Do you think a SAHM is a full time 24/7 job?

Tiffany - posted on 07/13/2011

Being a SAHM is most defiantly a 24/7 job. I have 3 kids, ages 12, 9, and 4. My 9yr old has autism and my 4yr old feeds off of his behavior, good or bad. There is a lot of stress, and frustration involved with raising kids. Add on the responsibility of taking care of the house, grocery shopping, cooking, and dealing with a husband who doesn't always feel like you do enough. Now I love my family...but there are times when I could stand to get some help without someone complaining.

Erin - posted on 06/13/2011

I would say it would be fair that you do all of the day to day household chores and cleaning 7 days a week, if he works 7 days a week. If he doesn't then on those days he has off, you guys share the work at home. They may see our tasks as easy, but they are time consuming. Time is money... :)

Simone - posted on 06/13/2011

Im in a similar situation myself...but by me being so highly open he decided to take the ignitiation of making a chore chart.../schedule chart basically when your living together regardless of who works or not chores are not going to do themselves so its either wash the dishes n dont eat lol or wash the dishes so i can cook or vice versa...so to really make things better we came to the conclusion of me doing cooking on weekdays...and once hes off on friday he cooks and cleans the whole weekend...all im saying is sit him down and talk to him about it maybe you can work out a schedule that goes with his work schedule...once hes off work there r no excuses...especially if your in a relationship its called teamwork...best of luck...

Tiffany - posted on 06/12/2011

Being a SAHM is absolutely a 24/7 job. I have been at it for 12yrs now. There are times when my husband acts like I don't have a job, and says if I went to work he would have the house clean and dinner made every night. That may be easy now that 2 of our kids are in school....but i doubt it. Our daughter is a handful by herself (she will be 4 this week) then add our 9yr old son. He has autism and is prone to meltdowns when he gets frustrated. Then our 12yr old son he acts more and more like a teenager every day (though he does help me a lot). It really isn't as easy as it looks. I rarely get as much cleaning as I should done. Though I still make sure my kids are feed, bathed, homework is done, and I tuck them into bed.
I wonder if all the SAHDs feel the same way we do? I would like to see the results of that poll.

Candace - posted on 03/11/2011

Being a stay at home mom is a full time job all it's own 24/7/365 but that does not mean you don't need a little help now and then. I know a lot of people who think a mother should just be able to do everything from the time the first child is born to the day the last one turns 18 all by themselves with no help whatsoever. In this day and age it is just not humanly possible. Stress is working on becoming the #1 reason people have health issues and die and being a SAHM with no help at all just makes for a lot of stress. You didn't choose to have the kids all on your own so the father should be able to help out every once in awhile. I mean honestly, if he doesn't help with the kids every now and again how does he get to spend anytime with them?!

Lindsay - posted on 09/09/2009

I think you're absolutely right, I have a 1,2 an a 4 year old.My husband is the same way. He thinks everything that is done around the house is done with the snap of a finger. I complain once in a while that I'm the only one doing something around here, and he helps occasionally, but not as much as I'd like. I know it's hard, but allow yourself half an hour a day to do what YOU want to do. Sit down and read a book, get in a nice hot bath and pamper yourself, or whatever you enjoy doing. I know it sounds crazy, but it makes you feel so much better at the end of the day and it makes chores so much more rewarding and enjoyable (not that they ever really are) because you're looking at things from a different perspective. And like I always say "don't sweat the small stuff". If the carpets don't get swept today, so what, there's always tomorrow. Enjoy the kids while they're still little because before you know it, they'll be 18 and going off to college.!

Brittany - posted on 09/08/2009

Without a doubt being a SAHM is a full time job. I have 7 kids, 5 live with us all the time and the other 2 come whenever they want so Im always busy. A mom works just as hard as man to make sure their family has everything they need. SAHMs make sure everyone has clean clothes, food to eat, clean dishes to eat off of and a clean house to live in and so much much more. My husband travels alot so most of the time its just me and the kids so when he does come home its nice to have a little help. Your boyfriend does deserve a break too but it wouldnt hurt him to pitch in every once in awhile for you to get a break. He gets to leave his job yours never goes away. I just want you to know I know exactly how you feel and until the men walk a day in our shoes they will never understand.

