Does Stay at home mom mean you do it ALL?

Lauren - posted on 07/19/2012 ( 72 moms have responded )

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Me and my boyfriend have been together since i was 15 and he was 17. He is the father to both of my children, and we live together and are obviously still together. He works during the day fairly early hours during the week and i stay home with the kids. When he is home he feels that everything is my responsibility. The cooking, the cleaning, the laundry and all the care of the kids. And i understand that he works and he is tired and i think i do a pretty good job of doing everything so he can relax when he comes home from work.But even if we are out in public as a family and one of the kids start acting up or needs something he'll help me a little but with the "care" prospective he sees that as my job! All i ask is that he helps when he can. That he spends time with our kids when he is not working or on the weekends or that he does a load of laundry or two when i'm busy with the kids. Any other stay at home moms have this issue with your husbands/boyfriends. Am i being ridiculous? PLEASE SOME ADVICE!
Lauren

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Bobbie - posted on 09/01/2012

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Lauren,

I responded a while back and have been checking back when someone posts. I have to say that as a much older woman I had to be reminded of the sheer stress of being over burdened by other moms going through it currently. So I have rethought my answer.

It took a strong woman, not many years older than me, to help me manage all that I had on my plate. She was a life coach and a health store owner. I remember now being she impressed with her and her advice. She said, we as woman take on a lot of stress that is self inflicted. We make unrealistic demands of ourselves. The first thing we do when we can't meet those demands is give up things we do for ourselves, in an effort to find time to achieve these demands. Then life has a way of throwing curve balls and those small, medium or large events effect us dramatically. Why? Because there is no more room to ADD to our day. To remove this stress I stepped back and start over with a different take on all things. My children became my daytime buddies and we moved from room to room together. I found that I no longer needed to be running around behind them cleaning up messes. I took time for the play, the interaction and then carried it throughout my day along with them. I had to give up somethings that just weren't important to achieve everyday and enjoyed my time with them more. For instance, Get them to go from room to room with you playing hide and seek while you make the beds or gather dirty clothes. instead of trying to get things done in snatches and grabs of time while they are suppose to be watching a movie or napping. When my kids napped, which was rare before my slow down, and daily after I made peace with my schedule, I too relaxed. When hubby came home I didn't request more of him, I gave the kids a bath and while they were in the tub I scrubbed the sink and toilet or cleaned the glass. It is so much easier when you clean where you already are for a different reason and include them making it fun. I have even taken all my canned foods out of the cabinet and had them stack and play with them on the floor while I was straightening the cabinets. I mean I had to take those cans out anyway and I enjoyed hearing them playing grocery store in the room with me while I achieve even extra cleaning. It works and it makes it fun. You gain a lot of self esteem knowing that you are playing and interacting with your child. In return your child won't exhaust you with demands because they feel so tuned into you and get your attention so often.

Michelle - posted on 07/20/2012

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You aren't being rediculous at all. He helped make those babies and it's his job to help raise them. He needs to step up and be a Dad, not leave everything to you.



Maybe instead of going out as a family leave the kids with him for a few hours at home. He will soon figure out what it takes to look after little ones and will hopefully start to be more involved in his children's lives.



I would also look at the relationship with his Father. If his Father left everything up to his Mother to do then that's all he knows. They way we are raised has a big influence on how we raise our own children. If you have a boy you don't want him thinking that that's the way for a Father to be. Just another reason why he could be so aloof.

Margaret - posted on 09/04/2012

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You need to get him involved in co-parenting NOW! What'll you both do if, God forbid, you're sick? I'm a SAHM, and I do NOT do it all, HELL NO! I ask my husband to help out around the house, with the kids, etc. Sometimes, it's an uphill climb to get him to do anything since he works out of the house mostly during the week. I KNOW he's tired...I'M tired, too! I've learned to accept certain things in terms of what has to get done when he's around or not (laundry, cleaning, food shopping, etc.), but he took BOTH kids yesterday w/ him when I asked him to go food shopping, and he was fine with it :)



Sounds like your b/f is used to being taken care of...tell him to grow up, be a man, and help out more around the house. He needs to show your kids how he should respect you, and sharing a house WITH kids is a HUGE responsibility, so he needs to contribute more. No - you're NOT being ridiculous by TELLING him what you NEED and WANT from him as a partner, provider, and father.



