Do you people make you feel inferior for staying at home with your kids?

Alanna - posted on 10/25/2009

I don't think I have ever had people make me feel inferior. I don't think they can. I am so proud to be here that no matter who says what, I know that in the end, I can lay down at night knowing that I'm raising my kids. However, wouldnt it be nice to keep up with the Jones's? Naaa, Realise that you are doing the "greatest job" out there that comes with rewards 100 fold. I hope this helped.

Donna - posted on 10/24/2009

well, u shouldn't be. . .U should feel a lot luckier because u can afford to stay home and do so without the pressure of working. . .MORE time for your baby and that means better parenting. . . :-)

Jennifer - posted on 10/24/2009

Do not worry girl you are the lucky one and those that look down on you are jealous and their kids are probably neglected and out of control.

Brandi - posted on 10/24/2009

I always hate the question "What do you do?" When I respond "I'm a stay-at-home mom" I get a lot of half-hearted "Oh, that's nice" I'm not JUST a mom. I am a well-educated, caring, smart woman who happens to have put her children first. I have a degree in Human Development and when people find that out they often ask "What can you do with that??" I'M DOING IT. How much more applicable is Human Development to helping two Humans to develop??? After my kids are in school full-time, I fully intend to acquire a part-time job "in my field" whatever the heck that is supposed to mean. I think people in general really need to reserve their judgement of people. I do occasionally feel inferior as I do not contribute much monetarily to my family (I babysit a few hours a week and help my grandfather do some of the cleaning at his house for very small wages). My husband often has to assure me that I'm a useful and worthy contributor to my family, which i know intellectually, but still feel like i'm not doing enough *if that makes any sense* I believe that "stay-at-home mom" is the hardest job I've ever had.

Beth - posted on 10/24/2009

My baby boy is 2 months old and Im a stay at home mom as well. My husband and I talked a lot about whether or not I would go back to work before he was born. I've always wanted to be able to stay at home with my children and am very glad that I am able to. I do work PRN, but I only pick up days every once in a while and only when my husband is at home with they baby. I have had some people ask me why I didn't go back to work as well as people telling me they wished they could stay home. Some people said it snotty but others sincere. Everyone can have their opinion but I really don't care what anyone says. I think that you shouldn't let what others say bother you. You are doing what you want and what you think is best for your children. That's all that matters.

Shannon - posted on 10/24/2009

i was the first of my friends and family to have children. like you i was blessed with the oppurtunity to stay home with my children, and yes i was made to feel inferior by all of my goal and career oriented circle of peers. my children are now fairly grown (late teens) and we have a wonderful open relationship. a relationship that i'm not sure that we would have had if i had not stayed home with them. our time with our children is truelly very short. all to soon they are in school, teenagers and then moving off to college, marrage and familys of tjier own. enjoy the time you have at home with them now, enjoy and cheris each new stage. the people who try to bring you down are usually the ones who are the most envious of you.

Leasa - posted on 10/24/2009

A lot of people had made certain comments to me that made me feel like my decision to stay home was selfish towards my husband . Like i wasn't putting in my 50% of the partnership, if i wasn't out earning a paycheck. Even though i'm the one dealing with kids and homework and laundry and cooking and grocery shopping , paying the bills ,being the mom taxi , going to the doctors taking care of everyone when they are sick even my husband , who let me tell you , is like a third child when hes sick.How is all that not putting forth my 50% of the partnership? Thats like having TWO full time jobs . A MOTHER'S job is never done IMO!

Treva - posted on 10/24/2009

Quoting Kelli:

Actually a lot of people congratulate and tell me how blessed I am to be able to stay at home with my children.

Where do you live?! LOL! Over here in Nevada we never get that. You know I might be wrong but my husband and I have family over in Tennessee  and it seems to me that the closer you get to the "Bible Belt" the more people seem to be family oriented. I keep telling my husband I want to move,LOL. I just get really tired of people telling me that I dont have a job or I should get one or "what do you do all day?" Ever heard that saying. "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world" well if that's the case(which I think it is) then who are our children becoming? Kids know the difference, they arent stupid. They want your attention, Not things. I here alot of moms say "Well I cant afford to stay home(Very few cases when they have to work no matter what they cut, at least around here). NO The reality is you dont want to give up your lifestyle(cable, internet, owning a home vs renting, brand new cars vs old cars) for your kids. Its not easy giving up those things it sucks sometimes but my kids are so worth it and I Love them  more than things. Anyways didnt need to vent. Sorry. This is a really sore subject for me. God Bless!

