Does any other mom worry unnecessarily about their baby dying?

Marcie - posted on 02/22/2010 ( 166 moms have responded )

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My son was born 6 weeks early and was 4 lbs. He is perfectly fine but before I go to sleep, I often worry that he is going to die. I know its silly to worry about it but I do and I get very emotional. Is this common among first time mom's?

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Michelle - posted on 02/26/2011

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i was wondering. i lost my 11 year old daughter 3 years ago, she died very suddenly in her sleep (she had been sick for awhile) but i have a 2 year old son now and, i worry every second that im with him or not the what if... even to the point i check on him all the time if hes not litterally on me or next to me. He even sleeps right next to my bed. some days its over whelming the amount of fear that i have that i will put him down for a nap and he will never wake up. is this normal or do i need to talk to someone?

Shelby - posted on 02/23/2010

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Its not a first time mommy thing at all...I don't think that kind of worrying ever goes away. My oldest will be 16 in May. Now, I'm terrified of him being in an auto accident. This is actually the reason I began bed-sharing with all my children. Not only was I worried I would lose them to SIDS I had actually accepted the fact, and just didn't want them to be alone...Its a MOM thing.

Taralee - posted on 03/01/2010

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Very normal. I check to see if my 10 month old is breathing several times a night. A friend of mine who's daughter is a teenage...said that she even checks on her daughter still :) And I often think about the possiblity of her dying or getting sick....I think it is because I am still so amazing that I have her and she is my girl , and so i am terrified to loose her. Plus you had a traumatic beginning Marcie....but with every day he gets stronger, and you will feel more comfortable my dear.

Anesia - posted on 02/28/2010

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worry is synonymous with mommy and it never ends... i take a deep breath & push all negative thoughts out of my mind & try to think of my kids laughing & playing or napping safely... worrying abt them doesn't make them safer or healthier or smarter. it does help to add a few extra lines on our faces though :)

Sabrina - posted on 03/01/2010

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i am a mother of 2 and i worry all the time about t that! i checkl on them a million times to make sure they are breathing!! idk why but i do! i wish i didnt but nothing i can do but try ot think positive!

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Cheryl - posted on 04/25/2012

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i have a 2 month old and i also worry about him i just want him to be ok and will do everything to care for him, he is my life and he is a gift from god everday i pray to god to look after him and i am blessed for that.Cheryl

Melissa - posted on 03/01/2010

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It's probably because he was a preemie. My daughter alora was born a 1pd 10oz and i have issues about worrying that something might happen to ethier one of my kids. I will worry about there health or if someone would could break in and lots of stuff like that. Alora is 2 now so i'm not AS paranoid but when you have a preemie sometimes your faced with that they may not make it which is not something most mom's go threw after they just have a baby so even after they come home and you logically know that they are ok you might be still be left in that state of anxiety. Plus your a first time mom! It's ok your normal and it will get better!

Cristi - posted on 03/01/2010

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I have 3 children now, and I still do that with all of them. My oldest is 4 my daughter is 2 and baby is 3months. It is normal to do, I still go in to all their rooms at night to check on them. I am affraid they will stop breathing at night. With my oldest 2 I am also affraid that they will get sick at night and run a high fever and I wont know about it. I think that just means that you love ur children and that you are a good parent.

Chelsea - posted on 03/01/2010

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Marcie, I am also a first time mother and I had this happen to me. I know that each and every case is different, but what I found to help was just talking to my mom or my best friend. Although I am also on medicine, I still worry about my son dying. I hope that your feelings toward this get better soon. I know the feeling and it leaves an unsettling feeling in my stomach so I cant even to begin to feel the pain you are feeling. Again, i hope things get better and good luck.

Christina - posted on 03/01/2010

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I know exactly where you're coming from! My son was born just over 5 weeks early and was 5 lbs 5 oz at birth. He was also my first child and I felt the same way you're feeling. He was in the hospital for about a month after he was born till he came home. They tell you so many things to watch out for and that might happen, that you start to think something will happen to him. But I can say for certain, God takes care of us all. My son is now a happy and healthy 8 year old. He may be a little bit smaller in size than most of the kids in his class. But that's never stopped him from doing everything, (and sometimes more) that the other kids his age are doing.

Andrea - posted on 03/01/2010

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I had the angelcare monitor in my daughters crib til she was 3 and I took the rail off!! Now my son is 10 months and I'm certain I'll do the same thing with him. I cant sleep unless the monitor is on, doors are locked and house alarm is set!!!

Sabrina - posted on 03/01/2010

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i am a mother of 2 and i worry all the time about t that! i checkl on them a million times to make sure they are breathing!! idk why but i do! i wish i didnt but nothing i can do but try ot think positive!

