Friends children are constantly LATE for school

Jennifer - posted on 05/24/2011

I know she never said it, so I will. Thank you for caring for those kids! You've tried your best and have gone far beyond what a lot of people would do, and I'm sure those kids will remember that. You have shown them that there are good people out there who care about them!

Treasure - posted on 05/23/2011

Glad that you were able to get your house back! I know a blended family can be a lot of work at times, and to have all that extra stress...
Hope all works out for the best for your friend, and I hope you remain being close with her children! Sounds like you plan on it! :)

Jamie - posted on 05/23/2011

Does you friend work? I'm just trying to figure out what makes her so busy that she needs to sleep in late and basically neglect her children when she is awake.

I think it's great of you to be concerned about these children. it sounds to me like your friend would be living on the street and her children being taken away if you or her cousin weren't giving her a place to live.

Kyleigh - posted on 05/22/2011

@ everyone that wanted to know, I have cared for her paid for food groceries , putting a "roof," over her head, she doesnt tell me thank you - at least a "thank you," would be kind, I just dont think leaving your children in this "heat," out side all day is way to do it. I left plenty of drinks and gave the oldest one a key so there mom just incase is going through anything doesnt do this while im at work, but now she is going to live at her cousins house. Her cousin lives alone and maybe has time to help her out, I have done all I can for the past couple months or so. Im just glad they are in a better place than my house with my 2 sk's here and one bio child! I can sleep alot better now that she is there and I helped moved her and the childrens belongings, it was just too much and didn't agree on her parenting stratigies. You should try and be there and be ON TIME for your children's educational needs and not "sleep in and think oh well I will take them to school when I feel like it." (that doesnt work with me) I dont want to be part of the possible uneffective parenting she is doing (personally i think). I never asked once of anything, money, groceries just to make sure her kiddos were safe! Im just thankful that the new living arrangement worked out. Maybe I can help her attend a class , but she might take it as an insult

thanks

Margaret - posted on 05/21/2011

Sounds like your friend needs some help. Find out if she can get counseling / therapy through a county agency, Catholic Charities, local church, etc., so that SHE can re-vamp her self-esteem and self-confidence to be a better Mother to the kids. I'd rather be a fabulous Mother to my kids than worry about what my so-called, sorry-ass man is or is NOT doing...he's either on-board to be a father / stepfather, or he's not, hands down, simple as that. The kids need a stable figure in their lives, and if it's only gonna be your friend, then so be it. If your friend needs help from you and other women in the community to rally support for the kids, then that's what you do.

Tell your friend to NOT waste her time w/ a man, who apparently does NOT respect her, does NOT value her, and, clearly, doesn't even seem to care (if it's all true, I don't know, just going by what U wrote on here). The sooner that she realizes that she AND the kids can survive w/out him, they'll ALL be much better.

In the meantime, the kids will be angry, confused, and upset about all of this, and rightfully so - they're KIDS, and they don't understand how and/or why adults can let them down, so your friend might get the brunt of the kids' behavior, but it's all normal...it'll be sucky, but hopefully, not for long.

Praying for your friend, for you, for those kids. NO KID deserves to be dissed and dismissed by his/her father (or mother), just not right and unfair to them. What did THEY ever do to anyone?

Good luck, hope your friend gets the help she needs for her family :) Maybe take her out on a "girls night out" sometime once the dust settles, I'm sure she'd love that!

