Frustrated, Fed up and not going to take it anymore!

Dani - posted on 10/26/2016 ( 11 moms have responded )

5

0

1

I'm a 30 year old mother of two girls ages 6 and 1. My 6 year old is in school and my 1 year old stays at home with me. I love my kids. I love my husband but I'm slowly losing patience with the hubby. I work from home doing csr work on the phone which requires a quiet environment ( Not that it is quiet in my house often) I have been a stay at home mom since my first daughter was born. When she finally started school at age 4 I went out and got a full time job only to find out I was 8 weeks pregnant after only working there for a month. I worked right up until my delivery date and even tried working after my maternity leave was up but it became too much so I had to resign after a month. My Husband is great with our girls. I could never accuse him of being a lazy dad However, He works over night and is asleep all day and when he is awake and around he is either watching tv or eating or playing with the kids. He is just as messy as the girls and does nothing to pick up behind himself. I handle all the bills, cooking, cleaning, play dates and after school activities. Not to mention any other problem or situation that may a rise. I forgot to pay the phone bill and he goes off on me about it and then some how turned the conversation to money. Saying how I don't have a real Job and I'm not bringing in anything that could help him. I make $14 an hour doing what I do and if I was allowed to work a full 8 hours a day even if it was broken up in to 4 in the morning and 4 in the evening shifts. I could pull in a lot more than I'm making considering I only can manage about 4 hours a day if I'm lucky and not even everyday because once my daughter is awake for the day I have to manage her because he has gone off to sleep for the day. I understand that he is tired. I get he needs his rest but is it too much to ask that he give me a little help here and there. He doesn't seem to realize that my job is never ending. How can he expect me to work full time manage a very active toddler an do things in the afternoon such as errands and house work. I'm not saying it's impossible but it's hard. I think the least I expect is him to reign in his attitude and temper. To tell himself. She does a lot maybe I should give her a break. I do that for him all the time even though what I really want to do is scream "pick up your crap and make your own darn Dinner!" It has me beyond frustrated and I'm about to lose it if I don't get some release soon because his attitude has rubbed me the wrong way. I'm not sure how to deal with this feeling as I have never been this fed up before. I know I'm ranting. That's how mad I am. Has anyone else had an issue like this? Any tips on how to move past this anger and frustration?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Michelle - posted on 10/27/2016

4,496

8

3247

I would suggest some marriage counseling. If he says he doesn't want to go then let him know that you aren't happy and if he wants to save your marriage then he will go. It may help having someone else there instead of you just letting him know how you feel.
Others have given you some ideas on how to handle things and all you have done is come back with excuses. It's up to you how you are treated and unless you communicate with your husband, things won't change.

Eager - posted on 10/26/2016

86

0

0

Aww.. I am so sorry to hear about your situation, Dani. I can only imagine how frustrating and lonely this can be. Communication is the key! Have you tried talking to your husband and let him know how tired you get at the end of the day? I think it would be a good idea if you can sit down with your husband and express your concerns and try sharing your chores with him in a loving manner – maybe it can help you. Also, you can involve your 6 year old, as well - give her age appropriate chores. If you still feel the stress, then consider hiring outside help. Together, choose a system that works best for your family and commit to honoring each other through it. I really hope everything will get better with you. Hugs!

Takala - posted on 10/26/2016

37

0

13

Maybe not leave for a week but just stop doing so much. Until he shows you that he is thankful for what you do, it is no need to stress over him because he wants to play the lazy card. If I'm being to blunt, I'm sorry but, it drives me bananas for that to be going on with anybody that is at home all the time with kids. If you don't want to experience then you don't know what it is like. Is there a way he can switch shifts at his job? How is he taking care of the kids? May I ask? Child care is expensive in some places.

11 Comments

View replies by

Michelle - posted on 10/30/2016

4,496

8

3247

If you want to work on your marriage and make it work, you will do everything possible. I know we don't don't know their financial situation but if it means saving a marriage, you will find a way.
I know some men don't communicate well, doesn't mean you just have accept it. A marriage does take work and both parties have to be willing to work on it. People can change if they want to, that's how humans learn. Just because we are adults, doesn't mean we can't learn to change our ways to make our partner happier.

