Discipline. To spank or not to Spank Your Point of View

Rachel - posted on 11/12/2010 ( 218 moms have responded )

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This is the all time contreversial question/ opinion. I personally do not thing spanking is a solution. I was spanked as a child, and it is easy for me to turn to as a mom. I have on occasion spanked my son. I am not proud of it, I felt so bad afterwards I had to apoligize to him. The question i have is where does spanking end and abuse beginn? Please tell me the difference between a spank on the bottom, a smack in the face and punch in the gut, because to me you get the same result. They cry because of fear, anxiety and stress. Someone said to me why would you spank your child for hitting.... doesn't that defeat the purpose. We all know monkey see monkey do. What would you do if your child spanked his teacher or classmates for misbehaving. I have seen a child say ok i was bad spank me.... and then they carry on.... What was the lesson there. I think it is more benifical for a child to lose a priviledge or a time out, because its not a 5 sec spank its a in my house 4 min time out ( 1 min per year old). Just wanting opinions i like to see things from a different point of view

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Virginia (Jenny) - posted on 11/17/2010

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I do believe in spanking and I was spanked as a child. However, I believe in saving it only for the worst issues. Not for every single offense. It does not harm them and it's perfectly safe and legal. As long as it's done on the tush. I have six kids and if I didn't every spank, it would definitely be even more challenging raising them. Their behavior changes for the better when I spank rather than when I use time outs. Time outs doesn't take care of the attitude.

Jessica - posted on 11/17/2010

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This is what i do for my daughter. If you add a strong no with ur smack on the hand then if the child does it again use the strong no word again without the smack and they should stop what they r doing look at u and pull a sad face but they know that no means smack if they keep doing it. It works for my daughter and she now knows what no means and i dont have to smack her as much anymore. This worked for my daughter but i did have to do it a few times till she realizes now i just get up say no strongly and she stops what she is doing that i dont want her doing.

Rachel - posted on 11/17/2010

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I am sorry to hear that so many of you ladies were abused as children, and that your parents did such things to you. but you also must understand that not everyone has had horrible experiences such as getting "whippings". yes I was corrected at times with being spanked on the rear, but it never left marks. it also did not make me bitter towards my parents, I may not have been happy as a 5 or 6 year old at getting spanked but as an adult I am glad that my parents found a way to teach me what was wrong (ie. running out in traffic, and other dangerous or deliberate behaviors that I knew were wrong)

as for using the word training for a child. even the idea of redirecting a child and positive reinforcement, that is what you do when training a dog, the dog follows a command (obeys) it receives a treat/praise. I know many may not like the connection that I have drawn but I prefer to train/teach my child the correct response in a situation. yes you must stop and wait for mom before you run out in traffic. yelling at my son as he is running in the street won't help. yes I try to keep him from getting close in the first place keeping him out of danger yet there are times when he gets away from me, we dont' have 8 arms (sure I could try to use a kid leash but I am sure many moms would take offence to that too.

how you choose to dicipline your child has to work for you and your child. I stated before, spanking was something that worked for me with my parents because nothing else would have and I fully understand and see that even as an adult.

Danyell - posted on 11/17/2010

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Ok so I have read a few of these posts. Most have real good points. Now here is my opinion on the spanking. I don't like to but will spank when necessary. My kids are 13 and 9 now. I get compliments on how well my kids act. The ones who says spanking is like abuse is wrong. My siblings and I were spanked when we were little. But only needed a few times. We respected our parents. The kids these days don't and I wonder if it is because some parents don't give them the punishing they deserve. The Only time I remember my dad spanking us 4 kids was when we didn't wear our seat belt on the church bus. I have wore my seat belt since ( and I am 31) My mom use to tell us when we went anywheres that she had a paddle in her purse. She was never embarrassed to take us with her. She never had to use it either. I have never done it to my kids and you know how many times I was embarrassed @ the way they act sometimes. Their tantrums they use to have in the store, I would walk away or ignore them eventually they realised it won't work on me. Thats how I got past that problem but they would find a new way to be a brat. The only times I really spank is when they scare the mess out of me. When my oldest was 3 and we went visiting a family member in the hospital she let go of my hand to run in the grass. I told her to stop at the edge of the grass. She didn't stop and ran in the ambulance drive way when I got her I spanked her. I figure my hand wouldn't hurt as bad as the ambulance. Then My sister in law and I went with our 5 kids to walmart. I started counting heads and realised my youngest girl and her son was not with us. I freaked. Our oldest 2 went to the girls restroom to see if she was in there. While I looked else where. Luckly she was in the rest room. When I got her back to the van I spanked her then.