Treasure - posted on 05/21/2011

I wanted to ask, what all do you do to help her out besides making sure that the children are living under a roof? I mean, do you make meals for them, launder their clothing, pick up their messes? How much does she have you do in her position as their parent? Don't get me wrong here, I am not trying to make you feel like you need to be doing her job as a parent. I am just curious, as I didn't see anyone ask this question. Are her children struggling with life? Do you see them give her a hard time? Perhaps she is overwhelmed and needs the help figuring out how to be a better parent. And, if she is that worried about her man cheating, then she shouldn't even be with him... I know that to love a man and worry will drive you insane and you will forget about what is most important in your life. My love for my DH is very important to me, our relationship is strong; however, as a parent/mother/bonus parent, my number one concern is the care and nurturing of our children. If they are well taken care of, then I can concentrate on the extras of making my man happy.
For her to not bathe her own children, yes, that is a form of neglect. And a few things that you have stated in response to other moms do raise concerns. Only you know the exact extent to what is going on with this family that you are trying to assist. If you know that the mother needs help becoming a better parent, then help her find that assistance. :)
I wanted to add this all after sharing what I go through in my daily struggles. Some Mom's really do have a harder time - but it isn't because their mind is elsewhere - it is because of what is going on in life at the moment that contributes as well. Not to mention the personalities of the child(ren) and their decisions/choices on how to handle things. We can only do the best of our ability as long as our children work with us. It is when they decide that they are boss, not you, that the struggles begin. And, in my case, when there is an outside factor (or person) trying to influence the children as well, it is triple the difficulty.
I wish you luck in your decision! I do know that in my state, there are a few programs that have been put out there specially to assist parents in teaching them how to give it their all and make sure that their children are their #1 concern. You could simply call Child Services and ask questions - not make a report - to see if this is something that might be fitting for your friend's situation.

Treasure - posted on 05/21/2011

I will admit that my kids are late to school every day. It is getting more and more difficult to get them to begin getting ready in the morning. This has been going on for a few weeks now... I have 6 kids altogether (3-his, 2-hers, 1-ours).
My son and daughter get up with the alarm clock - or when I wake them and get dressed and ready to go do their morning chores in the barn. My two bonus sons stay in bed for an additional 30 - 45 minutes, refusing to get up. I am up there every 5 minutes to re-wake them and get them up. They normally take a shower in the morning because they both wet over night. (Just got meds to try and help stop the bedwetting...) Then, it takes them about 30 minutes to begin getting dressed - they claim they cannot find their clothes!
Once they have their pants/shirts on, the rest of the time is convincing them to put on socks/shoes so we can leave.
Every morning it is a 2 hour process. I am wore out before I even get to lunch time!
In my house, it is all about control and fighting daily to manage the position being a Mom to all six children. My bonus daughter doesn't fight me as much as my bonus sons... My daughter follows suit with her bonus brothers all too often. And, my 3 yo thinks it is funny to play hide-and-seek when it is time to go pick up her siblings from school some days.
Each child is way different, and we have a big family. Once one child goes their own way, the others seem to decide to follow suit.
I cannot speak for your friend, and definitely am not lazy about parenting. I will admit every day is a new struggle - yet very similar.
Not only do I have the struggle in the morning, but I have the struggle of convincing a couple of my children that homework is an essential part of life and responsibilities. When they decide that running around the house, knocking things over, and making messes while playing tag or hide-and-seek; they are required to pick up the mess. There are times when I have to put them into time out (all 6 at the same time) in order to have them settle down. There are days that I go to bed with a headache and sore throat because I have had to raise my voice over all of them too often, just to be heard.
I bathe my children on a schedule - as well as when they are extra dirty from playing in the barn with animals and wetting the bed.
Our school doesn't say much about it knowing that we do get up in plenty of time. The main struggle for my house is that my bonus children's Bio-Mom is back in the picture once again. And there are major struggles going on right now for us. 1 recently closed CPS report, 2 waiting to be closed, allegations of contempt with the court, we just had to hire an attorney... There is a lot of stress - and it doesn't help out when we have had a great year prior to all of this when Bio-Mom was doing her own thing.
They got up on time, didn't argue about chores and getting ready for school, did their homework on a more regular basis - with out too much arguing, and were better at their chores. Now, it is a struggle to keep them on track.