Jaime - posted on 09/08/2009

I feel you girl. I am a SAHM of 3 ( 2 boys, 6 & 4, and 1 daughter, 2) and my husband works out of town mostly. When he is home I still have to cook, clean, take care of the kids, etc. He does give them baths and gets them ready for bed, which does help, but our job is 24-7 and NEVER stops. It's more stressful than any other job out there, in my opinion. Whine as much as you want to and need to, until he gets the picture.

Marisa - posted on 09/08/2009

I definitely agree with what Michelle Potter said. I had to finally yell at my husband about helping me with the kids when he gets home. The most stressful things are having the kids whining and fussing about something when you're trying to get dinner on the table. I've finally just told the kids (age 5 1/2 and 4) to go ask their dad for a drink of water or to read a book when I'm trying to cook, clean, or wash and he's just sitting on the sofa playing with his IPOD or something. But I know, now, to ask hubby to do a specific job (i.e. Get the kids' glasses of milk for dinner, get Alec ready for bed, brush Cecilia's teeth) instead of waiting for my patience to wear thin and then I blow up at my husband and/or kids from the stress of it all.

Leanne - posted on 09/08/2009

it was a full time 24/7 job 4 me till i worked out the words..."i have clocked off"... this may seem horrible but eventually it wears u down and the house, kids, and eventually hubby will all pay for it.

Jean - posted on 09/08/2009

My husband just mows the lawn. I get no help. I have had no help since both of mine were little. Too me it's not fair. Yes he is the one working but once he's home he's home. He's done. Our job is never done. It's ongoing. So yes asking for help with the housework is completely fair

Brit - posted on 09/07/2009

I went out once for about 6 hours and left my DH at home with our DD. When I came back it looked like he could jump off a cliff. He says to me, "I could never do what you do". THAT'S RIGHT, BUDDY!!! Being a SAHM is.. I repeat, IS.. a full time job. Sometimes I feel that he isn't "pulling his weight" around the house, but then I think.. if it wasn't for his paycheck we wouldn't have this house!

It still upsets me though if he hears her cry and doesn't do anything about it. It seems like no matter what I'm doing I have to stop to deal with DD. Ugh.. men.

Joy - posted on 09/07/2009

I am old fashioned and try to do it all....BUT, yes being a SAHM is a FULL-TIME JOB! It's hard....not just physically but emotionally and mentally as well. I now have my Husband take out the garbage and clean out the cat box. Small steps is my mantra!

Althea - posted on 09/07/2009

I have the same issues it's really hard. when my husband is not at work he's out out. I clean all day everyday. It is a full job I've drawn up a rota to try and keep on top of the cleaning. My eldest is at pre-school and will be starting school next month and i have 6mth old. I am constantly tired. when I visit friends their homes are always clean and tidy and I wonder why mine just can't seem to be that way.
Try and get your partner to maybe cook one day at the weekend so you don't feel so chained the kitchen and you can just relax in those couple of hours.............Good luck.lol

Jackie - posted on 09/07/2009

I think you have a ligitimate complaint! It is the same way with me and my husband. I told him that I wished he would help out more that I can't do it all by myself. He had to fill my shoes once and didn't like it one bit. Maybe you should just tell him how you are feeling and hopefully he takes the hint. Good luck!

Carrie - posted on 09/07/2009

I also am a stay at home mom to a 4 year old. I have been since she was 6 months old, and yes it is a full time job. My husband thank god, does help with the chores, and I feel that they should help out some. Children have alot of energy lol, and cleaning up is also an all day thing. But a little help would be nice for you. You do need a break at times as well.

Cathy - posted on 09/07/2009

First of all a SAHM is a job. When my husband and I made the decision for me to be a full time Mom I did not know what I was in for. After the first few months he informed me that I was more stressed out then when I working outside the house. It is hard to get the men to understand what we are going thru. Finally my husband would stay home with the kids for a couple of days and I would go visit family and friends and take a much needed break. They forget that SAHM's is a 24/7 day job. Try and get him to take care of the kids and you go off to the movies or out to eat with some friends at least once a week. See if that will start to ease some of the stress.