I have realised that after a while you will figure out the best way to punish kids. My oldest when she was little if you put her in time out she would act like her life was ending. Spanking only got a laugh out of her. My twins time out was not right for them. They would just get out of the corner or their bedroom. I wouldn't shut the door, I thought it was cruel to shut them up away from everyone else. So I would spank them and put them back in there room everytime they came out. I would let them out only when the stopped crying. I never spanked them hard. A tap would always work. And the one who says parents who spank might not know when to stop before it becomes abuse is wrong. Parents knows. I won't punish my kids if I am really mad. I just have to give them a look and they know that they were really bad and we will talk about it when I cool off. I love my kids and they know it even when I punish them.

Helen - posted on 11/17/2010

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i was hit as a child but it was mostly out of anger and fustration, im not thankfull... but i do smack my child not for every thing he dose and so far this year have only had to smack him twice i do prefure to use other methods but sum times they dont work and spanking dose...i have never hit him out of rage and have warned him priour to the spanking and explained after why i did and told him that i loved him and asked him if he understood, wich he dose. you should never just hit a child and say no you have to explain to them why!!! and it should never be out of fustration or anger.

[deleted account]

One more thing... To the people who are saying they are thankful their parents spanked them when they were kids. Were you thankful? Really? I sure wasn't thankful for the "whippings" I got. I didn't get them often, but when I did, I sure wasn't thankful. I'm still not thankful. There is a fine line between spanking and abuse and its not hard to cross that line when you're an angry pro spanker. The spankings I got as a kid just made me want different for my own future children.

[deleted account]

Hitting teaches hitting. You can call it spanking, but it still means physically hitting. Spanking hurts. There are other ways to discipline that are much more effective in the long run that won't make your child fear you.

Christine - posted on 11/17/2010

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Re-discipline To spank or not to spank.
For me I find it hard to understand why people believe that to not spank is to not discipline and to spank is to discipline.
I discipline my daughter, but I do not spank. I also do not use negative degrading words to her/about her when she has done the wrong thing. I will say something like what you have done or said is really bad;compaired to you are really bad. People forget words can hurt just as much as a punch in the face.
now to discipline for our 11yr old. We do have a no hitting policy in our house, which includes not smacking her. no one is allowed to hit anyone. I won't say my daughter is perfect and I won't say that we have stuck by our policy 100%. But it is our goal.
Over the years we have tried various methods. we have confiscated toys, (start off with small time frame ie you will get your toy/s back in 1hour if your start behaving, if the behaviour continues then either more things have been confiscated or the lenght of time increased) not taken her out to places she has wanted to go to (auskick(AFL) lesson, drama class, movies, out to the shops).
At the moment we are using a pocket money chart, she has set jobs to do, which are the usual things, like make her bed, pack her lunch and bag, help with dishes etc. If she does all of those things and doesn't yell at me (ie things like I hate you mum!!) then she gets $1 a day. For each job not done, she gets money deducted and for each time she yells badly at me she gets money deducted. If no money has been deducted for that week then she gets a bonus of $3 for that week. We are not hitlers with it and do not expect perfection with it, she does miss a few jobs every week. but we are strict with the yelling. and to her credit this has curbed a lot since we started it & she has got that bonus quite a few times.
we also try to praise her when we see her doing something without winging or complaining or it is something she is doing off of her own bat.

The reason why we have the not hitting policy and why we don't negative about her, is as a child I had both these things. It is strange how the degrading words my mother said to me still echo in my head, while the physical abuse from my dad, while it hurt like hell at the time, does not have the same affect on me as the words of my mum.
so please remember this before you next speak/ yell at your child. you may not be spanking them, but what you say out of your mouth can have serious on going effects. A good rule of thumb is would you be ok with what you just said in your privacy of your home to be printed or broadcast to other people. If it doesn't learn how to better communite your frustration and disapointment to your child

Anna - posted on 11/17/2010

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It's true that sometimes words can rub the wrong way. If that's how you feel about the word 'train' than it makes sense that you wouldn't want to use it for yourself. I know it is often applied to things like pets.

