doing housework necessary with a baby?

Racheal - posted on 04/14/2011

My husband is REAL good at bitc*ing that the house is a mess, but wont do a damn thing to help change it!!! So right now im on a little 'strike'!!!! and now my house looks like an F5 came through :( Im getting depressed again.....

Nancy - posted on 02/03/2010

I would clean a little when I could when my kids were little. Ask your husband to help. It's his child too. It won't hurt for him to do laundry, wash dishes, dust or pick up to help you.
Your not a bad wife because the house if a bit messy. The kids need you before the house work does.

Danielle - posted on 02/02/2010

Don't ever feel bad because the house is messy! If you're husband can't understand that then maybe he should take a day or two or more and see how hard it is being a stay at home mom, having to cook, clean, and take care of your family. It's exhausting.

Kimberly - posted on 02/02/2010

Don't beat yourself up! My husband wouldn't dare say such a thing to me....he knows that he can clean it himself if he has a problem with it :) Your not a bad mom because there are some pillows on the floor and the laundry isnt folded.

Kasie - posted on 02/02/2010

my house is a mess my mother inlaw always says im lazy but as i see it i would like a happy baby than a clean house if ur hubby dont like it tell him to take over for a day and see how hard it is for him

Rachelle - posted on 01/27/2010

sometimes my husband has to "get after me" too. i get caught up in every day that i dont see the dust or the fact that he doesnt have any clean underwear. dont worry, if it was ment to get done it will get done. and dont fret about your husband think of him has your boss, loosley, its his "job" to tell you when your slacking and he should expect you to do the same!

Arielle - posted on 01/27/2010

no dont feel bad, tell him to do your job for 24hrs and see how clean the house will be. or tell him to help out then. but yea i have that problem too my daughter doesnt like me to put her down most of the time and if so she had to be able to see my face or she will cry her lil head off. but yea sumtimes i dont get to stuff until after she has gone to bed

Tonya - posted on 01/26/2010

hang in there, men dont always--no do not usually understand all we do in a day-- I love a cklean house and sometimes reminisce about it:) I love my children and have to remind myself that if I never wanted a mess I would have to be single again and I do not EVER want to lose what I have for that! *** I have found if my husband and I pick either a few little things or one or two big things he would like to see done when he gets home and I focus on that I feel better and he has something to compliment (sometimes) when he gets home****

Bobie - posted on 01/26/2010

thank you thank you so much moms for the encouragement.i know i should designate a certain chore for a certain day but usually..i procrastinate or jst want to take it easy when my baby sleeps.oh well...when im in the mood to "clean",then ireally into it.
but dont get me wrong ladies..lol..d place is not dirty...jst dusty...lol..esp d tv area...hubby complained about it & i told him "why dont u dust it since ur d one who's always in front of it"!!!

Tatiane - posted on 01/26/2010

your definately not a bad wife.. girl first babies run us busy all day long.. I find it easier to stick with a scheadule of chores. and dont leave anything for later unless u have a baby emergency.. for example monday is celannign the bathrooms day... tuesday is dust everything off and vacum day... wednesday is clean out all the rooms.. thurday deep clean kitchen... friday is start laundry day... saturday is folding laudry day.. aND U TAKE SUNDAY OFF FROM ANY HOUSE DUTY!!!

Ashley - posted on 01/25/2010

My house is that way too!! Being a stay at home mom, means no breaks and no days off!! I think maybe you need a day to yourself, go out, leave the baby home all day with the hubby, give him the list of chores, and you see how much gets done when you get home, lol. Maybe then he'll understand and appreciate how much you do do :)

Lisa - posted on 01/25/2010

My kids (1 and 3), always pile pillows and blankets all over the floor. During movie time, they turn the living room floor into their big fluffy bed.
Yes, having a clean house is healthier for baby and everyone. But there is a difference between having a messy house and a dirty house. As long as everything is "clean" a messy house just shows that people live there.

Samantha - posted on 01/25/2010

You are most definitely not a bad wife, you're a great mom. :) My house isn't always clean. I have 2 toddlers and an infant. My husband rarely complains abot the house even if I still have laundry overflowing the basket waiting to be folded, I just clean when I have a short break during naptime or right before bed. When my husband is home, I give him a short list of chores while I make dinner and the kids play in their room. We even had a friend who has one baby come by and even though I thought my place was a mess, she exclaimed on how clean and organized it was, lol. Don't worry about it, taking care of a child is hard enough but so rewarding, and your baby won't mind a mess here and there even when they're older, kids love organized messes, lol. I actually love your idea with having pillows all over the floor for you baby too.

