his ex didnt stick to her guns with the timeouts) and my stepdaughter was raised with a spank when it was deserved.

Nancy - posted on 06/07/2011

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I agree that spanking is not the only answer- but those of you who do not do when it is needed will find out later that you should of-

Angel - posted on 06/07/2011

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Yes I believe in spanking when it is called for. Time out doesn't work and the reason most kids are disrespectful and bad is due to parents not spanking so the kids think they can do what they want!

Nancy - posted on 06/07/2011

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I do believe that spanking is required...if the child pushes the respect limits. I have raised 5 children, and when they were little- when they openly disobeyed me, or risked injury to themselves, or a sibling- I would spank them and send them to their room. I would old swat them on the bum, as many times as they were old, and they only stayed in their room for the amount of minutes they were old. I then would go in and love them, tell them I was sorry to be so harsh, but did it for there own good. I would look for an apology from them and then we would cheer up and go on with our day. It worked very well. Do not spare the rod, you will spoil the child.

Kayli - posted on 06/07/2011

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This is a very tough question. There is a fine line between spanking and abuse. And it is a very blurred line. When I was growing up I swear my butt was permanently red from getting spanked! (then again i was a pretty bratty little kid! haha) And I personally think that spanking is a effective method of discipline in certain situations. Such as when a child is disregarding their own safety. Better the have them scared of gettin a pat on the butt then to be running in traffic, or playing around farm machinery.

Shanna - posted on 06/07/2011

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So many interesting thoughts. I was raised in a home that included spanking. It had varying degrees of effectiveness with the five of us kids. I did learn from that environment that spanking has a place in young toddlers. (this is not a beating or an abusive relationship.) But rather that I used spanking as a tool to curb behavior in a child who was too young to reason with or did not understand that being removed from a child he was fighting with was a consequence. I personally think that once a child can speak in clear sentences that he/she is too old to spank. by that age, I spent a great deal of time defining words and expectations and outlining what would happen if he failed to listen to mommy and daddy. So much behavior came from a lack of understanding my terminology and once I could find out what he was confused about, the behavior changed. Prior to this age, if it involved danger and he was too little to understand reason, then he was spanked for behaviors that would have put him at risk (running in parking lots, pulling things off shelves, etc....) Otherwise, either he or his toys would go in a visible time out and be dealt with when he was calmer.

Thank you all for posting your thoughts. Its always good to share parental views. I know it helps me be a more informed, well-rounded parent!

Ashley - posted on 06/07/2011

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I think that this is a complicated question to alot of ppl looking through the comments. I think that if spanking is used in the proper manner and in the right situations it works very well.

I give time in's or time out's depending on the situation. (Time in's are removing the child and sitting with them, and time out's are removing the child and leaving them alone)

These techniques work well with them along with the 123 .

My son requires alot more attention to his discipline for it to be effective since most methods do not work at all for him.



Before having kids I disagreed with spanking, when my first was born I was against spanking.. but situations have caused me to change my mind. I do spank when they are doing something dangerous. My son(4 in july) has no regard to the dangers for traffic, for heights, nothing. I have used spanking to stop him from running on the road, or in a parking lot, or on a stairwell. It works well in the moment, and we also discuss why he has been tapped on the bottom, and why he shouldn't do it. As bad as it sounds I would rather him be scared to get a tap on the bum than get hit by a car, or fall down a flight of stairs.

I understand for most kids that kids will listen to instruction with stuff like that, my son is extremely delayed with his speech, communication and understanding, so that technique does not work for him, he also gets distracted to the point where he can't focus on what's being said.

My daughter(2) has gotten spanked once, for running on a highway, and she also got told why we did that, she hasn't even attempted it since. Her understanding and communication seems very advanced to me, and time in's/out's work perfect for almost everything.

Every child is different, and the techniques for learning/teaching obviously has to be different. Having a child with some special needs has taught me alot of patience, and understanding that nothing is simple for everyone. I also have alot more understanding for seeing other people reacting in public and not automatically making judgements about parenting styles or how well or horrible they are doing.. which I have done in the past :()