Shannon - posted on 09/07/2009

I feel that being a SAHM is definately a full time job. My husband is in the US Navy and yes he has hectic hours and is gone part of the time BUT he still helps me out when he can. He acknowledges and is happy with me staying at home because we would rather haveus raise our child instead of sending her to daycare. Now I am not puting down people who send their kids to daycare my neice and nephew go to daycare and they are great kids. But it's just different life styles. I will also let you know that my Hubby had to be...conditioned with what I expected of him as a SAHM. It was rough in the beginning and he started to take advantage...now it's good as gold as long as everyone (including children) know what the xpectations are. Good Luck!!

Donna - posted on 09/07/2009

I dont expect my husband to help with general household duties though he does help out there on weekends and when he is home from work. But what i do expect that he helps with is anything to do with our new baby whom is less than 3mths old. I did have to have a bit of a run in with him to get him to understand but now he does he is much better. My advise is to talk to him about it dont do what i do and go off the handle but make him understand that our jobs do not end at 5 o,clock or there abouts.

Jackie - posted on 09/06/2009

Wow, sounds like me. I try to keep the house clean, but getting the kids to pick up after themselves is a huge fight, especially with my 4 year old daughter. I have a 6 1/2 year old son, 4 and 2 year old daughters. The place never can stay clean for even a couple of hours. Laundry is a neverending job.
My husband works nights and sleeps all day. We don't get to spend much time with him and he's always tired. I wish he would do something. He says the same thing "I work all the time." I would be totally fine with it, if I could get away for a weekend at least once a month. He doesn't understand how hard it is. You are totally fine to feel the way you do. I feel the same way.

Heather - posted on 09/06/2009

Unless a person has been a SAH parent, they can not understand what it is like. Yes,being a SAHM is a full time job. Our jobs are 24/7/365 with no time off. I think you have every right to ask your DH for help. My DH always brings up the fact that I don't contribute anything to the finances, so I don't have a job. But I once read somewhere that if SAHMs did get paid, it would be somewhere in the range of $80,000 a year. Haven't actually done it yet, but one of my friends gave me the suggestion of "charging" my DH for everything I do. Hang in there!! We all know how you feel :)

Skittles - posted on 09/06/2009

I know what you are going through. I am in a lil bit different spot myself.The 3 kids that we have are mine from before and he is still getting used to the idea on an instant family but he does love the kids. he is getting better. Oncein awhile he cooks and he give me back rubs and that helps. But he works overnights so he sleep most of the day.. I sometimes wonder if my house will ever be 100% clean lol. everytime I turn around they are messing what I just got done.

Dina - posted on 09/05/2009

I am a SAHM too, but I did pick up a night job a couple days a week working 6-10 and that gives me a break, and gives dad some time with the kids (which we all know means bathing them and getting them to bed) Now mind you his only responsibility is to take out the garbage cause, but when he does ask what he can do there are the few things that do help. Also when I leave him with only one bottle and he then NEEDS to do the dishes to have a bottle to put the baby to bed with, the dishes magicaly get done ;) It needs to be a team effort or he needs to understand and appreciate you more. The first time my hubby had to take on the girls all alone on a Saturday while I was working, he definitly told me there was no way he could do what I do every day! Good luck!

Hillary - posted on 09/05/2009

My husband stays at home with our 9 month old daughter while I work a full time job. He is great with her, and usually tries to do as much housework as he can during the day. When I get home I usually spend my time with Bella while he cooks dinner, and I usually spend the rest of the evening with Bella and get her ready for bed. On the weekends, I usually watch Bella and do the housework that didn't get done during the week. I try to help him as much as possible because I know how tough it can be. If there is any disposable income available for you, I would recommend asking your bf if it would be possible to have a cleaning service come once or twice a month to help you with the upkeep of the house and give you a little break, it is actually more affordable than people think, usually between $30-60 for one person to come and clean, depending on the size of your house. This has helped us so much, we both get a clean house and a little break, I feel that he does need to help you more than he does, it is more than possible to get it done, yes, as a SAHM it is more of your responsibility to keep the house clean during the week, but on his days off he needs to do more than sleep in and be lazy.

