do you ever feel like you have to explain why you don't "work"???

Tracie - posted on 01/27/2009 ( 71 moms have responded )

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have you ever had someone ask you what you did for a living, and flet like you had to explain why you don't work outside the home??? for two years after my first child was born, i worked outside of the home, it wasn't what you would call a career, but it was a good job that i was proud of and good at. there are extenuating cirrcumstances as to why i am home now, but i love getting to be with my boys everyday. but i sometimes feel out of place when i'm asked what i do. i somehow feel inferior because i no longer work outside of the home, like people think i'm lazy or something. deos anybody else ever feel that way??

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Bethany - posted on 01/27/2009

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Hey thanks, Christine! I can't imagine working out of the house for 8 hours a day, plus being a stay-at-home-mom! I'm very impressed that you do it, though I hope you get SOME time to yourself! For a while after my daughter was born I edited part-time from home, and that was difficult... with just one! Maybe because I'm a loner too, and regain energy by being alone.

I just have to laugh when people ask "so... what do you DO all day?" :D

Amber - posted on 01/27/2009

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I have worked full time for about 9 years and went to school full time, I also had extenuating cirrcumstances as to why I had to quit school but I stayed on full time.  I was a nurse aide in a hospital and really liked it.  But I am now a stay at home mom.  I can say I work harder and are more tired now than I ever was then.  I feel I dont have to make excuses for myself.  I feel blessed.  I do miss work sometimes but I still have my friends.  If some one has a comment about it, all I can think is that they are jealous.  Maybe that is what they want for themselves.  People say "You should as least finish school".  I dont want to now.  I am so happy.  My family appreciates me more.  I am more able to do things with my girls than I was before.  If some one says anything I say this is my life and I have control.  I am happy!  I am who and I am and I like it.  My friends like me the way I am and my family loves me.  I am the rock that keeps us going- even my husband would agree with that.  I take care of every part of the household.  I dont have to make excuses.  You should know that as long as your family and friends love you that is all that will ever matter!  Think of this:  Those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind!

Aquarius - posted on 01/27/2009

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I know exactly what you mean. I have been a stay at home mom for almost 7 years, but I worked for 7 years before that. Now that this is my fulltime job, when I see old friends or excolleagues and they ask what I do. I proudly say being a wife and mother. Some give me wierd looks others ask, how in the world do you do it. So don't ever feel inferior. It's the hardest, longest, best job on earth.

Breeze - posted on 01/27/2009

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Janie,

Just wanted to reflect back to you...

We had a fantastic pediatrician and once when we went in for an appointment, one of the nurses told us that this doctor was "quitting" and leaving the office. I was amazed and concerned. She was such a great doctor and I couldn't imagine why she'd leave -- so I asked her, "Why are you quitting work?" She said, "Oh, I'm not quitting work. I'm just increasing my hours at my other job -- see, I'm pregnant with my third child and I'm going to stay home with my kids."

Although I was disappointed that we'd be losing her, I support what she does and was very happy that her kids, her "other job", were getting the benefit of having their mommy home for them. :)

Janie - posted on 01/27/2009

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I know exactly how you feel. I seem to have to explain to people close to me why I stopped working after my son was born. There are some people in my life, who have pointed out to me that I have spend so much time in school and training (I'm an MD) that I should go back to work.  I never have regretted quitting my job, I love spending time with my 2 little ones. But there are times that wish I was working still and get frustrated that people can't seem to understand that I have made the best decision for me and my children. My new attitude is simply this: I love the fact that I am a stay at home mom, and one day I am return to work or not, and thats that.

Courtney - posted on 01/27/2009

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I have a Master's Degree and was making 40,000 a year at 24. Now, I work part time and we're struggling. But I don't want to leave my kids in daycare for 10-12 hours a day. It's hard and I know a lot of my family don't approve or think I'm just being lazy, but I want to be the one raising my kids. It's not something we should feel ashamed about. It's something we should feel proud of - making a sacrifice for strong family values.

Christine - posted on 01/27/2009

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Oh my Tracie... it is insanely hard sometimes.  I love time to myself and I really need my downtime.  I think being an only child made me really like being kind of a loner.  I really do feel so overwhelmed a lot.  From the time I wake up at 7, I am taking care of the kids, then I start work on the computer at 3 and go until midnight or so and then go straight to bed (and of course, stop and make din din and stop and help put the girls to bed).  I really do need a break.  And all of this snow makes it difficult to get out with the girls, so I feel so very housebound.  Needless to say, I cannot wait until spring when I can get out a little.  :-)



I agree with the girl that posted before me.  I think what she is doing is awesome!  It feels crappy to feel awkward about telling people that being a mom and staying at home with your children is what you want to do.  I wish people would be encouraging of us for it instead of the other way around.  Her children will be very lucky to have a mom who has a great education.  It will make them even more well rounded. 

Bethany - posted on 01/27/2009

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Haha! I get such funny looks when I say "I'm a mom" in response to someone's question of where I work. But I'm not sure if it's because they disapprove or they think I look too young to have a child. :p

Honestly, though, I felt the most pressure when I was in college at a liberal university. I didn't feel that I could be honest with my professors when they asked what I wanted to do with my English/History degree. My greatest desire in life has always been to eventually be a mom, and homeschool my own children. I wouldn't entrust their most formative years to a bunch of teachers and snotty peers. But, if I said that to anyone, they implied that I was wasting my degree. I don't get it. Wasting my degree on teaching children?!

