Do I go back to work???

Tamara - posted on 08/26/2013 ( 25 moms have responded )

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I've been a SAHM for 7 years this month. School is about to begin and both of my boys will be in school all day. My husband has been counting on me returning to work but I'm unsure if that's the right thing to do right now. I was looking forward to field trips and classroom volunteering. If I worked I'd be one of those moms who need this and that day off. Also, not to complain about my husband because I love him very much but he's not a helper around the house with chores, kids homework, shopping etc. etc. I just feel that everything is going to continue to fall at my feet. Any advice?

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Jamie - posted on 09/01/2013

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I'd go back to something part time, so you can do both; be available for your kids AND help the household

Kim - posted on 09/02/2013

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I continued to stay home and still do. I have 13 and 15 year old daughters as well as an unexpected recent adoption of twin baby girls. I will always treasure being able to go on the field trips, be room mom, etc. and so do my teenage daughters. It's a personal decision, but if your finances allow it I always vote stay home and stay involved in your kids lives. There's still lots to keep you busy!

Melynda - posted on 09/04/2013

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It is nice to be a SAHM for all the reasons already listed pluse studies have shown kids w a at home mommy Have less behAviorl problems, but as a sahm i cant wait till i have a job agin. U got to do what is best for those kiddos.

Kim - posted on 09/01/2013

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I still stay at home, but with our son starting kindergarden, everyone is asking if I am going back to work. I want to stay home with our other child who is 2, but money only ever gets tighter. It is a huge burden on my husband to bear it all on his shoulders, and I feel bad, but I know we could tighten our belts (or he could) more.

I think you might find if you just tell him you need help, or divvy up the chores it would happen. That is how it goes around here, anyways. A lot of women I know say they want their spouse to WANT to help them out, but that is romanticized nonsense. No one WANTS to do chores. And he might just assume you don't need help, if you don't ask for it.

I also just don't want to go back to work because of all the adult drama and stress. I've never been terribly social, and sometimes dealing with others is jsut exhausting when you have to fake it all the time. Maybe a little laziness and fear about getting scheduals and childcare lined out too.

I guess the only real advice is talk to your husband. Only the two of you can truly know what is right. If you were just looking for people to join your side, it will turn into an ugly battle if you pull others in and might hurt your relationship.

Amanda - posted on 09/01/2013

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I think there are a lot of factors to consider. What type of job would you be seeking? Would it be professional level or entry level? Full time or part time? Near your home or a bit of a commute? The reasons these factors matter is that you have to weigh the gain (amount of money, amount of increase in your personal happiness) against the cost (negative affect on family, gas money, time spent).

For me personally, returning to work full time at my professional level career is not only worth it, but required if we're still going to afford groceries. However, driving the same distance for entry level pay three times a week would not be worth it, and I would not be returning to work under those circumstances.

Perhaps talk to your husband about why he wants you to return to work. He may want you to have grown up time, or he may get a sense if worth from work that he wants you to have. If that's the case, you can explain to him that those things aren't important to you. If it's about money, perhaps try to find spots in the budget that you can tighten up a bit to free up some money to alleviate pressure without needing to earn more.

Also, depending on the level of position, you may find it's harder to find work that you're anticipating or than you remember from the last time you searched for work. This decision may be made for you.

Good luck!

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Jessica - posted on 10/07/2013

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I would say that if you don't need the money to live comfortably then maybe look into something part time, even Starbucks or another place where here are a lot of people of all ages working there and that way you'll bring some extra money in, give yourself something to do when e kids are gone all day and you'll still be available for those field trips and after school activities. This is what I plan to do someday :)

Deborah Ridgely - posted on 09/19/2013

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I say pray about it first and gather as much information as you can about your chosen field and applying for jobs,etc. If you decide to go for it, you will need your husband's support and the go-ahead from God, who will open the doors. Do not be surprised if you encounter things you did not anticipate, such as a very competitive workforce and continual push to prove your work better than others.
I tell you this as a SAHM who has been at home for 14+ years and homeschooled my children until this school year. As much as I am very glad to have purposefully stayed home to raise my children, I found that along with several health issues, this has made it almost impossible to compete in the workforce. Although our finances demand that I go back to work, I tried it twice in the past year, falling on my face both times. It was worth the try. It is one thing to get the job, and a completely different thing to keep the job once you have it. Anyhow, I am not against trying again, if a good opportunity presents itself, however I am seeing that even with the financial difficulties it is very impoetant to be here for my children to be that stable help to them as they areteenagers at a public school now and it is quite an adjustment from homeschooling.