Sal - posted on 05/21/2011

it really sounds as though there are bigger issues than the kids being late here, don;t let this ruin your friendship she is clearly struggling here, it seems like maybe the kids school and the bathing etc are symptoms of her problems not the problem it self, an unorganised person is usually far more unorganised in their mind than appears on the outside, so if these major things are slipping than she might really really be struggling inside, if you said her BF is cheating then you were a good freind to help, but maybe she needs more than a bed, my sister was a little like this...her kids are spotless but the house was a war zone and she was habitually late, she got some councelling and things improved, she had to find a new house, about 5 weeks of looking at house after house sometimes 10+ a day 4 to 5 days a week, she was so busy she just got her shit together and is a new woman (and she got a house with a HUGE yard and the kids are out all day s the house is tidy too.....getting told to get a new place was the best thing that happened to her)

Bri - posted on 05/20/2011

Yes that is excessively late! I would just let the school do their thing and procedure, I m sure the school knows. Also, congrats to such a good friend for taking in the children and her! Not many would do so. Let "her," get into trouble for the non batheing and non sense if she is parenting the children some what you dont approve of maybe can go in the school and compare you thoughts and feelings.
Best of Luck

Kyleigh - posted on 05/20/2011

@Shannin yes I rephrased and added more info to the problem.

Kyleigh - posted on 05/20/2011

Let me rephrase this...MY FRIEND LIVES WITH ME!

Kyleigh - posted on 05/20/2011

@Kat they are being abused, I dont agree with all of her parenting. the children are in unwashed clothes and are dirty (school noted it too)

Kyleigh - posted on 05/20/2011

@Michelle i wasnt sure if they was alot, would you want the SM of your children making your kids late for school??!!

Michelle - posted on 05/20/2011

I have four kids. I'm never on time anymore. I even try to get going earlier to try to be on time. It never happens.

Unless the children are being abused then I don't see any problems. The school will hopefully address any through the proper channels.

The mom might be a person who is habitually late even without kids. Who knows why they are late and why do you care so much might be the important question.

If she is your 'friend' then this 'issue' is something you need to address to her.

Kat - posted on 05/20/2011

not trying to be disrepectful but honestly it's only by half an hour.... it's not like half the day or anything... and they aren't you kids so it isn't really any of your business.. it would be different if they looked abused or something like that but for all you know the kids could have issues sleeping at night and as a parent I'd rather my kid get to school a little late and be awake and paying attention then tired as mess everday because they didn't get the sleep they needed

Sal - posted on 05/20/2011

well firstly one the surface you don;t have to do anything, they're not your kids, and they are only half an hour late, and if there is a major prob them school will deal with it, i know the rest of us are perfect and never run late so why should she, so exactly why does she, is there some problem, are the kids not sleeping, is she not sleeping, is her car unreliable, i know my older son was having real sleep issue, for a few weeks i dragged him out of bed, gave him breakfast on the run and got him to school on time only to get questioned by the teachers as to why he was so tired day after day, told them the prob, they all agreed a late child who had his required sleep and a good breakfast was far better than a tired hungry child on time...so maybe ask if there is anything you can do if she was my friend i would be more interested in taking a couple of her kids on my run while she delt with a poor sleeper, behavioural issues, (or what ever) than reporting her to authorities..i only have 3 kiddies and i feel like superwomen if i manage to get them all dresses, fed, lunches and bags packed , nothing forgotten and we leave the house at time i want.. with 4 actually going to school it only takes one little issue with each kid each morning then oh god look at the time....she late

Corinne - posted on 05/20/2011

Where we are in England, you get reported if your child is constantly late for school. Each term you get a printout of their attendance with all absences, late marks etc on it and then it's all colour ranked; green - no problems, amber - pull your socks up, red - referral to home/school liason officer. That's just for infant and junior school (4-11 yrs old). High schoolers on the other hand - ha! Here we have an attendance bus, at 8.30am it picks up the kids who are always late or are known to constantly bunk off and drops them at the main entrance and sees them in. The bus then drives around town all day picking up any kid in uniform that doesn't have written consent to be out. Again, home/school liason or social or education authourity get involved and if you get in trouble so many times you can be put in prison for it. Yet to hear of that happening in this town yet but you never know.

Jamie - posted on 05/20/2011

That really is ridiculous. I don't know what schools or anything can do about it. The parent is setting those children up for failure so it should be considered a form a child neglect. It's going to transfer into their adult lives and they will probably have a hard time holding down jobs if they're constantly late. Being late is a huge pet peeve of mine and I can get into a long conversation about it but I'm not going to right now but it will definitely be going into my list of blog topics for a later date.

