HELP..i dont spank...

Camille - posted on 09/10/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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I dont spank my 15 month old twins but how in the world can i get them to listen. I can say no every once in a while and they will listen but then a few moments later go back to doing something wrong. I try and get them occupied with something else but they always go right back to it. I know that they are exploring thier curiousity but there has to be a limit right???

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Robyn - posted on 09/13/2009

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i put a chair in the corner of my kitchen for a time out and my son knew what that chair was for, and everytime he'd get up off that chair before i said he could i just kept sittin him back on it untill he got the hint

Wendy - posted on 09/13/2009

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We have used our bed for the time out place. It's easier then their room, it's bigger for a tantrum and the toys aren't there. Also their room is too easy to play in and I agree I wouldn't want the association with their room to be a bad place. Sometimes ignoring them for your own sanity is a good idea too. Taking the time to breathe is a big help for me and when you don't respond they may realize their behavior isn't working. My daughter is learning to talk nicer. We won't respond when she talks mean, or will remind her to talk nicer.

Novella - posted on 09/13/2009

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try the time out corner or chair and if thay got out keep putting them back in until thay learn it will take time.

Lynn (Linda) - posted on 09/13/2009

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The only limits for children are the limits and boundaries you set. If you don't spank then you are gonna need to be firm in your recourse actions such as time outs. Remember 15 month old children have an attention span somewhere between 2 and 5 minutes I believe, so time outs should be limited as such. If I am not mistaken, you are never supposed to separate twins for consequential behavior either because they don't understand it. I use to just count to three and that always worked with mine because after about 10 times they knew what was going to happen after three.

Lori - posted on 09/12/2009

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I have a question for you. How is it working for you? I by no means say you have to spank your children but if you have tried everything else and nothing is working then maybe it is time to give a spanking a try.

Heather - posted on 09/11/2009

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We do nose to the wall time outs. This way they cant look around and are truly missing out! I did the super nanny method of putting her there and putting her there and in a day she had it down! Also a wall can be found anywhere resturants, stores, etc



Best of luck!

Brenda - posted on 09/11/2009

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I would go for time outs but just remember, at 15 months old, it may not work yet. They are still developing their cognitive skills, and may actually not remember for more than a few hours, if only a few minutes. Right now, their retention time is very short and they can become distracted from what it is you just told them not to do a few moments before.



Try keeping anything they might get into out of reach, and when the do get into something see if there is a way to distract them and remove the object. I know it isn't always possible, but at less than two years, it is very hard to teach them "no" where it lasts. Time outs will help but don't be too surprised if they get up. Time outs should be given by age, one minute for each year, so at their age a minute is all you would use. Any longer and they don't remember what they're in timeout for.



I hope that helps, and I know it is tough, especially since you have double trouble!

[deleted account]

My twins used to dare each other to do what I've asked them not to do, and it took me a while to realise it. I know exactly what you mean. I don't spank either. I did, though, sit them in a corner facing the wall, to stop them from urging each other on, for 1 minute. For every year you add 1 minute. Then, when they stopped screaming and did their 1 minute, I was able to tell them what they did was naughty and stop. You'll feel like a yo yo and want to give up and just carry on with the way it was, but don't. It took about a week before we saw the results but it did work. They are 7 now and we still use the same punishment today. It's funny, because now they look at me and say "yeah yeah, I know, corner" I also know that with twins, you just want to shut the door and hide in a quiet room for just that split second. They are hard work and in all honesty, it gets worse as they get older if you leave it, so do something now. I have good kids, all of them are well behaved and well mannered. They know right from wrong and I believe that putting them in the corner or even on a naughty step, (which can be tricky with twins as they just start to play with each other) was the best thing I ever did to put them on the right path. Oh, I won't lie to you, I got soooo frustrated and tired of listening to them screaming and shouting. At 15 months, it's probably the hardest time of your life with them. It will pass though. They just need you to guide them. I hope I have helped, even just a little. Give it a try. And that proud feeling of achievment is blooming amazing. Trust me. x

Ashleigh - posted on 09/11/2009

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Time outs are a great way to let your child understand not to do something. Another thing that is really important to do is not to say negatives. Instead of saying "don't touch the phone" say "hands off the phone." When they hear the don't touch in their minds all they think is touch phone. When you say hands off, they understand that far better. It's hard to do, but once you get the hang of it it's easy! Now when my son does something he's not suppose to we put him on a time out and he shakes his head no and waves his hands for "hands off!"

Jane - posted on 09/10/2009

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they might be too little but in a few months - time out. i started when my daughter was 18 months and i saw that she knew when she was being devilish. i use the stairway. the first few times they won't get it but just be firm. if they're watching tv, turn it off, if they're playing w/a toy, take it away and put them on the step. at eye level tell them firmly that they need to behave, listen, etc. walk away for two minutes. come back, repeat why they were there, and then get on w/the day. they can't remember for very long, so address the issue as it happens. 1 minute for their age, so 2 mintues for 2 yrs, 3 minutes for 3 yrs. for the first few timeouts, i would ask her at the end, "what do you say?" and she would say w/a big smile, "Thank you!" but you teach them to say, "Sorry" and they get it faily quickly. usually i just need to ask her if she needs to go sit on the step or does she want to listen instead and 95% of the time, she corrects things herself, 5% is she's too tired and then you decide if you want to give a time-out or not.

they need direction. they want to please us, they just don't always know how, so we need to teach them how the world works, they can't read our minds.

you should probably have 2 spots in case they both need a timeout.



by the way - my parents had seven kids and they never spanked any of us. don't feel like you need to or explain that you don't.

Jaime - posted on 09/10/2009

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Hi Camille- Kuddos to you for raising twins!! I have found that getting down to their level (gently holding their arms so they know that the are to focus their attention on you) and speaking in a "calm low" voice really helps (If they are anything like my little one, getting angry will just get them more excited and produce the undesired behavior in retaliation). You then tell them what they are doing wrong, what you would like them to do, and what the consequence will be. That way they know what is expected of them. If after the "warning" they still continue with the the undesired behavior then a time-out may be necessary. Follow through is key. Don't get discouraged as it will take a while to get in the routine, but they eventually will get (as long as you are consistent). Good luck!!

Brittany - posted on 09/10/2009

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Time out. And my husband and I do not follow the one minute per year standard idea either. Ethan stays in time out until he is quiet. YES there needs to be a limit to keep them safe. Boundaries are important or your going to have babies climbing on window sills and pushing chairs and getting to your knives. (my neighbors son) We have found that just grabbing our sons hand quickly, like snatching it, when he is touching or doing something we don't want him to is just as effective as slapping it. I HATED how sick I felt when I would slap his hand. They are just too little! Anyways, we found snatching his hand was just as shocking as the slap, without the pain. It get's their attention. And time out is gold for us. Ethan HATES time out. If your child can sit there calmly from the minute they enter time out, it's not effective. They need to loathe being there. Then they need to sit there until they calm down and get quiet. This is what we do and we just keep repeating to him, when he's quiet enough to hear that is, "We do not blank blank blank." It works. It takes a time or two but he gets the idea.



Twins! Sometimes they are easier and other times they help each other get into mischief!

Minnie - posted on 09/10/2009

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Lots and lots of repetition, lots and lots of distraction. They're not being naughty, they're just barely out of infancy, lack the ability to control their impulses and have a huge desire to explore.

No, there isn't a limit, lol. But they will grow and mature eventually. Time passes. And that's what spankers don't realize. That all kids grow out of the impulsive stage whether spanked or not.

Camille - posted on 09/10/2009

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thank you guys very much I will have to firgure out a time out spot and start working on that. I was starting to use their bed but i didnt think that would work well seeing how that is where they go for nap and bed time. (and they got that down to a tee now!!)

Katie - posted on 09/10/2009

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Time out is a great alternative to corporal punishment! As long as you are very consistent and don't give up if they are stubborn. I had to put my kids back in time out every couple of seconds when I first implemented this, but I stuck with it and now I only have to sit them down once until the timer goes off. The general rule is to put them in time out for the amount of time equal to the years of age they are. Also if you get an egg timer it is very helpful. Also make sure you tell them what it is they are doing to deserve the time out before and after so they can learn what is expected and unexceptable. I ask my kids to apologize for there misbehaviour afterwards also so that I can give them a hug and a kiss and let them know that I am not angry about their mistake. Stick with it and it will get easier in just a short time! Good Luck!

Halli - posted on 09/10/2009

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I am a mother of a 6 year old and 3 year old and I don't spank either. Time outs are a must in my home. You need to get down to their level, look them in the eye and very firmly say "no" or "don't touch". If they continue the behavior place them in a quiet "time out spot" with no toys or distractions where you can keep an eye on them. If they get up, put them back. Just remember not to engage them as you are putting them back. After the time out is done (one minute per year of age) tell them "no more" of whatever it is that they did. Give them a quick kiss and go about your business. If they do it again, you do the time out again. At 15 months old they will eventually get it.

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i agree with Vicki, i dont spank mine to so time outs really work for me, at first it was hard cause my daughter didnt get it but wow do it enough and she cought on to the word time out real fast and not all i have to say is time out and she cools down. Our children are smarter then we think and they know what where saying even if they cant talk vary well. try it you never know

Vicki - posted on 09/10/2009

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try time outs in another room/hall without distractions, it will take alot of putting them back in place but they will eventually learn (but it does take days/weeks before you just need to say "do you need a time out" to get them to stop doing whatever it is they are doing wrong), or you could try removing toys/privaliges (i.e. TV) that they can earn back when they are good. I hope that is of some help : )

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