Rawn - posted on 09/17/2013

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I've been trying to be a WAHM for years now. I dont want to sell anything or have home parties and carry inventory with me. I stumbled on a website cuz I also needed energy, motivation, lose weight, and a bigger income. I finally found something that works for me, so I would definitely research WAH jobs. It will take time but you'll find your passion like I did. I still have an 8-5 job but not for long and then I will truly be able to say I LOVE MY JOB!! =-) I wish you the best of luck.

Michele - posted on 09/15/2013

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Big decision...why don't you try getting into an online business? There's a lot of opportunities out there. Internet marketing is a very big industry, and lucrative too. It will help you have a balance between staying at home and taking care of the family and the household and helping out with the finances as well.

Colette - posted on 09/10/2013

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Such a hard decision. I think really talking with your family about what life will look like with either decision and their roles may be helpful. The good news is, with whatever decision you make it doesn't have to be permanent and there is no wrong decision. It sounds like you may already really know what you want- so I say go for it! :)

Jill - posted on 09/10/2013

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I'm so there with you. I gave up a dream job (free Botox & chemical peels) so my husband could retire from 20 years as a police officer & start a new career. Now I've been looking for a job for a couple of weeks. Got a call for an interview yesterday, I googled it. This job was selling expensive knives door to door!!!! Everything is done by emails now & I swear every job I apply to puts me on a call list for further education. To make it even harder I can't count on my husband to do anything I can't get to. My son also has PDD & on the autism spectrum so I need to be around to help him in and out of school. Hard to find a job that fits around a 5 grade schedule!

Samantha - posted on 09/05/2013

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I feel ur pain I have been a SAHM for 2 yrs and Im ready to take on the world I want to go back to school which I already signed up for and I plan on opening up my very own Spa in the next yr. It takes away from parenting but you have to do whats best for you and whats going to make you happy.....I have been on all kinds of meds because I need a little more stimulation in my life. As women we are build to do it all say pray about it and God will lead u in the right direction >>>>>When it come sto being one of those moms its okay to be "that Mom" children have a greater respect when u put forth the effort
WISHING YOU THE BEST OF LUCK TRUST IT WILL ALL WORK OUT WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT

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If yall are financially stable, I say stay at home. I used to work and have my daughter in pre-k. My employer was pretty accommodating with my call ins due to sickness and time taken off for appointments, but not all jobs are. I have been a stay at home mom for 4 months since the birth of my son. My daughter will start school next year and I am contemplating getting a part time job when my son gets potty trained, just to help out the hubby a little bit financially. So if anything, you can try working part time and see how it works out. Good luck :)

Rose - posted on 08/31/2013

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Tamara.. I am a staying at home mom of 6 .. 3 of which are going to be in School starting Sept. 4th :( I know exactly what you mean.. I have separation anxiety as well and I too want to be there for field trips, classroom parties etc.. I started working on getting my health and fitness back on track for the past 7 weeks after having twins 5 months ago. I became a coach and have the liberty to work from home and I schedule my own hours etc.. I can give you more information if you would like.. This way you can still earn an income while still being there for your children...

As a mom and a wife I understand the importance of trying to lend a hand in financially and being their for your children in every way possible..

You can send me a message if you would like to know more.. I would be more than happy to help.

My name is Rose. and my email a.nation.beachbody@gmail.com

Margaret Chiara - posted on 08/31/2013

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stay home. few people realize even if the kids are at school, running the house is a full time job, not to mention all the unforseen events that pop up for which you need to be available. Apart from the field trips, classroom help or tutoring, there´s all those days when jr. needs to stay home because he´s running a fever etc. In short. Lucky are the kids who have their mom´s at hand at home to meet any need they may have on any given day.

