Help. I feel like a bad mom. can't stop yelling :'(

Brandi - posted on 08/21/2012

I have been in this position when I was taking care of my 2 week old twins all by myself. I don't even like to think about how I was at night because it was horrible in my eyes. My twins are now 8 months old & my husband is home more now & I finally feel like a good mom. But even I have those days where I want to pull my hair out because one of them are screaming! I also have a 3 year old and a 7 year old. Some days are really bad but most days are good :) you will get better I promise! It just takes time!

Rita - posted on 08/20/2012

It sounds like you have Post Partum Depression. Alot may be to how you were raised, remember you are not your mother. That little one feels every bit of tension in you so you arent' making him happy. Try getting one of those baby slings that you can put him in. Usually they work fantastic because they feel as though they are still in the womb. Sometimes taking a blanket and wrapping him up tight, arms as well will help, again he feels as though he is within you. With his crying so much as well it seems that he is getting alot of gas. Have you checked to see if you are not drying up. I'm only saying this because it happened to myself. I called the Physician and he told me to get Pedialight. Unbeknownst to me a cousin of mine called. She nursed all of her children. She said get a warm washcloth and apply it to the breast to see if you are actually lactating. I felt so bad, I wasn't. Here my poor little guy wasn't getting enough, he was the first that I had nursed. I went and bought baby formula, he drank 8oz. and slept for ten hrs. I had to keep going in to check and make sure he was okay. See how it goes.. There are also teas' out there now that help with the depression. Its' so hard b/c you are really on your own. I was in your shoes' as well. Hubby was gone all wk. and only home on wknds. Give it a try. Honestly I dont' think hes' getting enough milk from you. When he has a bowel movement check the color. If iits not that yellow color and somewhat loose and greeny in color, its' gas.
I wish I could be more help to you, its' not easy going it alone but you can scream, bang your head against the wall and things arent' going to change. You have to get to the bottom of the problem. Again remember "baby" feels your being upset, they know when things aren't going right even at their young age. Take care Mom hope this helps!!

Nancy - posted on 08/17/2012

Please know that you are a good Mom! You care enough to want the best for your baby otherwise, you wouldn't be asking for help. You are a true hero to your baby who needs you to provide for him under a very difficult situation. As for the colic, try changing his formula to Nutramigen or Alimentum. About 50% of all babies have an allergy to cow's milk so there is a good chance one of these will help...within 24 hours! I tried Nutramigen first and my babe refused to it becuase it smells awful. I switched to Alimentum and weened him with his old formula mix. I haven't heard him cry from colic since. He cries for wet diaper and if he wants to be picked up. He now sleeps for about an hour during the day at naps and 3-4 hours a time at night...up from 30 minutes at a time before the switch...phew). Plus, he is eating more at each feeding which is giving me more time. They are a little more expensive, but even if you can swing it for a week, your head will get a chance to think straight so you can get your medicad back on. I've heard that, with a doctor's presciption, insurance will pay for these formulas. I haven't checked that one out yet.

HappyMommy - posted on 08/14/2012

And interest thing try Johnson and Johnson nighttime bath it is purple and is known to have baby's sleep longer

HappyMommy - posted on 08/14/2012

Hi there I know it's tough.. But y don't u try some of these things
Swaddle
Don't let him sleep the whole day and u will see his nighttime sleep will increase
Try earths best formula there is dairy or soy
Stop breast feeding ...your baby may be hungry
If he is teething try Orajel buy the nighttime one too it's purple and also try hylands teething tablets
Second try giving him a pacifier
Stop feeling bad it happens especially whe they don't stop...
Try this exercise when he starts screaming count to five close your eyes and try the pacifier
Don't take anymore anti depressants it only makes it worse
When u r alone join chat rooms and do mommy and me groups at parks near u or go to meetings
Also buy toys that make a lot of noise they get distracted that way

Let me know if u need more details
But just try to control yourself and just remember its hard raising a baby and u r not alone everytine you want to yell just remember there are kids that don't even sleep for four hours

