fed up with working mums putting us down?

Tammy - posted on 09/11/2010 ( 102 moms have responded )

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I am a stay at home mummy with two little girls and another on the way and I've always considered thats my choice, I want to bring my kids up myself, be there for every one of their needs, see every milestone and be on tab for a cuddles and kisses whenever they want them. But as of late i've started to notice an increase in 'digs' and put downs from all the working mums out there aimed at us stay at home mums. especially on facebook status messages. and twitter etc. they think we are lazy, useless and benefit spongers but in truth we are better mums than them because our kids have us there 24/7. We are there for them wenever whatever at any time of day or night and our children are being brought up by their mother instead of childminders and nurserys. what are every one elses views on this? do other stay at home mums get dissed and picked on or made to feel bad by the working mums?

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Jodi - posted on 09/11/2010

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Wow, first off, I am a SAHM and a dedicated one at that, but I would NEVER call myself a better mom than someone who has to, or even decides to work outside the home. That's crossing a line. Even though working moms have made digs at me for staying home, not a single one has ever dared to call themselves a better mom for any reason and I would expect that we as SAHM's wouldn't dare to call ourselves better moms. Everyone, every family and every situation is different. It's saddening for someone who reflects on ME as a SAHM makes such statements.
But, yes, I do get digs about how it would be nice to be home all day to do what I want (that would be nice...wouldn't it ladies??? lol) or how my friends wish they didn't have a boss to listen to, 'cuz my kid doesn't control basically every second of my day...at least they don't have to wipe their bosses butt!!!! I think whether you stay at home, work from home or work outside of the home, we are all doing the best we can and we are ALL good moms. I don't really let the comments bother me, they come from people who have no idea how hard or how much work it really is to stay home with children all day. It helps that I am confident in my decision that I am doing what is best for MY children and I know how hard I work, so comments about being lazy, while irritating, for the most part roll off my back.

Rebecca - posted on 09/11/2010

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I work three days a week and stay home the rest, my 16 month old goes to his nanas on the days I work - which I really apreciate. I have noticed that I am almost treated as a "bad mother" because he DOESNT go to daycare!! its so the normal thing now that the plunket nurse even asked if I was going to send him there? why should I - he gets to go visit friends, go to the park - the grocery store, the library, the mall, go for walks, play in the garden, - who says he is not socialised! In my day we were practially all bought up at home until we went to kindy at 3 or 4 and we are pretty normal I think....

Rachel - posted on 09/25/2010

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i have noticed that usually when working mom's make nasty comments about stay at home mom's it is because they are jealous, and wish that they could be in your shoes. It's gotta be tough on them not being able to enjoy loving on their children like we do. I believe being a stay at home mom is a full time job too. I bake, cook, do laundry, vacuum, the list is endless. I think you should be proud to be a stay at home mom, don't let other's negative comments define who you are :)

Aimee - posted on 09/15/2010

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I think your mistake is in that you think that YOU are better than a working mother. You said it yourself in your post. How can you expect working mothers to not "diss" you, when you clearly feel you are superior to them?

Nicole - posted on 09/21/2010

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I am a stay at home mom and it is hard work but I do love it. I think it is not right for people to say that it is easy or that you are sponging but I do have to say that you can't say that we are better moms than working moms because some moms have no choice but to work to be able to provide for their family. I think that saying that makes you just as bad as they are for critisizing you. I am glad that I am fortunate enough to not have to go back to work and that I can enjoy those milestones but I see the heartbreak in friends and family members eyes when they have no choice but to send their kids to daycare. I think that was a very hurtful and rude comment to make.

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I DON'T think that I am better than a working mom.....and I DON'T think working moms are better than me. I know how lucky I am to be able to stay at home with my kids. I also know that if the need for me to get a job ever came up then I would get a job. It's all base on what is best for my kids. Right now the best thing is for me to stay home, and thankfully with my husbands job that is possible.

Lizandra - posted on 10/01/2010

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wow! i agree with ALOT that was said from everyone. I am a stay at home mom and it was a choice of me and my hubby before I even came out prego. Never did I kno how much judgement gets passed, not only by working moms, but by EVERYONE! even the ppl who r supposed to be there for u to support u the most will throw in something to say here and there. Sometimes I do question if I am doing the right thing, but I have noticed that my son knows alot more than kids who's moms work. I don't think anyone should pass judgement, working or not, being a mom in general is hard.

