do you ever feel like you have to explain why you don't "work"???

Daye - posted on 09/19/2011

All the time!! They ask me where I work, and I tell them I work at home. They ask, "Oh yeah? Doing what?" I answer (proudly, by the way): "I take care care of my baby and I love every minute of that." But yes, they seem to assume we're just lazy and you can tell they're wondering why we stay home with our kids. They keep us on our toes! Laziness wouldn't even be an option with my 15 month old.

Adriana - posted on 09/19/2011

I hate the rude and nasty little remarks. I personally don't like being a stay at home mom. But after our last military move my husband decided to make it a family choice on if I went back to work or not. My oldest who was 12 at the time didn't want me to go back to work. None of my kids really wanted me to work. They wanted me to be home when they came home. So I don't think I will be a true working mom until my kids are all grown and out of the house.

Lucy - posted on 06/13/2011

Oh god yes exactly the same..... we should be prowd not ashamed x

Lesa - posted on 06/11/2011

I used to all the time but, I realize now how much I do and it's nobody's business but mine! I have what I have cause I deserve it and if their jealous thats their prob!

Kimberly - posted on 06/09/2011

oh yes i do my whole family and more so even my own friends. they ask me all the time why dont i work. or even better your son is old enough to wean stop using it as an excuse not to work. i have lost alot of my friends since i chose to be a stay at home mom. i hate it. it makes me feel that they think i make my husband slave all day while i sit around do nothing but watch movies all day.

Aimee - posted on 06/09/2011

Yes! I also find that people ask you what you do for a living and you say Im a stay at home mom and they are like oh and start talking to someone else because you would have nothing to say!

Aimee - posted on 06/09/2011

Yes! I also find that people ask you what you do for a living and you say Im a stay at home mom and they are like oh and start talking to someone else because you would have nothing to say!

Stifler's - posted on 06/07/2011

i just say that i stay home with the kids. but yeah sometimes i do feel like i want to explain that it's more expensive to worka nd have them in daycare than stay home and that i'm going back to uni when they go to school.

OhJessie - posted on 06/07/2011

For what it's worth, I never felt inferior or that I needed to explain what I was doing - I believed in it 100% and was extremely comfortable with my choice. Whoever wasn't was the one with the problem, not me ;) When I eventually went back to work and someone was curious about the 18 year gap in my resume, I wasn't short with them but I very confidently stated that I'd had children to raise. They generally only asked once and accepted the answer - not sure they would have if I'd sounded apologetic about it. Anyway, it was worth it - I had time to study to my heart's content and read tons of books I loved with the kids, and enjoy their adolescence and all the friends it brings, to homeschool them and watch them learn all kinds of things over the years - wouldn't trade it for the world.

Christy - posted on 06/07/2011

I feel the same way! When I say I stay at home they just give me a dirty look and when I also say I'm also disabled because I had spine surgery and it prevents me from working it just makes it worse!! People always look at me like they can't believe someone would choose to stay at home! It drives me nuts, just because we can or have to stay home shouldn't be something we get dirty looks or get criticized for!

Yaritza - posted on 06/07/2011

nope, I feel empowered when I say I stay at home. To me I'm doing the most important job in this county which is raising a strong and hopefully good person.

To me there's nothing more important than spending my time with my family

Christa - posted on 06/07/2011

I feel that way all the time, including by my husband. He likes to remind me that he's the breadwinner. I feel inferior and trapped a lot of times. I have been seriously thinking about going to work but I'd have to make enough to cover childcare - I didn't go to college and it seems IMPOSSIBLE to find anything that will pay enough with the right hours. Anyway... Just gotta keep your head up no matter what and enjoy the time with your boys!! Most of the the people my husband worked with were women with families and later I heard that they were all telling my husband that I needed to get a job. I didn't like going into his office...