Dawn - posted on 10/24/2009

Personally I love being a stay at home mom. I have yet to have someone question my choice. My husband wanted me to and I wouldn't want to go to work outside the home bc I want to experience my son's firsts. I agree with Bethany and Quechelle on this.

Sharon - posted on 10/24/2009

I totally agree with you! I spoke to a good freind of mine last week and she asked me when I was to return to the workforce. She actually said out loud, " Don't you get bored staying at home?" I just attributed it to the fact that she is not a mother, and simply does not understand what a wonderful gift that itis to stay at home with your child and share in all of the magical moments !!!!!

Cori - posted on 10/24/2009

i experience the complete opposite.. i live on an air force base and its pretty normal for moms to stay at home. when active duty mothers talk to me they almost always say they wish they could be a stay at home mom.. everyone i run into thinks its wonderful that i am able to stay home with my son and take care of him see all of his new tricks and teach him new things.. you dont need to feel inferior... at leaste youre taking care of your kid and not a baby sitter or a day care provider.

Joanna - posted on 10/23/2009

I actually haven't felt this way, when people find out I stay at home with my daughter they are jealous, they would love to do it themselves.

TeNisha - posted on 10/23/2009

I feel the same way. I even get crap from my in-laws. I just want to be involved with my kids life and make alot of memories. I enjoy going on feildtrips and being there when they are sick and they can't go to school and pick them up when the school calls. my kids don't want me to go back to work.

Christine - posted on 10/23/2009

I was a stay-at-home-mom for 3 years and just recently returned to work. I really miss being at home with them. I really under-estimated the importance of my role as a mom, wife and homemaker. My husband really misses it too. He tells me all of the time --- we (he & my 3 sons) really miss having you home. I was always there when they needed me - when the kids were sick, when my husband was sick, there was always food in the house and something to eat for dinner. Now, we are the family that barely sees each other. Please know that your role as a mom is an important one! You are the CEO of your family and that title is inferior to no one!!

Brandy - posted on 10/23/2009

They definately try but I can't say I have ever felt inferior. To me, raising my own children is very important. It seems like people think that stay at home moms are lazy or something when really, in my opinion, it's about wanting to teach my child certain things in a certain way and just raising my own children. I couldn't handle my child being taught things by another woman all day while I was at work. I am having children and I want to be the one to see all those first things and raise them the way I want my children to be raised.

Andrea - posted on 10/23/2009

Yeah, I do feel like stay at home moms aren't appreciated. Most moms nowadays are working moms, so the few of us that stay home are looked at as old fashioned women who need to get with the program. It almost feels like they look at us as underachievers, when really we have the hardest job any woman or man could have.

Cheri - posted on 10/23/2009

I absolutely love being a sahm but there are those times when i also feel inferior . I had 2 children and I was a single working mother. I hated the fact that someone else was helping me raise my children. Now I have 3 children and a wonderful husband and I had the choice to stay at home with my kids and I would not change my decision for the world. People dont understand how hard of a job it is for us. Yes my husband and I struggle. No we cant have the "luxuries of life"...but in our eyes we are the richest people in the world cause our situation makes us a strong and happy family of 5!