Tracie - posted on 01/27/2009

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working from home, while being an at home mom has to be the hardest ever!! i mean one or the other is hard enough, but to work at home and be a stay at home mom!!! you need a break!!!lol

Christine - posted on 01/27/2009

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I had people do that when I stayed home with Lana. It really made my blood boil. Of course, other stay at home moms understood. But, I got really angry one day with some woman and said sarcastically, "I don't know... I guess I just like being lazy." That shut her up. I have also said things like, "yeah, it would be so easy to drop my kids off at a sitter and go to work and have some time to myself." I got so tired of feeling like explaining myself to people. Now I work full time 8+hours a day out of my home and am a stay at home mom. Double whammy! Life was so much simpler when I just took care of my kids, but it definitely wasn't easy by a long shot. I think my kids are lucky and I feel like I am lucky too. There are a lot of us who don't have the luxury of staying at home with our little ones.

When I wasn't nasty about it, I just told people that it was more cost effective to stay home with them. Which it was. I mean, if my entire paycheck would be to pay for a sitter, then what is the point.

Tracie - posted on 01/27/2009

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i agree with the statement people who work at a daycare don't get looked down on, and get paychecks, we deserve the same respect. i once had a friend who worke at a daycare that she "wouldn't have the wherewithall to entertain herself all day"!!! i've done both working mom and now at home mom, and frankly while i love being home with the kids i found working easier. you got more time away,a dn nobody treated you like a second class citazen because of my chosen proffession.

i love being home with my little guys and despite the difficulties don't want to go back to work right now.

Elyse - posted on 01/27/2009

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YES! it seems no one has one oz of respect for SAHM! I feel sometimes I work harder then those out there in the corporate world. AND we work 24/7 we can't go home from work we are at work at home! I think many are jealous!  People always ask me too if i am going crazy or how do i do it, don't you need to get out? If I actually did work I would be making neg money because of the stupid costs of daycare anyways! Which reminds me people at a daycare "JOB" get paid and get respect why no us!

[deleted account]

People always ask me when I plan to go back to work, or why I'm not working now.  For us, we actually save money with me staying home and not working.  With the price of gas, and the cost of day care, I would not have made any extra money working.  And besides,  I love staying home with my baby and the happiness it brings me!  And.... my husband LOVES all the home-cooked meals he gets at dinner time!

Mitzi - posted on 01/27/2009

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Lately I've talked to women who look at me longingly like they wish they could stay home...but I also know that there are a lot of people who like to work over even having kids...I generally get respect for staying home though.

Stephanie - posted on 01/27/2009

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Some people think staying at home is an excuse to not "work." I have a daughter who just turned two and a five month old. All I do is is chase the two year old and feed and diaper both. I have never been more exhausted in my life. And then people will say things like "Oh I wish I could stay at home. I'll bet you get to sleep when they nap..." And I just laugh to myself. When they nap, I do laundry, clean house, feed dogs, try to take a shower (most days this does not happen), or get dinner ready. I know it's also hard to be a mom who works outside of the home, but it's hard here too. And I don't get a paycheck!

Brandis - posted on 01/27/2009

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i agree i cant stand the thought of someone else taking care of my son. it would drive me crazy while i was at work wondering if he was crying for me and if was being treated right.

Breeze - posted on 01/27/2009

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I've found that handling it w/ humor works. I tell people that I'm currently training the first female President of the United States and that it's no easy undertaking. Who knows -- maybe I'm right!

Charissa - posted on 01/27/2009

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I felt that way the first year I was home with my son. I chose to quit my job because I did not want anybody else raising my son. I now have 2 kids and I can tell you, it's the hardest job I have ever undertaken. And even though it can be frustrating at times, I will never regret quitting my regular job. Eventually, I didn't care what people thought about me. When they ask what I do, I proudly say I'm a stay-at-home mom.



It was the most freeing feeling when I finally realized that people who look down on you for being a stay at home mom are probably, 1. jealous of your life and 2. unhappy with theirs. In the long run, their opinions will not matter much and what they do will likely make very little impact in the world. OUR job on the other hand will make a huge impact.



It also helped me a lot to associate with other moms in similar circumstances. I'm currently a member of a moms and tots group in my area. They've been extremely supportive to me and they have been my lifesaver. Perhaps you should look into something like that in your area. You would feel so much better about your decision when you see others who have made similar decisions.

Brandis - posted on 01/27/2009

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i get that feeling sometimes that i should explain why im not working.  but i choose not to. i dont work right now cus financially its more beneficial for me to stay home. i got pregnant right before i graduated college so my career plans as a massage therapist were put on hold and now i just enjoy being with my son to much to go back to work. besides  its expensive to become a therapist.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Crystal - posted on 01/27/2009

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I have had people make me feel like I have to explain it, or have had people ask me, "oh so you'll go back to work when they are all in school then" and things like that. I then get even more dirty looks when I reply "no, because I homeschool my children".

People just don't normally understand my husband and my views on things. We both wanted one of us to stay home and since he wanted to join the Army I get to stay home which is fine with me, my kids and I both love the time we get to spend together.

Gems - posted on 01/27/2009

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I know exactly how this feels. My daughter was one in Nov last year and I was in college when I fell pregnant due to start uni as an adult student in the sept just before she was born. My partner works, but we cannot afford for me to go to uni right now, and although I have been looking and applying for work, there just isn't any. Or there aren't jobs that I am qualified enough for.



WhenI'm asked what I do I say I'm a stay at home mum. Some people are ok with that but some look at me like I'm a lazy scum bag. I've had one person be quite nasty and say "oh so you have kids for the benefits then". My response to that was, "If that was the case i would have gotten pregnant in my early teens and be on like my 8th child now!"



I love getting to spend full days with my daughter watching her grow and learn but I know at some point I really will have to get a job. I also hate how people think being at home all day makes you lazy! You have 2 kids and I'm sure that's twice as much work as my 14 month old who has me running round all day lol.

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