Ashley - posted on 01/31/2009

i think that with more moms going back to work and working long hours and leaving their kids with other people is why the world is the way it is today.... kids have no respect for parents they hardly see... when you stay home with them until they are at least school age, it teaches them better family values and how to be a good person. i just had my first child and i plan on staying home until we are done having kids and they are all in school... and there is nothing wrong with that. people who make comments about it in a negative way or question it are only jealous that they can't or don't care as much about how their babies turn out....personally i am having babies to raise them not to work their childhoods away while someone else raises them and teaches my babies their ways.

Nikki - posted on 01/31/2009

When my husband and I had our first son we talked a lot about if I would stay home or not full time. Yes finacially it was better to stay home but that wasn't the reason we decided I would stay home. I grew up with a stay at home mom. I loved it. She was acrazy perfect mom at times that would make homemade cookies for my friends and I when we got off from school. Not to mention she had six kids! 3boys 3 girls. My father worked a lot away from home so it was always nice to know mom was always there for you. My husband mother worked. she was a single parent so was never able to stay home. Though she wouldn't have stayed home anyways. And can be at times the biggest source of my grief about staying home. (she likes to suggest random jobs that come up or things I could get done for her since I have so much "free time"). But my husband memories of growing up were more about random people who babysat him. I don't want my kids to remember someone else as the key part in the development. I want them to remember their mommy was always there for them.

Kelly - posted on 01/30/2009

yes and im sometimes made to feel inferiour wen i say i dont work anymore as i have a baby, my husband works away so i want to stay at home with my son. i went to college n allthe rest of it n im a nursery nurse but i want to stay home xx

Stephanie - posted on 01/30/2009

Definitely! I went back to work when my first was about 3 months old, and it was the hardest thing I ever did. I was so exhausted; I was trying to nurse, so needless to say, I stopped working after only about 2 months. But when I was leaving, I felt like I had to justify myself to every single person as to why I would want to stay home. And even now when people ask what I do, I feel like they're thinking all I do all day is sit and lay around and watch tv...yeah right! I feel like I am working more now than when I actually "worked". My job here at home is NEVER finished! And besides, I didn't have a child for someone else to raise her. What would be the point in that? I would see my baby less in a day than the caregiver would. I wasn't having that. I always thought I should have been born back in the old days when you were looked down FOR working and NOT staying home with your children. I would have fit in then! :)

Angela - posted on 01/30/2009

It's nice to know others feel the same way.

Kaylah - posted on 01/29/2009

I find the one person i have to explain it to the most is my partners mum. She is always on me about when im going back to work but both me and my partner decided that we would like to see all our daughters 1sts rather than some daycare worker that is only there to get paid. Although we both decided this is what we were going to do my partner doesnt count looking after a baby work (we are constantly in discussions about that) which kinda makes me cranky because he cant even last a full day with her! If its any one else out side the family making me explain i just say to them my daughters life is more important than working right now and she needs me so i will be with her till i feel its right for me to return to work!

Abigail - posted on 01/29/2009

I am so glad you posted this question and loved reading everyones responses! I have struggled with staying home since my son was born 4 years ago, because of what people thought and not being able to help pay the bills, but at the same time i would never leave my children everyday all day, i now have a 2 year old and a almost 4 yr old and i mean to tell you keeping up with them and the house and cooking and all of that i hardly have a moments peace all day! so i am so happy to read everyones post's i thought i was the only stay at home mom who struggled with these feelings!! My husband always tells me that i have the most important job in the world and i guess he's right lol!

Liz - posted on 01/29/2009

My answer to that Question is always the same I work 15 hour days, 7 days a week and get paid in hugs and kisses! most people drop it after that.

Iris - posted on 01/29/2009

At times I do but I also figure when the kids are all grown they will be better for it. My husband and I wanted to raise our kids. Not have someone else they say the hand that rocks the craddle rules the world. With everyone working and all the kids in daycares and such there are a fewer people rocking the cradles. People say i cant stand my kid well maybe they dont like living with there day careworker. Kids get ther personalities from who they spend most time with. I home school i know it is not for everyone but that keeps me busey too. When people say what do you do i say im a stay at home mom and teacher.

Tracey - posted on 01/29/2009

It used to bother me, not anymore because I look at it this way, I have worked outside the home for many many years, I am very aware of the hardships and perks of having a career outside the home, I now also know what it is like to work INSIDE the home(and by the way I am hardly ever AT HOME :) ) , I am just as busy if not more so.  As you other SAHM know, we work around the clock, no set day off, we work when we get up and until we go to sleep, sometimes awoken to work during the night.  There are hardships and perks.  I can go to work outside the home and pay a stranger to raise the children I brought into the world, that I am responsible for, or I can actually raise them, and have to be more humble about how I live financially.  I choose to be around other SAHM's or Christian Moms, or Moms who may work outside the home but do not judge or make other moms who are doing what THEY believe in feel like they have to justify their choices.  If someone feels that I am lazy because I am raising my child, then that is someone I do not have to explain myself to , I just walk away.  Choose your friends wisely, keep those close that make you feel like the super mom you are.  Life is too short to feel bad about being what you were made to do, you are a mom, glow and be proud.  Many people who make you feel bad are just trying to justify their decision to work.  It is amazing how women do that. I have friends who have never had children, they feel they have to justify it, some friends never married, same thing, we all feel we have to compensate for what choices we make beyond the norm.  I say, do what works for you, what your heart tells you and put on your blinders to the nay sayers :)

Micah - posted on 01/28/2009

I have definitely had this happen, and the interesting thing is that I have never had a man do it, only women! I don't go around asking working mamas why they aren't at home with their kids, and I find it insulting that they ask me why I don't work or laugh and say "I don't know how you do it. I just need my adult time." Well, my children need my time! Sorry about the venting but it just really is frustrating. :) But generally men are very supportive, and older women think it's the greatest thing they've ever heard! I had one lady tell me that the biggest mistake of her life was putting her career before her daughter, and she told me that now she would encourage anyone to put their kids before their career. That was amazingly encouraging!

Mandi - posted on 01/28/2009

Yes, I had a great job also. Great benefits and pay, but i had twins in 2007 and already had you child. So we quickly realized that we couldn't afford daycare on top of all of the other expenses so we felt like it was best for me to quit and stay home to keep my kids. Honestly, that is a job within itself and until someone has had THAT job then they really cant say anything about it. What i did to kindof help me feel like i was contributing to my family was started to work at home. I now keep my nephew (who is 3 mo old) everyday and also have my OWN business where I make as much as i want to and work when i want to and i never have to leave my house. Isn't that great? But I will tell you the GREATEST BENEFIT OF ALL is being able to stay at home with my children and still have that sense of surpior. If you would like to get some info from me about what i do just send me a message or you can email me at mandim8379@yahoo.com. I hope everything goes well for you and hope to hear from you soon. God Bless You.



Mandi

Vanessa - posted on 01/28/2009

It kinda annoys me with the reaction some people give you after telling them you stay at home. I think alot of them are jealous because they want to but cannot.

Traci - posted on 01/28/2009

I actually graduated from college with a degree in family studies (seems appropriate for a stay at home mom, right!) The sad thing is I graduated in 3 years and got married, so everyone just assumed I dropped out to get married.  We instantly started on our family so I have always been a stay at home mom.  I just tend to make up other names for it.  Head Chef (I cooked dinner tonight), Schedule Coordinator (I am the person who knows where everywhere else is), Personal Shopper (write it on the list, I will get it next time I go to the store), Daycare Director (with two enrolled clients and one more on the way), Owner/Operator of a Laundry Service (this seems to be a continually growing business), Own my own cleaning company (sometimes I even use the cleaning supplies!), Teacher (recently started homeschooling), Financial advisor (I can tell my husband how much is in the bank and that yes he can buy that or we should proboly wait), Coach (no one can cheer my kids on like I can)... You get the idea

Emily - posted on 01/28/2009

That's funny you posted this...Just the other Sunday at church and man came up to my husband and I and our kids and started talking. He was telling us about his daughter who was so smart, graduated from a prestigious college, had a great job, while maintaining her family. Directly after that he looked at me and said, "What do you do?". I simply said "I stay at home." But I did feel inadequate when asked that. Like staying at home; cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking hubby's clothes to cleaners, grocery shopping, unloading the dishwasher, taking the trash out, bathing baby, changing baby, reading to and playing with baby, all while making sure baby is safe: IS NOT A JOB???? You don't worry about people like that. Just be glad you are able to stay at home with them!!

Paula - posted on 01/28/2009

I work part time on weekends.Then stay at home mum during the week. I wouldn't swap my time I spend with my boys. They are only little once. Most mums i know have worked fulltime since their children were babies. Some don't understand why i stay home and some even think i'm lazy. But i don't care they are my children and the time you spend with them is precious. Stay at home mums are the best.

Bethany - posted on 01/28/2009

I completely understand. I have a 7month old baby girl andits a blessing to be able to be a stay at home mom. But the comments like "So what do you do at home all day?"( like we dont do anything...). But i've learned unless they are/or has been a STAHM they really just dont understand what goes into your every day.



Its a major blessing for me to be able to raise my own child and not have to have daycare to do that. Its a choice that we have made for our life. There are times that its difficult to be prideful in being "just" a STAHM because of what some people think a STAHM does-but it is truly the hardest but most rewarding job anyone to take on.

Cindy - posted on 01/28/2009

I work from home but I am a stay at home mother. I run a dayhome and I feel I answer questions sometimes and some people look at me funny because in their eyes I "babysit" kids. THat my job is an embarassment and not in the real world I guess. But I love it and so do my kids and husband.

Ashley - posted on 01/28/2009

I have a 6 month old son and my husband is overseas in Iraq and people ask me if I'm going to dental assist again while my husband is gone. I'm just like are you serious my child not being around either of his parents everyday? plus paying for child care I dont think so but i still feel embarassed when someone asks me where i work, because i only have one child. They think its easy you know. But for the first year im pretty much a single mom. IT'S NOT EASY!!

Heather - posted on 01/28/2009

I used to work in the daycare field as a teacher then an director, I aslo a have a BS in Family Studies as well. I became a stay at home Mom when I laid off. But it quickly became a relief, I had no idea how much i needed the break from the work scene or how much I would enjoy being with my child each day! No it's not easy everyday or all day long but I still would rather be home than someone else no more about my child tha I do. I worked in Daycare and I know that they are often the ones to see your child's first milestones and then the parent gets to hear about when the show up to pick up their child at the end of the day. I hated that!!

Anyway we are breaking even as far money is concerned i no longer have to pay for childcare, gas or work related expensences. It a good thing! And it is what is best for child!!

Elyse - posted on 01/28/2009

I HAD to work and go to school with my first child who is now 4. We first put him in daycare at 5 months. I also worked on the weekends prior to that.  I missed out on so many developmental stages in his life that I never new existed until I got the opportunity to stay at home with my 6 month old and 4 year old now. There is plenty of time in my life to do what I want (which I am doing right now), but meaning for myself and becoming a successful woman in the working world.  But right now there is so much going on in my children's life that I would miss, even day to day changes!  I want to be their mom not someone else! I feel as though I am learning SO MUCH right now that will help me become a good employer later on.  I am becoming more organized, task orientated, motivated and I have been my own boss.  I've been under someone and I am now managing over two little ones. 

Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2009

I know exactly how you feel.

I am a stay at home mom, I have a 6 month old daughter. I dont have any training so getting a job would be just a minmum wage job somewhere, and by the time you pay for the babysitter you arent making any money, so what would be the point in that.