Ericka - posted on 01/25/2010

You're not a bad wife. You have a little one and your busy. My hubby tells me the same thing. What he doesn't understand is being a mom is a full time job by itself without cleaning house.My daughter is almost three months and at the stage where she won't let me put her down for long so little gets done around the house.

Larisa - posted on 01/24/2010

Also remember keeping a clean home is best for baby, now that he is moving its more important to keep things clean for baby

Larisa - posted on 01/24/2010

You are not a bad wife you are just busy, try cleaning when baby sleeps thats what I do, or ask for help from your hubby... I tell mine sometimes I jsut need help we all do :)

Rebecca - posted on 01/24/2010

baby should always come first. dusting and laundry can be done when baby is napping (on those days that YOU don't need the nap as well!) or happily playing in the same room with you. babywearing is also wonderful to get things done around the house. either way, when baby is feeling cranky or clingy, listen to your heart.

Tasha - posted on 01/24/2010

I say my house and mess will be there when the kids are off with their friends and don't want anything to do with me. My babies want me now but they won't always need me like they do now.

Lisa - posted on 01/24/2010

I'm a SAHM and if the house was spotless every day, throughout the entire day, that would just mean that I was ignoring my children to spend the entire day cleaning. My husband made a comment once. So the next Saturday morning, I got up early, got ready and told him I was going shopping and out to lunch with a girlfriend. When I got home, the house was destroyed and he looked like he was ready to cry. I just smiled and said, boy, the house is a mess. Never heard another comment!
I think people who don't spend all day at home with kids forget that taking care of the kids is the number one job priority. For my kids, they have outside time, reading time, craft time each day along with snacks and meals. No different than if they were at daycare.
It's hard to keep a house spotless when people "live" in the house 24/7. For the majority of people, they leave for work and no one is in the house to make a mess for 10-12 hours out of the day.

Sarah - posted on 01/24/2010

ur not a bad wife ...but no i hate seeing even a piece of dirt on the foor haha but that is just me its clean 24/7 :)

Kim - posted on 01/24/2010

Get used to it and tell your husband to too. The more kids you have the worse it gets. If he doesn't like it he can help out, its his house and baby too, or get you a maid. Just wait until he comes home and you are making dinner and the kids have decided to take every toy they own out and its all over the livingroom or house. And I agree with Stacey, I don't do any cleaning after 8. i need time for myself. And today I'm taking off, because I haven't stopped since before Thanksgiving, things have just been crazy and I need a break.

Stacey - posted on 01/24/2010

I have 4 the oldest only just 5yold so you can only imagine what my house is like. I'm sitting at the computer at the moment looking at the kitchen thinking 'I am notgoing to do it cos its just going to turn up like that tomorrow'
I like everyones Ideas especially the floors but unfortunately they only get done once in a while as I don't get a break from running kids. THe one thing that works for me is a basket in every room so everyday I spend 5 mins in the lounge room, kitchen and one other room that is perticularly bad and pick up any toy put in the basket and tip into the boys rooms.
The one thing that I do is try to make a point of is NO WORK AFTER 8pm which does mean that alot doesn't get done but honestly there has to be a stopping point.
The other thing that also works as the kids get older is if you want TV or what ever other activity they love they need to help 'pick a chore and do it properly and you get to do what you want to do' So far its working for me.
Good luck and don't worry I don't think it will ever change until they all move out and thats just the way it is going to be as much as we hate it.

Anna - posted on 01/24/2010

You are not alone in this! Housework is what seems to fall through the cracks for me also. Between running after a very active 13-month-old, homeschooling a first grader, tending the vegetable gardens (for most, but not all, of the year), and getting all the meals cooked and on the table on time, (and they have to be on time. My husband is in the Army and also a full-time student at night, so he has very little time to come home and eat each meal before he has to run again.) my house has ample opportunity to become a total pig sty if I'm not careful.

It's really frustrating for me when the house gets messy, and I do the stupidest things to avoid messes. Once, just to keep from having one more mess (a pile of laundry I probably wouldn't get to fold), I left the diapers on the clothesline for a whole day after they were dry, just going out there to get one every time I changed my son. After the kids went to bed, I went outside, got the remaining diapers off the clothesline, brought them in, and folded them just because I knew that then they would not just become one more mess. LOL

Another thing that helps me is finding the few things that make the biggest difference, and making sure to do those. For me, it's clean floors. We have tile floors, and they show every speck of dirt, so it depresses me so badly when they're dirty. I have found that if I have really nice clean floors, my day is better. So basically, I find just a few minutes each day to do the essentials like washing diapers, washing dishes, and cleaning the floors, and I feel ok even though the house is not ever to my standard anymore. Of course, I just find time for the other stuff when I get a minute here and there, which is probably not the best schedule, but it works ok. I hate that my husband has to live in a house that's really not to either of our standards, but he assures me it's not too bad. I think he understands that I've got a lot on my plate, and he isn't able to help me with any of it since he's gone from early in the morning until about late at night when he comes home from school.

