Grandma is BUGGING me!

[deleted account] ( 6 moms have responded )

I dont want to sound ungrateful because my parents do ALOT of my family. It's just lately my daughter has learned if she doesnt get her way then go to Grandma and Grandma will give it or tell Mommy to give it. Like today my husband told our 3 yr old she couldnt go with Grandma and Grandpa after church and my mom promised her she could come later. Well she was throwing fits all day and just acting plan nasty and so we told her she wasnt going to Grandma and Grandpas. When I called my mom she told me that I should because they promised she could come down. She asked to talk to my daughter then told her to tell me she would act better and stop fighting with her little sister if we went to Grandma's. I'm tired of feeling like I'm being undermined. like I said my parents do ALOT for me. I dont trust many ppl with my kids and they are always watching them. We are at their house almost daily and it seems like sometimes it's my mom and I raising my kids because my husband and Dad work long weeks. I know my parents raised me and I turned out fine but I also know that I was given anything and everything I wanted when I threw a fit and remember how I wasnt always nice to my parents. I want my girls to grow up respecting my husband and I. Not to mention when i feel like this it makes me feel worse because my husbands Mom doesnt have anything to do with our family so its the only grandparents they have.
Ok I'm glad I got that out to someone besides my husband. Just needed a small vent! Any ideas on how to handle my mom and my kids?

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Tracy - posted on 09/21/2010

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What mama says it what goes....just cause you didnt always listen to your mom, doesnt mean your daughter can do the same.
I had to have a little laugh when I read it though, cause do you remember ever your parents say this to you "I wish you a child just like yourself"
I think you got one.
So as much as grandma has an extra soft spot for your little girl, you may need to remind your mom that she makes it hard for you to stick to the rules when shes always changing them on you.

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Ronda - posted on 09/23/2010

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It is very hard when your parent's undermine your authority with your own chidren. I would personally ask your Mom out to lunch or something to have a "meeting" wth her. Lay down the rules to her. Let her know that if she doesnt respect you, how are your children suppose to. Let her know that if she doenst start respecting you, then the kid's wont be over as often, I know that sounds hash. but I had to do it. I was so nervous and scared of the outcome but ya know what, she started respecting me and my husband's rules with our girl's. Grandparents love to spoil grandkids but there is a line as parents that we have to draw.

Jennifer - posted on 09/23/2010

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if you dont want her to go just flat out and say i said no and no means no set a firm ground.. your mom is just like my mom seems to be a little controlling.. if you dont want your daughter to go than she doesnt have whether she was promised or not its a privelage to go see grandma and if she doesnt behave than she doesnt deserve to go..your her mother her grandmother isnt her mother and doesnt have the right to tell her stuff like that i understand she helps out alot.. but that ddoesnt me that they can undermine your authority.. its not fair nor is it right sit down and talk with them tell them how you feel and tell them what you expect of them.. set ground rules like if she doesnt behave she cant go and have them know you cant say well if you stop fighting with your sister and stop fighting with mommy that she can go tell them its just not gonna work.. i understand promises and all but still..

Lisa - posted on 09/21/2010

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You need to be firm with yourself and then be firm with your mother. If you tell your daughter no, there’s no reason that Grandma needed to talk to her. If your mom argues with you, firmly tell her that you are the mother and it makes it difficult for you when you undermine your authority and discipline with your daughter. I would also talk to your mom and tell her how much you love and appreciate her help and that she can have such a special relationship with her granddaughter but she needs to respect the rules that you and your husband have.
This probably seems really mean to do but the only way I got grandma to change was by telling my daughter one day in front of her grandmother, “If this is how you act when you are at grandma’s house, maybe you don’t need to spend so much time here because dad and I do not find this behavior appropriate.” Grandma got the message. We still have issues from time to time but once you get past the initial bump of laying your authority with your mother, it’s easier in the future.

Amber - posted on 09/20/2010

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Tasha, i know its tough sometimes, i live 4 houses down from my mom, but i think you should just talk to your mom and tell her how you feel about whats going on, and like you my mom does alot for me also, and they often feel like its their right to spoil their grandkids but just talk to her i'm pretty sure she will understand

Bonnie - posted on 09/20/2010

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Tasha I know how you feel. It's difficult because the grandmothers say one thing, but you would really like for it to happen another way. They always want to give in and give their grandchildren what they want because they know they can spoil them and then hand them back to you at the end of the day. I had to tell my mother off a bunch of times because she has done that with my kids. I understand that you kinda have to listen to your mom because she helps out with the kids so much, but she also has to listen to your wishes as they are your kids. It would really help if she could try to do things your way so that they coincide and the kids don't end up favouring Grandma because they always get their way. If I were you, I would talk with your mom about it. It doesn't have to turn into an argument, just try to explain to her that it would truly help if she could not only do things your way, but talk with you first before giving the children an answer so it makes things easier on you.

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