Selina - posted on 03/01/2010

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It common with a lot of mothers. I have three kids and I was like that with everyone of them and I still worry about it. The first 12 moths of each kid was really hard on me. I'd always be checking on them when they were sleeping; I like to hold them when they were napping. Each one slept with me in my bed and the 15 month still does.

Frances - posted on 03/01/2010

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I think it is because I am a first time mom and I do the same thing. *sigh now im glad im not alone.:)

Melissa - posted on 03/01/2010

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yes it is very normal there is not a day that goes by that i don't worry about it!

Lyndsey - posted on 03/01/2010

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i always worried about it hun, but i found no matter what it worked for me, i had to check him every half hour, i still do now and he's 8 in may! it's a natural thought babe so don't fret about it, theres alot of us who do xx

Tammy - posted on 03/01/2010

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that is totally natural if you're a real mother! and a mother can be someone who doesn't give birth to the child, and you can give birth and not be a real mom...hell, my youngest is 5 years old and though its usually only when he's not well, i still worry and freak out and check the breathing under his nose to make sure that he's ok...lol. it gets better, but it never goes away!

Amber - posted on 03/01/2010

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I think its normal to a point. There is such a thing as excessive worry, which I have, and its a symptom of an anxiety/panic disorder. I was a young mother with a preemie and I worried a lot about him, so I think that is normal. Preemies have a higher probability of having problems so I believe that causes anxiety with every mom. I realized that my worries were excessive when he was 3 and I couldn't sleep at night because I was afraid a giant snake was going to crawl out of the air duct and attack him. Good luck.....

Amber - posted on 03/01/2010

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I think its normal to a point. There is such a thing as excessive worry, which I have, and its a symptom of an anxiety/panic disorder. I was a young mother with a preemie and I worried a lot about him, so I think that is normal. Preemies have a higher probability of having problems so I believe that causes anxiety with every mom. I realized that my worries were excessive when he was 3 and I couldn't sleep at night because I was afraid a giant snake was going to crawl out of the air duct and attack him. Good luck.....

Amber - posted on 03/01/2010

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I think its normal to a point. There is such a thing as excessive worry, which I have, and its a symptom of an anxiety/panic disorder. I was a young mother with a preemie and I worried a lot about him, so I think that is normal. Preemies have a higher probability of having problems so I believe that causes anxiety with every mom. I realized that my worries were excessive when he was 3 and I couldn't sleep at night because I was afraid a giant snake was going to crawl out of the air duct and attack him. Good luck.....

Jane - posted on 03/01/2010

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just remember, too, that when they go through a growth spurt, they're sleep more. so don't get too worried when that happens. the 1st time our 2 1/2 yr old slept through the night at 3 months from 9:30pm until Noon the next day, i was beside myself. it must have been every five minutes i checked on her and put the back of my hand under her nose to be sure she was breathing. finally, my mother kicked me out of the house and told me to go for a walk and she'd call me when she woke up...it was hell for me.

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i used to be so scared all the time about this with my son, (i also had pnd that was almost all based around this fear). he is now 15 months, and i still have that fear, but it does get better. and i was told for a long time, that the fear is totally normal, and all first time mum's go though it, but if you can't sleep, or get anything done cause you are watching out for him when he sleeping then maybe talk to someone liek your husband about it.

Stepahnie - posted on 02/28/2010

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my son is now 8 months old and he still sleeps in my room because i worry about it too much. he is my first child and it scares me and i worry probably more than the average person. just remember you not alone lol

Courtney - posted on 02/28/2010

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wow... makes me feel better i'm not the only one my son is 4mths old and i constantly worry that something might happen to him..he is just gettimg over rsv he had to have breathing treatments soo scary.

Aubrey - posted on 02/28/2010

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Yes, I know how you feel. my little girl was a little over 3 weeks early and had some issues with nursing and jaundice. so she was always asleep and when she was awake and eating she was constantly choking . It worried me alot there were times durring her naps that i would walk into her room and just watch her sleep anxious to see her chest rise and fall just to make sure she was breathing.

As time went on I realized that I didn't have to be in the room every second of the day and I slowly allowed myself to relax. (many therepy sessions with my mom over the phone hepled too) yes it is normal its just a protective instinct and that relaxes over time although it never seems to quite go away.

Dee - posted on 02/28/2010

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my son was born at 35wks, 4.5lbs, cord around his neck, collapsed lung... yes, i worried A LOT! he's 5 now, and in perfect health, but that first year... plus i was convinced that since i'd always said that SIDS was really a mom (or other care giver) suffocating their child i'd be punished. so i studied EVERYTHING about co-sleeping, and that's what i did. with co-sleeping your baby is right there with you so you'll know instantly if anything is wrong. there's even evidence that shows if the baby "forgets" to breathe, the mother's breathing will help the baby "remember." i bought a travel co-sleeper at toys r us for about $30, just until i was positive i wouldn't roll over on my son in my sleep! good luck! p.s.: i still worry. losing a child is a parents worst nightmare.

