Do you split baby duty when both parents work?

Amanda - posted on 08/06/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Right now, I am a stay at home mom. I do everything, cleaning, dishes, laundry, some cooking (I'm not exactly a master chef lol), and take care of the baby, ALL of the time. I feel fortunate to get to stay at home with my baby, while my boyfriend works very hard to support us. But it is a lot of work, that I feel I don't always get credit for! I am just wondering how this is going to work when, in a few months, I start working. I have a feeling I will still be on baby duty 24/7. Is that fair, or should he then have to share the baby duties? Also, should he help once in a while with the baby now, even though I am not technically working? ( I am lucky if I get him to change a diaper here & there lol) Just wondering!

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Stifler's - posted on 08/06/2011

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If you're going back to work I would put the foot down on him doing things around the house whether he does anything now or not.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/06/2011

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Any time. Guys aren't mind readers and they don't pick up on subtle hints so you usually have to tell them exactly how you feel/ Good luck.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/06/2011

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I'm a stay at home mom right now because I just moved to Canada from the States and I can't work until I have a Visa. My husband goes to school and has a lot of class work and projects but we split a lot of the household and baby duties equally (except laundry and doing the night feedings since I'm picky about the laundry and I primarily breastfeed) We switch on who gets to have more sleep in the mornings if we were up all night with the baby and he watches her if I need to go grocery shopping by myself..

Don't act like because you don't work out of the home it isn't work- I used to do house work (along with cooking and cleaning people) when I was a care aide back in the States and it's hard work. Especially when you have a baby who also needs attention. My husband understands that it's hard to get things done with our 5 month old always needing something so he helps out when he can. Actually he said that your boyfriend not pitching in is pathetic and inexcusable. (sorry, but I feel that way too) Of course this is the same guy who helps out even after staying up all night working and helps out with my older daughter too (I have a 7year old from a previous marriage) I don't know maybe I'm lucky?

I think you should tell your boyfriend how you feel though instead of letting it slide. Tell him that yes you don't work outside the home but you work really hard to keep your place looking nice along with taking care of the baby and you'd appreciate some help and some appreciation once in a while. Because it's not fair to you that he seems to expect you to do everything for that baby when it took 2 of you to make it.

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♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/11/2011

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That's good Amanda. Maybe he didn't know you needed the extra help. Some guys are clueless like that and you need to tell them what's going on.

Amanda - posted on 08/11/2011

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I have started asking him when I need something done & it has been working! I think once I start working we will just need to sit down and divide some chores & baby duties and see how it goes! Thanks for all of the advice! :)

Tamara - posted on 08/07/2011

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we split all dutys in the house both kids and house work and I don't work

Melissa - posted on 08/07/2011

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YES You should absolutely split duties....marriage is a partnership and raising a child is too. I make my hubby do at least 1 thing daily...and he is ok with that but does he ever do it, not often...I to am starting back to work and the duties will 100% be split.

Amanda - posted on 08/07/2011

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Shannin--I clicked the link and it said "You are not authorized to access this secret community." ?

Shannintipton - posted on 08/06/2011

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Hey Amanda, would you like to join my community Bitchin Ladies. There is a warning attached. There is strong language and when can get a little bitchy. But not too often. I would love to have you. Here is the link just in case and I hope to see you there. :)

http://www.circleofmoms.com/ladies-bitch...

Amanda - posted on 08/06/2011

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Thanks for the advice! I do feel like I work hard and deserve some help and time to relax. He has no idea how much work it is and maybe I just have to let him know! I haven't really asked for help because I felt like as a stay at home mom it was just part of my "job". Thanks again for the advice!

Shannintipton - posted on 08/06/2011

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I would hope you would split the baby duties. But that isn't always the case. But keep in mind it does get easier as time goes by. I would try and get him to help even if it is just a little. A little is better than nothing. You need a break too. Good luck.

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