Feeling Alone

Maria - posted on 06/30/2017 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hello. I'm a young SAHM with a 1-month-old son. My boyfriend works hard at 2 jobs to support us while I'm here and I really appreciate what he does and am so grateful to have him. Lately though, I've just been feeling lonely and like our relationship doesn't exist. I'm at home with the baby all day or out running errands and my boyfriend works one job from 7AM to 3PM and his second job evenings and weekends, so he's rarely here. When he is here, it's pretty much just to grab some food and go to bed. We don't even sleep together anymore because we want to co sleep our son and the bed is too small for all 3 of us. How do you SAHMs keep any sort of relationship? We hardly talk and there's absolutely no time for physical intimacy of any sort. I just don't really feel like I even have a boyfriend anymore. Help! I miss him! Quitting one job isn't an option because this is the only way we can pay our bills while I'm not working.

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DC - posted on 07/07/2017

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I agree with the previous poster, this too will pass and you just need to get through it. There aren’t any easy answers, but I do want to say that you made the right choice in staying at home with your LO, investing your time in this little life. Children suffer when they must go to daycare rather than spending time one on one and bonding with mom.

I do say, though, that apart from not dwelling on your partner’s absence, you also need to find a way to build your relationship. Talk about your concerns to him and assure him how much you appreciate what he is doing. No money for anything big but that isn’t needed. Find little ways to build him up and show your love. Love notes, a favorite candy bar in the car before he leaves for work, anything you know he loves. Surprise him.

You might also want to rethink the baby in the bed. Recent studies show the incidence of SIDS may be higher in these cases because adult bedding is not safe for newborns. Also, babies have a different sleep cycle and so you become even more exhausted. Finally, your relationship with the baby’s father should take precedence here. One of the best things you can do for your child is maintain a close, healthy relationship with the child’s father. Anyway, my heart goes out to you and I have prayed for your family. Best wishes.

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Maria - posted on 07/07/2017

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Thank you so much for the good wishes. I'm just not used to not seeing my boyfriend all the time since his last job gave him such piddly hours. I'll actually be leaving this group soon because I'm going back to work part-time in about a month. Even with the better job, we're still struggling. I'll only be gone for about 3-4 hours a day, though, and my son will be with his grandparents the whole time. I'll still pour all I can in spending time with him and existing as a parent to him.

I've always been really bad about starting conversations in person about important things, but I'll really try to bring my feelings up when he gets a minute. I do what I can to help him out (getting him quick things for breakfast before work, cleaning his office, doing his laundry etc.) and I definitely know he appreciates it. We've spent the last few years building up a stable, healthy relationship built on honesty and trust, so, even if we can only spend a short part of the day together, I'm not worried about our relationship at all.

As far as co-sleeping goes, I'm following all of the safety guidelines and everything I've found says that the benefits of the bonding and independence of the child are wonderful. My siblings and I were all co-slept, as were my boyfriend and his siblings and it's honestly the only way I get any sleep. It's what's working best for us and it's what we're going to stick to.

Again, thank you guys so much for the positivity. It really made me feel better. :)

DC - posted on 07/07/2017

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One more thing I forgot - you could see if there is a "mommy and baby" type of group in your community or at a local church. Also, check mops.org to see if there is a chapter locally. You could get some support at both places. Best.

Ashley - posted on 07/06/2017

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This isn't gonna help how you feel really but its just a season as people will tell you. This isn't forever.As it is said, this too shall pass, just take it one day at a time and when your tempted to focus on your loneliness, starting listing off the things your thankful for instead. soon enough the list will grow and you won't be tempted. it won't happen in a day but in a week maybe. also don't focus on him not being there what you can be doing. id maybe exercise while my child was sleeping in the morning, read a good book, this week. make a new recipe, and don't let the house overcome you. laundry and dishes and trash everyday and it'll take care of itself. and sit and love that baby :)

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