Amanda - posted on 10/01/2010

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I don't really think one is "better" than the other. I'm a SAHM and I'm glad I have the chance to be home with my son for now. My friend was also a SAHM and is now back home working and she loves getting a break from being home all day like she had been. I don't let anyone's opinion bother me about what I do. I know how hard I work and if I needed to go back back to working outside my home I would. My mother was a childcare provider when we were young and then had the chance to be a stay at home mom for a few years before going back to work. As much as I love being at home with my son I'll most likely end up going back to work in a few years depending on where my family stands money-wise. Some people just can't afford to be home ...

Candi - posted on 09/29/2010

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THANK YOU...many applause to you Tammy! I am also a stay at home mother & feel much the same way as you do. I have friends on FB myself who i haven't seen in yrs & it really irks me when they ask what I do for a living... Then their noses turn up & they act like they are better than someone with their careers & their lives at the office. How many of their children can say they have a close relationship with their mother? Or can say their mother is ALWAYS there for them no matter what day it is? Not many! There fore. I applaud you for standing up for all us stay at home mamas out there! Woooo Go Tammy! Just keep doing what you are doing cause the only reason they are hating on us is because they are jealous... I have discovered too that most of these women talking all that mess are SINGLE mothers & HAVE to work because they don't have the father figures supporting their children! So we are lucky!

Nicole - posted on 09/29/2010

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The truth is, stay at home mom's are not better mom's. That is your own opinion. My opinion is that because you stay home with your kids all day, that you lack self confidence that you would let others people's opinions effect you. Stay at home mom's are far from lazy! Staying at home with children is not an easy job, it is a job that never ends. I wanted to go back to work for 5 hours a day to get out of the house, have somewhat of adult conversation. Now if I stayed home, that would make me a not so good mom, as physically and emotional, I need sometime, some space, and then when I am home, I am a better mom because I have had that time away, and I am fresh and relaxed and able to cope with anything. So I think what this post is about, is really non-sense, neither side is wrong, this is an individual process. The best part is no matter if you work or if you stay home, your children think you are the best anyways. So in short term when other mom's make comments towards you, change the subject because what works for them, hey good for them, who cares.

Carrie - posted on 09/25/2010

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Amen, Sister! My whole family looks down on our (my hubs' and mine) decision to have me stay home with our kids. My mom has made MANY comments about my lack of contribution and my sister in law (who chooses to work) has made a stinging comment. We didn't have kids so that SOMEONE else can raise them. We make sacrifices, and don't try to keep up with the Jones' so that our kids can be taken care of as we see fit. I know that some families HAVE to have Mom working, but I think there is a difference between having to , and chosing to. Not that parents who work are bad parents, because sometimes they are better parents to their children because they have downtime from them- I just don't want to be looked down on for raising our kids! I think it's sad that we live in a society that thinks that raising the children you brought into this world is useless and non-contributing. I am not a sponge. My husband and I have a system down, and yes, he works and earns the paychecks, but I keep the family functioning, do all of the household chores, and make his (hubs') life easier outside of work. I am grateful for the opportunity to be with our kids, and that he will go without the best car or biggest house so I can stay home. I don't eat bon bons, I don't watch soaps, I don't have a nanny, cook or housekeeper. I am dressed and groomed (as are my kiddos) every day. I know there are misconceptions on both sides (working and stay at home) about the lives the other half lives. We are all just trying to do our best. We all want what's best for our kids and families. I know that if (God forbid) something were to happen to either me or my kids, I won't have regrets about lost time, and they will have a plethora of memories. I know that if they turn out great, I can pat myself (and my husband) on the back, and likewise, if they turn out to be not so great, I can assume the blame as well. I am grateful to raise my kids as my #1 job, but am saddened that it is looked down upon. I wouldn't trade positions for the world, and know my husband feels the same way!