Jacque - posted on 08/14/2012

ok for started you need to go back to your dr and ask for sample of your meds tell him about the insure prom. than when the baby is crying feed him change him burp him than make sure there is nothing in his bed and gentle lay him down and make sure he is safe then walk away from him and close the door and take a ten min time out for your self take a shower when you are clam go back to your baby. just make sure your baby is in a safe place I will give you a tip for gassy babies you take those red and white mints Candy and put 1 in a 2oz baby bottle of warm water and shake it un til it desloves and feed it to your baby and it will help with the gas your not a bad mom my email is melissas1mom@yahoo.com if you ever want to talk. It does get easier before you know it he will be asking for the keys to the car lol take care

Sara - posted on 08/12/2012

I am so sorry you feel so bad. I admit I yelled at my daughter when she wouldnt stop screaming one night, I felt terrible immediately after i did it because it made her scream worse because she got scared. i think we hve all done this at one point or another. You're pulled in eighty different directions and no one is there to take care of you but everyone looks to you for everything. I wish I had some type of wisdom to give you but I dont. The only thing I can suggest is that a good friend or someone who you trust to watch your son so you can take a shower and get a descent meal. It will make you feel so much better. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.

Katie - posted on 08/12/2012

I had very clingy, high needs type babies. I wore them all day. BF sometimes 8 or more times a night. I slept with them at night. They didn't nap, they didn't sleep for more then 2-3 hours. My DH worked nights. It was exhausting. Turns out they both had reflux. My son never was diagnosed or medicated, when my daughter was diagnosed and medicated we learned it was probably the same thing with my son. So I know where you are coming from. For the sake of yourself and your baby get your insurance figured out. You need to be on your meds and you need to find counceling to help you learn to deal with your childhood and to learn the tools not to reapeat your mother's mistakes. Call your Dr or your baby's Dr, explain your situation, there is help out there for you, even if you have no insurance, even if you can't pay they can put you in touch with the people who can help. Don't just make your baby promises, take some action and get you both some help.

Lyn - posted on 08/11/2012

So sorry your not a bad mom we all have yelled at our children. at any age. If a baby cries all the time somthing is wrong. I know this is much later since you first posted but here goes. There could be several issues. Your baby possibly would like to be swaddled many mothers quit swaddling babies too soon and it is a source of comfort for several months after they are born. Colicky babies like white noise fan blowing, vaccum cleaner running. In my research babies do not like complete quiet for the most part inside the womb was not quiet. Also he may have sensory issues which could be an issue. He may sense your frustration. Relax breathe and pay close attention to what soothes and makes him quiet or keeps him quiet. Sometimes you have to put him in his room shut the door and let him cry. ANd you take a 5-10 minute breather. I'm not going to talk about letting others help you you because you know this. Im just suggesting what you have to do when you are alone with him.

Jamie Marie - posted on 08/06/2012

Hi!

I know how you feel.I have four children and my first one at the age of eighteen. It sounds like you honestly need a break. You need to rest and have time for yourself. What I do is help mothers just like yourself. I have had several children from across the U.S., and I only deal with one family at a time...What I do is basically babysit, for the parents, for a two week period, so the parents can regroup. It sounds like you have no support, especially from the most important person. your mother. If you would like help,,,I am here for u.it is free of charge.All you have to do is send enough diapers and formula.my husband and i are very loving.my email is jtaylor342@ivytech.edu.You will have 24/7 contact with me, and I have several references. I just do this because sometimes we all need a break.

Lindsay - posted on 07/30/2012

I know it is hard but please sit down and tell your husband you need help. It is not good for you or the baby. If it means finding someone at church or a friend to help with the baby for free if money is tight then do that!!! There are people who care and who will help, I live in KY and I don't know where you are but if I was close I would help you for free. Reach out to people and you will be surprised at the help you will get, Moms have to stick together and support each other!!! It is also very important that you get back on your medicine as quickly as possible, it won't be forever but it seems that for now it is necessary for you. Please feel free to contact me if you need help :)

Catherine - posted on 07/15/2012

Sweetheart, you are not a bad mother. I did that with my first child, too. I even had thoughts of hurting her that would pop into my head at really weird and random moments. I discovered I had PPD. It was a horrible experience for me. After two more children, I am back to myself again, but wiser and happier than I ever could be.