But it is also true that what it means (outside of the Thomas the Train definition) is to instruct, discipline, or teach, which shouldn't insult anyone who is open to learning. It would be unfair to judge others for using this word in the correct way.
Thank you for your information on your community. I am already online enough (as you can probably see, haha) so I am not likely to join but I may check out some positive parenting info from the library. I am always open to adding more tools to the parenting toolbox.

[deleted account]

God only requires us to believe His words - not to be open minded to words that are not His truths. He also requires us to love others in a way that does not disrespect Him (as in, we don't love others more than we love God. We also don't love someone or their ideas more than God's ideas.) God's idea is to use the rod of reproof as mentioned in other comments. So we spank and we trust God and we see fruit!! And yes, there is always fruit - the child's heart will change in some way over time. And of course, with the heart change comes behavioral changes. To the other Christian moms: I am so excited that you are a believer and that God is working in you!! I pray that you will continue to study scripture and to remember that the WHOLE Bible is true - New and Old Testaments - because, thankfully, our God NEVER changes!! He has always been and will always be PERFECT!

[deleted account]

Maybe it's just semantics, Anna, but the word TRAINED is rubbing me the wrong way. It's insulting and degrading. You train your child and I'll guide/rear mine. I promise you my daughter knows what authority is.

Having authority over them until they are old enough to make wise choices for themselves? A wise choice to you might not be a wise choice to me, your child or the next person. I am here to guide and teach my child how to be a responsible, compassionate, independent, free thinking human being. I don't impose my will on her. I think you're very misguided.

What about my previous post -- the invitation to join our community? Are you above that also? You're so narrow-minded and set in your ways that you're not willing to even consider another option. God wouldn't be impressed!

[deleted account]

"TRAIN up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6, The Bible.

I think you're defining the word "train" in a very different way than what I meant. And, what about Potty Training? Should we change the term for that, too? Or, Basic Training? Are our soldiers monkeys? Of course not. Training is another word for teaching. Children have to be trained. That's just silly to say otherwise.

Anna - posted on 11/17/2010

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And yes, children most certainly need to be trained. Not to be like monkeys, but to obey their parents and others who truly have authority over them, until they are old enough to make wise choices for themselves, considering longterm consequences opposed to just instant gratification, and also thinking of others. This is training, and it must be done with love. But children are not born wise.

[deleted account]

I would really honestly love for you to join our community -- we'd love to have you guys. We're not about judging parents who spank; we just want to encourage and teach positive discipline. We're supportive and knowledgable and THE MOST positive community you'll come across. And, we're not just all about behaviour and discpline. We're a great bunch of ladies, funny too! ;)

http://www.circleofmoms.com/positive-beh...

Anne - posted on 11/17/2010

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I was going over the posts and I wanted to add that for those mom's who "bite" their children to "teach" them that biting hurts should really be careful. Biting a child IS a form a abuse from certain states and if daycare or doctors find out that you are biting the child they have to report it as abuse. Just a heads, up. A situation we found out about when my daughter had gotten bitten by a girl at daycare. My daughter was there for other reasons but when the doctor saw the mark and I told her it was a bite mark she was very concerned as to where it came from. Since it was another girl at the daycare and not an adult it wasn't a problem but said if it had been an adult she would have had to report it.

[deleted account]

When you can't use natural consequences, you resort to practical or logical consequences. Hitting will never get you your desired result....not in the long run!

[deleted account]

Anna, you remove your son from the dangerous situation. How does spanking him teach him any different than just picking him up and moving him. Spanking him in that situation only teaches him to fear you and hitting -- it in no way teaches him the stove knobs are hot and dangerous.

Anna - posted on 11/17/2010

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I just don't understand how I can wait for natural consequences to teach my 2 year old son things like 'don't play with the knobs on our gas stove' (natural consequences don't exist until it's something like, blowing up our home) or don't throw objects at the baby, the natural consequence is, she gets hurt, and you don't.
Small children need to learn to obey their parents, because for the time being, the natural consequences are beyond their understanding, but parents know better. Teenage years, maybe a bit younger I haven't reached that age yet, are more appropriate for the natural consequence approach.

