Help!!! Do you let your children sleep in your bed???

Shaquana - posted on 04/23/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I need help with another problem my partners daughter comes and gets in the bed with us every morning and sometimes in the middle of the night. Im not ok with this because I feel that a child needs to stay in their own beds and also me and my partner are large women in a queen size bed there is barely enough room for us and her daughter sleeps wild. She doesnt see a problem with it and I do because for one she needs to be in her own bed and for two we need our privacy and for three I dont think its fair to my two children because they know mommy dont allow that never did and its not fair for her to get told yes and them told no. Another thing I have always had trouble with insomnia and it takes me a long time to fall asleep and to have her bust in our room n jump in the bed with us I feel like my partner is not being considerate of my feelings and needs especially if I have to get up at 5 in the morning to get my boys ready for school. Please help me!!!

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Sarah - posted on 04/24/2012

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That sounds rough! Our baby will sleep with us on my side of the bed some nights, but hes still small. Larger children shouldnt be squeezing into bed any more if one of the partners doesnt agree with it. My hubby doesnt like our baby either for the sprawling that happens so I have let it go and he is a crib boy now.
Both of you are feeling that before the other things had been different, That is common. You need to find a compromise. Maybe if her daughter needs help then her daughter may Quietly awake her mom and then they may go to her room until the matter is resolved. That leaves the bedroom your headquarters where much needed rest is supposed to be happening, the nights you can fall asleep. Insomnia is a hard one too to deal with. Hope things get better soon!

Happy - posted on 04/24/2012

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Shaquana, Although I am a big advocate of bed sharing and co sleeping, I know it is not for all families. I think you are VERY justified in your feelings. Like others have said, a very upfront and open convo is needed with the entire family. I would also suggest finding out if it is just habbit that your partners child wants to share the bed or is it she is feeling left out now or maybe even a little lonely at night. It blows my mind that people say, I want to sleep with my partner/spouse/so because they want the cmpanionship and then think it is rediculous that a child doesn't want to be alone in their own bed rooms. Well, duh! Y'all get a slumber party and the kiddo get solitary confinement! LOL Not saying that IS the case in your situation but it would be worth investigatiing. That is why I suggested tha maybe all the kiddos could share the same room, at least for a time to help with the transition.

Michelle - posted on 04/23/2012

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I personally don't allow any of my children in bed with us for a couple of reasons. 1 is that my husband is not the father of my oldest 2 and 2 is that there is no way I would have a good sleep with 3 extras in the bed :-) I like to cuddle my husband during the night, my kids get cuddles during the day.



I think you really need to sit down with your partner and discuss the issues you are having. Maybe you moved in together too soon before coming to an agreement on how the household would be run. It's hard having a blended family but it can work. Both parents need to agree on some house rules and both need to stick to them. Punishments for breaking the rules should be he same for all the children as well.



If you can't come to an agreement then maybe seeing a family councilor would help.

Happy - posted on 04/23/2012

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I am a big advocate of bed sharing (as the name suggests) and co-sleeping (all sleeping in the same room but not necessarily in the same bed). With that being said, I can understand our feelings. As I read your story I had a new suggst at every sentence. LOL The first, obviously becasue of my beliefs, was buy a bigger bed and bed share. My second was put a small twin or cot bed and co-sleep but oncde I read your whole story and realize you have a blended family, my thoughts changed completely. You need to have a family meeting. First a private convo with your partner outilning the issues you have in this post. Once y'all have come to a decision together on how to handle the situation, it needs to be brought to the family and then implimented from day 1. If the decision is to indeed co-sleep (IF and only IF that is what you AND your partner agree to in private) then you need to go over logistics with the kiddos. If your decision is not not co-sleep, then those logisitcs need to be gone over as well.

Maybe it would help to have all the kiddos co-sleep together in one room while you and your partner have y'alls own room. Is that a possibility?

Brittney - posted on 04/23/2012

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It think you need to talk to your partner about these reasons. They are very good reasons. Just find time to sit down and have a conversation about why her daughter is allowed to sleep with you two, while the other children are told no and what are her reasons for allowing this. I do not let my daughter sleep with us because she needs to sleep in her own bed and learn to fall asleep again on her own, we need our privacy, we need our sleep (goes for the whole family), and because it can become a habit. I slept with my parents until I was going on 14 years old, because I had never slept in my own bed. My husband slept with his grandparents until he was almost 16 because he didn't want to sleep alone.

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Shaquana - posted on 04/24/2012

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You are right and since we just became a blended family the kids all do share a room until we get a bigger place. I completely understand where you are coming from and I love how you put we get a slumber party and they sleep alone lol!!! I will continue to take to her about it and be more understanding because they are both so used to sleeping together and this is still knew to us even though its been about 3 years now. Thank you again!!!!

Shaquana - posted on 04/23/2012

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Thank you so much Michelle for responding to my post
For once I feel that I am not alone in this situation. I thought that maybe I was being irrational but seeeing you alls side makes me feel like Im not totally worng but we all beileve in different things. If I allowed it from the beginning with my boys it would not be a problem but I didnt want my kids to get dependant on sleeping in the bed with me plus I didnt want my children exposed to what may go on in the bed room so for that reason as well as others I taught them to sleep in their own beds. As I do like to cuddle with my partner and at times things get a little more heated that kids do not need to see. Please dont get me wrong im not saying that its wrong totally I just dont want to make it a habit because kids needs to know that mommy and daddy or mommy and mommy or daddy and daddy needs their alone time and at night thats the only time. But again I thank you!!!!

Shaquana - posted on 04/23/2012

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Happy Mama

I am too a Happy Mama and I completely respect your thoughts and opinions and I thank you for responding because I wanted different aspects of the situation. Now as far as sleeping in another bed in the room Im willing to work with that IF NEED BE but as far as sleeping in the bed with us on a regular basis im not ok with. Like I was telling Brittney going to bed is the only time I get to relax stretch out and get comfortable after a long day of family and children and house chores and with me having trouble sleeping most nights and not being able to take a nap in the middle of the day I need all of the rest I can get when I can without interruptions. In my case once I fall asleep and get woken up it is so hard for me to fall back to sleep so if I get woke up then im gonna be upset and tired all day!!! But thank you so much for responding to me it was very helpful seeing others sides and opinions!!!

Shaquana - posted on 04/23/2012

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Hey Brittney
Thank you for responding to my post I agree with you because my parents never made it a habit so I dont either Im not saying that people who chose to do it are wrong I just want different for mine because I am up with kids allday everyday and I dont get a break or peace of mind until its time for bed so I would like to sleep peacefully and uninterrupted. And I understand that when it was just her and her daughter sharing a room it was fine with her but its different now you have other people to consider now because its not just you and your daughter its all of us as a family now. New rules needs to be set in my opinion but I wanted some feedback from others to see if I was wrong in how I feel.

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