What helped me through this was learning that it is OKAY to lay your baby down for a few minutes. I gave her a time limit of 15 to 20 minutes. I would sit in another room read a favorite book that I knew would calm me down. I would not do housework during that allotted time. If I did do housework, I would sit her in bouncy and tell her that I am here and that I love her.

By your description of your baby refusing her pacifier and crying all the time, she is either hungry or she is colicy. My son is that way. We went through, I think, four formulas until we settled on Similac Alimentum. It was a life saver! My pediatrician told be to give him about .3 of gas drops before his bottle to help reduce gas. It helped greatly! He is also on GERD or acid reflux medicine. He puked a lot too. He is eight months now is doing a lot better since he is eating more baby food than formula.

You are also allowed to call the nurses if your pediatrician's office is closed. These wonderful ladies deal with these kinds of calls on a regular bases. They can recommend proper dosage of any gas medicine or a pain reliever if needed. I was not to keen on giving my son all this medicine, but it helped him too. If you get one of those nurses that are rude, you are allowed to speak to someone else.

I have three beautiful children. My first two I raised them by the book. With my son, I did things a bit differently. I held him at night so I could get some sleep. I did the same with naps. I would take my naps in a recliner. I know these are things you are not suppose to do, but I had to have my sleep or I would go crazy.

If you need someone to talk to, here is my email: csexton1066@hotmail.com. Remember, you are not alone in this. Other mothers have gone or are going through this. Unfortunately, it happens. I repeated this mantra to myself. It helped me. Among other things, too.

You can let that basket or few of laundry to wait. Do not think that you are becoming your mother either. That is one thing that will not help at all. Realizing you are different and just because you yelled does not mean you are becoming her. My father was an abusive man. Physically and mentally. Thank, the Lord God Above, my mom left him when I was two. I have not seen him since. I thought I was turning into my father. That was one of the biggest things that hindered me. Comparing yourself to other mothers is also another bad thing you can do.

Finding support groups can help. Don't be afraid to ask for help from a trusted friend. Take your baby for a drive if you have to. I did many of those trips. Even with my son gassy and crying, the movement soothed him.

I am sorry if this is so long. I understand what you are going through. These are just things that have helped me get through Post-partum depression. I had it for my first two. It does not mean in any way that you will have it. It is different for each woman. It is also a great learning experience, too. I have come out a better person. I am back to my old self again. Again, I am sorry if this is so long. I just want to offer any kind of help or comfort that I can. PLEASE don't be afraid to talk to your doctor, your child's pediatrician if needed, a trusted friend or family member, most definitely your husband, or a nurse, psychiatrist or counselor.

First and foremost, make it a priority to get your medicaid application turned in, crying baby or not. You deserve to be happy and enjoy that wonderful, little piece of heaven you have. May God Bless you. I will say a pray for you. He loves you dearly.

Amanda - posted on 07/15/2012

Believe me you are not alone. I have done the same thing. When I know he is extremely tired but fighting it, I scream at him to go to sleep. I feel bad but it helps get the frustration out. I never hurt him though.

Quennie - posted on 07/14/2012

I'm so sorry. I went through what you're going through. I hope you've read the other posts because they're helpful. I don't know if I have much to add because I read the other posts, and the other moms covered pretty much everything. I just wanted to add that you are definitely not alone. There are different kinds of help being offered; all you got to do is ask. It's going to depend on you on what type of help you will be willing to work with. I suffer from depression (for the longest time). I stopped taking them while I was pregnant, but had to be put back in them after I gave birth (CS). It's hard, especially for first time mothers, but the fact that you're willing to ask for help as you recognize your situation means that you ARE better than your mom. We have the same problems, so I know how you feel. I would be your best friend if we were in the same state since we're so much alike in this situation. Goodluck, and God bess.

Tracy - posted on 07/13/2012

Baby crying all the time means something is wrong, if he's been checked out and all is fine , well maybe he's still hungry?? all my were on farex at 4 weeks old, just milk wasn't enough for them.
I would wake them before i went to bed feed them bottle of farex , they would at least give me a good sleep..at about 6 weeks old they were having weetbix also.. i have had 4 kids 3 of them have kids of their own now, and they have had to do the same.. so mybe it's just a matter of he's hungry, as you haven't mentioned if hes having anything else...