If it means you write down what you need, so be it! Some men NEED that :) Others, not so much, it depends...When he DOES help out, make sure to thank him, even if it's just w/ taking out garbage, cleaning up after puke / poop, etc. Does he ever thank YOU for all that YOU do? Maybe NOW is the time for him to get on board and work WITH you to balance out domestic responsibility!



Hope it goes well, keep us posted! Sorry if I was judgmental, I just can't STAND men who don't help out! Good luck to you :)

[deleted account]

I do all of the cleaning, budgeting, and paying of bills. It isn't so much about my husband working and I'm not, as that I just plain have more time to do it all. I honestly don't clean when my husband is home, I set aside that time for all of us to be together as a family.

Now when it comes to our children, it all comes down to who gets there first. Most of the time it is me, because I'm used to it and jump on things faster than him.

He will do things around the house if asked.

I don't see it as old fashioned but more, why should he have to work 12+ hours at work than be bombarded at home to do house work. I'm at home, most cleaning takes only a few minutes, then all of my attention can be on the kids.

I would sit down, talk with him, and let him know how you feel. Let him know that parenting duties are never optional and that you'd like him to help out with the house if asked.

Brittany - posted on 01/31/2014

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I was actually searching for this same thing because I am having the same problem. My son is 2 years old now and things have been getting progressively worse about what he does around the house, helping with our son, and other things. I mean last summer I ended up cutting the grass on the weekends while my son was napping. It has gotten to a point that im doing it all, even when I am sick. The only days off I have our when my mom takes my son once a month. Well biggest problem is I'm building a resentment towards my husband and when I try to talk to him he blatantly ignores me. On the upside of things 2 nights ago I wrote him a letter and vented my feelings on things. About him ignoring me, my resentment, and other things. I also told him he needed to pick 2 things that I can count on him to do. I gave him examples like; taking out trash, vacuuming, washing and vacuuming my car once a month, washing our bedding once a week etc. Anything he chooses but I need to be able to take it off my list. I actually made a 5 things I need from him and 5 things I want from him in our relationship and asked him to do the same. He was surprisingly responsive to it and made his own list and we have agreed to actively improve on all of them. Bc we all know it's very rarely just one party. And day 1 he's been so much more kind and appreciatve (one of my needs).So if you can't talk to him maybe write him a letter. I hope it helps us both!

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Jai - posted on 01/17/2014

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Working a "job" does not equal 24/7 house slave. You are correct. Actually, the way I see it is that the house is your work (he shouldn't stick his nose into your housework-which means no criticizing) His job is his work (you don't stick your nose into his job right?) Now, the kids are BOTH yours. You're equal parents. You mom and dad....but your status of "parent" is an equal one. When he comes home from work, his contribution to the kids should be shared.

Lisa - posted on 01/27/2013

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Your title is Stay at home Mom. Not Live in Housekeeper. Your main priority is looking after, teaching and playing with your kids. Of course the bulk of the housework will fall to you because yore home more (and face it your a woman so you will likely notice it more!) but it's your hubby's job to pitch in when he's home. You should not be expected to work 24/7 including holidays while he gets his weekends and evenings free.
Presumably you'll go back to paid work when the kids get a bit older. Will you still be expected to do everything around the house then too? He will probably have a hard time picking up the slack after he's gotten so used to being waited on.
We had this struggle at first when my oldest was born but now we've come up with a pretty good system that keeps us all sane and it mostly consists of my hubby bathing the kids and taking them to the park while I either so stuff around the house or just take a little me time. Fortunately he loves spending time with the girls and they adore him too.