Jayme - posted on 09/05/2009

I totally agree but unfortunately the guys never seem to. Mine says work is just as hard, however he at least gets weekends off! Moms are full time, always on call, and free employees!

Lindsay - posted on 09/05/2009

I agree that a SAHM is a full time job! And I am in your exact position! Just a tid bit of info I ran across.............a study was done (in 2007) to measure the amount of work and hours a mother puts into her home and family. The outcome for what a SAHM's salary should be? $138,095.00!!!! I think it should be more!! Have a good day!

Amanda - posted on 09/05/2009

You are totally right! Men do not understand how hard it is to be a SAHM. They always say that they work and we just stay home. Yes they make work, but they do get days off! We as moms never ever get a day off to just sit around and do nothing. We may have a few minutes a day. And by the time our children go to bed, we are so exhausted we just want to go to bed! I think for a day when he has a day off you take a day where you go out and be by yourself and let him have the kids, then maybe he will understand what it is like!

Brittany - posted on 09/04/2009

I think it is a fulltime job. My husband works 12 hour shifts but I believe that on his days off he should help with at least one chore or watch our son while I do them all. I keep our house as clean as I possibly can and cook all of the food including making his lunch and getting his uniform ready for the next day so I completely understand what you mean. My husbands under the impression that because I do not work that I should do it all without complaining.

Deborah - posted on 09/04/2009

This has been very interesting reading. I am a new SAHM with a 6 month old. I can honestly say I had no idea how difficult running a house and raising a little person could be and I was a teacher! My husband spends quality time playing with our son and feeding him dinner everyday, which is wonderful, this allows me cook our dinner, but I still overwhelmed with the household duties which are never ending. I feel stressed out right now because not everything gets done. Now I feel like all I do is complain to him and I really hate that. I KNOW he works hard at his job and himself feels stressed, but boy...24/7, even when your sick...wow! It's nice to see I am not the only one who feels this way. After reading this, I think I will be talking to my husband a little more directly.

Ericka - posted on 09/04/2009

i totally understand where you're coming from, i have a 3 yo girl, a 2yo boy and a 1yo girl. my husband doesn't help or even offer to help and it makes me upset and he doesn't get it...he told me one time that he goes to work and i just sit at the house with the kids and i was like WTF wait right there mister lol but yea to them we're whining but to we fellow SAHMs we totally understand...bring me your's one or two days a week and i'll watch em then you take mine a day or two lol :P hang in there girl

Samantha - posted on 09/04/2009

I completely understand. I only have one child he's 2 1/2 but I do everything all day everyday. But my husband had to do it for a few months while i worked and he got a taste of what it's like. He's never been so happy to be working again. Have you thought of asking him for one day he does something to help?

Pamela - posted on 09/04/2009

I totally understand how you feel. The words I hate are "you don't do nothing all day"

Since becoming unemployed and devoting my time home I try to stay on top of the basics around the house like cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, kids, school, loving(LOL)... I am not perfect, some days the house is spotless and we have a nutritious meal for dinner, other days the house is a wreck and it's hotdogs and beans for dinner. I am trying to keep everybody happy. The misconception that since we're home all day that we have nothing to do. We do not have that down in between time that they have commuting to and from work. I have total respect and am blessed that my hubby is the bread winner at this time in our life. But under no circumstance should they ever make us feel less because we don't clock into a company each day. This is our company.

Shannan - posted on 09/04/2009

I know exactly how you feel.I too am a stay at home mom and my husband works.He doesn't help me with anything unless I practically bed him to.I believe it is unfair for you to be doing everything while he does nothing or than work all day.I can understand him being tired after working,but you really deserve a break every now and then.Try reasoning with him or suggest that he try doing everything for one day an then see what he says.lol

Ashley - posted on 09/04/2009

SAHM is definitely a 24/7 job! Luckily though, my husband does cook supper every night, and even does the dishes since I got pregnant with #2... I've been too tired and nauseous to stay standing at the sink.