Dee - posted on 02/28/2010

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my son was born at 35wks, 4.5lbs, cord around his neck, collapsed lung... yes, i worried A LOT! he's 5 now, and in perfect health, but that first year... plus i was convinced that since i'd always said that SIDS was really a mom (or other care giver) suffocating their child i'd be punished. so i studied EVERYTHING about co-sleeping, and that's what i did. with co-sleeping your baby is right there with you so you'll know instantly if anything is wrong. there's even evidence that shows if the baby "forgets" to breathe, the mother's breathing will help the baby "remember." i bought a travel co-sleeper at toys r us for about $30, just until i was positive i wouldn't roll over on my son in my sleep! good luck! p.s.: i still worry. losing a child is a parents worst nightmare.

Sara - posted on 02/28/2010

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my son is 1 1/2 and i still worry . i think that ever perent worry's about that kind of thing. but i have found that as he gets older and the chance of that happening go's down i does get less of a worry. hope this helps.

Jamie - posted on 02/28/2010

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I had this same problem when my middle child was born and it affected my bond with her. so I discussed it with my doctor and he said I had postpartum deppression. I took medication for about 3 months and I was fine and ultimately my daughter was fine too...

Janina - posted on 02/28/2010

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omg i didnt really until this morning when i found my 7 week old had unwrapped herself and managed to put her wrap a little over her face... panic mode!!! and then to top it off i read the extremely sad and heart breaking posts from mothers that have lost their babies... omg i cried the whole way through reading them. thank god we have our babies! and im so sorry to the mums that have lost their little angels!!! **hugs**. but now i am truly paranoid and am checking up on her all the time...!!!

Andrea - posted on 02/28/2010

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My daughter is a perfectly healthy 6 month old and my second child and I worry all the time. It is never wrong to be concerned about your baby. It is only a problem if you are letting it interfere with your sleep and the baby's sleep. You can get baby monitors that are sensitive enough to hear your baby breathing and detects motion. Good luck and remember you are normal.

Penelope - posted on 02/28/2010

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My daughter is eleven and I still worry. I have a vivid imagination and that doesn't help. I used to have anxiety dreams about myself, now they are about her and I'm not able to protect her in time. I think it's natural for moms to worry about whether than can protect their children. I would be concerned if you didn't worry.

Christine - posted on 02/28/2010

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OMG...I can soooo relate, I have three. A 5 yr old, a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. I still have nightmares and fears. I figure it's part of being a mom, I also wonder if it's worse because I'm an older mom and realize how fragile life is.

Anna Marie - posted on 02/28/2010

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don't think that your baby will die but same as you feel is the same what i feel. always believe in god and have faith in your baby most important to god. it's silly maybe and were emotional for now but our baby will be fine..

Vanessa - posted on 02/28/2010

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i have two boys and i think of that in both of them .Thats normal !!!! we love them so much that we want them to live forever !!!!

Sara - posted on 02/27/2010

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i never kept my daughter from my sight ,i still dont .just me but i love her to b next to me anyway

Samantha - posted on 02/27/2010

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My son is 8 months old and I still check on him, it has gotten better. when he was a new born I hardly slept.

Sara - posted on 02/27/2010

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This puts a lot of minds a ease,we are all normal with the instinct of motherhood.We are always going to worry about our kids no matter how old they are ,from babies to grown ups.Its what we do.

Annie - posted on 02/27/2010

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i don't blame you, after the passing of my daughter when she was 23 days old, 18 years ago i still look in on my other children, who are 15,4,2 its scarey. never doubt your feelings if you have the urge to check on your baby then check on your baby.

Delia - posted on 02/27/2010

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I used to, when my son was a new born, but I think it's mostly because my mother had a little girl who died of a brian tomor and lived to be only one year old, she got sick out of nowhere and passed away.



My son is completely healthy though and I don't worry much unless he's sick, but I think it's normal for every mom to have fears like that sometimes, just as long as it's not hindering your way of thinking on a normal basis.

Jeanette - posted on 02/27/2010

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It's normal. I have a 6 yr old and a 17 month old and still check on both of them at least once a night. I check their breathing and make sure that they're still in their beds. Our job as moms is to keep them alive! And it's scary to think that something could happen to our babies. I understand!