[deleted account]

What makes a good mom is not whether you stay at home, or go to work. I would be willing to bet that there are some SAHM's who are lazy and just sit around, and maybe there are some "working" moms out there who find a way to make those 2 hours at the end of the day super special. I know there are fabulous SAHM's out there, and I know that there are truly lousy working moms....who probably should spend as little time with their child as possible. We ARE ALL working moms........the location is not what make us good or bad. It's what you put into the job of raising your children. My mom was a single mom...... I had to go to daycare. And I turned out just fine because she made the time we had together special. That took a lot of sacrificing I am sure. I worked when I just had 1 child, but now I have 3 kids......my paycheque would go to daycare......doesn't make a lot of sense. Plus, I also believe that the first 5 years are so important. So I sacrificed a pretty good career to take care of my children. It's the right decision for me and my family. That's what makes you a good parent. Having the courage to do what is right for you and yours --- no matter the judgement or criticism. When your children are grown up, it won't matter if you stayed at home with them if you didn't put your all into it, and they will only resent your working outside the home if you don't give them quality time when you are around. Just make sure they grow up knowing they are wanted, loved and special and it will be just fine no matter where you work. And we should all be supporting one another so that we can be that kind of mom.

Kristi - posted on 09/25/2010

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It's a choice that not everyone has the luxury to make. It is hard being at home but I wouldn't trade. I think some people make those types of comments out of envy and others don't get it! I wouldn't say SAHM are better moms, I think some people need a break away from their children and others have to go back to work. Every family has to make the choice that is best for them. It can be tough to hear those types of comments but if you feel what you are doing is important, than it is. No one can dictate to you what is or should be important when it comes to your life and family. I do not think people realize that by staying at home, your partner is able to do his/her work - you are a team and you balance each other out!

Amanda - posted on 09/25/2010

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Personally, I don't care what other people think. I love spending time with my child and it's my choice. These people's judgements won't stay with me forever. The only thing that is important is your life and your kid's lives. Do what you think is best and don't let other people's judgements get the best of you. You will be so proud of yourself down the road for doing what you believe is best for your family. Sometimes I'm not sure of the decisions I make for my family, like being a SAHM, but then I remember that I love my son soooo much that no one can put me down or make me feel bad about myself unless I let them. I make all the decisions for the benefit of my family and that's the only thing that matters.

Adrianna - posted on 09/25/2010

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i agree i am also tired of the working moms thinking they are better than us because they work outside of home or assuming us to be lazy because we stay home with out kids. i for one don't sit down much or even get a chance to relax even after my husband gets home. because i have 3yr and 6wk old. so i don't think there is anything wrong with working outside the home but i for one love being home with my kids i don't believe in letting someone else pretty much raise my kids. i would rather do it myself

Crystal - posted on 09/24/2010

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I used to be a single working mom for three years, I missed alot of my son's firsts because of this. Now I have met a wonderful man who has given me the choice to keep working or be a stay at home mom. I choose stay at home mom over working mom. I find that my son and I have built a better relationship with eachother now that we get the time to spend together. I found when I was working I cooked less (we ordered in alot), had no scheduled routine due to work schedule, good dayhomes are far and few between, I missed alot of my son learnings, the house cleaning was a chore rather then now its fun that I have him to help me thruought the day. Don't get me wrong I understand if you have no choice but to work I have been there and sumtimes it's the way it's gotta be. But if you have the choice to stay home, I suggest that over anything!

Amanda - posted on 09/24/2010

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So there are greeting cards called "Mommyhood" and they are GREAT, and hilarious....anyway, today I was looking at them and they have one that said, "Whether you stay at home or work, we are ALL Working Moms." I think that pretty much says it all! :)

Nicole - posted on 09/24/2010

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I don't think it is that they find it easier like I said earlier a lot of moms have to work because they need to be able to feed their kids and cloth them cause you know you do need money to do that. And I don't think day cares hire teenage girls to work there considering you go to school to work in these places and if you are referring to hireing teenage girls to watch your kids so that the parents can go out together to get some alone time together than I really don't see the harm in that considering we have a teenage babysitter that we get occasionally to watch our 2 kids so that their mommy and daddy can spend time together to keep their relationship strong so our childrens parents stay together instead of divorcing. There is absolutly nothing wrong with that. I am a stay at home mom but I don't think that moms that work are bad people. I think that they are doing what they have to do.

Crystal - posted on 09/23/2010

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I think either way, it's the woman's choice and other women need to respect that. Currently I'm clashing horribly with my neighbor. Not only does she look down on me because I have just my 2 year old boy, but she looks down on me because I don't work outside the home. (Neither does she, but she forgets this.) Instead, I work from home. I freelance write, so not only am I home with my boy but I still get that part-time income that really helps out.