Amanda - posted on 10/23/2009

I love being a stay at home...i enjoy seeing my daughter all day everyday. They grow up so fast!! But i do understand what you are saying , i just ignore them...i think we have the best of the best...the oppurtunity to watch our kids grow up=)

Lori - posted on 10/23/2009

Quoting Stephanie:

it used to, but not so much anymore. the moms I was meeting were in a different place in their life, they'd made other choices.
My hubby and I had our kids early on. before finishing college. He finished up and went to work, and I stayed home with our twins and finished school two classes at a time.
they finished school and both worked before marrying and eventually having kids. They were buying their houses and driving nice cars and just enjoying each other. :) (It's a good choice too.)
I had toddlers and spit up and hand-me-down everything. still do. oh well.
but that's what I chose. and I love my family so very much.
We don't have their struggles of going from two incomes to one. of adjusting to not eating out or buying new things all the time, or image to keep up.
Most of those folks are in foreclosure now...
It's just always been us. A happy family of five now, loving each other, loving the Lord, and being content with what we have and who we are.

this is very inspirational and so very true. we started young as well, i found out we were expecting one month after i finished college but we're a happy loving family who appreciates what we have is is willing to take hand-me-downs (especially for kids, since they grow out of stuff so quickly it's practically still new!!) many of my friends are still enjoying the night life and dumping loads of money into it. that lifestyle gets old quickly and there's nothing more fufilling that having your baby in your arms and your DH next to you!

Tami - posted on 10/23/2009

I get it too. My husband's boss frowns on us because we are always broke yet we made the decision to do this...

Lila - posted on 10/23/2009

No Peole don't make me feel inferior because of that but I do feel inferior because I have a debilitating disease and people wonder how I can take care of my son and do all tha things that need to be done.

Jenn - posted on 10/23/2009

This is the first time I've joined in a conversation here but this one really hit home for me - Here's why: several months ago I was waiting in a doctor's office. My son was having an MRI done so I was already on edge and I was sitting there alone thinking of how much I wished my husband was there with me (he's in the military and currently gone) and how grateful I was that by an unexpected turn of events, my mom was out of work and able to be at my home with my three other children. Another mom who had arrived around the same time I did was pacing the floor with her daughter in her arms obviously waiting for their turn to be seen and growing more impatient by the moment. Eventually she asked at the desk and was told they were trying to get to her but they had other patients on the schedule ahead of her. She began to get very loud and started making phone calls to I'm not sure who in order to be seen sooner. I have been in her shoes and was starting to feel really badly for her.

Then it happened.

She was on her cellphone in a corner of the waiting room and very loudly told whoever she was talking to that she was "not just a housewife who could sit around all day waiting on the doctor." I wasn't sure I heard it correctly at first. Then she spoke to the office receptionist again and repeated the same sentiment. Finally, someone else who worked in the office came out to speak with her and she went into her tirade again. This time she added a new twist: she wasn't "just a housewife" but she also wasn't "just a secretary" - HER job was IMPORTANT! I thought the "secretary" was going to jump over her desk and have words at that point! By the time I left the doctor's office that day I had half finished a letter to God-knows-who about moms who work outside the home who see themselves as superior to stay-at-home moms.

I never sent the letter but that day is still burned in my mind. I was a mom who worked outside the home for five years. Most of that time I was even a single mom. Let me tell you, I work harder now as a married stay-at-home mom (and homeschooler) to a military servicemember than I ever did as a single working mom! I am grateful for a husband and family who repect and grasp that completely and appreciate all that I do. But there are people who will never "get it". They will think whatever it is they want to think. You just have to know that what you are doing is important and let the "not just a housewives" of the world do what they want. I see now how blessed I am that my focus was on my son that day. Hers was on her job. If that's what being a "working mom" is like, I'll take being "just a housewife" anyday!

Espie - posted on 10/23/2009

ms jessica like you im a stay @ home mom and theres nothing wrong with it of all the jobs that like us can have this is the more complicated and tasking job 24/7 no day-off but still fulfilling isnt it its because we love our family...thumbs-up for all the stay @ home mom like us....

Chelle - posted on 10/22/2009

Actually, in the type of community I associate in and am part of, they make ppl feel inferior for working. I am a SAHM/WAHM (I watch other kids), but I am looking for work outside my home. Sometimes you really need the money.