My husband makes pretty good money so we are living comfortable with me being at home with our daughter. My husband loves that I stay home with our daughter but other people seem to think im being lazy and should go and get a job.

María - posted on 01/28/2009

My son is three years old now and I´m four months pregnant. I am a career woman and had a good though stressful job as a therapist of sexual abused children.

When my son had about 8 months I felt I could no longer deal with the kind of work I was doing and quit to stay at home and eventually work at private counseling. Even though there were difficult times, especially when my husband was fired from his job in 2007, I am so happy to be a full time mum that I could not think of a more satisfying job in the world.

It´s nice to see there are many women who have lived similar circumstances...

Glendina - posted on 01/28/2009

Hats off to all you stay-at-home mothers!!!! I'm one my self, with a college degree, but there is no reward like spending everyday with my son Elijah. Being there for every milestone in his life thus far. My husband and I made this decision, because we felt it was what GOD would want us to do. And I am proud to be a stay-at -home mom; the greatest job/ministry on earth. I really don't let what others say and think, because I know what I do is very important. :-)

Kelly - posted on 01/28/2009

I've been at home with my 2 for over 3 years. It was a hard choice to make but as a family, hubby and I realized that we were not offering the kind of home life that we wanted for our kids. He was working 2 full-time jobs, and I as well. I had a lot of people support my decision and I find it refreshing to live in a community where there are a lot of sahms. There are some who still do not understand how or what we do. I was out for dinner with my friends from high school. A great night out but when one of them turned to me and asked what it is exactly that I do all day....I fumbled a bit for an answer. How to describe it to a working mom is hard. One friend said that it would be great to be home all the time! Yeah, about 3 weeks in when the 'vacation' feel is over then the real work starts.

Today is a good example though. It's a snow day here. What a wonderful feeling to not have to stress about calling in sick, wondering who will watch the kids, will it all work out! I actually had a friend call me to watch her kids!! It's the peace of mind that going to work cannot afford you. I believe though that not everyone is cut out to stay at home. It's a special type of woman who can pull it off  lol. There are some who are better off at work....it completes them in a different way somehow.

Houry - posted on 01/28/2009

I shrug and say "I don't work because I'm lazy, want to stay home and do nothing". The response isn't my concern. I figure a persons concept of "work" is based on thier own ideas and I'm doing what I'm doing because it's what works for us.

Melanie - posted on 01/28/2009

It sure is hard answering the question of what I do for a living, but after being both a stay at home mom and a working mom... staying home with the kids is far more challenging then most jobs. I feel great knowing that my kids are safe home with me then being at work wondering if the kids are ok... now a days it is hard to find someone you trust completely with your kids. I do miss the adult interaction somedays but I find stay at home more beneficial for them and me. They will grow up soon enough and then you can work!

Danialle - posted on 01/28/2009

I feel the same way. Then when I say I stay at home with my son, people usually don't say anything, but they give you THAT look. My mother in law always makes side comments about how I should get a job. It makes me feel awful. Other people though realize being a SAHM is a job. A full-time, no pay, no weekend, no vacation job! I take pride in what I do!

Caylie - posted on 01/28/2009

i have all kinds of people look at me funny. see i am disabled and it is not a disablility that you can see. i had surgery on my spine and then i got preg right away. the preg was a surprise and a very painful experience. i have no choice about going back to work. i can't. i have to stay home. i wish that people would not stare and glare at me when i have to park in the handicapped spots and have to have help doing everything. i cannot take my son places myself, i cannot carry/lift him. i really miss having a job and feeling like i am adding to society. now i think i have the best job tho, yes my boss poops in his pants and eats food off the floor, and i don't get paid. one day i will get paid tho, as soon as bubbers can say i love you and give smooches!!

Sarah - posted on 01/28/2009

I know how you feel. I get asked this all the time and now i simply reply "I am my husband's wife and my daughter's mother" that usually shuts them up!