Heather - posted on 09/04/2009

Totally a 24/7 job! I think it is one of the hardest jobs there is because you don't get as much help. I also think that by keeping our kids at home vs the sitters that our houses gets a lot messier then when there is only people in them and a wake for a few hours.

Alicia - posted on 09/04/2009

Well, when my son was born..we decided that i would stay at home..during the night through the first year or year and a half i woke up with him during the week while the hubby was working, because i could nap when he napped during the day..hubby couldn't ..he helped me on the weekend..and now..he's 3 years old..i still stay at home with him..i keep up with the house..which isnt much..the hubby is usually the one cooking dinner[he loves to cook]..he helps with housework..laundry..etc..because he wants to..but that differs with every man..you just have to talk it out with your man..and come up with a solution that works for the both of you..you cannot take on too much and let your frustration build up and feel like you are doing it all alone..so just sit down with him and tell im how you are feeling..you are not wrong at all for wanting some help..you deserve it!

Tiffiny - posted on 09/04/2009

i agree completely w ur post exactly how i feel.good way of putting it.

Michelle - posted on 09/04/2009

My Hat is off to all you SAHM's. You are unique and strong women who have been blessed to be able to be home with your babies. It is a tough job but do it the best you can!

Tam - posted on 09/04/2009

Hi again, I thought I'd just mention that I had my first day off just this last week after nearly 4 years! My big girl turns 4 in a few weeks. I made arrangements with a friend to go to town (we live in a country area) for a day and we did really mundane things like vege shopping and food shopping and stopping at her bro-in-laws place for a free coffee even! It was great! All while our kids stayed with their Dad's for the day. It was bliss and unusual all at the same time. I felt really refreshed when I got home (of course to a messy house lol!) and am now ready to face the next 12 months. My friend and I have made a promise to each other to keep up our "annual holiday". Just something you might like to try when your ready to leave your babies with their daddy for the day. It's amazing how just that one day to yourself revives you.

Tam - posted on 09/04/2009

Hi, lots of great replies here. I am also a SAHM with a 3 & 2 year old. I found it hard at first but managed to get Dad to help with bathing before bed and he does most (note that's most not all lol!) of the dishes most nights. This is all he does around the house but that's OK with me. My routine is leave the kids mess (except yucky stuff like food residue) until they go to bed at night then clean up once only - they're kids after all and they will make a mess. I was really anal about having a tidy house before kids but I have had to learn to just relax and change my mindset. Also as they get older the mess gets less or at least a bit more contained. Now my girls are a bit past the toddler stage they like to play outside riding their bikes or other kid stuff in the summer and in the winter play in their bedrooms (mess contained to just one room mostly - yay!). I have also found Kindergarten a great way to get them into art and really messy stuff without having to clean up at home :-)

Sherry - posted on 09/04/2009

Being a SAHM is definatelya full time job! Most men will even agree, how hard it is just staying at home. I however, am one of the lucky ones. My husband, does know and appreciates everything I do. It is very stressfull. SAHM's are mothers, nurses,teachers,accountants,cooks,maids,caretakers,wives, and etc... We are everything all in one, just without all of the pay. Our pay, comes in the form of a "thank you" every now and then. So, Leilani, you aren't wrong, just under appreciated. Chin up my friend, your precious little ones, will be grown before you know it. Try to enjoy them being little for as long as you can. Soon, they will be helping mommy around the house. My girls are 11 and 16. I miss them being little. If every single section of your home isn't spotless, so what! as long as your children are well taken care of, happy, and everyone has what they need, that's really all that matters. If family and friends come over, they shouldn't judge, they should help, where they see they may be needed. Have a great Day! I hope I helped you some! = )

Hailey - posted on 09/04/2009

im with u it wouldnt hurt for him to help im always whining at my man because he also only does his job he doesnt help with house work maybe once in a blue moon he will put the dishes away but thats as far as it goes , the only time he does the lot is when iv been in hospital after giving birth ,

Rebecca - posted on 09/04/2009

I am a mother of 5 - 8, 6, 4, 2 and 11 months and trust me a SAHM is more then a fulltime job, i do everything that you listed plus i have my sickly mother-in-law living with us, my husband starts work at 6:30am through to between 5 and 7:30pm and is away alot, but when he is home he helps out to make my life a little easier, so yes you have every right to whine and ask for help.