Good luck ;)

User - posted on 01/27/2013

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I'm also a stay at home mom and do feel in a way it's my responsibility to do "everything." With that said, my husband doesn't talk to me like that and helps whenever he can. He works at night from 10pm-9am sleeps until 5pm. By then he has about three hours to spend time with our son. I want him to spend time with him and not worry about are the animals fed, is laundry done, is dinner ready etc. But I don't think you're overreacting. If my husband had the mentality like yours does, this would be a different story. I'm sorry you're going through this. Maybe talk to him about how you feel?

Susanna - posted on 01/26/2013

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My husband and I work as a team. We have mutual understanding that he works out of the home but I work in the home. (I'm a sahm). However we are a team, so I do majority of the housework, cooking, caring for our daughter because im home during the day but when we are both home we do it together. We try to give each other opportunity to have some relaxing time over the weekend.

Amanda - posted on 09/08/2012

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The Parenting needs to be shared. In our house I do laundry, cooking, cleaning & most stuff with the kids. But when I am doing something my hubby looks after the kids. He does garbage, cat litter, and outdoor stuff. I MAKE him change the odd bum when he's home.lol

Carolina - posted on 09/06/2012

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I have somewhat of the same troubles except my husband helps with the housework. I just quit my job a few months ago to become a stay at home mom and we used to share the responsability of the bills, the housework and our 1 year old. Now a days it seems like the baby is only mine! Even though when he comes from work he usually sweeps the dining room after we have dinner and picks up toys or stuff from the floor he hasn´t changed a single diapper or given her a bath since I´m not working, or helped me what so ever with the baby, I´m getting tired of this situation and don´t know how to confrot him about him and get him more involved. I have told him how I feel about it but he always says that he works to much and that he is really tired, which is true so I don´t how to react.

Stephanie - posted on 09/05/2012

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I also stay at home and even when I didnt I also did it all. We have 5 kids 12, 9, 6, and 8 month old boy and girl twins. I have tried to talk to him and be so nice to ask for alittle bit of help and cant seem to get any. We have together for 10 years now and everything is still put on me. He tells me I do it better are you kidding me. He also will spend time with the kids but I dont get any help when it comes to the house or the cooking and all the running around we do because all the kids play sports all year round. Its hard and I wish I could help you get him to help alittle. But after 10 years I havent seem to get it. Sometimes I try the if we work as a time everything would be so much better. So you can try that. It does work once in awhile. Good luck.

Carmen - posted on 09/04/2012

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I use to have that problem with my ex husband. Except my ex never really worked hard in his life. My new husband works very hard and has very long hours. He still finds the time to help me out with chores, spends time with me and both my children. He is the very meaning of prince charming and a perfect gentleman. I have a hard time to let him help me out because I was suppose to do it "all", even if I was working outside the house and going to school. Of course he should help you out. The kids need their father to pay attention to them in the least and if he is not even doing that; he is not a real "father".

Mechelle - posted on 09/04/2012

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My husband tries doing this too. We argue over whose job is harder and he agrees that mine is extremely stressful. We have 3 kids, ages 4 and under.



Sit your man down and tell him that his behavior is not acceptable. Explain to him that you would like time to sit down and relax also, and if he could take one chore off your hands when he is home, it would mean the world to you.

Gerri - posted on 09/04/2012

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I went through the same thing and in my household, my husband is the authority. If the kids start getting out of line, all he has to do is look at them. When he was the only one working though, he acted like he was too busy or worked too hard to do anything else. While i appreciated his hard work, i felt like he didnt appreciate what i did as a mother and wife. Truthfully, taking care of children and running a household is tiresome and you absolutely do need a break. I would ask him what's he working for anyway? Before he knows it the children will be all grown up and he'll have missed out on the magical time of their childhood. I don't believe it's fair that he neglects his role as parent. The only advice I can give is something I tried myself. It's a little drastic, I must warn you. We have pretty much the same scenario (been together since i was 15, him 17) except we now have 8 children ranging from age 12yrs to 10 months.