Takala - posted on 10/30/2016

37

0

13

I'm sorry but you sometimes can't tell a man that you are not happy and think he will jump up and go to counseling. I don't think she is making excuses. She is just telling us how she feels because she probably don't have anybody else to talk to. Every man is not easy to communicate with and maybe it is that way for her. When you do all you can and there is nothing else you can do then that's what you do. Donna don't feel bad for expressing your feelings. Everybody needs somebody to talk to at some point. I clearly understand your situation. Also counseling cost money and everybody don't have the money to go and talk to them. We don't know there financial situation.

Michelle - posted on 10/28/2016

4,496

8

3247

Then you both need to learn to communicate with each other better. Counseling can help if both of you are willing to work on it.
Men are very simple creatures and most of the time they don't get subtle hints, you have to spell it out to them what you want.

Dani - posted on 10/27/2016

5

0

1

I actually think that is a good Idea and it's not excuses when it's the way things are. Child care is expensive, He is a driver as his job so I'm not angry enough to risk his life by keeping him up all day. I just take issue with his belittlement of my job and his lack of help when he is around. Hence me calling him lazy.

Dani - posted on 10/27/2016

5

0

1

Well He can't switch shifts as there is only one lol and child care is expensive as I live in Nyc. So By the time I pay a week of childcare expenses I might as well had over 80%of my pay which kind of defeats the purpose of working. That is one of the reasons I became a SAHM. I mean I have such a routine that the cleaning and being with the kids isn't a problem factor it's his attitude toward what I do that sets me off. He acts as if I sit on my but all day. He comes home and when he is awake plays with the kids for an hour or so and he is suddenly super dad and I'm always bad cop because one of us has to set limits. Mind you my 1 year old never goes to sleep before 3 am so I'm literally running 20 to 21 hour days with very little sleep. So it annoys me when he acts as if my life is so easy and he does sooo much. If I went on strike I honestly believe he would be lost and confused in his own home lol

Kirsty - posted on 10/26/2016

4

0

0

Hi ..I understand your frustration not easy being a full time mum ..but have you any family or grand parents or child minder to help you ..or baby nursery some are quite reasonable. ..also as far as dinner goes let him make it himself ..He is a grown man he managed before he met you let him get on with it ...I use to have baskets on the stairs with his or kids on the side and put whatever belongs to who in them so they would remove and put away themselves ..and a wee tip if you use the word "would you" or "could you" [do this or that for me] you might have more luck ..praise the man more often ..He will want to make you happy ..hope this helps ..good luck

Dani - posted on 10/26/2016

5

0

1

Funnily enough his mother has never worked a day in her life and I would think that he would understand where I stand from that alone but apparently not. There is no point in getting someone else to talk to him my husband is one of those people that thinks he is smarter than everyone. I would relish the though of taking off for a week and leaving him to do it on his own but I know He will drop the kids at his mother's so he can still sleep for work during the day or either crash there until I came home. I also know that the huge mess I would come home too isn't worth the down time if all the relaxation I acquired is drained from me a few hours later. Smh. Hence my frustration. Everything you said has run through my head at least once before. I'm glad to know i'm not completely alone in this lifestyle.

Takala - posted on 10/26/2016

37

0

13

Honey, let me tell you something. I understand how you feel. I don't work a job like what you have or nothing like that but I know how it is for you to have your husband not help you keep the house clean. Fourteen dollars an hour is a heck of a lot of money to say the hours you work. He needs to understand that being a stay at home mom is a job in itself and working from home on top of all that is hard to. He feels that he is working he doesn't have to do nothing else and that's not the case. Tell him to take over one day and do everything you do and do his job and he won't be able to. Men don't understand or they don't want to understand how it is to be a mom. He needs to give you credit where it is due. Unfortunately you may have to prove a point and just take off for a while and leave him with everything to do. Sleep in for a week or just stop doing stuff around the house. Do you have a family member or a friend that you can talk to and have them talk to him? Sometimes it takes somebody else to open his eyes about things. I know it's sad but, that may work. If this is a bit much, I'm sorry. My husband doesn't help a lot with cleaning the house and he likes to throw his job in my face when I approach him about it. I know how you feel.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms