Feeling unappreciated

Dyan - posted on 11/07/2010

well communication is key in any relationship, especially your marriage, so it's good that you expressed your feelings to him. He didn't seem very responsive so talk to him again about it. If this is something that's really bothering you, and it seems like it is, then talk to him more about it. Seriously. Sit him down with no distractions, when the kids are asleep, pour a glass of wine for each of you, and talk. I mean, obviously don't tell him "Compliment me right now!" LOL but make him understand your feelings. He may not get WHY you're feeling that way, unattractive and unappreciated, because lets face it, men can be DUHH STUPID, but make him understand that you ARE feeling this way and that he can help. Don't make him feel that he's the reason that you feel this way, but definately let him know that he can help. Even if it's something as small as HIM serving YOU your dinner or him throwing his empty can of pop in the garbage can instead of leaving it on the coffee table for decoration. But it's important that you two talk about it because that's not fair to you. You're not just a wife and you're not just a mother. You are you! Don't put you on the backburner. I'm sure he thinks it's no big deal because he thinks you're fine the way you are but if you're feeling a little icky then he maybe you two can dress up real nice and go to dinner one night. Date night definately helps a couple reconnect, esecially when there's kiddies in the picture

Candy - posted on 11/07/2010

Relax. I am sure your husband loves you very much. Try to take a day away from home. Leave him with the kids for a while. He will see what all you do. Sometimes they just need a reality check.You have to stay strong and believe in YOURSELF. You know those kids love you and would rather have you them him. You just have to remember how important you are and hold on to that.

Casey - posted on 11/06/2010

No darls your not the only one who feels this way, it is hard being a stay at home mum sometimes, it's a job where you always end up feeling unappriciated from time to time.
You need to start doing things for yourself to make yourself feel better and more confident and don't just do them for him so he notices you (men usually notice nothing lol). You don't have to spend alot of money to make yourself feel good just start by giving yourself a manicure or pedicure when you get half an hour to yourself having nice nails always makes me feel a bit more feminine even if I have to do them myself, always do your hair in the morning and put on a tad of makeup if you wear it cause even if your just staying home doing the housework you'll always feel better on the inside if you feel good on the outside, shave your legs!!! I used to go weeks without shaving them and I always felt more feral now I shave them every couple of days and buy a new top or outfit every now and then cause you do need to spoil yourself once in a while. I know they are only small things but those small things add up and once you start feeling better about yourself your confidence will start to go up and confident women are alot more attractive and appealing.
Also make your husband take you out for dinner with out the kids, even if it's only to the pub get dressed up a bit and wear your makeup and just enjoy yourself sometimes you have to get out without the kids.
Also if you feel like your sex life isn't going well then try to spice it up, if your bored in the bedroom then he will be too and it's easy to get into a bit of a rut sometimes in the bedroom, try making him some "gift vouchers" with different positions on them or fun things to try in the bedroom and when you feel like things are getting boring in the bedroom tell him to pick one (most sex shops sell pre-made ones too) sex is important and when you have kids it gets hard to kept the fun and romance going.
Good luck darls and I hope some of this helps cause I know exactly how you feel, but hang in there :)

Leslie - posted on 11/06/2010

Challenge your hubby to the Love Dare. I don't know if you have heard of the movie Fireproof, but this idea is from that movie. The husband in that movie had to do something for his wife for 40 days (even though they were separated.) Most of it was just little things. You see the point is we forget to do those little things for one another....especially after the babies arrive. Or we get so busy and we forget to say "hey, thanks...I appreciate that." We forget to praise and encourage each other. But your hubby has to know that he never should stop trying to woo you. that's what I tell mine. See my grandpa told this story once to a young man about to be married. One day a couple who had been married for some time were driving along and saw a younger couple driving up ahead. The woman was snuggled all the way over to the man's side of the car and leaning on his shoulder while he drove. The older man turned to his wife, who was leaning all the way over to her door and said, "see them up there...look at her. remember how you used to snuggle up to me like that? why don't you do that anymore?" The woman turned to him and said, "darling, you've asked the wrong question. The correct question is......why did I move." Men can be dense sometimes....you really have to spell it out. and you really have to tell them what you need. any good husband should then strive to give you what you need.

Vanessa - posted on 11/06/2010

Not a lot you can do really! Sad, but true!
Youve talked to your hubby which is the first step - however men can be dense! In his mind, he has reassured you and told you not to feel that way - to a man, that is enough --- not necessarily to a woman!
We need more validation than that --- I think they key is not to "expect" validation from them - that way when it comes, you know it's honestly what they think!
I'm a mum to three and my hubby works very hard --- I'm lucky in that I know he appreciates me, but on the same note - I also know what's expected of me. I don't expect him to come home and start making dinner and he doesn't expect me to go out and save the world one bad guy at a time! He knows not to say much if he comes home and finds the house in chaos either!
It will get better, but don't do anything stupid like go on strike to get noticed ---- things like that only make things worse.