I literally had to wake up at the crack of dawn on his day off and leave the house ALL day to hang out with my mother. He called me nonstop like it was too much for him and I calmly said each time," Well, now you know what it feels like." I felt like a jerk, but I had to hold my ground. He was mad as you know what when I came home at 7 pm but I was able to get my point across. Now, 2 years later, he does do alot more around the house and with the children. I've also learned how to "sweet talk" him into doing more housework. "I don't know how you do it..." "When I do it, it just doesn't come out the same way..." and i brag on the little things he does in front of family and friends to encourage him more so when they're around he feels obligated to keep up the image. He could be the worst at it, but I try to encourage him to.



I hope my experience helps!

Be courageous and firm!!! It will work out! You are in our prayers!

Anielyn - posted on 09/02/2012

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no! you are not his maid. and those kids are his kids too.

he should participate in taking care of them, even if its brushing their and tucking them.

as for household chores, at least during weekend, major household chores should be split among the two of you.

Lori - posted on 09/02/2012

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My husband helps out with everything. He is in the military and has been gone for up to 15 months at a time, so when he is home, he helps with EVERYTHING- but this is what works for US. He feels like he is gone so much that when he is home, he should make my load lighter. We have four children and the two oldest boys are home schooled, so I don't have a lot of time during the day to do laundry or other household chores. I do the sorting and washing of the clothes, but he helps fold. I load the dishwasher but he helps empty it. I cook most of the food (he can cook basic kid fare like quesadillas or grilled cheese and of course anything on the grill). We split the cleaning because he doesn't mind cleaning. He takes out the trash, he makes sure the pets get fed. He helps with bathing, bed time- he doesn't see it as my job, they are his kids, too, and he enjoys spending time with them. :) I am very blessed that he helps out so much and I am very appreciative of my husband. Our children have some special needs, so I am frequently busy with doctor appointments and therapies for them and him pitching in so much is huge to me. I think the key is to figure out what works for you as a family and as a couple. Sit down and talk about it, preferably when neither of you are in a bad mood and maybe when you won't be interrupted.

Amanda - posted on 09/02/2012

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You said a small fraction of your time is spent cleaning, so then it shouldn't be a big deal for the person who works to pitch in around the house during the week & weekend. That would not take away from his/her family time and would help relieve some of the stress off of the partner.



I believe everything should be split 50/50, however being the lazy woman that I am sometimes, my boyfriend does more than his fair share around the house. :) This is 2012, not 1952, it's time for women to wake up and realize that there is more to life than slaving over a hot stove or loading up the dishwasher. Get your boyfriend/husband/etc's ass in there and have him do something. If he didn't do it, I wouldn't do it. Just in spite.



As far as children go, 50/50. Period. Ya'll both had the child/children, you both raise them and take care of them.

Bonnie - posted on 09/02/2012

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You are not beinfg ridiculous. I am a stay at home mother of 3 boys and I am always doing the work by myself too. My husband seems to think it is ALL my responbilty to do ALL of the house work and getting no help....so i know how you feel. There are times that I just need a break and those are the times I need him the most to help out so since he doesn't... the house gets a little messy and then he complains. It really is aggravating.

Jessica - posted on 09/01/2012

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I'm gonna say as a stay at home mom myself for the past three years, yes the man is going to expect you to do nearly everything maintaining the house and the kids....well it just isn't possible. I tried for a very long time to get everything just right for him and our 3 children...my husband works 7pm - 7am 5 or more days a week so naturally he sleeps during the day...it wasn't until the stress became too much and I had to be medicated that he took notice of how hard I work throughout the day...with no help...now I hope it doesn't come to that for you, but you can always bring it to his attention that you need some mommy time, it seems to be more effective than asking for help with the chores..ask him to keep the kids for an hr or two while you get away... I use this time to go tanning and get my nails done...it's just enough time to do something to relax me and ease my stress and clear my head so I can get back to the mayhem of life...just remember as a stay at home mom we are fortunate and capable of giving our children and husband a wonderful gift...remind him now and again that to keep it up you need a little something too.