It drives me crazy! I have yet to find anyone other than my mother, husband, and grandparents who think I do the right thing. To them, I'm still lazy and a freeloader. Doesn't matter that it increases our incomes, or that I'm here too. So even if you work from home, you still get that bias. It drives me insane.

I don't regret it though. I'd rather be the one tucking him in or giving him lunch than anyone else.

Desiree - posted on 09/23/2010

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I worked full time until i became pregnant with my 5th child and realized all my paycheck and then some would go into daycare, so i quit. i think some working mothers are jealous and seeing so many women being SAHM makes them feel inadequate. I have days where i wish i could go back to work for a work just to get a break (I was a case manager for clients with MR/DD and yes some days it would be a break) But i realize how much i've missed and will never get back and it makes me certain that i will not go back unless absolutely necessary or the kids all move out and i become bored, lol. Most of my friends respect my decsion and some have admitted being jealous or afraid. Just be the best parent you can be and tell anyone who doesnt like it to "shove off"

Sue - posted on 09/23/2010

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i hear "i am just a mom" a lot from stay at home moms. so even we put ourselves down. the way i look at it is that i am gonna get the blame for what my kids do so i am gonna do the crime, but it isn't turning out bad. i have a 2 teens that have self esteem that you cant scrub off, and one of them is O.D.D. and while they bicker and argue they do not outright fight with each other. and best of all they talk to me (sometimes way more than i would like) about everything.

it really does pay off in the long run and you are doing the hardest most under rated job in the world, as well as the most important.

Tracy - posted on 09/23/2010

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I believe many of the working moms who put us down are simply jealous. They have to hand of their children everyday to strangers who get to see all of their accomplishments. And others simply can't handle devoting their entire lives to their children, it's a hard job. I don't want to demean or put down any of those moms, but they shouldn't put us down either. I had a friend who was so envious of me staying home with my son, then she was laid off and now stays home with her daughter while she is searching for a job. She finally admitted to me how much work it is to stay at home. It was nice to get a "WOW! You're right, staying home is a lot of work!" It's frustrating to hear other moms call us lazy, but I know that I am doing what's best for my children. And I feel fortunate to be able to raise my children how I want.

Tamara - posted on 09/22/2010

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Wow, I have been a working Mom and a stay at home Mom and now I'm a child care provider. There are good and bad things about both. Most of us Moms do our best and we should just give each other a break. Why don't we all just concentrate on ourselves and not bash each other. I feel for all the Moms that leave thier children with me because I can see on their faces that they really want to be with their child. There are also some Mom's that are better parents to their children because they need the time to be away at work because they have different type minds than stay at home Mom's. Stay at home Mom's it is ok for you to be at home with your kids. Working Mom's it is ok for you to be at work and have help with raising your kids. Live and let live.

Alice - posted on 09/22/2010

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Hi Tammy and all you other SAHMoms, I too and a SAHM and have been since my first child which is now 14 year old. I have the feeling that the other mothers feel envious because they too would like to have the opportunity to spend quality time with their children but unfortunately cannot due to many reasons am sure. Believe me I have heard from many a teacher who says that children who have SAHM are sooo different (and in a good way ... i might add). I too think there are different circumstances for everyone and people should be thankful and blessed for who and what they have in their lives. Stop finding fault with others .... cause non of us are perfect. Heads up for us stay at home moms. I think we all do the best we can. Love Alice

Lucy - posted on 09/22/2010

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well i have got some rude comments from moms that work and find out i stay at home. I think it might be jealousy, for me i am new around here from north NJ, and most of the moms i have met work and as soon as they find out i stay at home the rudeness comes out and they never talk to me again. they all say oh how lucky i am, with a nasty look on their face, then it is like im back in high school, they all click together and talk among themselves, laughing and making comments, And being from north NJ doesn't help either around here in SW Philly i don't think. I enjoy being here form my boys, it does have its up and downs, like i never have a min. for myself, till they are in bed. But one day they will be out of the house all grown up and i will know i was there for them. I give a lot of credit to the moms that work, plus come home to be a mom, that cant be easy, but they never give me a chance to say it. Its a hard one...