Heather - posted on 06/07/2011

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I think the one thing that the 'anti-spankers' have been saying is that spanking is an irrational act, done in anger. When done properly, that's not the case. As with any discipline, spankings or timeouts, if it's done in anger, it's of no effect. We spank our kids, or at least we used to. They're now 12, 10 and 8 and spankings are very few and far between, for the more serious offences. The one thing, though, that we always, always made sure, was that we didn't do it out of anger. And it was always a swat with the spoon on the behind, never a hit to any other part of the body. Yes, there were times that I was angry when I would tell a child to go to the bathroom for a spanking. Those were the times that I would make them wait it out in the bathroom while I calmed down and was able to talk to them rationally about their offence and to make sure they understood that their actions have consequences. Now, at the ages that they are, they are well behaved. They're not robots. They're still kids and act like kids, but they are fully aware that their actions have consequences that they have to own up to. We also always made sure that if their offence was against someone else, they had to apologize. It was all about training them to accept responsibity for their actions. That should be the goal of any discipline - not to 'teach them a lesson' - but to make them realize that their actions have consequences and they need to be responsible for their own actions. And, no, I was never spanked as a kid.

Eva M. - posted on 06/07/2011

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Father God says, if you spare the rod you spoil the child. I totally believe in "spanking"..but be careful because there is a fine line where it can become done out of anger instead of love. There is a difference. I also believe in logic, a lot of talking and most of all being the proper example. God Bless!!

Lorianne - posted on 06/07/2011

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I personally think a swat on the diaper at a younger age say 18 months to reinforce no is fine. There is a difference in spanking and beating a child. The swat reinforces the no by a sound and a feeling. Way to many people get into the thought pattern that it teaches violence, or is a power struggle. i believe it is far better to have that power struggle settled at 2 or 3 then to have to try to fight it when they child is 15 or so.

Marin - posted on 06/07/2011

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We have spanked our 9 year old a hand full of times since she was 4 but I don't think it really helped in the long term. All spanking her really did was fear us and we decided that wasn't the relationship we wanted to have with our children so we have decided that spanking is a no go for our new little girl. There are always other ways to discipline that are a lot more affective. :)

Michelle - posted on 06/07/2011

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Before, when I was a mom to 1 tot, I said, NO WAY on spanking, unless my almost 2 year old was doing something that would harm himself, or harm someone(thing) else, and I'd tried distraction more than once... i.e., when my DS decided he wanted to sit on the kitten, and I'd drug him away with puzzles or toys or books and he still tried. Then I spanked him.
Fast forward 2 years, and I now have a 2 year old and (almost) 4 year old. Its a different story. I do what we call swatting. 1 pat on the butt, and butt only, to get their attention. I have to do it with my 2yo to get him over his stubborn streaks (like when we tell him its time to clean up his toys before bed).
My husband and I had tried everything, from timeouts, taking things away, swatting, and things were getting chaotic, to say the least. Recently, my 4yo started regressing and doing things he never did, like talking back, having meltdowns, and being just plain mean to his brother.... We were at our wits end!
And then, I found this AMAZING author, Dr. James Dobson. We got 2 of his books "Bringing Up Boys" and "Dare to Discipline". Let me tell you, what we've read so far has been a LIFESAVER!!!!!
Just last night, they were playing with trains, and the boys started fighting over one piece, yet again. DH told them to share, and my 4yo decided he didn't want to. He talked to him about how if he didn't share neither one of them would be able to play with it. Still didn't work. After he sassed DH yet again, he put him in time out.
Imagine my surprise when I come in to find a 2yo playing happily, and 4yo screaming like a banshee because he's in time out. I calmly walked into his room, sat on his bed, and asked him to stop crying and tell me what was going on. It took a while for him to calm down, but I just sat there patiently asking him if he was done and ready to talk to me. After we talked, I told him that I wanted him to sit quietly on his bed, and think about how its not nice for him to be taking toys from his brother or sassing mommy and daddy. I told him I'd set a timer for 4 minutes (I've been told you do 1min per year old) as soon as he quieted down and thought about what he was doing wrong. After the timer went off, I went back, sat on his bed again and talked to him why we put him in time out. I asked him what he learned. Then I hugged him, and snuggled him, and showed him lots of love.
Last night was a break through. By not raising our voices, or spanking, we felt more in control, and I think the calmness led to a much more receptive child.
To me, the bottom line, spanking is ok... but I've learned that my attitude and demeanor when I approach discipline vastly changes my outcomes.

Flechia - posted on 06/07/2011

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Spanking isn't coporal punishment sometimes it's necessary. I spank my son every once in a while. Most of the time I threaten it. When I do spank him it's very light. It's not a form of power or control it's disipline. Time outs are a joke to some kids. When you do nothing they see that and act worse. I was spanked as a child and feAred getting in trouble because I would get spanked. I turned out to be a great person who thinks twice before doing stupid things

OhJessie - posted on 06/07/2011

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Heather, the bible certainly does say "Spare the rod and spoil the child" among other things that would sound even worse to you. *shrug* - it's fine to disagree, but don't say it isn't very clearly stated in the bible.

