Do you ever go back behind your spouse?

Amber - posted on 05/17/2012 ( 31 moms have responded )

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Don't get me wrong I am grateful my husband cleans the house sometimes when he sees that I am busy or just because he wants to help out and because I'm grateful I would NEVER tell him. I go back behind my husband and reload the dishwasher because he does it wrong. We have this "rule" in our house that the cook does not clean the dishes after dinner so since my husband doesn't cook he and our 8 year old do the dishes while I give our 2 year old a bath. After our 8 year old is in bed and my husband is sitting down getting the baby calmed for bed I sneak into the kitchen and reload the dishwasher. Please tell me I am not the only one :)

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Tabitha - posted on 05/18/2012

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I have done this too. But let's face it, he knows you're in the kitchen fixing what you think he messed up. Eventually, he'll feel like you have no faith in him and he might stop doing it. Let him wash them that way a few times, make sure he is around when it's time to put them away so he can see why you go back and redo it. Men are not idiots, they're perfectly capable of learning how to load a dishwasher properly or whatever the chore is. I fold my towels a certain way so that they fit on the shelf the way I like it. For nearly 6 months after we moved in together, I went behind my boyfriend and refolded them. I did it when he wasn't around but it wasn't hard to notice the difference in my stacks and his stacks. One day he got the towels out of the dryer and brought them to me. He said, "I know you don't like the way I fold em. Instead of refolding them later when I'm not around, why don't you just show me how you want them folded? It's not really 'helping out' if you're still having to do it." So I showed him, it only took him a few weeks to get them spot on. I know not all guys are going to do that, I'm very lucky to have him. If you think about it, he wouldn't be loading them at all if he didn't want to help you out and lessen your work load. I'm sure if you showed him how it's suppose to be loaded in order to get things clean, he would most likely change the way he does it. Of course, the other option is teaching the 8 year old how to do it when Dad's not around. Then when they're loading together, the 8 year old can teach him. "Dad, those bowls won't get clean facing that way, try it like this." You never know, it might work.

Rachel - posted on 05/19/2012

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We dont have a dish washer and also my boyfriend does most of the house work. I work night shift and also over time the nights I dont normally work so i sleep in the morning while he watches the kids and cleans and then I cook dinner and do baths and bed. So I dont care how things get clean or folded or put away as long as it is done.

Melissa - posted on 05/19/2012

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Will the dishes only get clean if the dishwasher is loaded your way? Ask yourself if the outcome will be the same if the answer is yes, work on letting the details go. There is more than one way to do most any chore.

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Toni - posted on 07/13/2012

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Men can take years to 'train' properly, lol.
Ive been with my hubby for over 4 years and he still cant fold the towels properly.
Men are alot like children, they need lots of positive reinforcement. So I let my hubby fold the towels wrong, because it makes him feel happy that he has helped me. I thank him and put the towels away, and then when he isnt around I refold them properly.
Dont feel bad, I think 90% of women are like that.

Mallory - posted on 07/13/2012

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Lol..I even have to "reclean" the toilet! Do not get me wrong I am grateful my husband is willing to scrub the bowl, and after he does it he is proud of himself you wouldve thought he scrubbed the house like Cinderella, but he never wipes the rest of the toilet down! So naturally I wait until he is gone or distracted and do the dirty job! I think it is better for everyone if the ladies keep these things to themselves, we don't want to take away their pride! lol

Charu - posted on 07/11/2012

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my husband tries to help but he knows that i like the things done in a certain way so he just backs off...i just love him..

Jen - posted on 07/11/2012

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I totally do this and we have had more than one heated discussion about it over the past 15 years! Hubby didn't have a dishwasher growing up and though in many areas of life he is a brilliant man, he just can not grasp the concept that the dishwasher is not a magical machine that will wash things even if water can not get to them. :rolleyes: Also I have spent 20 years working in restaurants and I know very well what dishes can look like even though someone claims "But they're clean! I put them in the dishwasher!" :rolleyes again: I'm sorry, if it comes out with dried broccoli on it, it's NOT clean.
For example, I like plates bowl etc to be facing towards the center - he faces them all towards the front of the machine. I tried to explain that the water doesn't actually hit the face of the plate - he says sure it does it bounces off the inside wall of the dishwasher. I told him the next time he takes a shower, to aim the water at the side of the shower stall and clean himself with all the water that 'bounces' off the wall. Another pet peeve of mine is that tall utensils have to go on the right side of the silverware basket. Otherwise they block the detergent door when it pops open during the cycle, and the detergent doesn't all come out. If there's still detergent in the holder when I open it at the end of the cycle, how do I know that the 'rinse' cycle wasn't just running more chemicals onto my dishes when it should have been washing them off?
I actually have my phone set to go off at 2:15 every weekday to remind me that if I want to wash the dishes and have a chance to put them away before hubby comes home, I need to start the machine by 2:30.

Yeah, I know, I have issues. I'm okay with that though. ;-)

Ana - posted on 07/01/2012

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Nope.. ur not the only one...but I don't sneak..I just tell him as I do it... I say hey, I like my house clean when people visit.... picking up socks is not enough..we actually drill seargent eachother from time to time..But if I am in a catty mood, I will just sneak.. because I know I will start a fight..