Courtney - posted on 10/22/2009

Honestly sweetie there is nothing to feel inferior about. Don't let other people look down on ur decision to rasise ur children ur way. I wasn't always able to stay home with my kids and some terrible things happened to them. If I could go back there is no way I'd every leave them anywhere for any reason. After 7 years people still tell me I'm over protective but I am real quick to let them know that I know of the dangers first hand and their opinions can stay just that... their opinions. Most people actually feel inferior to stay at home moms because of their inability to be able to stay home themselves. Don't let them bother u, all that matters is what u think.

Nicole - posted on 10/22/2009

Yes, I feel the same way! I just ignore them as best I can, it does get to me sometimes though! Every Sunday we eat at my MIL's and after dinner, like clockwork she says "well back to the rat race for me tomorrow, must be nice to stay at home and get up whenever you want!" That really, really, annoys me!

Hannah - posted on 10/22/2009

Oh yeah. Mostly from either working moms or younger child-less women. They both give me that sort of "you are a joke" look. I want to tear their hair out. They have NO IDEA what a wonderful thing we are doing. our children are going to be so secure and happy. The young child-less women are what really get me- "what do you do all day??" HA!

Reiko - posted on 10/22/2009

Only people who have no idea what it's like to do this say stuff like that. Like you said, in a lot of ways it is a luxury to SAH - on the other hand, it is really tough despite the rewards. I've had someone HALF jokingly comment that I must've gotten pregnant because I just didn't want to work anymore. Right. I was really offended - but also realized what a waste of my already stretched time and energy it was to care what this person thought. Just like myself before having children, they just have no idea. I would have a huge problem if my husband took this attitude, but he has become such an advocate of stay-at-home parents, his appreciation makes a big difference, and helps me just ignore the negative stuff. I try to surround myself with like-minded parents and friends who understand. As much as we complain, I think we also remind each other what joy it is to have families.

Patti - posted on 10/22/2009

Just thought I would check back. Did I make everyone mad? lol If so, I won't post anymore.

Patti - posted on 10/22/2009

I was looked down on the entire time my kids were growing up. They are now pretty much grown up, but I won't forget that feeling.

And, I will disagree with you a little bit. I don't believe we have the "luxury" of staying at home so much as we have our priorities in place. When you bring a child into this world, you have taken on a huge responsibility to that child. Now, if you put that child in day care five days a week, WHEN are you going to be able to teach your child YOUR values and beliefs? You will have dinner to fix, then clean up, baths to give and then bed. When is there time to teach your children all the things that you need them to learn?

I was having a garage sale once when my kids were little. And the lady was a working mother who approached me and with a snide tone said "I don't have the luxury to stay at home like you" and it really ticked me off. I flatly retorted that I don't have that luxury either. It is an important job which requires sacrifices and I have done without an awful lot in order to do this for my children. I haven't had my hair cut in 8 months, my underwear had holes in them that have been patched along with my socks. I haven't had a new winter coat in 4 years so don't preach to me about luxury. It is all about sacrifice and what comes first. lol Needless to say she didn't buy anything from me.

But I make a good point. It isn't about the luxury of it all so don't feel bad. You are looking at this all wrong. You are putting your family first before other things. And that, dear lady, is as it should be. Kudos to you.

Candice - posted on 10/22/2009

yeah sometimes I feel like people just look at it like I just don't work when that isn't the case. Especially my husbands family. They have never made any comment to me personally but I do sometimes feel like they look at me bad for staying home. This was a choice my husband and I made together though and if he supports it then that is all us mommy/wives need!!

Michelle - posted on 10/22/2009

It may just be jealousy or resentment. They may not have been able to stay home and wished it had been different for them. I bet it is nothing personal against you. Don't worry about it. It is your life and your children. Do your best and let God sort out the rest of it.