Krystal - posted on 09/22/2010

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I'm right there with you. I went back to work for a couple of weeks (after being off for 7 months with my LO) and then decided I didn't want to continue so I resigned. You should have heard the way most of the women talked to me (I worked in an elementary school so it is primarly women). The one quote I got incredibly tired of hearing was "I'm glad you can afford to stay home. I would give anything to." Well apparently not. It's not that we're rolling in the dough and don't need any extra money.....I have to make sacrafices everyday but that is the choice I made because I do "give anything" to stay home with my son. I have a great babysitter who is my neighbor and is like a grand mother to my son but I still wanted to be the one to raise him. By the time my two weeks were over I was so ready to tell those women to shove it!

[deleted account]

I love being a SAHM and wouldn't change it for the world.I have raised my children to be respectful,loving,and kind people.I was glad to be there when they were sick,etc.I loved being there for their every milestone.My kids are all teens now,but I'm still there for everything.The only people I got slack from was my family and they are all jealous because they have to work and I don't.I have ignored them over the years and told them if they don't like the way I am raising my children then they don't need to be in my life.End of story.

[deleted account]

I have three kids. A two year old, pre-schooler, and 2nd grader. My husband works 80 plus hours a week and we are fortunate to actually see each other during the work week. I get up at 5am to get them all ready, go to 2 schools to drop the older ones off at 745 and I am going going going all day with my 2 year old until 230 when I pick up my kids from school PLUS three afterschooler's I watch for extra money. Then I am going 3 times as hard until 730pm when the afterschoolers are gone and mine are put to bed. Sometimes, I get a chance during nap time to watch a flick, read a book, or my favorite...zone out at the wall undisturbed. I don't care what any working mother thinks, but I don't think I am better than them or my life is easier than theirs. My life is mine and if they wanna cast judgment ...what little energy I have left after a long day won't be wasted on worrying about them :)) Keep your chin up. If you know you put 100% into your kiddos and your happy...f#$% em ;) Save your energy up for something you enjoy ;)

[deleted account]

Gemma what about single parents? Why should they feel bad because they are living off benefits in order to look after their own child. Generally it's not their fault they have to bring their children up by themselves and they shouldn't be penalised for it either. By law single parents are exempt from working until their child is of school age.

Nicole - posted on 09/22/2010

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So Gemma you don't think that anyone should collect EI or Child tax benefits unless they are unable to afford to pay for things themselves?

Hannah - posted on 09/22/2010

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Thanks for writting that it made me really angry as a SAHM to see another SAHM mom write that... we all just need encouragement and to know we are doing the best we can no matter the situation... so again thank you!

Amanda - posted on 09/22/2010

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When I lived close to my family, they all ganged up on me and told me I was taking advantage of my husband because I was lazy and didn't want to work. My husband told me pay them no mind because they are jealous they cannot stay home like I can. They actually have to work. I say GO US!!! We rock!!

Gemma - posted on 09/22/2010

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In my experience most working mothers put SAHM down because of the guilt they feel that they are unable to stay at home due to financial reasons or for whatever reason they go to work.
I am in the same mind set as you. If chose to have children and I want to look after them and bring them up. I dont want someone else doing my job, especially when its such an important one. I wouldnt worry about it. They are mostly jealous of your situation and the ones that 'choose' to work should know better than to make you feel bad for choosing to stay at home.
I dont however condone Mothers that stay at home and live off benefits. Theres a difference between using benefits to support your income, and living off just benefits full stop. If you have worked all your life up untill the point you have kids and have contributed previously then I dont see the harm in claiming benefits to top up exisiting income from your partner/husband.
Just for the record, we dont claim any benefits whatsoever, but woulkdnt have an issue with doing so if we needed a boost if it meant me staying at home and bringing up my children rather than paying someone else to do it for me.