This is not to say that spanking is ALWAYS the answer. Perhaps a time out will work well, or the removal of a privilege, but I still don't even consider these things 'natural.' They are a discipline imposed by the parent.

[deleted account]

I have to add one more thing to my post above. Spanking is not fun. I don't enjoy doing it at all. But, the more you do it, the more you see the value in it, and the easier it becomes. And, a parent MUST do things that are difficult because they are in the best interest of the child. I'm thankful for my parents spanking me when I was a child; I was not scarred.



Secondly, I don't spank simply as a way to deter bad behavior. Sure, that's a byproduct. But, if my child is ever going to learn to respect anyone else's authority, including God's, he must learn to respect mine first.



I do think it is a personal decision, but when correctly done, it is not abuse. And, I have not found a more effective way to train children - and I've certainly tried many.

[deleted account]

I believe that people who think spanking is violent or abusive simply do not know HOW to spank a child. There is a particular technique. It should not be done in anger. The parent should be in complete control of their emotions and the force of their hit. It should not be done anywhere than on the bottom. It should not be done so hard that a child is left with a bruise. In our family, we don't believe in using our hand to spank. The hand is what you use to comfort, caress, to offer gifts, not to punish or to hit. We use a "spanky spoon" or a "paddle."

We don't use spanking for every form of punishment, but only when a child is defiant or rebellious. In other words, they directly disobey you, doing something you have told them time and time again not to do, or they challenge your authority. This calls for a different form of punishment.

When we tell our children to do something, and they don't, we give them one more warning, in a calm voice, looking in their eyes. "Son, if you don't start picking up your toys, you will get a spanking." Then, if still refuse to obey, we take them somewhere private, so they are not embarrassed in front of others. We don't yell at them or scold them. We calmly get down on their level and ask them to acknowledge what they did and why it was wrong. I want my son to say, "I didn't pick up my toys when mommy asked me" so that he understands why he is being punished, and that is not because he is "bad" or because mommy is angry. I pull down his pants, lean him over the bed or over my lap, and give him two quick swats on his bare bottom, using a spatula, with the flick of the wrist. It stings, but it doesn't hurt for long.

It hurts enough, however, that he doesn't want to go through that again and it is effective punishment. When I'm done, I hold him in my lap until he is done crying, and I hug him and tell him that I forgive him, so that the issues is resolved. We don't talk about it again.

This has done WONDERS for my son's behavior. I believe that spanking should be reserved only for younger children - when they get older, it just doesn't work as well as other forms of punishment. But, when they are young, when it is done correctly, it WORKS. And, why wouldn't it? The Bible tells parents to spank their children, and I'm of the mindset that God simply knows best about most things. A parent doesn't have to feel guilty about spanking, but when they do spank, they must take time to do it well and lovingly.

[deleted account]

Natural, practical consequences that TEACH my child WHY not to do something. I don't want that WHY to be because they're fear me or a spanking.....physical punishment is NEVER the answer.

I work hard at positive discpline. It doesn't mean just ignoring bad behaviour. Grow up and do some research. If you're interested, we're knowledgable and supportive and would LOVE to enlighten you.

http://www.circleofmoms.com/positive-beh...

Helen - posted on 11/17/2010

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i have many ways in wich i diciplin my son... like time out, removing a privilage and controlled smacking! telling them if they dont stop there behaviour they will be spanked, explaining to them why you had to smack them and telling them you love them after a smack. controlled smacking is defently different from abuse abuse is when you hit a child out of rage rather then a punishment for bad behaviour. my son is very well behaved and understand the 123 i dont mess around like 2 and a half 2 and three quarters with me its 1-2-3 you will be punished weather its time out or a smack. i dont even get to 2 any more and my son says sorry for his behaviour. i belive if you show and tell your child you love them you explaine that there behaviour was not exceptable then using controlled spanking is ok.

Anne - posted on 11/17/2010

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In reply to all the "ok mom's who don't spank, do you just let your kids get away with it or "crack their head open falling after not listening". No, I don't let her "get away" with what ever she is doing. We have set punishments for bad behavior but I also don't let her get into situations in which she can get hurt for not listening. I am firm and consistent in the punishments. Lying for example doesn't get a time out one time then a toy taken away next. She understands what the consequence will be for lying. Same with anything else. We also explain (in terms she can understand) why we don't want her to do some given thing, It is WORK. Being a parent is work. It is Hard. But it's not fair to the kid to not fully explain. If your boss told you to go do something you didn't agree with wouldn't you want to know why they wanted you to do it that way? IT takes time but if you teach your kids to use WORDS instead of hitting as a resolution it does pay off. You have to lead by example and NOT hit them when you are frustrated with their behavior. Then hit them again because they hit a kid at the play place when he/she was frustrated at the other kid. Remember, how your kids act is a reflection of how you act...

Jaymee - posted on 11/17/2010

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i dont spank them inless they do some thing dangerous like run in the road or hang out the window but for day to day things like just being naughty i just use the naughty spot :)

Colleen - posted on 11/17/2010

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Hi Rachel, I think all moms go through this same dilemma. I know I did. I have just done the most wonderful parenting course called "Growing Kids Gods Way" through Rosebank Union Church. It gave such a balanced plan for parenting - what is appropriate for what age and what situation. Long course, but really, really worth it!

Merry - posted on 11/17/2010

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Some moms on this thread make me so upset to call myself a Christian! Please everyone, understand that all Christians are not the same, we differ greatly. I read those verses too, I understAnd it to be a cultural societal form of direction. The basis is correct, you must discipline our kids. But the methods are from that day and age.the bible is timeless but some cultural practices are out dated. We do not still force a brother to mRry his widowed sister in law so his dead brother can have children to carry on his line....... We do not still stone homosexuals. So why not adapt a more humane form of discipline?
I am a Christian, and I believe Jesus does not want us to physically discipline his children.

Michelle - posted on 11/17/2010

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Ok, So for all those who dont smack ur child and as I have said and tried everything else and it doesnt take effect. what do you do? Just let them get away with it, because then their certainly not going to learn like that they are just going to think that it doesnt matter what you do or say you cant do anything about it.and will continue being naughty and doing what they like. A smacked child always knows why and does not think it is ok to hit others unless they are getting beat by that person.

Stephanie - posted on 11/17/2010

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I don't think it's a good idea to teach kids that we should hit when angry or frustrated. In my opinion spanking is exactly that. Communicating takes a little more work but it models important skills that the child will have their entire life.

[deleted account]

Incidentally, for all those who think we "christians" (your emphasis) are referring to that famous line "spare the rod, spoil the child...." well, that's not from the Bible at all. It's from a poem by Samuel Butler. So if you want to debate the Bible, please read it first. You will see the particular section in Proverbs is about King Solomon's contrast of Good and Evil, and his warnings and instructions. In terms of parenting, he is stating that if a parent fails to discipline a child accordingly, to instill a moral compass if you will, it is to the downfall of them both. Nowhere does he, or thus the Bible support abusing children. You can't just read one specific verse...you have to cover several chapters. Start at Chapter 13 and go all the way to Chapter 29...that will give a bigger picture. It's a whole process....not simply a smack on the bottom and send them on their way. And yes, if anyone is curious, I do have my ears pierced, I wear make-up and I even have a tattoo. but I rarely drink, I certainly don't smoke...because that's just gross...and as of yet, I have not stoned my lesbian cousin or her partner. they're just so nice, I love them dearly...but more importantly, so does God. Kind of like how a parent would still love their child.........whether they were good or bad.

[deleted account]

hottest of all topics. but Whoa...be nice. words can hurt as much as hands dontcha know. I say what you do in your house is your business, my house is mine. but for debate sake: first, let's assume that we are talking about normal, rational parents who know the difference between a few smacks on the bottom.. versus smacking the crap out of your child. And I am also well aware that the particular Bible verse appears in the old testament....but that doesn't necessarily mean that it does not apply still today. I think sound advice is always sound advice...hence becoming a "proverb." You not only have to take it in context (never done in anger - it's instruction/correction) and please stop comparing to other things like tattoos, sacrifices and stoning of sinners. illogical parallel. complete different issues. Secondly, the "proof is in the pudding"...well, take a good look at this world today. See much respect for authority? Children listening, respecting, or honoring their parents? each other? Do today's children feel they have to wait or work for anything......or is it all just their due? Do they care about anything? What really matters to them? There are so many problems within the family unit right now, so many problems in the world, and I just can't help but think that in our quest to be more enlightened, kinder and gentler parents......perhaps we have forgotten something else along the way. It is our duty to discipline our children...and sometimes it is not enjoyable. sometimes a 4 minute time out or loss of a toy because your son locked you out of the house with his baby sister crawling around on the floor.....just doesn't send a strong enough message. No, I don't think spanking should be the normal discipline routine in a home....it shouldn't always be the first thing you turn to, and it shouldn't be a constant threat to get your children to behave. but do I think it might be warranted in some unique situations? Yes. Is there a specific manner in which it should be carried out? absolutely. I had a couple of spankings as a child. I didn't learn to grow up and go around hitting people who I felt wronged me. I didn't grow up to stay with a man who hit me because I must have deserved it. that's not a very logical assumption. But I tell you this.....I did learn right from wrong. I did learn the right way to treat people in this world. I learned that my actions have consequences and that I have to take responsibility accordingly. Did I learn just because I was spanked? of course not. You have to look at the total relationship between the parent and the child --- not just the discipline. If there is love, support, understanding, tolerance, patience, encouragement, fairness,guidance, communication.....I think these will far outweigh the fact that you might have received a few taps on the bum. I mean, we are only talking about a short period of time aren't we? I don't think there are too many parents out there putting their tween over their knees, right? Ultimately you want your child to respect you. Personally, I don't have any less respect for my own mother because she might have given me a spanking or two. In fact, I don't even remember them. And as she tells me....that's how she knows she did it the right way. that's the difference between instruction/correction and abuse.

Sharon - posted on 11/16/2010

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When did society become so closed minded? we praise the mum who walks away from the screaming kid in the shop only to find 2 aisles later the kid is at it again yet we look down upon the mum who give her screaming kid a smack and see them later walking side by side happily?

I was spanked as a kid once or twice. after that mum just had to show the spoon and we ran in the opposite direction (usally to our rooms) because we knew what we had done wrong.

I have spanked my 9 1/2 month old a couple of times for standing in the bath and trying to jump out of his high chair after telling him not to. Usually he will look at you smile and do what you have just told him not to. If you think i am abusing my kid then let me ask you this... would you prefer him to crack his head open on the bath after falling over or jumping out of the highchair or him know that by giving him a spank he was doing the wrong thing and not to do it again because there will be a consequence?

[deleted account]

http://www.circleofmoms.com/positive-beh...

Anyone who wants to practice positive behaviour strategies please feel free to join our community. It's a knowledgable, supportive, positive environment where you can be free from judgement or ridicule and truly focus on learning, adapting and practicing positive discpline. We'd love to see you there.

Anne - posted on 11/16/2010

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I personally believe that spanking is abuse. LIke you said in the original post how are you going to teach your kids not to hit when you are (in all honesty) hitting them? Even if it is just on the butt. We also do the Time out, one minuet for every year, and taking away privileges. It seems to work fine for our household. It has also seemed to hit a nerve with our almost 5 year old. She went through a hitting stage at the same time as her cousin. Her cousin does get spanked and continues to hit. She understand hitting is wrong and has brought up the question as to why it's ok for other parents to hit but not their kids...

Michelle - posted on 11/16/2010

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My children very rarely do get a smack on the bum or a tap on the hand depending on wat they are doing. They only get it if I told them no and they dont listen, then have told them time out but dont stay there then I have told them to go and think about wat they have done in their bedroom and wont do it and start throwing paddys. it always works and I always warn them if they dont stop what they are doing then they will get one.