D. Michelle Fisher

Lisa - posted on 10/22/2009

oh gosh--I've had people TRY to make me feel bad, but I just throw it back in their face. YES I am a stay at home mommy, YES i nurse for two years for each child, YES I wear my baby around in the house and everywhere. YES I sleep in the same bed with my babies, YES I do attachment parenting, I've done it from the beginning starting 8 years ago. and YES I do what I think is the best for MY kids...my babies trust me, love me, and are happy and healthy. I've made the right decision.
that's basically what I throw in their face. my step-mother recently started it up with me. bad idea. she got into my husbands face about not having a job, when he'd actually just gotten hired, and I'd just quit my job to be at home....so she was miffed at US because WE decided to have another baby, and switch job roles--without consulting her of course....so she got in his face and I have to admit my husband has no tact. so he threw it back in her face that she'd been fired and had no job either so why was she pointing fingers?
so she started telling us about how she worked 70 hours a week to take care of her two children (one was like 2 years old at the time) and her husband who couldn't keep a job. She has mentioned in the past how she was also very frustrated by all this and took it out on her toddler, she'd shake her and throw her into her carseat and scream at her....
so we just kinda took her snooty little attitude of "well I worked 70 hours a week while being a mommy and we had a house and two cars and I'm better than you" attitude and threw it back in her face with, "we don't believe in having our kids being raised by strangers or being abused because their parents are too stressed out, we value our family more than money".

she still doesn't understand that money is not everything. she worked hard her whole life and it got her nowhere. She was angry and abusive and when my dad met her and married her she had just gotten fired, had no car and no house--so where did all that work that she did pay off? it didn't. she also lost custody of her kids and they both live with their father because she was shown to be a terrible mother.
Is it really worth it? I'd much rather not have all that stress just for a few extra hundred bucks. sure we aren't rich or well off, but we do have a car, a place to love (sadly no house yet), and a savings account that is working on being the down payment for our house, and we have three happy kids and soon to have another.
my house is messy but clean and happy and healthy and that's all I want.
so next time someone says something about you staying at home with your kids just look at them like they are the lowest bug on earth and say, "what I don't want my kids raised by strangers, what's your problem?"

Ashley - posted on 10/22/2009

Yeah, a lot of people keep asking when I am going to work and when I will just put my son in daycare. My husband and I both agreed for me to stay home so no one but us will raise our child. I love being a stay-at-home mom! I also notice that since my house isn't super clean that people assume I do nothing. It is hard to keep my house up! I shouldn't have to keep defending myself but I always do.

Dorothy - posted on 10/22/2009

I think you're right, its partly because in this day and age a lot of women don't have the luxury of doing it. Mind you, even if they did, would they want to do it? I agree with Bethany below who says that negative people are likely just projecting their own feelings onto you. Society says that women have to do it all and unfortunately a lot of women are pressured into being career women along with being mom, wife, chef, cleaning lady etc...Its no longer encouraged to be a stay at home mom so its no wonder we have a tendency to feel inferior at times. I believe that staying at home is the best thing we can do for our kids. In my opinion, its a shame that not more women do it. I always think to myself, at the end of it all when we're old and look back on our lives, do you think more people will have regrets that they should have spent more time working or more time with their kids? Just a thought...

Lydia - posted on 10/22/2009

Sometimes I feel selfish about staying home with my daughter, but I know that it is what is best for her. I know not every mother feels this way and that is totally okay, because this is what is best for US not everyone. I think sometimes moms feel bad that work and dont choose to stay at home. My husband lost his job and recently took another one for almost half of what he was making and now I am not working. It is hard. Financially and mentally. For me, staying at home is harder then it would be to go back to work. It is exhausting and sometimes I just want someone to hold her for 10 minutes so I could put on make-up or something. Anyway, yes I feel that way but like I said, I am sure alot of moms feel bad about working. You just have to do what is best for you and your family and ignore everyone else's opinions.

Rosa - posted on 10/22/2009

I get the same thing when people meet me. My husband's family give me a hard time about it, they tell me it's about time I get my behind to work. They don't understand that it's not bad to stay home with your children. I enjoy being home with them and my husband supports me on it. I also think they are jealous they can't do the same and they put us down, when in reality they wish they too could stay home.

Amy - posted on 10/22/2009

I certainly think that stay at home mom's are sometimes looked down upon..and i also understand that some mom's have to work..and my husband and i decided together that i would stay with the girls...it wasn't always easy finincially...but well worth it!!!! now our girls are 17 and 12..our oldest daughter is a senior in high school..straight A student..not a mom yet and not on drugs..our 12 year old is also a straight A student.. i always know where they are and they know where we are..so even though you may have a few issues with stupid people now..when your kids grow up and you know you did the best thing for them.i promise it will all be worth it..for the kids and parents!!!!

