Fed up for being judged as a young mother!!

Mia - posted on 08/14/2012

Girl, it doesn't have that much to do with your situation or the fact that you're a young mom.... some, well, MANY, people especially moms for some reason just judge. I guarantee you that I get as much or more criticism and judgment for how I raise my kids and I didn't start having kids till my late 20's - all natural pregnancies, HOME-BIRTHING, demand feeding, breastfeeding as long as they want, tandem breastfeeding (older child with a newborn), encapsulating my placentas (GASP!!!), co-sleeping, un-schooling, international travel, limited vaccinations on a schedule I create, skipping all cereals and baby foods and making all my own stuff starting them on solids at 4-ish months, never giving them high fructose corn syrup or anything with preservatives, living in the Mission district of San Francisco, taking public transportation or walking everywhere, letting them start sports and music lessons as early as they want, letting them stay up late and sleep in, not being strapped to nap schedules and early bedtimes, potty training from birth, teaching them about the world instead of Sesame Street, I could go on and on...... trust me, ON AND ON. People judge because they are insecure and selfish. Even younger moms who struggle don't deserve to be judged. Having a baby is NOT a mistake. Perhaps some mistakes were made that led to a baby in some cases but no baby is a mistake. The thing is that judgment HELPS NO ONE! It makes the judger an even more miserable person and the person being judged just gets hurt and demoralized even if he/she knows what he/she is doing is wonderful. Some people do make lots of mistakes and don't deserve to be parents but judgment, again, is unhelpful. Intervention is helpful. People love to sit back and talk an criticize and demoralize, and meanwhile there's a lot of moms, dads, and kids who just simply need help and support and intervention and in many cases, rescue. Not judgement. Judgment is immature, ridiculous, and weak.

Jenni - posted on 08/14/2012

Everyone judges everyone for everything, it's human nature. If it isn't that you're a young mom, it would be something else. You just learn to worry about your own backyard, as long as you're confident in the choices/decisions you've made and try your best to make it work; how you raise your child, your relationship with your spouse, etc. that's all that matters. Who cares what other people say or think. Just keep striving to rise above the statistics and norms and consider yourself to be a good example of how young moms can be all the things more mature mothers are and provide just as well for their child.



I'm not really a young mom; I had my first at 26 and I'm now 30 but to be honest, I don't really give a flying hoot when other people have their children. It's really none of my business and I have better things to do with my time than give more than a passing glance at a younger mother. I know quite a few younger moms and I really don't see any real difference in the way I raise my children and my relationship with my spouse than theirs. What are your experiences with older mothers doing this? Are you sure it's not your own insecurities that are amplifying your feelings of being judged?

Stifler's - posted on 08/14/2012

Some people have too much time on their hands? I agree with Denika about the statistics. I was 21 when I had Logan can't say I ever had anyone "judge" me to my face about it. If they were judging me behind my back I never found out.

Tina - posted on 08/14/2012

I don't think it matters what age you are people still stare and make judgements. Even if you are doing well and people know it they will still critisize. You're either too young or too old. I think a lot of the time it's a bit of jealousy. Who knows. It shouldn't really matter you don't have to explain yourself to anyone if you're happy and doing well and you know it don't worry about what others say or think.

Katherine - posted on 08/13/2012

I was 30 when I had my first. I felt old! But I also got my degree and did a lot of things that I wanted to do. Now that being said, who cares what others think? Just smile at them! My kids tantrum in the middle of the store and you should SEE the looks I get! I just give them my biggest shit eating grin. I wish I would have had kids younger, but that's how it happened.....and maybe I wouldn't have gotten my degree.

Everything happens for a reason, I truly believe that.

Toni - posted on 08/13/2012

I was a teen mother too and got all the same crap that every other teen mother gets. "You are still a child yourself, you dont have the life experience, you have to finish school, you wont stay with the father, blah blah blah."

You eventually learn to ignore it all. I was 17 when I got pregnant, and just off 18 when I had my son. I am now 21 and I am still with the father. He has a solid job, we are renting out own place and slowly saving to buy a place of our own. We are getting married in a few months. At the moment I am writing a book and plan on getting it published, and I am doing online courses on creative writing because I would love to be a full time author.

Beth - posted on 08/13/2012

I do COMPLETELY get what you are saying, but what I mean is even people that know all of this about me are still judging me? I know I shouldn't let it get to me but it does! I am a brilliant mother yet I am still being penalised as I am young. I really think society needs to re-think on this situation, many young mothers these days are breaking away from the stereo type. I don't know whether it is due to the increase of acceptance and support or more information but young mothers generally are changing. I really think society needs to evolve there opinions and make room for us! I should not have to feel embarrassed and ashamed when someone asks my age, I should feel proud that I have accomplished so much so soon education, a home, a relationship and managed to grow myself a little human being! Its hard work and we deserve respect not criticism. Don't get me wrong there are also the young mother that completely flush there privileges of being a parent down the loo and shame on them but then there are just as many 30+ women doing this also!

Casey - posted on 08/13/2012

It will never go away. I have a 5 yr old son and am now 22. You learn to live with all the stares or ignore them. I still doesnt go away though. I too provide for all of my children. I now have 2 boys both 5 and a girl that will be 8 in August. So believe me I totally understand the stares and stereotyping. Its bs but its there. All you an do is prove to the world that you are a good parent. Dont let the people you dont know bother you. What matters is that you are a wonderful mom no matter the age. I can think of more then one occasion where I have all my kids in tow at the store and of course one if more 2 of them are having a melt down and Im getting stares out the butt knowing that its more because I have all these kids then that my child is misbehaving. you simply learn to live with it. Dont beat yourself up over it. Just know you are a wonderful mother!!!!

Denikka - posted on 08/13/2012

Because statistically speaking, you are so far out of the norm that it's ridiculous.
Looking at the numbers, most young couples don't stay together, the numbers are even lower when a child is involved.
Most women who have a child at a young age will go on to have multiple children.
When you have a child at a young age, the numbers are high that you'll drop out of school and probably won't go back. This means that the chances of a higher paying job are much more remote. This means fewer financial and material opportunities.
Teen mothers are twice as likely to give birth to a low birth weight baby. Those are the numbers.

Just because you and a few people that you know don't fit in with this, doesn't mean that you are the norm. The numbers speak for themselves. Statistically speaking, you are the abnormality.
I do want to say congratulations though. If you're doing everything you say you are, then you are doing an awesome job and definitely need to keep it up :) DON'T be another statistic. It's nice to see young moms with good heads on their shoulders and doing things that many parents, even 30years+, can find difficult to do for their children.
I'm a young mom too. I've got 2 children (second was planned) aged 3 and 1.5 (timing also planned) and I've been with their father for almost 4.5 years now. It's tough, but it can be done.