Lindsay - posted on 09/03/2009

i am a stay at home mother to 4 beautiful children 5 , 1, 2,17 weeks ,I am constantly cleaning vacuming ,steam cleaning carpets ,doing loads of laundry making meals and snacks changing diapers,giving baths and spending time with them arts crafts going to the park on picnics and shopping my husband works all day so i do it all , I cyber school my son in the morning from 9 to 2 in between breaks i am changing kids putting them for naps giving baths running the dishwaher putting a different movie in the blue ray and making lunchs my day never stops but i love it every min of it weekends are family day we always take the kids somewhere most of the time chucky cheese and once a month we take them to toys ur us and let them pick out whatever they want, when my husband gets home he always helps me and he gives me alot of credit for what i do i give myself credit to bc everyone says how do you do it ? I am pregnant with number 5 and will still continue to do it all. give your self a pat on the back all stay at home moms bc its a tough job but its the best job i dont believe in day care and never will i would never trust any stranger watching my beautiful babies

Crystal - posted on 09/03/2009

Very true our job is kids and house, however I think when dad gets home its his turn with the little ones and mom continues doing what ever else needs to get done. Personally I feel better doing housework when I know the kids are getting quality time with their dad. Whoever said moms who stay at home eat bon bons all day, clearly had no idea what we really do! takecare

Erica - posted on 09/03/2009

My husband is in the military so he is away a lot and I am forced to do everything on my own. However, when he is home we have set some rules. When he gets home he has some time to decompress, but then he has to spend time playing with the kids (9 months and 2) or keeping them occupied so that I have a chance to clean the kitchen or do laundry in peace. He also helps minimally with bath time, I can't diaper both kids at once so he helps with that and putting lotion on them. He also is in charge of making sure that the trash is taken out every night before he comes to bed. If he is asked he will usually help with other things as well. Having set things for him to do seems to help, but keeping it simple is key. Remember that they have spent all day at their job, you spent the day at yours. Things in the evening should be done by both partners, but you should still take the bulk of things on as it is part of your "job description". Hope this helps.

Laura - posted on 09/03/2009

of course he should help out when he gets home from work..sure he goes to work everyday and brings home a pay check..but he gets days off, only works certain hours...plus he gets BREAKS!!!! Our job is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, whether it's raining or snowing we still have to be there! We get no breaks and if we do it's like what maybe 2 -3 minutes at most? I am stay at home mom of two boys ages 3 and a 1 yr and a half...half the time it's crazy here! both are mommy boys, clingy, crabby, they don't nap at the same time, and they are destructive when my boyfriend gets home he tries to help out with the kids and usually he's the one to make supper, cause I haven't even had time to think about it that day...so yes I think it's ok that you ask him for help..he's away all day, when is his time to spend with your girls???

Anna - posted on 09/03/2009

You are so right. I get mad when I have to do it all too. I find it helps if you give your man specific requests ie don't just say 'do something' - say 'can you please be in charge of folding the laundry and washing the dishes?' I found this out because my partner told me he comes home, sees chaos and doesn't know where to start and doesn't know how I organise things so he waits for me to ask him to do something. Ask him politely and don't jump on him the minute he gets in the door.

Tweety - posted on 09/03/2009

I am at home and it IS a 24/7 job! We (the moms) are on call 24/7 yes all the time even at 2, 3, 4, 5am! ALL the time!! I totally understand what you are talking about. My husband works to.. a lot.. So much I think my son is starting to notice the lack of attention:-( Sometimes I feel as if he has no idea what I do all day or actually what goes on and that I am not sitting all day or watching tv (yes on occasion dora maybe on etc.. you know what I mean - LOL). I am scared to think what might happne if I left for a day:-) - LOL. I wanted to know... you are not alone.

Beth - posted on 09/03/2009

I feel the same as you do, but my DH is gone all day from 7:00 am to 7:00 pm. By the time he gets home I usually have everything done. There are no vacations or sick days from being a mom. Would be great if he'd think to volunteer to take the kids to give me time off, but I usually don't know what to do with myself!