He doesn't get it

Jennifer - posted on 04/08/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I don't want this to come across as another "my husband doesn't do anything" post, because my husband works very hard. He is usually up at 3am and doesn't get home til 5:30 or later most nights. He then has to be in bed by 7:30pm, because if not he has an incredibly hard time getting up for work and is usually late if he goes to bed later. I just want a nice way to tell him, that I need a small break preferably every day, but will settle for every other day. All I want is to be able to get my shower in peace. We have 4 kids, and I'm perfectly fine with being responsible for all their care, school work, food, clothes, etc and all the housework. I would much rather let my husband have fun with his kids the little time he has every night, then have him doing chores. I just would like that 10-15min break where I'm not "on call" so to speak. Our kids are still pretty young, and even though 2 of them are in school, I still have 2 at home. Our youngest is only 6 months and only sleeps through the night occasionally and of course I'm the only one that has ever gotten up with her. I know, he knows I don't need him here to take a shower, but he doesn't understand the shower is just my excuse to get away for a minute to regroup. All he can think about is the fact that he has only 1-2 hrs. to see me and the kids, eat supper, and get his own shower. I just honestly don't know how to tell him. He is a very sensitive person (though he'd never admitt it) and gets his feelings hurt easily. Any time I have ever mentioned even having him home while I cook supper and all 4 kids are going crazy, he appologizes about his work schedule over and over and then says something like if he wasn't such a dummy and graduated high school. then maybe he could have had a better paying job that doesn't require such long hours. If anyone has any suggestions please help.

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Manal - posted on 04/08/2011

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Hi Jennifer. wow our situations are similar, 4 kids, 2 are in school, and still 2 babies at home.

My husband works in another city, so I'm home all the time with my kids too. I have nagged, begged, cried, etc. and really I had to see he's doing his best. I had to let a lot of things go...

The 2 things that helped me most was to have 'quiet time' for the kids, after lunch. I made it MANDATORY, as in, you have no choice, you may read/colour/draw/rest, but you may not come out of your room for an hour (at least)...It was tough in the beginning but they got used to it...that said, I know you have young ones and they may not 'listen' to that, but if you can coordinate their naps at the same time (again I find after lunch is the best time), then you get some alone time.

The other thing was to realize that I'm responsible for my own happiness. I'm with them 12-14 hours a day STRAIGHT, and even though I sometimes feel resentful he gets to be at work with other adults, I know that it's not his fault and not something he's doing "on purpose"...so I had to figure out ways to carve me time, during the day with the babies. I found I'm in a better mood to even greet him at the door when I've had my break earlier in the day..What about having a 12 year old come by and play with the kids for an hour or two. It's cheap and she makes a little money adn the kids are entertained while you escape to giving yourself a facial or soaking in the tub etc.

You sound really overwhelmed..having a house full of young kids is not easy, so a break is definitely top priority so you don't fall apart.

hth!

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