First time Mom Stress

Brooke L - posted 6 days ago ( 5 moms have responded )

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This is my first time posting so bear with me. I am a first time mom of an amazing almost 11 month old boy. Prior to having him I was a full time pediatric RN in school completing my masters degree. After giving birth I dropped down to part time (working two 12 hour shifts per week) so I can be a mom and finish school. I also threw breastfeeding for 10 months in that mix. The task was not easy but I did it with the help of my husband (as much as he could) and my aunt ( who babysat while I worked and attended clinical rotations). I graduated in May and passed my state boards to become a Certified Pediatric Nurse Practitioner. I start my new job in a couple months and I'm continuing to only work my 2 days a week. My husband considers me a stay at home mom. He also doesn't get why I'm exhausted at night and am in bed by 9:30pm, which is about 30 mins after our son is sleeping. He doesn't understand why I can't take a shower while home alone withour son who is busy busy busy and into EVERYTHING. In fact, today, I was washing my face and brushing my teeth and attempting to look decent to run to the store and look over to him playing in the toilet!!!' Ugh. My husband works long days and wants to come home, eat, work out (in our home gym), shower and relax. He gives me a really hard time when I ask "can you sit with him for 20 minutes so I can shower"? He always ends up doing it but it's after a lot of huffing and puffing and making me feel guilty about a shower. He tells me Things like "your a needy mom", and "welcome to motherhood, you need to figure this all out". I mean just when I think I'm doing a really good job raising our son, I hear comments like that. Does anyone else go through this?? Am I really being a needy mom??? Is there something I should be doing different?

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Michelle - posted 5 days ago

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It doesn't matter if you are a SAHM or not, it took 2 of you to create your son and it takes 2 of you to look after him. Your husband should be wanting to spend time with his son when he gets home and before his son goes to bed.
My husband spent all of his time at home with our daughter because he loves and adores her and missed her too much when he was at work.
You shouldn't be doing anything different but your husband's attitude needs to change. Talk to him and ask him why he doesn't want to spend time with his son.

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AG - posted 3 days ago

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First, congrats on everything you were able to accomplish! You are my legit #mamagoals!! I'm only a part time nursing student with a 18 month old, and I still don't get to shower unless someone is home and gives me some time to do so.. I get to brush my teeth, that's about it.. Washing face, combing hair, putting make up on, forget it.. So the fact that you've been able to do so much, you're amazing! My baby's father would make insensitive remarks like that too and it is completely unfair.. He works his hours (sometimes longer), works out 2-3hrs at a time, goes to work events/socializes with friends, gets to sleep all night, hands the baby over back to me if/when he has a headache, but he still manages to wonder why I didn't get a chance to do certain things around the hose and run a "perfect household".. Really annoying.. You are not being a needy mom at all! You deserve your own relaxing mommy time and a 20minute shower isn't even the least he could do.. The least he could do is offer up a day 1x a week where you can get yourself together and go out for yourself.. Or be catered to all day at home and just be expected to play with your son.. When I used to babysit, the mother would have her husband take out the sons for "Daddy Day" and she would just sit home and do nothing or go out all day/night with her friends.. If you haven't talked to him about it yet, I hope you do!

Deb - posted 4 days ago

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Oh, I feel for you! You are not and have not been a 'stay at home mom'. I worked part-time (similar hours as you) and took grad classes at the same time, and had children. At that time I wasn't good at 'setting boundaries' and kept getting comments like, "you only work part-time" etc etc, and I too did got almost zero help. (I was fortunate to have family that helped, but looking back, why didn't they help me see what was happening?) I participated in a 'boundaries' group, and it was SO helpful. Anyway, even 'stay at home moms' work hard all day and need support and help from their husband. Here are a couple articles I hope you will consider http://bit.ly/2vsoGIq, and http://bit.ly/2vYTWjZ
(Oh, and I thought I was too busy for a boundaries group because I didn't have help and didn't want to ask my family for more help watching the kids, but I'm so glad I finally went!)

Hazel Rae - posted 4 days ago

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I don't know how you do it but please listen first step relax your shoulders and breath take a deep breath. Step two find a good time to talk to your man make him understand you need him your doing your share make him understand your perspective then next step keep trying no matter what never surrender and if you really need more help maybe search for third party options such as a nanny. Your very smart you can do this ♥

J.R. - posted 6 days ago

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First of all, congratulations on your choice of career and on attaining your nursing degree. The world needs more people like you. And good for your breastfeeding!

It's hard being a mom, period. It's harder being a mom and working. You can do it though, hang in there.

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