Mallory - posted on 07/13/2012

I agree with Bernadette! If you need to scream- do not do it at your son- put him down in a safe place and take a minute to breathe. Yelling at him makes it worse on him and you. He depends on you for everything and that will stress anyone out. I agree the best is get to your doctor, but until then when you feel like screaming or throwing something place him safely in his crib talk to him gently tell him that everything is ok and take a minute to breathe. Motherhood is hard, but if you let it it can be the most amazing thing in life! It will be ok! This shall pass!

Soky - posted on 07/12/2012

Try taking him to a chiropractor! My husbands nephew was really colicky and that was a life changer! And try to remember that hes not giving you a hard time, hes having a hard time. Take a deep breath.

Rose - posted on 07/11/2012

although it sounds like things are financially tight- I believe you need to seek professional help from your doctor, and a referral to a psychologist. Support is extremely important for new mothers and I can tell that you do not want to give your child a repeat of your childhood, or make him feel unsafe. you might need to tell your psycholigist about your childhood trauma because it seems to be an important link, aswell as feeling unsupported by friends and family. If you were able to tell your family and friends what you have in this post, I would hope that they would be very supportive to help with your situation. Asking for help can sometimes be the hardest step, but it is great that you have recognised the need for it. best of luck.

Lidia - posted on 07/11/2012

Hi, I'm no expert, I have a 3 yr old boy. I'm not crazy religious, but I believe that prayers can also definally help you both, on top of the other mom's comments. My son went to spend the summer w his dad and older sister, and came back afraid of monsters and didn't want to sleep in his own room anymore. So I put him to bed, held his hand and started to pray for him on that subject. After I prayed I had him repeat after me a lil prayer which goes: "Dear father God, pls kick all the monsters, big flies and spiders out of my room, thank you for my family, help me sleep tonight, in the name of Jesus amem". Oh boy he slept so well that nite, and we keep doing this same prayer together holding hands ever since, he sleeps w the lamp on, but the door shut, like a big boy.
I know and have faith our prayers are listened, a couple times he woke up and came to my room crying(I'm guessing he had a nitemare) and asked me to pray for him, after that he went right back to sleep in his room.
I know your baby is way younger to pray yet, but you are not, you don't have to be perfect, or go to a church, or anything, just when your baby is asleep take a quick time to say a prayer, asking God to help him become calm, change, able to sleep well, and do the things you would like him to do. Also when he is awake, specially crying, hold him or his hands and start to pray w your eyes closed asking God to help you be able to make him feel better/stop cry...calm him down...if the first times doesn't work right away, keep trying, and pray for your baby every night but from the bottom of your heart, like you meant it and want your baby to calm down and let you be able to do the things you need to do for him and yourself, and I promisse you will see a change on him and on yourself as well.
I hope I could help a little :) I know how hard is to raise a child and I also know how much God helped and is still helping me and my fiance!!
thank you for taking the time to read it :D & God bless you and your family!

PS: I will be praying for you both, and if you would like and permitted me, I would like to say/write a prayer for you and your baby whenever you are online.

Kristie - posted on 07/10/2012

walking to another room to calm down doesn't work they follow me even when I say I need a few minutes alone. I do feel better when I cry a bit in shower around 11p-a. shoot the dogs and cat follows me in the bathroom well every where

Kristie - posted on 07/10/2012

I still yell at my kids and they are 9 7 and soon to be 5. I try not to yell at them(this started when they learned to walk and talk), I get migraines(never had them up until 7 years ago) which I think is me holding in what I feel, and not trying to yell. I feel horrible and have to appologise to them after a minute or 2, or in the morning if they are asleep. I have no one to talk to about this, except one of my best friends(she would never make me feel bad and she does it too). Everyone says I am a good mom(which I think if I was the house would be cleaner, the kids would behave and hubby wouldn't yell at me once a month), he says I let the kids walk all over me, but really it's Im too tired or whatnot to care as much. When I do the same thing day in and day out and it doesn't show........ Maybe I am depressed I think I am. uh my kids the only issues with them is my youngest has allergies, my son stayed behind a year in kindergarten(should be in 4th but will be inb 3rd grade) and my other daughter has glasses they all are clumsy especially the middle(the one with glasses). one day one day 9, 11 and 3 more years and they will be 18, can I survive that long