Alycia - posted on 09/01/2012

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I havent read everyones replies but I struggle with the same issue. I can ASK (but it usually comes across as nagging) my husband to do something but he usually never does anything on his own. We have been together for 3.5 years and has never one had to do any laundry or clean. The most effort he has put into the house is dishes and that was before we were married. He works 40+ hours a week and I stay at home and take care of our 5 kids and our home. This is the way we have been since day 1 of our relationship. Now, with all that being said, I cant offer any advice on what you should do other than just flat out asking your boyfriend to do more around the house. Maybe explaining to him in detail how you feel and giving him certain tasks to help with around the house. My husband does not respond well to little hints or sarcasm (which is my language of choice) so if I ask him to do something, I have to make sure he understands. Anyways, I look at the children and the home as my "job". And his job is the outside of the home. I do my "job" and if I need help I ask but at least if I do everything, I know that it gets done and gets done right the first time. The house runs smoother and there is less confusion with the kids. Now if you worked outside of the home, I would agree with others, that the husband should accept more responsibility. Being a stay at home mom is not just a full-time job but a 24 hour a day job. Its the hardest job out there so I do the best I can, talk to others, and pray my way through it and for other stay at home mommers! You can do this! You are a strong woman and God will bless you for this! Hugs!

Staci - posted on 09/01/2012

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You don't get a day...or even a minute off work from being a mom, so why does he think he gets time off just because he works? He's also a parent.

Ria - posted on 09/01/2012

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hi that the same as my boyfriend that y we fight he alway say to me you dont work so u got to do any thing but i say this is our house or kid so u need to stay helping he dose but not that much i sick of it

Alka - posted on 09/01/2012

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I think husbands should help, its not fair on the wife, she gives up her job to look after the child,

and looking after the child, is a full time job, on its on, rest should be shared. And us stay at home Mom, dont get lunch break, or travelling to and from work break reading our newspaper.

But some Men are so unreasonable , they dont take this into account.



i make him do some of the chores, and he's not happy, always arguing.

I stay at home with my son, he's 2 years 4 months now.

my husband has to share emptying the dishwashers, we have rotas,

we do about 50/50 laundry

I cook 6 times a week, that he doesnt help with.

I do everything for my son, apart from 1 dinner i make him feed, and he puts him to sleep, as my sleeps late about 11pm

Sandeep - posted on 08/31/2012

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Thanx girls.... U know wat..... For past 5yrs i took enough headache of kids.....

I used to think that they are my responsibility....

I never left them with anyone...... But my body was like an old lady at his age.....

After seeing all these comments i realised ......

Hello,sandy... U just 29. And u got ur whole life left yet......

I need my sanity back,so i ooked myself today for spa and massage...

I m gonna leave my kids with him on his day off and going for it.....



Had enough now..... Lets see how much he will enjoy his chating while kids are screaming and running around him.

Enjoy a day n my shoes honey.......



Thanx girls.....

Holly - posted on 08/30/2012

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I am a stay at home mom of 5 kids. 10y all the way down to to 3y. And i do most of all the house work he does help every now and then but he work's a lot so i don't ask him to do much. but maybe if your trying do some house work and he does not want to help with the work he could keep your kids busy so u could. And a least once a week u should just take some time out for your self and let him take care of the kids cause mom need breaks too!

Marj - posted on 08/28/2012

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Men are like talking to walls....they dont understand that just because we stay home all day doesnt mean that we are relaxing. I love taking care of my 10 month old daughter but it is tiring and sometimes i would love to relax and have a break. There are no set times for breaks and half the time you cant go to the bathroom in peace. But since the husband works all day he expects to come home and relax all night...sometimes ignoring us on the internet or his phone doing whatever he wishes...well when is it our time to do whatever we wish????