Cathy - posted on 09/22/2010

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Most all of my friends are working mothers or people that have to work to help bring in income for their families. I give them kudos for getting out there and trying, BUT most of them are also very jealous that I am able to stay at home with my children. Staying at home was a CHOICE that I made because I too didn't want others to raise my children. I initially thought I would stay at home until my children got into Kindergarten. Well my oldest is in College and my youngest is in 8th grade. I find it Most important now more than ever to be at home when they come home from school, or when they want to stay after school and do extra curricular activities. My daughter will call and say can I go over to so and so's house after school or can they come over and do something. This might not seem all that important to some, but socialization is a vital part of learning that the schools are cutting out of our children's normal school days. It is important that we teach them how to interact in a group or one on one with a peer. Being at home gives me the freedom to supervise or be there when the door flings open and All the DRAMA begins. Since I started staying at home I get more done now than I ever did when I had to go to work. My friends Now are saying WOW I don't know how you do all that and I just smile and say Staying at home is a FULL TIME job with no overtime pay, no holidays or days off, no sick time or free time to your self to sit on the couch, write checks and eat Bon Bons. This job is all time consuming, emotionally taxing and tiring, BUT its also the most rewarding job in the world that no one can ever replace!!!

Amanda - posted on 09/22/2010

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I absolutely, 100% do NOT think that I am better than working moms.

The only thing I have ever had a problem with is some working moms putting me down...which isn't alright with me. I have NEVER put them down, and I NEVER EVER would.

My mom was a working Mom when I was growing up and I was either babysat by my brothers ( who are 12 and 14 years older than I), or I was at a sitter, whom I adored.

So to recap - the thing that I have a problem with are a handful of instances where I was put down for being a SAHM.

Amber - posted on 09/22/2010

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Eff that! I have been on both ends of the Spectrum. I worked for awhile and now I am a stay-at-home mum, and staying home with the kiddos is much harder work!

Christina - posted on 09/21/2010

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Alright... as a SAHM and an Early Childhood educator, I want to put away the nonsense about your toddler not being socialized if they are at home. Infants and toddlers don't socialize well with each other. Even in a daycare the most they'll do is parallel play... they haven't developed a desire to actually play with each other yet. They aren't gonna share whether you keep them at home or give them to a childcare provider.

I don't think SAHM are BETTER than working moms but I do think that it's important to stay home if you can. Children with parents who are very involved in their lives do better in life. I love staying home with my son and even other moms want to judge me for that then so be it. My husband has a good job so I can stay home and love on my 10 month old. It's the best job ever. It might strain my nerves sometimes but I wouldn't trade it for any other job.

And we should put this bragging about your kids thing to rest. All moms have bragging rights. Period. Let her be proud of her early-potty-trained child. It's just motherhood. We parents ALL tend to be overindulgent of our children's abilities. Let it be.

Liz - posted on 09/21/2010

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Working mommies and stay home mommies are both hard working. I am blessed to have a very joyful, social and confident child, a husband who is just as hands on and loving as I am, and a career that I love. Does this mean that I have it perfect.?..Oh nooo! It's a crazy juggling act and is very challenging..but I believe that it is worth it. There is stress with my work because I really am relied on for at least half of our family's income and the pressure of that is overwhelming at times. I can see that many working parents and their harsh comments may be coming from jealousy. From time to time, I feel that and it's normal. Would I choose to stay home? Well, no. No because my son is just so social and loves to be at school, loves his days with Grandma, and his time with my husband and I and especially when we are all together in the same place! Being at home just me wouldn't suit my son's personality or my own.

Donna - posted on 09/21/2010

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you know I have nothing against stay at home moms but the fact that you think yur better than a working mom is really offensive. Not everyone is in yur shoes or has the lugsury to stay home 24/7. next time choose yur words better

Candace - posted on 09/21/2010

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i say any kind of mom is a good one as long as their kid(s) are happy and healthy than they shouldnt worry about what others say about their parenting such as having a job or a stay at home mom, my daughter is 2 now and i always told everybody i would go get a job when she turns 2, she is 2 and i still have no job. Only because i knew i wouldnt be able to get a good job considering i didnt finish school yet and i would rather finish school to get a better job than i could now, the thing every person out there should understand is that everybody does things their own way, there isnt really a 'right' way to be a bring up or discipline your kid(s), just because one way works good for one child doesnt mean it will work with the next one because we are all different and different things work and maybe the ones who work and have daycares or nurserys watch their kid(s), nobody has the right to judge no matter what kind of job they have, only one person can judge and that is nobody on this earth we all have our own opinions

Jasmine - posted on 09/21/2010

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I think there are ups and downs to both, and it really just comes down to life's choices.I am a stay at home mom now,and while I enjoy it, I think I'm going to start working just because we live on a pretty tight budget. My son is very social though, he LOVES playing with other kids, another reason I'm not worried about daycare. I think he'd love it. Plus he's about to go into school anyway. But anyways, I don't think stay at home moms or working moms are better or worse, they just make different choices. Just like all the choices we make for our kids like what they eat, when they go to bed, everything. I do not get put down by most people for staying at home but I feel like my family is disappointed in me, like I"m a failure, and that they'd have more respect for me if I worked. Oh well.

