Does Anyone Else here ever feel guilty for staying at home? while their partners are at work?

Melissa - posted on 12/18/2009

I have to be honest, I do not feel guilty at all, because while I am a stay at home mother and will be until late spring, I do everything around the house while he is gone. I clean,do laundry, make food, take care of the baby, and many more things, so we are working just as hard. Even though I love it, being a Mum is the most tiring and difficult thing I have ever done. So I do not feel guilty about it,not to mention the fact that I do give money to him from my maternity money/parental benefits I have now for my son Aidan.

Z - posted on 12/17/2009

Yes, I always felt guilty all the time. Wondering if my husband is providing enough for our family. I always ask this to my husband, and he said they will be more than enough. actually he feel relief and assured because I'm the one who taking care our children and not sending our children to nursery or send them to neighbour house. There are many news about child been abuse by maid, children who had accident while in nursery because the person who take care of the children cannot pay attention to all the children they take care off. I myself had the experience when I sent my first child to a nursery and he got injured. So, its painful for me because I will feel guilty if I send my son for someone else to take care of him because I go to work. Its important for me to work cos im still young and I know I'm capable to work. Anyway, I'm still grateful n happy cos I can see both of my son growing up in front of me, hopefully the guilty feeling will go a way with times gone by.

Shanequa - posted on 12/17/2009

I have been an at home mome for 8yrs and at first i felt guilty because my husband was working 2 jobs and i felt that it was really wearing him out. He would always let me know that it was okay to stay home cause he knew that our three chidren would benefit from it and they have and i am happy with the decision that my husband and i made 8yrs ago. Now that my youngest is in 1st grade and i just graduated with my associates degree in accounting(i went to school on my spare time for the past 5yrs) i am ready to help my husband out. I know when i start job hunting i have to find a job that will accept my hours from 8am-4pm because i still need to be here for my children. I still need to be able to cook, clean and help out with homework. So I hope that I can find a job that will accomodate my family. Wish me luck all cause I am ready to go back out into the work force.

Kristen - posted on 12/17/2009

I do feel guilty! I have a Bachelors Degree and now I do nothing with it since our son was born. I do watch 3 children in our home, but it's basically enough money to buy formula and baby items, not enough to live off of. My husband is a firefighter/paramedic and works 24 hours shifts at his full time department, and then works part time at 2 other departments! He is not home much. I agree witgh the post from "Sara Dodson" we are the ones who do everything around the house and take care of the kids, we work more than 1 full time job if you think about it! I find myself feeling guilty when I know there are things we need and that I would make a lot more money if I worked outside of the home, but I want to be with my son. That is more important to me.

Shelby - posted on 12/17/2009

I do feel guilty alot. I have been home with my kids now for almost 8 yrs. I am starting to get the itch to go back to work and make some of my own $$ so I don'y have to ask for it.

Wendy - posted on 12/16/2009

I Do feel guilty and I also miss being able to go out and work all day, I used to be a roustabout/shedhand. I get frustrated that I'm stuck in the house and I cant get out and do thing as we live on a farm out of town so I miss seeing people. But on the other hand I would never put my son In daycare and miss seeing all the new things he does, I wouldnt want to miss a moment with him.

Christa - posted on 12/16/2009

I never feel guilty. You shouldn't either. Everyone has to do what is right for them. If you feel that this is the best thing for your son and your family then don't worry. I give working women credit because honestly I don't know how they keep it all together. We are all just working hard to do our best.

Adrienne - posted on 12/16/2009

I felt guilty when I sent my son to daycare. My mother watched him his 1st year and a daycare watched him up til his 3rd birthday. During that time, we found out he was autistic, too. When I pulled him out of that daycare, I couldn't find a suitable daycare who could adequately accommodate us. So, I quit my job w/o notice and enrolled him in special ed pre-school. It was the BEST decision for him, for me, and for my family. It gets better....I did the math and discovered we financially came out ahead with me being at home. With the money we spent on gas (to & from work), dry-cleaning (work clothes), daycare, frequent car maintenance, not to mention mental stress & anguish from office staff drama, we saved more money than what my job could make up for. The timing of my resignation was 1 month before my car was fully paid off, which my last check covered! My monthly allowance, now, is a little less than what we paid our daycare. This January (MLK Day), I'll be celebrating 2 full years as a stay at home mom! Guilt be gone!!!

Tania - posted on 12/16/2009

I have been a stay at home mom for over 5 years now. I love being home and my boyfriend and I made this decision when our first son was born. He never complains but I do run a daycare from my home so I do make ok income.

Christy - posted on 12/16/2009

Nope! I provide a service to our family that can't be measured in $$$$. I also work way harder than my husband. He should feel guilty, leaving me here with these wild kids - LOL!! Joking!! I hope you will become more secure and confident in your position (even though it's not a paid position).

Amanda - posted on 12/16/2009

Not a day goes by that I don't feel guilty. I try to ignore it and tell myself that once she is in school I'll go back to work. I also take college courses online so I know that's going to be a big help. Talking with her father about it helps too. I let him know how I feel and he's supportive.

Betty - posted on 12/16/2009

yes i feel the same! first time i havent worked before. And we also dont have a bank account together so to make it worse i have to ask for money! talk about making me feel worse! i tried talking to him about it which its helped. but his parents and mine have brought it forward that if he had to hire a nanny, someone to clean the house, a cook, etc it would cost him quite a bit more than what you think! They assure me that im doing alot and saving alot of money even if i dont feel that way!

Andrea - posted on 12/16/2009

Yes, I do at times. But I refuse for anyone else to raise my children. I do believe it makes for a very well adjusted person :) Hang in there. It gets better.

Jennifer - posted on 12/16/2009

I do... I dont like the feeling of him having most of the financial burden. But at the sametime I do take care of our older kids and the house and all in between. I dont want him to resent me at some point for not working...it's hard either way...working and being away from everyone or staying home and feeling obligated to help financially. I love being home with the kids and enjoying my last pregnancy!!! I totally share your feelings on this one!

Maranda - posted on 12/16/2009

I do everyday. I had lost my job and then found out I was pregnant and figured that no one is going to hire a preggo so stayed home. Now my baby is 8 months old and even though I am at home taking care of our son, I am still not contributing to putting clothes on his back, diapers, bills, rent. I have been trying for months to find a job but the economy is so bad right now, and getting a interview isn't even exciting knowing you are up against how many other people. I just keep trying eveyday. I love being home with my son everyday knowing he is being cared for the way I want him to. Plus I am sure my job would just pay for daycare and maybe one bill. I just make sure when hubby comes home, he gets the extra attention he deserves for providing for his family.

Janet - posted on 12/16/2009

You don't have to feel guilty, you can contribute. We are a bunch of moms helping other moms make an income from home while caring for our kids. www.internetceomoms.com/janetg

Lauren - posted on 12/16/2009

To be honest, yes I felt guilty for a while. My boyfriend has worked on and off this past year since my daughter was born and it hasn't been enough to support us financially. So I looked and looked for a way to earn income from home because I felt like I needed to contribute!
I finally found an amazing position where I can make a difference, earn a solid reliable income, and stay at home with my daughter!! I don't sell products to my friends, I don't have inventory, I don't have to throw parties and hand out samples. What I do is help others get chemicals and toxins away from their kids, save money on products that they are buying every month, and teach others how to supplement their income just like me and so many other moms.

If you do feel guilty, why not do something about it and earn income working from home!

Let me help you, message me or request more info on my website www.PittsburghGreenMoms.com

Health & Happiness,
Lauren Marsh
www.PittsburghGreenMoms.com

Nicole - posted on 12/16/2009

No. Some days I know it might be a little easier reporting to an office for 8 hours when the stresses of family, finances and kids get heavy but being home with my 4 children is such a blessing that I know the Lord will take care of the rest as this is how He intended it to be. We are to nurture and take care of our families at home. I am speaking as a women who worked in the professional world for 14 years (with my first child) and then the 2nd time around -my husband decided I needed to be at home if we were going to have more children and I have not been home for 6 years with our 6,4, and 2 year old. I have done both so I know what is possible and the differences in both - staying at home and the corporate world. There is no comparison, we need to be at home while our children are little. Don't feel guilty for it is biblical and the Lords intentions. Take Care and God bless.

Jessica - posted on 12/15/2009

i am actually feeling that way right now. my husband works overnights and i always wish that i could take some of the stress away and be able to bring extra money in for our family. whenever i think about that i just think that i would much rather be at home with our son than taking him to daycare where i cant better bond with him.

Melisa - posted on 12/15/2009

not really my husband rather have me at home so i can take care of the baby and other kids.......I'm sure if the money became a big problem he would say something to you about or you will pick up on the moodyness on him.... so for right now just enjoy being home with your son and if you really feel that bad about staying home talk to your man about it see what he says..... my told me if i wanted to work cuz i was bored being home all the time or i just want extra money then i could but for right not he makes more then enough to take care of everything that we need and more.... and i like the fact that with use owning a bussiness it's easier on the both of us cuz i can work there if i want or stay at home. I love being at home with my kids this is the first time in years that i can do this....once you give that up it's hard to go back to.

Amanda - posted on 12/15/2009

I still feel guilty now. Its not the whole bringing home money thing b/c we are getting by just fine but its the fact that I just had our 2nd child and have a 3yr old too and they take so much of my energy that my cleaning and picking up around the house has been affected and then he will come home from work at night and start cleaning up and stuff and I can just hear him thinking "Doesnt she do anything during the day" I mean he never says that and probably doesnt really think it either I just feel so bad about not being able to juggle everything that I think he feels that way. So, sorry I dont have advice on how to deal with it, just know that you arent alone in feeling guilty haha

Angela - posted on 12/15/2009

NO WAY!!! being a stay at home mom with a baby is hard work and very tiring just like work.. men have it so much easier then women do.... honestly sometimes i wish i could be in there shoes

Kirsten - posted on 12/15/2009

No way! The irony is that you don't get paid if you are a SAHM, but if you go to 'work' you have to pay someone else to do what you would have been doing (caring for your child), and no one, no matter how fabulous, is going to be as good at that as you were! I did some nanny work before having kids when I lived overseas, and I was good but didn't go the 100 extra miles I will for my own kids.

Then all the other tasks you might have had a chance to do as a SAHM (preparing home cooked meals, excursions, household management, volunteer work in the community) you either would have to do after your paid job or not do at all. After having our second child we took out life insurance on me - as if my husband had to pay someone to do what I do it would cost him over $80,000 a year.

It is a shame that with all the progress women have made in equality, some people still question the importance of the role as it is unpaid. The sacrifices we've had to make financially (smaller house, old cars, no vacations) outweigh the benefits our family has as one member is lucky enough to fully devote her time to nurturing our children and their environment.

Tanya - posted on 12/15/2009

I do especially since my husband has to take on a second job to support me and our son because the bills are getting to be too much. It is a little frustrating knowing that there is not much I can do to help our situation but if I get a job most of the money will go to daycare and my time with our son will be wasted just for an extra $200 a month. Sometimes we just have to do what we can and understand that our job at home is just as important as a paying job away from home. Sometimes our spouses understand that our job at home keeping the children safe and happy and keeping the house organized is more important than a job with a paycheck. That is why they sacrifice their time to work.

Jodi - posted on 12/15/2009

I did at first. But now my daughter is older and during the day I spend the entire time playing/teaching her. We read, we dance, we sing, we use our feltboard. She is 9 months old and can locate her eyes and belly button when asked, she waves bye and claps, she says up, mama and dada, she signs more and eat and is walking. I think I have done my job! My job is to teach my daughter and when that is done, I cook and clean. You may not bring in money but you have the single most important job, raising a respectful, useful citizen. Never doubt your importance!

Amber - posted on 12/15/2009

At first I did. Then my husband and I sat down and seriously discussed about how I felt. He totally understood where I was coming from, and helped me to validate our decision for me to be a stay at home mom. Now, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm working part-time in the evenings, which my boss is so understanding about my commitments to my family, plus it works with my schedule for home schooling and spending the days with my kiddies. Have you considered looking into part-time evening work? If you have, make sure that your potential employer understands that your family comes first. Good Luck Jessica!

Sarah - posted on 12/15/2009

I know I would hate to do what he does, but that doesn't mean his job is harder. Staying at home is every bit as much work and isn't limited to 40 hrs a week. You are most likely saving money by being at home-gas, daycare. eating out, work clothes....
Try to find ways to help from home. I worked form home until I had my third. Now I do what I can by clipping coupons and trying to save money wherever I can. i also try not to burden him too much when he gets home. He has worked hard all day and I don't need to dump all of the home responsibilities on him when he gets off.

Melissa - posted on 12/15/2009

No way! I work harder at home than most people do at their jobs. And, I told my husband in the beginning I felt bad for not making money, and he said that I am not making money but instead I am SAVING us a lot of money on daycare!

Shelly - posted on 12/15/2009

i feel this way ... often.... But I remind myself how much we are saving on childcare with me being home. Then I make sure that I take care of as much houseowrk as I possibly can, My husband tells me all the time "thank you!" and that he could never do what I do all day! which is really sweet!

Mary - posted on 12/15/2009

I don't think I necessarily feel guilty, but sometimes I do doubt my worth. Salary.com recently estimated that a SAHM is worth $160,000 annually for all that she does around the house and with the children. Having that concrete figure in my mind really helps me on the days when, despite knowing better, I feel like my being at home isn't of much value.

Trinity - posted on 12/15/2009

Even though I am at home with our 3 children I do feel guilty. It is probably silly, but I am use to contributing a larger portion of the income and I can't help but feel bad that I am no longer contributing financially. For a while I was spending most of my days just searching online to try to find something I could do from home so that I could help. If things were better financially and money wasn't soo tight, I may not feel so bad?! I don't know how I would feel in that situation.

Michelle - posted on 12/15/2009

Hi Jessica! I'm a SAHM of a 19 month old son. I went back to work after six weeks, and quit four weeks later because I felt guilty leaving Caedyn every day, and because we realized that day care was my entire pay check! I felt guilty staying at home too!! I think women have a MAJOR complex thinking that they have to do EVERYTHING, and do it perfectly. That's not true! We SAHMs have full time jobs too! Plus, the other thing I wanted to mention to you is this-- at first I felt guilty, and my fiance felt a little resentful. I think it's just a normal adjustment period to the new state of things and the new way of life. Quite a few conversations later and maybe (just maybe) a couple of arguments, I understand that if we ever need the money I will go back to work, and he understands that while it looks to him like he's working hard and I'm sitting at home drinking coffee, clean clothes and freshly cooked food don't grow on trees. It's just something you have to get used to as a couple.

Sheryl - posted on 12/15/2009

For me i don't really cause i have my hands full at home. i have two little boys one 3 but he has speech delays and going to headstart. then i got my other son who is going to be two who has speech delays too. plus, sensory processing disorder. then to top it all of they both of food allergies. so i know what i am doing is right. know i did in the feel guilty when i first started being at a stay at home mom. but in the long run i see it right for my kids. i reather have less money to spend shopping than having more. you shouldn't feel guilty if you know its the right thing for you in the end.

April - posted on 12/14/2009

I'm a new mommy too and a soon-to-be fulll time SAHM! I feel guilty a lot because I feel like I place a lot of pressure on my hubby to make all of our finances meet, but I try to remind myself why we made this decission. I could not imagine letting a stranger raise my son, and even though my mom would be happy to watch him, I feel that it is my privilege and responsibility to raise my son and that my mom already raised her own 5 kids! I chose to have children because I wanted to teach them and watch them grow up, not because I wanted someone else to do it. I am a chiropractor and was running my own practice before becoming a mom, and now I am proud to say that I am a SAHM!!!!!

Susan - posted on 12/14/2009

Heck No!!! You should not feel guitly. You do work. I am sure you work 24/7. You wear many hats: Cook, teacher, accountant, therapist, door matt (lol), lover, mother, friend etc...

Maritza - posted on 12/14/2009

I don't feel guilty. There's a lot of work to do at home (cleaning, cooking, running errands, oh, and raising the children). Me, getting a job, would mean I'd have to look for a daycare, and it would probably cost as much as my paycheck. Not worth it. Hubby is able to support the three of us for now. I'll get a job as soon as baby is older.

Nancy - posted on 12/14/2009

Hi Jessica, I am a mother and a grandmother and can I just say that the job you have right now is the most important thing you can do for your child. When my girls were young my husband sometimes worked 2 jobs so that I could be home with our girls. Not every mother feels this way, however, I think there is such an advantage to being home with your child. If money is something you are worried about you can always work from home, however, take it from me - if I had it to do all over again I would do the same thing. Now I watch my girls raise their children and am so happy that they are also home with their children. If you are fortunate enough that your man is capable of providing for the 3 of you, consider yourself blessed and enjoy that baby!

Kellee - posted on 12/14/2009

You know, I felt guilty when my first son was born, and for a while I had to work because my husband was out of work for a while, the job I had didn't take care of our needs, I was a maid at a hotel. My husband got a job and we had our second son and I was on bed rest so I didn't have to work. Now we have 3 boys and because I have 1 in diapers and 1 "special needs" child and 1 "normal" child we are looking at $85 per day! That is more then I would make in a day if you look at minimum wage job. When my youngest is in school for a full day, I will go back to work part time.