Kyleigh - posted on 05/20/2011

its my friend and her children its just awful! I see the way she parents and its horrid

Kyleigh - posted on 05/20/2011

Yes as sad as it sounds I think its just terrible not sure does the parents get into trouble?

Kyleigh - posted on 05/20/2011

Yes its dropping them off to school the kids are ages 5- 12

Bri - posted on 05/20/2011

heck yeah thats alot! sounds like dropping off late you meant?? But yes any child dropped that many off can be punishable

Bonnie - posted on 05/19/2011

"tardies to class or the beginning of the school day?"

Jamie, I would say it depends. For those in elementary school they usually have all subjects in the same classroom so it would be at the start of the day. For highschool kids, they have homeroom and most courses in different classrooms.

Bonnie - posted on 05/19/2011

That makes sense Jennifer.

Christy - posted on 05/19/2011

Yes it is excessive. Is it the child doddling on the way to class or is it you dropping him/her off to school late?

I'm guessing it's not you, so I would suggest a reward system to teach the child the importance of getting to class on time. Something like, for every five days you go without a tardy, you can earn this. It might be a prize at the $1 store. Then bump it to five days in a row, etc.

Christy - posted on 05/19/2011

Yes it is excessive. Is it the child doddling on the way to class or is it you dropping him/her off to school late?

I'm guessing it's not you, so I would suggest a reward system to teach the child the importance of getting to class on time. Something like, for every five days you go without a tardy, you can earn this. It might be a prize at the $1 store. Then bump it to five days in a row, etc.

Kelly - posted on 05/19/2011

I think it's a lot. How far does the student have to walk between classes, though. Some campuses are pretty spread out, and if they have to walk far, and it's always the same class they're late to, then it might be more excuseable.

Teresa - posted on 05/19/2011

My opinion is YES, I do believe that is alot of tardies; I feel like we, as grownups should show our children good examples by getting them to school on time! Just my opinion!

Lady Heather - posted on 05/18/2011

If it's a young kid it needs to be addressed because of the disrespect. If it's an older kid it needs to be addressed because dude - being late? Really. The cool kids skip class entirely, they don't walk in late. I think I spent more time out of class than in, but I was never late for a class I actually attended. That's just rude. Haha.

Jennifer - posted on 05/18/2011

Bonnie, the reason I said that, is because if it is a young child, then in my opinion, it is the parents or who ever takes the child to school (who should be setting good examples and should be responsibile) that is showing disrespect by not taking the child on time. If it is a high schooler, then something should still be said, but he/she is probably testing some of the new freedom they are obtaining.

Jamie - posted on 05/18/2011

tardies to class or the beginning of the school day?

Bonnie - posted on 05/18/2011

Emma, yes a tardy is another name for a 'late' to class.

Bonnie - posted on 05/18/2011

"If it is a young child, then yes 9 tardies is a lot. If it is a teen in high school, that is completely different."

Jennifer, I am curious to know. Why if it is a young child it is a lot, but for an older child (high school age), it is not?

Stifler's - posted on 05/18/2011

What's a tardy? Isn't that like being late to class? 9 times late to class is a fair bit if you ask me.

Bridgette - posted on 05/18/2011

Yes - the tardy itself is not horrible, but it does show a lack of respect for the rules that say school starts at a specific time. Not only does it affect them but it starts their entire class late since the teacher must deal with them being late. Would talk with them to find out why this is, but really do need to get it stopped.

Jennifer - posted on 05/17/2011

If it is a young child, then yes 9 tardies is a lot. If it is a teen in high school, that is completely different. My high school had a policy that if we were tardy more than 2 times a semester, then we got detention. I made sure I always used my full 2 tardies every time, and so did a lot of my classmates. LOL

Bonnie - posted on 05/17/2011

It depends. How old is she? I think schools are more lenient when it comes to kindergarteners. Has the school called you to complain? If not, I wouldn't necessarily worry about it, but try to correct it for next year.