Rachel - posted on 10/22/2009

yes! some people act like what we do is not important...because we're not making money. that is terrible. The best thing for a child is to have a parent at home! remember though, some people are just envious!

User - posted on 10/22/2009

I agree.....before I had my baby, I had my dad's step sis who is a nurse and she is older.....She told me I am doing what is best. I do feel like my career can wait and I am doing what God wants me to do right now and I would not change anything

Shaina - posted on 10/22/2009

People don't make me feel inferior. Most are actually really impressed that I can handle 3 small children on my own all day. They do, however, tend to make assumptions about me that are kind of fun to dispel. I love telling people that we make more than enough money for me to not work and can actually afford more children. It's great to see the look on their faces when I tell them that I have 2 degrees...

Rebecca - posted on 10/21/2009

We may not have alot of money or own alot of things like other people..but I know my children are safe, with all the news you see of infants dying because of neglect of daycare providers..no thank you..i'll just stay broke a lil longer!

Kim - posted on 10/21/2009

Bethany is exactly right! The only person who can make you feel inferior is yourself. SAHMs have the absolute hardest job in the world! Would there ever be a job you would volunteer for to have NO time off, NO vacations, NO sick days, NO 401K, or even a paycheck? I don't think so. SAHMs have the greatest job in the world, IMO. We get the luxury of being with our kids everyday. How lucky are we?? So to all those people who "look down on you", I say forget them. They are not happy with their career and you have the greatest job in the world :-)

Ericka - posted on 10/21/2009

I have 3 children ages 15(soon to be 16) a 14 and 11 year old. I have been a SAHM for along time. Some people including my own sister thinks I need to work as well. But I always tell them I will trade jobs with them for 24 hours. I know they could not do it. I have to be home. I can't leave my 11 year old in a day care and would only be working just to pay daycare. My kids wouldn't have it any other way. I am here for them. Sure money gets tight but that is not the most important thing. I know a few people who just work outside of home just to support their shopping habbit.

I would not let anyone make you feel inferior they are just jealous they can not do the same. It is a very hard job. But I would not trade it for the world.

Good luck!!!!

Roxanne - posted on 10/21/2009

I too have the luxury of staying home with my boys. I am also fortunate to live in a community that has a lot of stay at home moms. I have heard the comments that you are talking about,but think of this, that mom that drops her kid off at daycare for 10 hours misses so much that you get to see daily. Also, I have friends that work who can't take it when they are home alone with their own child. Just remember that what they do is hard and meaningful, and what you you do is hard and meaningful, but in 10 years, who is going to wish they had done something else?, probably not you. keep it up mom,your awesome! Someone once told me in the grocery store that SAH Moms are awesome because they have to do everything for everyone and they have to do it in a bubble. My degrees can wait to be utilized again in the workforce, my children need me now.

User - posted on 10/21/2009

Yes, I feel that way all the time when people find out I stay home.......

Michelle - posted on 10/21/2009

I've had a bit of both, women who work and express that they wish they could stay at home with their kids and envy that I can, and those who look down on those that choose to. Most of the time I feel that the women who look down on SAHM's do so out of envy, and some that really don't agree with it. Some women don't have what it takes to care for their children like those who do stay home. Don't worry about it, and don't let it affect you or your decision to be there raising your kids. It's a very good thing. ;o)

Crystal - posted on 10/21/2009

NO WAY!!! I LOVE STAYING HOME!!! I just wish more moms could stay home with their kids. I think it's important. I take my job very serious!! I wouldn't trade it for nothing!!!

Donna - posted on 10/21/2009

Hey, the ones making you feel inferior are most likely the ones who wish they really were in your shoes! I applaud any mom who choses to stay home, if they are able.

Janette - posted on 10/21/2009

hello my name is janet.. i am a stay at home mother also.. people are going to talk rather you at home or at work so my advice to you is as long as your and your family is happy dont worry about what people got to say....