Lesa - posted on 01/28/2009

People who think S.A.H.M.'s are lazy are jealous. They don't understand what a huge sacrifice it is emotionally, mentally, and financially. I have 3 kids ages 4 mnths to 9 years and I miss having a career with independence. Work at home is tough! With no pay! But totally worth it! S.A.H.M's work 24/7. Thats not even close to being lazy.



We do laundry, pay bills, dishes, clean, groceries,cook, emotional support, seeker and sharer of wisdom, teacher, rock, wife, listener, protector, and many more.



Be confident and proud of who you are and what you do.

Amber - posted on 01/28/2009

It is a non-paying job, but I say I get paid in rewards!  And it is not so thank-less for me.  My family appreciates me and they show it. 

Alexandra - posted on 01/27/2009

hi ya

it happens to me all the time. I have been a stay at home mum now for 6 years and i think that for our family its the best choice we have ever made. I look after our 2 beautiful little girls and i wouldnt have it any other way. If any one ever askes me why am i not working i simply reply i have never stopped working. Being a full time mum is the hardest and the most satisfying job a woman can ever have and i am proud of it we all should be. GOOD ON YA GIRLS

Valerie - posted on 01/27/2009

My mom was a SAHM and now I am too. Growing up, knowing your mom will be there for you whenever there is a problem is huge for a kid! I always laugh when people ask me what I do all day. I just tell them, "what you pay someone else to do...I raise my child" Staying at home is much harder because it's 24/7. No laws requiring 15 min breaks or 30 min lunch breaks. But recently I've discovered more and more people are impressed with those of us who choose to stay at home. I like the that change, and I hope that feeling continues. Don't worry....you all rock!

Tracie - posted on 01/27/2009

i don't want anyone to get me wrong, it's not easy to make the choice to work, being away from your kids, missing out on the firsts, i've been that mother too. neither situation is easy, i just sometimes wish we still got the respect from our peers as working mothers do. but ohwell, as long as my kids, and husband get all that they need, that's all that matters. i love my life with them. and thats enough for me.

thank you everyone for sharing it helps to feel not so alone.

Paula - posted on 01/27/2009

I have several family members and former co-workers that look down at me for staying home. They think I'm Peggy Bundy and eat bon bons while watching soaps and Oprah all day long. They have no idea. I just tell them that no one can raise my kids my way but me. That usually makes them change the subject, hehe.

Michele - posted on 01/27/2009

Loved all the comments!!!  Give yourselves a pat on the back...because we all do a thankless, nonpaying job, but do it for the benefit of our kids that we hope will become amazing individuals one day, and be able to realize all we gave up for them...and say "thanks"!   I'm a stay at home mom of a 9 and 7 yr old...and when they're in--school, I'm in--school, back to college for a nursing degree.  I am fortunate to get some "mental" stimulation everyday, but STILL be home in time to see the kids get off the Bus from school.  Hang in their ladies!

Nicole - posted on 01/27/2009

Quoting Tracie:

do you ever feel like you have to explain why you don't "work"???

have you ever had someone ask you what you did for a living, and flet like you had to explain why you don't work outside the home??? for two years after my first child was born, i worked outside of the home, it wasn't what you would call a career, but it was a good job that i was proud of and good at. there are extenuating cirrcumstances as to why i am home now, but i love getting to be with my boys everyday. but i sometimes feel out of place when i'm asked what i do. i somehow feel inferior because i no longer work outside of the home, like people think i'm lazy or something. deos anybody else ever feel that way??

I have been a stay at home mom to my five wonderful children for thirteen years! It is a thankless job, for now. When they all grow up and they are good, intelligent adults, then you can sit back and say, I did that! Until then, you may inform all the ignorant people in the world, that you work harder than they do. And when asked what do you do for a living, you can tell them that you are a Domestic Engineer! And that you are raising the future of our country!   Nicole Moyer