Sandeep - posted on 08/28/2012

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Same story with me....i m mother of 3children.. I m a stay home mum,wife,daughter in law and sister in law. We are joint family. Have to look after the house nd kids. And ask me wen u live with the in-laws,no exuse for not doing the work. U race with time all day. Andmy husband is considerent but he doesnt think that i need help. He is more buy with his blackberry chating nd internet..". I hate it. He cant see kids crying nd screaming. I agree they go to work but they get tea break lunch break but me..... Dont get time to use the toilet. Sumtimes feel like killing myself..... Got back pain body hurts all the time but no excuse for it. I keep on mourning but no1 gives a shit. Its like talking to walls.......". God bless me.....

Jessica - posted on 08/28/2012

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I expect that as a stay at home mom i am responsible for the housework, laundry, cooking, errands and so forth and i do not resent it at all. its on his days off that i get resentful cleaning up after another person if he is choosing to sit around and not do anything. we all need breaks but i know if our home my husband assumes i get breaks all the time because i am home all day, so not true!.

Marj - posted on 08/28/2012

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NO! It doesnt mean you have to do it alone...did you make the kids all by yourself??? Most certainly not! True he may work all day but so do you...taking care of kids is a hard job...its 24/7 and is often tiring for both body and mind. He can help you out. My husband is the same way...he sees that since he works all day then he should be able to come home and sit and do nothing all night...but thats not the way it should be in my opinion the husband should share in the daily tasks of caring for the kids.

Quintana_42lish - posted on 08/23/2012

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Sure does feel like it! well mainly just inside household stuff! the thing that gets me tho is that i also help wiwth outside dutys on top of keeping inside clean ! you jjust gotta be a tough Momma :]] im still sooo sleep deprived but all inall i LOVE being a Mom and see it as something Moms Do so i try and do my best :D

Bobbie - posted on 08/21/2012

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Here's the thing, they aren't mind readers. They don't know how to do things like laundry. That is why most guys vacumm and call it doing housework. I believe it is a mistake to think that he knows what is going on around him. I am sure if you could tap into his brain he would be thinking, "I am sure if she needs help she will speak up".
I found it so much more fun to ask him in a nice mood BEFORE I felt I was doing his share.
My husband doesn't do anything unless I ask. They are complete fish out of water when it comes to the house and kid stuff. They look to us to train them properly and with love and affection:)

Danielle - posted on 08/20/2012

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Thats the worse part of being a woman! I always tell my boyfriend since you work I don't mind doing all the cooking and cleaning but the child care should be 50/50 NO MATTER WHAT! He also does dinner dishes on his nights off. Oh yeah he also does his own laundry. I refuse to wash his clothes, I'm not his mother.

Janiene - posted on 08/16/2012

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He will not help you until he sees that you need help. Make it a point to let him know how much you appreciate him working, but that you need some help. Let him know that you want to work together at creating a strong family and how much you want him involved in your children's lives. With that said, it is important that you get some time alone, and as well ,with your husband.
A strong marriage will motivate him to help with the kids. Work on the marriage and see if he starts to help with the chores/kids. Lots of praise, and make sure that you are getting excercise and some :Me Time".

Ana - posted on 08/15/2012

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And when his 20% really gets on my nerves, then I really need a break, and I usually just tell him then I yell at him/

What really bothers me is when he wants to evaluate my breaks, "humph, you've been shopping for 3 hours.. humph, you've been sleep for 2 hours.. I'm hungry"...blah blah....

Or when he lets my daughter cry when I'm taking a break in the house//and I scream, THIS IS NOT A BREAK WHY IS SHE CRYING!!!! Then she stops....

Ana - posted on 08/15/2012

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Huff, no we don't do it all, but society thinks we do..I've experienced some of the same...a positive outcome (woman wins) if your man will work with you on SOME things..

