grrrr... help?

Kathryn - posted on 02/04/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have worked my entire adult life, and for the first time since i was 14 i am the stay at home person. i have a 10 year old daughter and a baby on the way, and my husband and i have decided that i will be home with the kids, which we plan on having 2 more after this baby is born. we recently moved and i find myself doing it all and ieventhough i love taking care of my husband and the house i find myself getting irratated and feeling like the maid. how do i get my gears switched and drop the stinky mood?

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Kaye - posted on 02/05/2010

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Getting out of the house is key to remaining sane. Not only getting out with the kids for play groups, etc, but also, you getting out to have coffee with gal pals (with and without kids sometimes too). You should not feel guilty about occassionally getting a babysitter to come and stay with your kids while you have time to yourself to exercise, go for a walk, meet a friend. An hour or two will not cost much for a babysitter. Also, one thing I do is have a cleaning lady. I know it's not affordable for everyone, but if you can afford to have someone come for 2-4 hours, once a week, they can clean your bathrooms and kitchen and run the vaccuum and help fold laundry. I still have a lot other 'work' to do throughout the week like grocery shopping, making breakfast, lunch and dinner, playing taxi for kids, picking up toys, doing arts and crafts with the kids, playing with the kids in general, doing other clean up and finishing the laundry. But having someone come help with the heavier cleaning... this is a huge help and worth every penny to me. But, if this is not an option, still try to get time for yourself! Don't feel pressured to have a perfectly clean house, it's not a reality for most of us. Good luck!

Valerie - posted on 02/04/2010

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I totally know how you feel and it's tough. When I first started staying at home with my children I thought that I was going to go insane!! I had to really try and understanding that my "job" was to now take care of the house, kids, and everything else that falls in between while my husband financially provided for us (and it didn't seem fair most of the time). I was in the house the majority of the day, all of the household chores were starting to get tedious and tiring, and I would do anything to talk to someone who at least knew how to spell! By the time my husband came home I was so grumpy and annoyed by everything.



I finally started doing play groups with other mothers and finding things to do with my kids that involved all of us getting out of the house each day. We started going to the library for story time, museums, aquariums, parks, and anything else that I could find that my kids would enjoy and I could take a breather and just get out of the house. When we get home from our outing I put them down for a quiet time/nap. During this time I find something that is just for me (ie. a project, reading a book, working out, taking a nap, calling a girl friend, etc.). This helps me to unwind and reminds me that it's not all about the house and the kids, but it's about me to. I have come to learn that my mood sets the mood of the household and everyone in it. If I'm unhappy with life the kids will be too, and it will just make for an extremely stress filled day. I absolutely agree with the other moms in saying that you NEED time for just you!! Something you can do that will make you feel good...a spa day, an evening out with the girls, or just a night to go shopping on your own...KID FREE!! Also, try to communicate with your hubby on how you're feeling and have him do dinners twice a week or put the kids to bed each night so that you share the responsibilities and you get a break! Good luck Kathry and remember your're totally not alone!!

Leah - posted on 02/04/2010

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I am a first time stay at home mom as well. I felt guilty for not "working" and then I realized, after a little talk with my hubby, that my job is the most important job in the world. My hubby is like Nicole's, as long as my daughter and I are happy and healthy, he is satisfied. It took me a little while to get it, and still, I get stinky! However, I do not agree with having to pick up after him all the time. He knows if he leaves his undies in the bathroom in the morning, they will be there when he gets home. Luckily, he doesn't expect me to pick up after him. I do what I can around the house every day and have a schedule, but, like I said, happy mommy and baby makes a happy daddy!! Good luck honey!

Nicole - posted on 02/04/2010

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ease up on yourself. if your husband is like mine, he won't notice if the house doesn't sparkle every day. he'll notice if he comes home and finds you and the children smiling and relaxed/vs stressed out and cranky. I agree with Kelly that you should make time for yourself - even if it is just 10 minute breaks to lie on the couch and surf the net or read a magazine. do it when your husband is not around if that makes you feel less guilty, if you were working at a job outside the house you would take a lunch hour and a coffee break or two and not feel guilty, right? hang in there!

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I went through the same thing when I 1st stopped working. It took me a while to figure it out (and sometimes I still turn into a grouch) but here are some things that helped me, hoe they help you :)

1. It is my job, just like hubby's job is at the office.

2. I offset my hours--I know that I have a TON to do in the evenings after my husband gets home--dinner, kitchen clean up, packing tomorrows lunch, setting coffeemaker, kid bath teeth & bedtime etc.--from the time John walks in the door to the time he crawls into the bed, I don't sit down. So I sleep in an hour later than John; most days, unless my kid wakes early, I'm in bed until 6:30-7am! It's great! That's important, b/c for some reason, my husband can TRASH a house in just a few hours!!! He puts his papers down anywhere, shoes, tie, belt all come off in different places, dishes wonder all over the house, he pulls out blankets & messes up the pillows on the sofa. Drove me CRAZY until I realized that following him around cleaning up after him was pointless and I just let it go until he went to bed, then in the hour after he lays down, I pick up. It takes about 15 minutes for me to fix all the damage.

3. And this one is the MOST important! You need to make some time for YOU to RELAX. I mean it. Most mommies work the entire day while their husband is at work thinking "he is at work, this is my job, so I should be working." but they neglect the fact that they will have the most work AFTER hubs get's home, so they need to relax BEFORE he gets home. Take long coffee breaks, watch a show or 2 on TV (he will watch one in the evening after work while you clean the kitchen).



It's all about making your schedule work around his.

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