Bright - posted on 08/30/2013

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My three month old baby doesnt want to take d bottle all she wants is breast breast breast.....i really want her to take the bottle but i jus dnt knw how to get her to do so.sometimes i think she is not drinking as much milk as she should,she feel light most of the time....she is three mnth an two weeks her weight is 14lbs....i think she should be bigger....am so concern...becaz she aint eating as much

Jennifer - posted on 08/29/2013

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I was a SAHM also but when borh my boys were in elementary I found a job in the school to see them but also to make a little money. I now work within the same school district full time. I have summers off with them. If this isn't possible maybe look for a part time job where you could switch days to go on filed trips.

Diana - posted on 08/28/2013

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Michelle, earlier you sent a message relaying this isn't a place for loans. Go to Church or Charities. I don't believe this is a place to be abrupt. I give to my Church & many Charities. I asked for any suggestions on a special loan. I was fortunate enough to receive one of my commissions long overdue. I am no longer in need of one. I just never have taken out a personal loan. It's as simple as that.
Have an incredible day !

Michelle - posted on 08/28/2013

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If you can afford to stay at home that's great but sometimes we have to work. I was a SAHM for a while after my 3rd but having been a working single Mum with 2 boys, I couldn't stay home for long. Yes I know I admin this group but I really enjoy working as it gives me my "adult" time and gives me more tolerance for my children.

Mary - posted on 08/27/2013

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When I was little I loved my mom always being able to be there for us growing up, always at field trips, volunteer, food, and time for us. When my dad passed away I was 13 and my mom had to go work. It was horrible she was tired all the time, and didnt have much time for us anymore and didnt know what was going on in our lives anymore. Now I'm a sahm my daughter is in kindergarten and my little one is 1yr old and I can't imagine my self missing out on them. Last year I got to go on field trips with her preschool class and go to parenting classes in her school and volunteering it was amazing! The best job ever and I got payed with a better reward than money.

Katie - posted on 08/27/2013

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Follow your heart. I've been a stay at home mom for a year, I work on the weekends, but nothing excessive. I wasn't ready for a long time, now I feel okay about going back. I think you're feeling a bit of anxiety which is normal, worst case scenerio you get a job going if you don't like it, or your family falls apart the way you fear, quit. Simple. Don't be pressured, and remember to take time for yourself, stress is no good for anyone!

Sally - posted on 08/27/2013

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Work out a schedule with your husband and your kids. Get a part time job that lets you work around your kids school. I know they're not fun, but most retail and food service jobs have a "mommy shift" and some office jobs can work around that too. Remind your husband that if you're helping with "his job" (bringing home a paycheck) then he needs to help with "your job" (housework and childcare). If he can't live with that, you stay home. You shouldn't have two jobs if he only has one.
You'll probably have to make a schedule of who does which chores when and put it in writing. Very few men have any idea what SAHM moms do all day, the few who notice seem to assume that messes magically disappear and meals arrive from the ether while he's at work . :) And get the kids a few chores too if they don't already have some. When all the house work has to be done in the few hours while people are home, it's less awful if everyone works together.
Good luck

Jillian - posted on 08/27/2013

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I'm a SAHM for an 11 year old and an 8 (almost 9) year old. I feel that the older kids get, the more they need us moms. Not for daily tasks, or wiping bums, but for emotional support and life guidance. Between school studies, bullies, peer pressure, drugs, sex, college, sports...whew! It's overwhelming for me, I can't imagine what it's like for kids these days! But, it all depends on the kids too. I know lots of full time working moms whose kids get just as much from them as they would from a SAHM - those moms have boundless energy and I don't know how they do it!
I think a part time job, or maybe temp work would be reasonable. You'd get to contribute to the family income (or earn yourself some spending money! Spa day anyone?) and still get to dedicate a lot of time to your kids. I'm in the process of studying for my Real Estate License so I can have the best of both worlds too :)
I suggest a sit down with your hubby to discuss finances, and the pros and cons of all of your options. Good luck to you!

Michelle - posted on 08/26/2013

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Can't you get a part time job?
It's really up to your family though. If you can afford to stay at home and that's what you want to do then discuss it with your husband.

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