Candace - posted on 02/27/2010

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im so glad this was posted! i have been feeling so neurotic the past 6 mths. (that's how old my baby is). i have always been a bit nervous, but i cant think about something without visualizing it & its so scary. it ties my stomach literally in knots. & i know that after you give birth the hormones & such are released & it supposed to make you more alert & aware of the safety & possible hazards around your child. its ridiculous though. i guess i never felt like i had so much to lose & now i do. perhaps its supposed to motivate us to protect our little ones at all costs. im definitely thinking positive. i dont have a choice. i just get so riddled with emotion.

& talking about it to my fiancee, he CANT understand. so glad im not the only one. that is its normal & all.

its a crazy thing, that it is. nature has its ways for a reason.

Britny - posted on 02/27/2010

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omg it's so normal! I have an almost 6 month old and I can't believe the terrible scenarios that run through my mind. It's just a part of the protective mother's thought process.

CLAIRE - posted on 02/27/2010

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YES IT'S NORMAL TO THINK LIKE THAT,I'M THE SAME I KEEP CHECKING ON MY CHILDREN MAKING SURE THEY'RE BREATHING I EVEN CHECK ON THE OLDER ONE'S,I HAD MY LAST CHILD 4 WEEK'S AGO AND I KEEP WAKING UP TO GO AND CHECK ON HIM,I FIND MYSELF WRIGGLING HIS BELLY TO SEE IF HIS HAND'S MOVE OR OTHER TIME'S I'M SHINING THE SCREEN OF MY MOBILE PHONE AT HIM

Allie - posted on 02/27/2010

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its more than normal my son is 13 months old and my daughter is 2 months old and i make sure both of them are ok when i got to bed and if i wake up in the middle of the night i make sure they are both ok! once your a mom the worrying never goes away!

Holly - posted on 02/27/2010

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My youngest is almost 5 and my oldest is almost 8 and I still remember worrying that they would die. They were both full term. I think it's pretty normal.

Determined - posted on 02/27/2010

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My daughter is 10 months old and I worry about it happening too! I think my issue is my little brother died from SIDS



but I think it's normal even if you're not a first time mom.

Rachel - posted on 02/27/2010

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I think it is normal as well. I have 5 children and I worry about them each. one b/c he lives with his mom and we don't see him much and then there is my biological 4. I still check on my 4 year olds as much as I check on 1year old and my 2 month old to make sure they r breathing.

Sara - posted on 02/27/2010

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U should not worry dear u are a normal mother,i have the same thoughts my child was born early by 5 weeks and she had terrible times throwing up when she slept.This of course set off the alarms me thinking she would choke in her sleep.

It is natural for us mothers specially with premature babies ,it just shows we are good mothers and watch our young closely .your little one will be fine ,but looking in on him does not hurt one bit.

Natalie - posted on 02/26/2010

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Yes, it is very common with moms no matter how many kids they have. I have two girls and even though they are a lot older then your child I still think about stuff like that. It is a mothers greatest fear. The feeling or thought does go away as the child gets older but it does not go away completely. But it is very normal.

Lauren - posted on 02/26/2010

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hi marcie,,,

it is not silly.. my girls are 6, 4 and 1... i check up on them atleast 3 to 4 times every night before i go to bed.. and i even make sure they are breathing.. my middle child was born 5 weeks early and spent time in the nicu....i was a nervous wreck at first when she came home and checked on her constantly...

i worry still till this day about them dying... and i never told anyone about this so i was so happy to see im not alone!.. thank you.

Sue - posted on 02/26/2010

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Yes it is normal to worry about your children but personally if it starts disrupting your life then it becomes a problem and is not normal. I wake up sometimes with a start wondering if my daughter is ok .... she always is. When I say sometimes though it usually a few times a month ... now if it gets to several times a night and you are not getting your sleep then you have to consider how your lack of sleep will effect your ability to look after your child/baby during the day when you are tired.



I also take the view point that as a mum I have natural abilities that WILL tell me when something is wrong. I owe it to my daughter to enjoy her life and protect her but how can I protect her or show her how to enjoy her life if I become neurotic and paranoid that she might die. Its a fine balancing act as most things in life are and its up to us as individuals to keep on top of our lives to ensure our babies are safe.



Yes I do check in on my DD every night before I go to bed. I enjoy watching her dream [watching those small hands and feet twitch and often I hear her giggle out loud]. I love to watch her breath. Subconsciously is this me checking that she is ok? Of course it is but I don't feel worried, panicked or anxious about it as I know my little one feels that anxiety and that is not fair to her.

Sarah - posted on 02/26/2010

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yes i do! my daughter slept in my bed till she was 5 months now she sleeps in her crib whcih is still in my room right beside my bed...my fiance keeps telling me to try and put her in her room. but i cant do it! i get up and look in her crib all the time so i know she isnt laying on her face or ne thing. and every lil move she makes i hear. so im guessing its normal considering look how many people do it :)

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