If all else fails, I remind myself it's temporary. Kids are only little for so long, and after they're out of the toddler phase, the house stays MUCH cleaner. All things are temporary, including messy houses!

Sheree - posted on 01/23/2010

No way are you a bad wife. My home is often the same. 1 essential thing for me is that the floors are clean so bub isnt picking germs up. but i often have a basket of unfolded laundry or the morning dishes left in the sink until i get a chance later in the day.

Nicolene - posted on 01/23/2010

Don't worry, my house isn't spotless either! Taking care of my little one is priority # 1, housework will get done when I have time. I just try to vacuum as often as possible as baby is creeping everywhere and I don't want him picking up little fluffies etc. On weekends I ask hubby to take care of the little one and I try to get the floors and bathrooms done. Dusting I'll do whilst he's napping. Laundry I spread out over the week and before I go to bed I'll fold and pack it away. Anyways, life is really to short to worry about having a model home all the time, making memories with your little one is far more important.

Caroline - posted on 01/23/2010

no ur certainly not the only mom who doesnt seem to be ontop of housework. a house is meant to be lived in not sittin prim and proper!as for ur husband i'd ask him to give u a hand if its so botherin him!!Must admit it does get ontop of me sometimes but as long as i make days i do certain things to keep ontop of it think am grand... seein ur son is on the go he'll go round behind ya make more mess.. and no ur not a bad wife .. wot was the vows ?for better for worse for richer or poor with a pile of laundry or not ?? nah dont think so!! take time out for u and ur son xx

Normillah - posted on 01/23/2010

Ya this job really sucks. You dont get paid, you have no leave and lost a lot of other benefits that u get while working but u will get the most satisfaction out of it...Every women face the same problem...Most important is that our children are fed on time and that hubby always has food on the table...for cleaning and washing...do it not on day to day basis divide it to the 7 days we had...and if u have to dust something...do it section by section and spread it over the week..that way u will always have a clean home...for me... i always had a slack day and lucky to have a husband who help out with the housework...whatever it is...i just make sure that our bedroom and my children room always clean..

Jamie - posted on 01/23/2010

Don't feel bad, everyone feels that way sometimes. My husband doesn't make the comments, but we had to have a talk about helping me out with some of the housework. Before the baby he also washed up after dinner, now he's added ironing and putting laundry away, as well as giving our son a bath, so I have time to do some housework before bed. Especially don't feel bad, I had a cleaning lady come twice a month for the first two and 1/2 months to help out with doing the floors and the bathrooms because, its tiring to do everything all day, and I didn't seem to have time to do that on top of cooking, grocery shopping, or taking care of my son.

Helen - posted on 01/23/2010

my kids r 5 3 2 1 so im busy all day every day i take my eldesttwo to school come home stick a load washin in play with kids till its time to get my 3yr old from nursery then do lunch while kids eat i tidy toys away an hoover stick another load washin in then put lil two down for there nap an play with my 3yr old till its time to get my eldest from school then come home an play for an hour at that point the hose looks like a bomb has hit it there toys up to the ceilings lol but its fun while the kids eat tea me an my fella have a tidy up every where gettin every where spick an span i bath the kids he washers pots an takes kids to bed while i hoover again mop floors clean bath ect every where looks lovely at nite but then its same in the morn toys every where its normal huni ive got a pile of clothes that need ironing thats been there for two days it will get done today tho i try to pick one cleaning thing each day that way ur not faced with cleaning the entire house in one day like yesterday i had spare half hour so i cleaned the bath room today i will hoover bedrooms 2moro i need to clean the fridge just lil things like that makes it easy to saty on top of it

Tara - posted on 01/23/2010

I have a couple of suggestions:

One - ask him which he'd rather have, a spotless home, or a happy baby. Two - leave him alone with the baby for a few hours, along with a list of the housework he seems to think is so important, and see if he can get the housework done.

I expect that if he really thinks about it, a spotless house is secondary to a healthy, happy child - the laundry can wait until after baby goes to bed, same with some of the picking up, etc. I also expect that if he were to try to do what you do in a day, you'd find him sitting on the couch at the end of the day holding the baby and saying "OMG, I don't know how you get anything done..."