Evann - posted on 06/29/2012

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This is what my husband does....he reloaded what I have loaded because' he knows the right way's. Now I leave the dirty dishes on the counter.

Virna-Lisa - posted on 06/29/2012

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you are not the only one. I love my husband greatly and yes he does help around the house when he sees me tired. He does the laundry. The craziest thing is I know when he does it; the clothes come out dull and I have to re wash them or he doesn't straighten out the clothes before he put them in the wash so its all bundle up.
Sometimes I feel bad because i know he is trying to help!

Amanda - posted on 05/24/2012

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And here I thought I was the only one! I do the very same thing, Amber! Not everyday but I do it alot. I work third shift so sometimes when I get home in the morning I find he has already loaded and run the dishwasher, which I might add I am EXTREMELY grateful for since that's one less thing I have to do. But if it's only partially filled and I am loading it the rest of the way and he's the "previous loader" I do go back and rearrange the dishes :)

[deleted account]

Nope hubby's doesn't clean......since I stay at home I do it......he works nights so he sleeps during the day......while taking card of our 3 children I clean a room a day........it doesn't take me long to clean each room maybe 1/2 hour tops..... We have a dishwasher but it does t clean anything well so I wash all the dishes at least 5 times a day.

He has helped make bottles but I have to ask how many scoops did he use, did he add some cereal to the night bottle.....I would rather do it knowing how I want it done without asking him how he did whatever he did lol

Leekeisha - posted on 05/20/2012

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I always do. I think it is because I have been a stay at home mom for so long I have developed a routine and this is what I do. I'm not gong to let him take me out of my routine nor do my job better than I do. I like to feel needed by my boys so I like to feel that no one can do it like me. I would always find something wrong anyway lol

Karon - posted on 05/19/2012

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That is exactly me and my husband.
I too am so greatful that he helps but if I don't reload the dishwasher or double check the hand washing I just end up doing it again anyway. I don't tell him either.. Maybe I should?

Jill - posted on 05/19/2012

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Mu husband has no dishwasher skills. So I load - which I actually enjoy - and he puts the clean dishes away - which I don't like to do.

It seems like this system would work better for you than your current rule.

Nomsa - posted on 05/19/2012

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well since my husband NEVER cleans, and dont do it to him, i do it to my mom, sister and my helper though lol.

Happy - posted on 05/19/2012

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A little OCD are we? Seriously, as long as they get clean, who cares how it's loaded.

Stifler's - posted on 05/18/2012

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No lol I couldn't care less how dishes or laundry or cleaning is done as long as someone does it.

[deleted account]

Nope. In fact mine sometimes does a better job than I do. Like with your example of the dish washer. I can fit more things in, but he can place things in just right so that they get extremely clean, the only issue... we can't fit everything from dinner into an empty dishwasher.

If I ask him to help out during one of his "moments" It will take him 3 hours, but it will be perfect. He's mildly autistic so he gets these phases where details are extremely important and he zones out until the job it done. I have seen him stack 500 forks, spoons, and knives into a triangular tower. They were even interlocking so the tower wouldn't fall as you took them off.

In all honesty I think that our house would be cleaner if he stayed at home and I worked. >

Kelina - posted on 05/18/2012

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nope. not the only one, but I don't do it. My mother always did it to me and eventually I stopped trying to please her. then she'd bitch and complain because I never helped out. Well geez, I wonder why not? because nothing I ever did was good enough. Eventually your husband is going to feel the same way.

Janice - posted on 05/18/2012

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The dishwasher is not something my husband helps with often. Probably because the few times he has tried, I have corrected him. He always puts stuff in that cant go in. Oh well.

Crystal - posted on 05/18/2012

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Ha ha .. actually my husband is the one that does this to me, athough he's not so subtle about it..he tells me that I do it wrong. lol He has a "method" of how to get more in there than I do.

Amber - posted on 05/18/2012

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LOL it's been 8 years and many times of me trying to teach him how to load and he's not interested. It's not the whole dishwasher, just a few items need to be switched around. I'm sure he has an idea that I do it just like I know he went behind me when I fixed the kitchen sink to see if I had done it correct :)

Bethany - posted on 05/18/2012

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I mow the lawn better than him. I have my own manual push mower and he has a power mower. I try to keep the lawn mowed through the week as if he thinks it needs doing on the weekend, he'll do it too long and without the catcher and sometimes scalp bits and I like my manual, manicured look. So he just needs to run the edger around every month or so for me.

Jennifer - posted on 05/17/2012

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Well....I guess if my husband would ever clean anything, and no I'm not being sarcastic. He has never cleaned anything!

Amber - posted on 05/17/2012

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Ahhh me too!!! And sometimes he just puts things in the wrong spot or he puts them in a way that they would never get all the way washed.

Determined - posted on 05/17/2012

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No I do it too! LOL I thought I was the only one. I never say anything because I appreciate the thought, but I have major OCD so I have to "fix" it. Plus he doesn't know that somethings are not dishwasher safe so I have to take those out so they do not get ruined.

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