Sofia - posted on 09/21/2010

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i didn't have time to read any other replies, but i personally have noticed than my weeks packed with productive opportunities for my children, taking them to playgroups, breastfeeding groups, errands etc...the only diff is that i bring my kids with me , i still cater to their needs and i make it a job to make sure they are taken care of and are happy. i might not get money, but i get a lifetime of knowing i did my best and they are reflections of me, not another childcare provider.

Nataliya - posted on 09/21/2010

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Hi! I used to take care of other kids and now I have my own baby girl(she is 8mth), and I am a stay-home mom as well. Long time ago I watched one girl who told me that she wants her mom to take care of her. It was very sad. So, I choose to take care of my baby, and as alternative I want to try to find a job from home later on in order to stay with my girl. There is nothing wrong with being stay-home mom. I think kids can only benefit from that. And who said that being a mom is not a job?! These is actually one of the hardest job ever, and that' s probably why some moms prefer to sit in the office and let others do the hardest part which is raising kids! Don't listen to others - they probably have more problems, or may be they feel guilty for not doing their primary job - being a Mother!

Krystle - posted on 09/21/2010

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How in the world, do they think that we are lazy? Oh yeah I forgot, all we do is sit at home and watch day time soap opera's! That is rediculous, you go girl! I am with you 100% if you have the opportunity to raise your kids yourself you should! They in turn are way better off, than to be raised by someone else!

[deleted account]

You mention working mothers having a go at you but your post is having a go at them too, you say we are better mothers because we stay home, you say their children are brought up by childminders, try and see it from both sides. We are lucky we can afford to stay home and i admire all mothers who work better they do that than sit on benefits. It is very difficult for a lot of mothers to leave their children to go back to work and they dont need people calling them bad mothers anymore than we do. Honestly speaking being a stay at home mum is not the hardest job in the world but it is the most rewarding.

Marietjie - posted on 09/21/2010

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I am a stay at home Mummy and I LOVE IT!!!!! I have more time with my children and I can support them with school and school activities that I coudn't do before i was working!!! What is the problem they also want to stay at home but can't so I ts sad but we make choices in life what is most importend !!!! I always say to my friends that is working that I am greatfull Mummy that I can stay at home with my Children !!!!! Even when we have the hardest work of them all !!!!! Love It enjoy it and don't let any one make u feel bad !!! Ur n great Mummy !!!!!!

Amy - posted on 09/20/2010

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I used to feel as you do and feel i had to justify my choice to stay home with my kids. I even went back to work for a while. Sometimes I still feel the way you do but you know what I've realised? It is more about how I feel about myself. I always thought that I would go back to work at least part-time but I'm just not in that head space at the moment and with the support of my hubby I can finally enjoy being at home without feeling guilty that I'm not trying to do everything. I used to get really stressed out trying to work, study and be a mum (single mum for 2 years too when my first marriage broke down when my eldest was 3 months old) - I am now a better mum because I'm not stressed and exhausted (i was even depressed for a while). I applaud Mum's that can work (especially fulltime) and not feel as overwhelmed as I used to but I have finally found what is right for me. Other's opinions will bother you less when you feel justified in your own decisions. Now instead of feeling guilty, I just feel extremely lucky that I don't have to go back to work (yet anyway). Being a SAHM is not being lazy it's about priorities and balance. Being a full-time SAHM is one of the most demanding jobs out there. Remember though that working mum's have found their balance and that doesn't mean that their kids aren't at the top of priority list either. We just have to find what works for us and makes us happy and our individual families.