I don't know of ANY moms, myself included, that get everything on their TO DO list done. I do my laundry after my oldest girl goes to bed, and my husband keeps an eye on my youngest (my girls are 18 months apart -- my oldest is 21 months, my youngest will be 4 months on Feb. 2nd) while I fold it. Toys get picked up as I can manage during the day, with a complete tidy up after my oldest goes to bed. Dishes get done right after supper (usually) but it's not a big deal if things wait - I'd rather deal with what the kids need first, and let the housework fend for itself, after all, the housework isn't going to be harmed if it gets put off for a bit.

Kimberly - posted on 01/22/2010

Stop it! Girl My laundry basket has sat on the floor unfolded so long that it was ful of dirty clothes by the time I got around to it! Take the pressure off of yourself. I use to think that I was being "bad" at doing it all in one day but then I realized that Rome took time to be built and cleaned and so will this clean household!

Good Day! - posted on 01/22/2010

Hand the baby over to him and go do your work. If something happens (needs a diaper change, spits up, etc.) say, "nope, you have to handle that so I can clean the mess." Or ask him to clean the house so you can take care of the diaper or spit up. Put him in your shoes.

Shay - posted on 01/22/2010

My husband as made comments too. This morning I decided to hand over 6 month old Jack to Husband while I did our taxes online. He thought he could do laundry while he played with him. Needless to say, within 15 minutes he looked at me and said, "I can't even START a load with him." We will see if the comments continue. Your baby is the most important thing right now and time with the baby out ranks everything else at this point. Just make sure nothing is molding and everything will be fine.

Jocelyn - posted on 01/22/2010

Lol. Right now (as I type this) our bedroom floor is covered with 5 loads of laundry. It's actually clean and folded (yay), but spread out all over :P
What you need to do is find a house that is way dirtier than yours. I found such a house (yay again) so when dh starts complaining I respond with "yeah at least it's not as bad as Ray's house." That shuts him up!

Bobie - posted on 01/22/2010

im glad to hear im not alone.sometimes i jst find it infuriating when my husband makes that comment,making me feel like im just lazying around d house d whole day..i do get d evryday chores done like dishes & cooking.its d dusting & sweeping that im not so into.my son is 6mos & he doesnt nap very well & hes breastfed. so usually wen he naps, i either eat at my own pace(i eat like im in a contest when he is up...lol) or i nap, or jst relax by watching tv or jst lie down. d laundry,my hubby does.d folding is left to me which i hate...

Kirsten - posted on 01/22/2010

I totally agree, housework can always wait until tomorrow but when your little one needs something they can't wait 10 seconds sometimes. Plus, like many others said babies make lots of messes. I can't tell you the number of times that I have attempted to get the floor uncluttered to vacuum only to find my son following my every move undoing all the cleaning I just did. When this happens I usually just give up on cleaning for the day and try to spend the time enjoying my son.

Brenda - posted on 01/22/2010

"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,

For babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow,

So quiet down cob webs and dust go to sleep,

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep"



A well kept house is the sign of a mis spent life.

Enjoy them while they are little because it will be over before you realize what happened and you can't get it back.

Jordan - posted on 01/22/2010

I am with Theresa. Babies can destroy a house in like, 2 minutes flat, and this is coming from a Mom thats kid doesn't even crawl yet. lol! I guess I am in the groove though... I too do laundry when my little one naps but I also keep it going all day. I just time my folding times to where she can eat a little snack while I am doing it. She will sit in her highchair for a few moments or play with a spoon on the floor while I do the kitchen and when I vacuum, I put her on my hip and let her "help". She loves it. When we clean the bathrooms she loves to play with towels. I am very hands on with my kid, she is 100% of my life. I just let her coming along for the ride. I think she likes to be a part of things.... I hope that things start looking up for you soon!

Theresa - posted on 01/22/2010

Try having the house picked up right before he comes home, then he can see for himself what a short time it takes for a little one to destroy it. As far as the laundry do that when the baby naps. Part of being a stay at home is to keep up on some of that stuff. No, it will never be perfect, there aren't enough hours in the day to do it all. Assign yourself one task each day. Mon vaccuum, tues dust, Wed the bathroom, etc that way it doesn't seem so overwhelming. Sometimes there are days it just doesn't work out. I remember my husband coming home one day and asking why something wasn't done (Idon't remember what). I said I haven't showered in 3 days. If I get a second that's my first prioroity. The best thing I did was start bowling on a league when our oldest was 3 and our youngest (at the time) was 6 months. I came home one night and he hadn't unloaded the dishwasher. I asked why. He said "The kids have been so busy, I've been chasing them all night. I haven't had time to do anything." I just looked at him and said "I know. That's how my day is all day long. That's why sometimes the house is a disaster wneh you get home." He finally understood.