I got mine (husband of almost 3 years) to pick up laundry and wash it, and cook sometimes..but he still leaves glasses all over the house and near empty beer bottles too..tracks grass in my house after mowing the lawn...plays video games during what I call family time....etc...etc...

He's not prefect, but I love more of is 80% ( the percentage of good qualities he has) than his 20% (the percentage of qualities that I just deal with because he's fam, see minor list above..)

Annie Matilda - posted on 08/10/2012

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No you are not being ridiculous at all but does he know how you feel?
I've heard this problem so many times and my husband and I have both always been really career oriented and both worked a lot, so when I decided to stop working before the birth of Emma I made sure to take this talk.
My husband leaves home at about 7:15 and is home around 7-8 pm. I do, do most of the stuff around the house during the day because that is now my job but he does his share when he is home. If something needs to get done, no one sits before it's done. I see at as both of us have jobs so no one is entitled to relax more so than the other.
In the morning, my husband is in charge of Emma if she's up until he leaves. I will dinner for us, so it's ready when he's home but we both clean the kitchen afterwards and he's in charge of everything in the yard or outside maintenance.
When it's a weekend, holiday or anything else we are equally responsible and help each other out.
You need to talk about this and make sure you tell him what your expectations are! :)

Momof1 - posted on 08/06/2012

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Hmmmm, I was a full time SAHM (besides working weekends) until just a couple weeks ago. My son is 2 years, 33 months. I didn't/don't mind cooking or doing the laundry. I hate to clean and always hated it. I do it when necessary. (No my house it not a skanky mess, though.) I didn't/don't ask my husband to do any house work, other then take the trash out and when he is home with our son, do the dishes, through in some laundry (but not necessarily fold it) and vacuum if necessary, so I don't have a weekends work of dishes and wash to come home to. He is up at 5:00 during the week, goes out to build houses and gets home between 5:30 and 6. I expect and want him to play and do things with/for our son, so that is the only thing I ask. To me, being a SAHM isn't about cleaning and other activities. It is about raising your child. Especially if it wasn't a choice. I was not able to go back to work, because we don't have family around to help out and we did/do not make enough to pay for full time daycare. So even though I loved being home (especially the first year, with breastfeeding and all) it wasn't what I wanted. I NEED to work, I need to be doing something productive (other then raising my son) and I can't "live" off my husband. I need to make my own money. Now that my son is almost 3, I was able to get him into a daycare preschool, two days a week and thankfully my job is able to give me the hours to afford to put him in, though I'm not making too much more then I was.

Now if you like to clean and do everything, fine by me. If you want to ask for help, fine by me. You both have to figure it out. No, men should not get a free pass just because they work. I think a lot should depend on the type of job, also. If he is sitting at a desk, working "normal" hours, he shouldn't be that tired to help out. Standing doing food service for 8 hours a day isn't too demanding either. That's what I do for 30 hours a week now. I still cook and do the laundry and the cleaning (when I feel like it.)

Patricia - posted on 07/31/2012

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i have talked to my hubby but still won't help or does for a couple of days to what he says to stop me from being cranky and then it stops and i earn all the money as well as take care of the house and 10 kids

Lindsay - posted on 07/30/2012

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No you are not, I am having the same problem with my husband which a lot of women do I am sure. I was a single mother of 2 for a long time and I worked full time and cleaned, cooked, cared for kids etc... So why shouldn't they pitch in just because they have a JOB? We have a JOB too, it is called raising our children! I am grateful to my husband that I can stay home with my children now but that shouldn't get him out of doing anything, like his own laundry or the dishes now and then LOL. Good luck girl and if your kids are old enough start giving them chores or just start with them helping you with the things they can :)