Sally - posted on 06/07/2011

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And for the record: My almost 7 year old often asks "Can't I just get a spanking?" because it bothers her less than a time out does. In those cases--Nope you get the time out. Negative consequences have to be unpleasant to work. :)

Jennifer - posted on 06/07/2011

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Well... I do... And with limits and our own guidelines. If it's a constant behavior, then I switch tactics. It's certainly NOT the end all be all of punishment.
Oh yeah... And when I have to spank, it's not out of anger or when I'm having overwhelming feelings. That's the time that I send them to sit in the bathroom, "to think". But I'm the one doing the most thinking of how to best handle the issue. The spanking is explained as to 'why' the child will receive it. Then it is issued. Then the child is sent to lay down and think about what they've done and how it wasn't worth it.
Oh yeah... And I NEVER wait a period of time (like the good ol' "Just wait til we get home..." threat). That's just bogus. Poor behavior is always addressed immediately.

Then again, my youngest is 7 now. We have five boys, that I've pretty much single parented most of their lives. Our boys are all very well behaved, well adjusted, get good grades, have a wicked sense of humor, and very personable children. No one would think, "Oh, she spanks...!" LOL

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Seriously time outs DO work. But you have to stick with them! When you tell a kid to sit you take away their ability to do any harm or get in any trouble. And if you are consistent they WILL sit and they WILL listen. My sister-in-law has a boy with autism and if you know anything about autism you know that children with it can be very unreasonable and most forms of discipline ineffective. But she does time outs and guess what, they work... on an autistic kid... so unless your kids have something worse than autism you have no excuse for not sticking with time outs. Her first time out with him was two hours long. And she STUCK WITH IT. And now, yes he does try things and he does start to act up (that's what kids do) but all she has to do is say; 1...2... and I rarely see her get to 3, but that means time out and her kids DO sit, and they DO stop what they're doing. It is hard some times, it does take a lot of time and no, it won't magically make your kid perfect. But it will give your kid structure and discipline without having to hit them.

Otillua - posted on 06/07/2011

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i do spank but it does not work it just seems to make my kids worst i would love to not spank but im clueless of how to teach my kids right from wrong without it i have one son who is so destructive and some things just are i walk away before i get mad what is that teaching him make mommy mad and she walks away and im free but any suggestions are appreciated

Dorothy - posted on 06/07/2011

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I've tried time outs, naughty corner, all that stuff, and my kids would go right back to the behavior as soon as they got out! No matter how I tried to expain why what they did was wrong it did no good. But the second I even make the smack sound near their butt (don't have to lay a hand actually on them) they run crying to their room! I wait a few min for them to calm down and then go talk to them. A few hugs and kisses later and it's over! I think it all depends on the child. For some time outs work, for some taking away a favorite item when their naughty, and others the only way you can seem to get through to them is the threat and/or follow through of an actual spanking.

Shannon - posted on 06/07/2011

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I will say i do spank my kids, but only for certain things. I go through the process of 2 warnings, then a time-out. but it my kids bite, kick/or punch (with intent to hurt someone), swear or do something they know is not safe (like push baby sister down the stairs) they get a swat. i explain the situation to them, if their bottom hurts how do they thing the other person felt or how hurt they could have been if i wasnt there to stop them. I was spanked as a child when i needed it and I learned not to do those things. But you have to explain yourself to your child, the reason why they are in a time out, why they got a spanking, so they understand for next time. Otherwise its inconsistant and your just a bully.

Michele - posted on 06/07/2011

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I believe in spanking. I try to do time outs on both my boys but they are very strong willed and just dont listen to anything I say. If they do something wrong, I first talk and if they dont listen then its time out. If that does not work I take things away from them, toys etc. And if that does not work then they get a spanking. It definitely works for me.
As a child my parents spanked me when I was naughty. If we had a potty mouth then we got our mouths washed with soap to make them clean again, and if we were cheeky or back chatted we got mustard in our mouths. I use these with my kids and they WORK well.

Hazel - posted on 06/07/2011

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Hi although sometimes tempted, I do not resort to spanking since i see it as a form of bullying.. it is only us adults who can spank since we're bigger... wouldn't that be a hidden message to our young ones.. hitting someone younger or weaker to get their own way..

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