Christy - posted on 09/20/2010

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Ok, I have three kids 21-9- and 2. The first two had to go to childcare I cried every day I dropped them off, but luckily the first year of my son’s life I could have him next to me while I worked, which was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. Try deciding if you should play or complete your work for the day, or can’t get to it because he wants held. I quite for the next year and just recently went back to work. I still work from home, full time. I take calls and help people like I was in an office. So don’t let the work at home thing tell you differently. I have to say, I did have it easier when I didn’t work. I mostly had flexibility. I could take my kids to the doctor; have my daughter’s friends over, shop in the morning when no one was out. I was also able to keep my house clean, volunteer for my daughter’s class parties, and take my son to the park whenever I felt like it. Some days we had a schedule, some we didn’t. It was great, especially in the summer.
I hate not having my son with me, but I don’t have a choice right now. That year I was home we fell behind on some bills even though we lived on a strict budget and even went without. I LOVED staying home. I don’t think working moms find the stay at home moms are lazy, you truly have a better life. You get to see your kids grow up. I know it’s hard not having any days off, me time, having people drop their kids off because they have to go somewhere and you don’t have anything to do, being sick and still having to care for a newborn, but I do feel I had it easier. Now I work my butt off as everything during the week piles up and I have to complete the shopping, cleaning, and errands on the weekend and also find quality time during the week with my kids. I pick my son up as soon as I can and thankfully day care is only two blocks away and my 9 year old can walk home and I’m here to answer questions if she needs me. Hopefully someday I can go back to that life, but most mothers don’t have a choice. I just think everyone needs to respect each other’s own situations and not judge as I think we do way too much of it.

Emma - posted on 09/17/2010

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Yeah I agree that the majority of working mums tend to "pick on" us SAHM's, it's like they think because they are out there working every day that that's what all mothers should be doing! I think it's each individuals right to choose what they want to do. I personally think that being a SAHM is harder but more rewarding than going to work. I sometimes think I'd like to be around adults a lot more, and be working to have some more money coming in, but ultimately I am doing one of the most important things I'll ever do & that is raising my son, preparing him for "life" and spending as much time with him as I can before he grows up & moves out! That being said I can see the working mum's argument because we don't get a lot of money, and we do rely on the government to support us.
I tend to get more criticism from my child's father than from any one else though, he seems to think that I sit around on my arse doing nothing all day, he often calls me lazy & tells me to be a real mum & get a job. I think they all need to live our lives for like a week or something, to see just how hard we really do work!

Karen - posted on 09/17/2010

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Well, I haven't read all of the posts, so I hope I don't repeat what anyone else has said, but I think that if anyone is putting negativity out there, then that's just what it is...negativity. Us SAHM don't have to pay any attention to it. The bottom line is that there are pros and cons to both working and staying at home. As long as us SAHM know that we are making the best decision for our families, then that's really all we can focus on. If people are saying things that don't really pertain to you, then they are lies and should be ignored. Don't let it get to you.

Loret - posted on 09/17/2010

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omg this issue is sooooooo irritating and out of proportion. dont let these mommies get you down. just ignore it coz u are a good mom. i am a working from home mom so i have my baby with me the whole day while working and stay at home moms deserve a medal. it is bloody hard. nice if someone looks after your child while you work. and it is understandable that they have to work but you bloody hell work as well as it is hard work to take care of your household and children. i wonder if these working moms would trade positions with you? just ignore it and enjoy your children

Lacye - posted on 09/17/2010

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i don't get picked on or anything. right now i'm a college student and afterwards i do plan on going out and getting a job but by then my daughter will probably be in headstart. but for the people who talk all the crap about stay at home moms, they are jealous. they wish they could do it too. but i do have to say that there are some stay at home moms that are lazy and don't want to do anything. my bf's ex is like that. she doesn't work, she claims she wants to get her GED but she only went to like 3 or 4 of the classes, and she doesn't even take care of her own child, her parents do because she lives with them! it's people like her that give stay at home moms a bad name.

Michelle - posted on 09/17/2010

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I am sorry you have ran into this but I can speak for me and a few of my friends that are working outside the home we would love the opportunity to be home like you 24/7 with our little ones. Not all of us feel the way others you have ran into do.

Amber - posted on 09/17/2010

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i've been on disability since i was 16. and i had my child a couple months before i turned 18. i am still on disability, which means you are not supposed to be working. i even get it from my sister all the time that i need to get a job. but okay. my kid has seen me almost every single day of her life since she was born and she's about to be 3. if you're a working mom - cool. but at least we aren't missing out on our kids. i haven't missed one new thing with my daughter. so good for you, mama!

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