[deleted account]

There is a completely different way of viewing spanking than you currently have. It's a biblical view. The Bible is something to be taken COMPLETELY in context so you have to "be slow to anger", "love your children", and Matthew 5:21-24 says "“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell." So NO ONE is to EVER spank in anger. That is a sin against your child and a sin against God. Just like with most sins, we will fail. And when we do, we tell our child (no matter how young) "I'm sorry, I have sinned against you by being angry at you and I should have changed my attitude before using the rod. Please forgive me." and then pray and ask God to forgive us. Also, the Bible compels us to spank our children. Prov 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
If you are unsure as to what "the rod" is (a stick for spanking? time out? taking away a toy?), look at this verse:
Prov 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.
This verse tells us that we will believe that the way we are disciplining our children might kill them. That would be the only reason that God would give us the assurance that "they will not die". When someone puts their kid in time out, nobody thinks, "Wow, that kid could die from that." So no one needs to be assured that he'll survive. However, we know what can kill children - it's not time outs, it's not taking away the Tonka truck. It's inflicting pain. So the rod is an object used to spank a child.
The biblical approach to spanking is the direct opposite of the worldly approach. In the worldly approach, dad says "don't touch that". Baby touches. Dad say louder, "don't touch that". Baby looks, touches. Dad yells "I said Don't touch that!" Baby touches, Dad is angry and spanks baby. That fosters fear and IS abuse.
Biblical spanking: Dad says, "Don't touch that". Baby touches. Dad says in a calm tone "we need to discipline you because you disobeyed" Baby gets taken to a private area, gets a few swats with a plastic spoon or wooden paddle, Baby cries, recovers with no bruises, etc., hugs dad, dad reminds Baby he spanks Baby because he loves Baby. He tells Baby "God says in Eph 4:16 'Obey your parents' and when you disobey you are sinning against dad and God. So we used the discipline rod. Let's pray and ask God to forgive you and help you." And then they pray. Baby leaves the private area smiling and confident about the boundaries. God says that the rod of correction will drive out the foolishness in a child - and it is foolishness when you think you are wise and you choose to do something that you are not allowed to do (like touch something off-limits). Spanking is used for disciplining - NOT for training. If your kid doesn't know he can't touch something, that's childishness, not foolishness. To teach him not to touch, when he touches it, flick his hand and say "you may not touch that". Once he shows understanding, and then touches it, you have moved to the disciplining stage because he disobeyed you, and you are the authority God put over him.
So, it's not about how long a spanking takes (5sec v 4min) - it's about having a right view of spanking. The example of the worldly dad spanking in anger is completely wrong and CANNOT be justified by any of the proverbs I listed because they are in the Bible, where it also says to "Not sin in your anger".
When spanking is the last resort, it is always done in anger and is always uncontrolled. That is morally wrong and is a sin against your child and God.
I do not know any children who were raised being spanked biblically who tried to hit their parents or others. My children have not done that. I am sure that it is common for those who are raised being spanked in anger.

Here is a really good article about the Truth about spanking (which is described in the Bible): http://www.learnthebible.org/eight-misco...
The most important thing to know is that we have all sinned and all fall short of the glory of God. We are all hell-bound sinners (including your sweet baby) because of the fall of man (thank you, Eve and Adam!). So the purpose of spanking is to CHANGE your child's HEART, not his behavior. When your kid takes a toy from another kid and the other kid gets upset, they are BOTH being selfish, both sinning, and both need spankings. If that doesn't make sense to you, I pray that God will open your eyes so that you can see the depravity of this world and the perfect hope that is found in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
The major upside to spanking consistently and biblically is that I have NO DOUBTS about how I am parenting my children because I'm doing WHAT GOD SAYS!! Yay!! One less thing to worry about, right? It's also not important what other people think. They're just people like me and we're not so important - especially compared with God, the creator and sovereign king over all, big and small.

Anna - posted on 11/16/2010

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Children know the difference between a well deserved swat on the bottom and hitting done in anger. It is the same way they know there is a difference between a reprimand and yelling and name calling, and the same way they know the difference between a time out and being locked a closet.

Spanking is not violence or abuse. As one who was spanked as a child I am always shocked to hear people call it such. People say the only difference is degree, but we know that this is in fact an important difference. My child knows that we don't yell in church, even though it is really just whispering, only louder. I limit late afternoon snacks so that my child is hungry for dinner, which taken to an extreme would be starvation and neglect.The difference in degree is a significant difference and every parent knows this.