Krista - posted on 12/14/2009

i do sometimes.. but then i just remember that i stay at home and cook and clean everyday! and sometimes i get mad at him for not helping me with the housework. im pregnant and i have serious back pain. i cant stand or walk for more than 10min. he works then comes home and does nothing. i feel kinda bad to make him work wen he gets home too but at the same time. its hard doing everything by myself in this condition

Wendy - posted on 12/14/2009

I felt guilty at first (our son is now 15months, and I am 20weeks along with our next). Now I don't feel guilty, I just miss bringing home a paycheck - which will happen again one day. My husband and I have discussed the situation a few times, and in the end it is what really does work best for us at this point in time. And we are much happier in knowing that because I am the one watching our son everyday, he is getting the care that we think is best for him - not the care someone else might think is best. If I could work right now, most of the money I would make would go to child care with very little left over, as my husband technically makes "too much" at his job for us to qualify for child care subsidy.
So right now, I enjoy and cherish every day that I can spend with my son, because these are the years that seem to pass the fastest. They aren't babies/toddlers/little kids for very long!

Megan - posted on 12/14/2009

I hope the responses have helped you to feel less guilty. Just keep in mind what you said about that you 'know' you're doing what's best for your family. If you're surviving financially on the one wage, don't give it another thought. If you feel your finances are struggling slightly and you do feel the urge to earn some money perhaps look into work from home options. If you have no interest in working for finance at all, then simply throw yourself into your child and keep busy with him at home doing all sorts of arts & craft, gross motor & fine motor development activities with him and other extra curricular activities or classes including 'Learn-to-Swim', baby music classes etc. That way you won't even have time to feel guilty! And you'll be benefiting your son in every way.

Unfortunately my feelings of guilt are different. I don't feel guilty for staying home to be the caregiver for my daughter and not going to work. I don't feel guilty that my husband is the sole financial provider for us, and I know I'd feel a hell of a lot MORE guilty if I DID go back to work as opposed to staying home. My guilt actually comes from my feeling of dissatifaction of being a 'housewife'. Once upon a time it was my 'dream' job and I couldn't wait to become a full time mummy! I think perhaps I held it up on a pedistal and had very high expectations about being an at home mum that now that I'm doing it it sometimes all feels too hard and I doubt myself as a 'good' mum. I feel guilty that I'm not enjoying it more.......

I suppose we all end up feeling guilty for something - whether it be going back to work too soon, not going back to work soon enough etc etc.

I hope your guilts sort themself out and just remember that if you keep feeling this way take some action to change it. Good luck. x

Carlie - posted on 12/14/2009

I am a mother of 3 and I have pretty much stayed home with all of my kids! I was an insurance agent for years and supported myself and my husband! I was forced to actually stay home when my almost 2 year old son wasn't able to attend the local pre-school til he was 2 years old after we had moved. Since then, I have stayed home and have had another baby since then! I figure we are saving a lot of money by me doing so! I do however feel that guilt of not adding to the income BUT I am in a small way, by staying home and not paying daycare! It seems to be a wash!

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Ashley - posted on 12/14/2009

I never felt guilty for staying home seeing that I know that it is saving tons of money on childcare and that the stay at home parent is the primary caregiver and takes care of the home. I just feel guilty for spending money. My husband works very hard to provide what we need for a family of 5, so I feel bad if I ask for extra money....so I usually just dont.

Christy - posted on 12/14/2009

No..not at all I wish I could work sometimes while he stayed home.

Patricia - posted on 12/14/2009

Don't feel guilty, you're doing what's best for the baby. The impact you have on that child just by being home with him will last a life time. Being with your child, you can teach, care and help him build the confidence that just can't be given at a daycare. Plus, like all the other ladies said, we definitely have it harder than our partner. They at least have days off, we never do, it's a 24/7 job.

Kristy - posted on 12/14/2009

I having a hard time adjusting to it. I am use to having my own money to spend and money we put into joint account for bills. now i feel so guilty buying anything for my self.

Sindy - posted on 12/14/2009

I feel the same way sometimes, How i dealt with it is saying to myself noone cant take care of my baby the way that i can. Its ok to stay home and bond with your child just keep repeating those words and you will be OK.

Christy - posted on 12/14/2009

Yes!!!! I do all the time expecially with the econemy the way it is right now! So short on cash. My husband is working a lot of overtime so we can buy the kids christmas gifts. But I still feel that it is best to stay at home with the kids and make sure they have all the love and attention they need.

Lisa - posted on 12/13/2009

Not once I figured out how much I was going to shell out in daycare a month! Once you figure out that only bringing in maybe a $100 or so after you pay for daycare and work clothes if needed and gas its just not worth it.