Tammy - posted on 07/30/2012

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Lauren, me and my husband have been together since i was 14 and him 16. we got married in 2000. We have 3 kids and 1 on the way (just found out). I worked full time with my first 2 kids and up until a couple weeks before i had my 3rd child. we decided we could afford for me to stay home with the kids although the other 2 would be in school except summertime and i felt i missed out so much with them since i worked and this was suppose to be our last so in 2007 i became a sahm. i was thrilled not to have to deal with drama at work and now i could be there and focus on my kids with minimal distractions. i did everything at home even when i worked with the kids and household duties (not happy not getting help) but i didn't say anything as i stayed home and still continued doing everything and never getting a break from the kids( you love them but you need breaks from them lol) i even carried the financial burdens alone. meaning yeah he was making the money but i had to figure out how to budget and i had 3 kids and there were and still are tough times. things happen but i carried that alone. i wrestled with saying anything and would say well he works hard and so on but then i thought i worked and still did all this so why shouldn't he be helping me.my husband became a truck driver and he gets home every other night. he did nothing yeah he would spend a lil time with the kids but not much else. i slowly began resenting him. he gets to come home and have fun with the kids while i have to take care of the house, kids and finances and be the bad guy with the kids while he gets to be fun daddy with no added things. yes i know his job is stressful driving around crazy ppl and so forth but all that quiet time he gets to enjoy lol. anyway, a year and half ago i reached a breaking point, and i finally broke down when the kids weren't around and i told him how it was. just cuz i'm not getting paid doesn't mean i'm not doing work. being a mom is stressful and at the very least you need a break. where's our lunch break or vacation? anyway, slowly he started helping out more and took some of the burdens off my shoulders and now we share more of it. he don't do alot but i manage to get him to do the dishes and he gives me breaks from the kids. we are much happier now. so no you're not being ridiculous. sorry for going on and on and giving you my life story. no i don't think it should be 50/50 as far as housework is concerned but he can do some things to help out once in awhile. def. the kids should be 50/50 though. :)

Amy - posted on 07/30/2012

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You ladies are so smart :)
That is such a great point, Sandy. If he does NOTHING then what's the point in having him around?? Might as well be a single Mom! Then at least you won't have to pick up his crap too!

Sandy - posted on 07/29/2012

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Being a SAHM does not mean that he gets to do nothing but make money. He should help with some of the chores and definitely with the care of the children. Otherwise, what's the point of having him around? Many single parents earn the money, take care of the children and clean the house. He should be there for the family, not just occupy space.

Cate - posted on 07/29/2012

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This must be pretty common among us stay-at-home types. I don't mind taking on all the housework - he can't meet my standards for clean anyway - but we invested the same number of chromosomes in those kids, and a woman already does the incubation and birthing parts of that job, so the least he can do is take his equal share in changing diapers, taming tantrums, or whatever.

Amy - posted on 07/25/2012

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Amen Brooke!
Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean you have to be his slave. He is still their father!

Brooke - posted on 07/25/2012

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If he throws his laundry on the floor and never even puts his dish in the sink like my ex I wouldn't put up it. And, he should discipline the children. And, he should take time to play with them outside,play board games and take them for bike rides. And, when he doesn't work on the weekend you shouldn't be his maid.
I think you should have a honest calm discussion with him. Or you will end up resenting him.

Tracy - posted on 07/24/2012

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They're his kids too. That means he has to help raise them not just provide for them. Tell him to man up and be an active participant in the family.

Mellisa - posted on 07/24/2012

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I believe if he is working and putting food on the table and a roof over your head and paying all the bills then NO he shouldnt have to do anything like that in the home, However he should be there for the children help them learn and whatever only because he is there dad

Amy - posted on 07/24/2012

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Boy would I LOVE a vacation from my family! How nice would that be. I really need some ALONE time. NOT a Mom, NOT a wife. Ahhhhh... what a dream...

Amy

Christina - posted on 07/24/2012

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No, you are married which is a partnership and not just one sided. If that was the case where is your 2 weeks of vacation every year and adding more to after additional years? HA HA. I wish. You should get smiple help and it is not one sided it's called a family unit for a reason.

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