Sarah - posted on 01/22/2010

i have 2 kids 6/3 and run an in-home daycare, finding the energy to clean isn't easy and let's face it after a full days work who wants to clean? you do what you can when you can do it and if your husband is so concerned about the appearance of the house let him know where the dishsoap is! i would suggest not getting to far behind though as things pile more and more up it is hard to find the time and the energy with a little one to do it.

Kelly Louise - posted on 01/22/2010

you are not a bad wife or mother to feel like your house gotta be like show room ... i have three kids ranging from 13 to 6 and still today i don't feel like putting the washing away or vac the floors every single day... just remember sweetie that while your hubby or partner may work long hours a day your will continue after he comes home.. there is no holidays,unless someone takes over your job as a mum and wife temperary... you are human and i am sorry but men can't handle our jobs...chin up and you are doing a great job...kelly

Michelle - posted on 01/22/2010

psshhh... I'm with you there... But you know my fiance's aunt is literally like super stay at home mom. Her house is always perfectly clean and all the kids are perfectly clean and fed and she home cooks every meal of every day, and she told me that until ALL of her kids were over 4, none of that happened like it does now. Having young kids is just messy lol. And I read an article a few days ago that said that if you run around cleaning up after kids right away, it actually is bad for them. They're making messes to see how they interact with the world and what they are actually capable of doing, and if you clean up what they do immediately it makes them feel like what they do is worthless. Kids need to make messes, it's how they learn. And I'm a bit proponent of teaching them to clean up after themselves too! As soon as your LO starts to walk, have him help you clean up his toys! That's what I do.

Anna - posted on 01/22/2010

your not a bad wife! my house isnt spotless. it might be for 5 min and the its messy again bc my daughter is crawling and is into everything. sometimes you just cant get everything done. my husband likes to complain about it too...and i say if u want cmplain about it..do something about it...no harm in having husbands help!

Tiffany - posted on 01/22/2010

your not superwomen... your a mom! it is some strange myth (or a too perfect mother-in-law... like mine) that a mom is expected to cook, clean, and care for children all while looking and feeling perfect. and on top of that lavish love on the hubby. i strive for just one of those attributes.

Julia - posted on 01/22/2010

Lets see the last time I could see my floor was a while ago. You are not a bad wife. Babies are draining and they need the love and care not the house! As long as it is a safe place for your kid to grow up that is all that matters!

Sheelah - posted on 01/22/2010

Sometimes we have days or even weeks were we slack off, and maybe intentional don't do what needs to be done right away...but other times we don't. Other times we give it our all and at the end of the day it doesn't seem like we've really done anything! I hate dusting, so I, like, NEVER dust until it gets REALLY bad, but I always make an effort to do what counts. My kids get feed and dressed, I get feed and dressed, and the milk doesn't get left on the counter!

Husbands will say what they will say, and unless he's being obsessive or abusive about it, I would take as "constructive" criticism and try a little harder tomorrow. I'm six weeks pregnant right now and have absolutely no ambition to do ANYTHING because I'm feeling so gross! My husband comes home and says the same thing, but I just smile and say "the prices men have to pay to bear another child, it's such a pity"!

Keep up the good work, Bobie! If your child isn't starving and rats haven't taken over pantry you're doing just fine :)

Haylli - posted on 01/22/2010

Hey you are for sure not alone sometimes you just dont feel like it I undrestand 100%, for some I guess the husbands dont realize that what moms do is a 24/7 JOB not like were just lazing around all day I say if you can get laundry done good for you, folding it well heck at least it is washed right?

Dont let him make you feel like a bad wife what you are doing is probably ten times harder than a day at work for him, mentaly emotionally etc you never get time to just be with yourself like a five or ten minute drive to work even, nope as soon as you wake up till you go to sleep its all about the baby.

Well good luck to you and I hope maybe that made you feel better.

Robyn - posted on 01/22/2010

No you are not a bad wife!!! My house is like that sometimes and I have a 2 year old. It is just that sometimes everything that needs to get done, takes a back seat to life. I don't feel the need to be Martha Stewart, I have a life!!! Outside of cleaning, cooking, laundry, and changing diapers.

Jocelyn - posted on 01/22/2010

You're not a bad wife!! You have a baby..and your busy(and I'm sure tired) taking care of him..if your Hubby has time to complain about the house being "messy",he has time to help clean up! Good luck! and remember..A clean house will NEVER hug you,But your Child will. :0)