Katie - posted on 11/16/2010

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Every child is different with what works. My hubby hardly ever got spanked. His parents could talk with hm and reason with him. His brother on the other hand, had to be spanked a lot. I had a friend in high school whose brother's children spanking didn't work. But they thought it was horrible to have to stand in the corner with their nose touching the wall. I've spanked my neice and nephews before I ever had any children. Now that I've got my beautiful 7 month old daughter, I can't even imagine spanking her. I carried her, and gave birth to her, it just makes me sick at the thought of spanking her. I would rather use other methods of punishing her when she gets older. However, if it's something dangerious or if she really does need a spanking, than I'm definately not against it. I would rather not spank her, but if she needs it and it works for her, then we'll see when we face that when they get older.

Merry - posted on 11/16/2010

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Candyce, please read my post above, I'd love to see if reading what I said makes you think anything differently.



As for the Christian pro spanking moms, do you still stone the homosexuals? Do you still follow the rule that women can not speak in church? And must cover their heads? And may not wear gold or jewels? And do your husbands still marry their widowed sister in laws? Or sacrifice animals? There's alot of old testament laws and new testament laws that are not socially acceptable anymore, some were taken back in the new testament, some not! But we are a different society now and different rules apply as to what is now considered moral, humane, and godly.

I think spanking is one to leave in the olden days.

Candyce - posted on 11/16/2010

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It depends on the child, as well as the age. Some kids respond better to spankings, others respond better to time outs. My son did best with spankings (three swats on the behind or back of the hand) until he hit about four. Now he has time-outs and restitution (if he marks up the wall, he cleans it; if he broke something, he either fixes it or earns a set amount of coins by doing extra chores around the house). For my sister's kids, spankings work better. A spanking is not meant to physically hurt the child. It's supposed to get their attention. If it breaks skin, lasts for an unreasonable amount of time, or leaves your child in terror of you, then I'd consider it to be child abuse. But to each her (or his) own.

Blessed Be

Tamara - posted on 11/16/2010

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there is NO GOOD way to hit a child! For all of you "christian" mommies that take that one verse in the bible to heart....think about this....the bible also makes some reference to not having piercing, tattoos, women having coverings on their heads, keeping your body a holy temple (no smokes no drinks). Do you follow all those rules that can be interpreted in different ways?

Jeri - posted on 11/16/2010

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I spank my kids, but sparingly, I always tell them "no/stop" twice, if they dont, then I will spank them. Or if they bite, or pinch, I explain that it hurts, and do it back asking how they think it feels. MY son used to pinch and bite my younger siblings, the youngest of them is seven, and very small for her age, and hurt them. I tried alot of things to get him to stop, but the only thing that worked was doing it back when he did it, and it only took 3 times. Hasn't done it since.

Amanda - posted on 11/16/2010

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i think there is always a different way of handling misbehavior without having to resort to violence.

Merry - posted on 11/16/2010

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There are tons of women all over the world getting abused by their boyfriends or husbands. Many times they do not call the police, many times they do not leave him.
The main reason for women to stay in abusive relationships is because they think they deserve the punishment when he does it.
Like she lies to him so he hits her, she says I deserved it.
She makes a dinner he doesn't like so he throws it at her, she says I deserved it I should know better.
Ok so here's my opinion.
When you teach your kids that there is a time and a place for physical punnishment, you allow them to grow up to make the decisinons for themselves what is and isn't appropriate.
So maybe you spanked your son for lying to you, so he grows up and thinks it's justified to smack his wife for lying to him.
Or you spanked your daughter for not obeying you so she grows up to think she deserves physical punishment for disobeying her boyfriend.

If it's EVER ok to physically hurt a human, then you open the door for them to misuse it.
If your daughter thinks she can do something bad enough to deserve a physical punishment, then she might be thinking lateer in life she deserves abuse from others.
And if it's ok to physically discipline your child, why is it illegal to physically discipline an animal? You can get arrested for hurting an animal, why is it tolerated to hurt a child?
And yes, it hurts them even if it's not physically damaging.
Emotions are just as important as physical pain.
If you are teaching them that it's ok to emotionally hurt another human, then that too can cause them to cause, or sustain emotional abuse later in life.

We are shaping what kind of adult our kids grow up to be, every thing we do will affect their adult life.
What we teach them will create who they are.
I think we should try not to create more abuse. On both sides.

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