Ashley - posted on 07/10/2012

Wow-

I know EXACTLY how you feel- only I have a completely normal baby (no colic, no allergies) and I get just as angry as you do. My anti-depressants aren't working and I can't afford to see my Dr. to adjust. No family in town either and a husband who works 50 hour weeks. Here is my personal email YELLOWVANILLABEAN@YAHOO.COM If you email me, I will give you my phone number and I can be someone you can talk to. I wont judge you, or think your a bad Mom, or tell you how to raise your son, or tell you how you SHOULD fee, I will just be someone to listen, and offer comfort discreetly until you can get a handle on your PPD. It sucks to have no one to talk to and I could really use someone too. So- email me and we can talk. Good Luck till then
Ashley

Patricia - posted on 07/10/2012

spot on Poud Mommy that's what i did with all ten of mine

Mother Of Pearls - posted on 07/09/2012

hey calm down take a breath and release its ok it will be fine theres no reason to be ashamed all of use lose our cool and yell and we all love our kids its just i think something we do to relieve ourselves from stress no one is perfect so u are a good mother and your child knows it and as far as your pass u must be different we cant roll play what and how our parents treated ur i was abused abandoned physically mentally i was an unwanted child my mother called me a mistake my whole life i was not loved or cared for since i was a baby noone loved me i was beaten and had noone to care but i am a better person because of that it took me a long time to understand it but the love we have for our kids over comes the past i still am hurting but i move on and dont put on my kids what was put on me u need to sometime take a time out and once your child is feed and changed and burped maybe you let him cry a bit its good for there lungs and also maybe dont pick him up every time he crys sing to him or read a book he may be a colic child and that will pass but if ever time he crys u pick him that may be it also sometimes baby want to be swaddeled wrapped up real warm and also talked to but one thing i feel hes colic and spoiled dont pick him up every time he crys like i said before feed him burp him well change his diaper and then when you feel he all done put him in his swing wrap him warm and sit beside him and talk to him a bit and watch a cute cartoon with him and see if that works cause hes cryin for a reason so well figure it out but be patient be loving if your stress one thing is for sure this baby feels it they feel your emotions so be calm and gentle and you will see we will get threw this together ok take it easy all will be fine.

Tabitha - posted on 07/06/2012

My oldest son cried constantly when he was teething. I literally did not know what I was going to do. He wouldn't sleep & screamed constantly with every single tooth that he cut & he always cut 2 at a time. I finally found this oil & I am telling you I have recommended to everyone I talk to since. It is absolutely wonderful. He started sleeping. I also used Hyland's Teething Tablets.
The link for the oil is

http://www.herbsforkids.com/product.asp?...

As far as your post pardom, you definitely need to look into a community health center and get back on your medicine. Consider switching to formula. I tried breastfeeding, unsuccessfully, I couldn't, didn't produce enough milk and my baby was obviously starving. After I got past the fact that I was the worst, most useless mother in the world and put him on formula he slept and was happy.

Also, look for Gentle Naturals Tummy Soother, it is all natural ginger & other herbs & it worked wonders for bellies in my house. My hubby would even take it if he got a belly ache.

I hope things have gotten better since your post. Take care.

Jessica - posted on 07/05/2012

I know it seems like your life has gotten out of hand, but it will get better. He will start to sleep and you will be able to take him places. I have a 3 year old with Autism and a 2 year old with hearing loss. I would always feel eyes on me whenever I went out because my 3 year old would cry the whole time. It does get better , I promise! If I were you, I would get on some meds ASAP. PPD is nothing to be ashamed of and anyone who says otherwise is just ignorant. More and more moms are speeking out about ppd and getting help. It's ok to feel this way, every new mom goes through this. You life does get turned upside down and you are overwhelmed. Your husband should let you take a night off. He can watch your child so you can just go have a sanity day. I promise that it will get better, just hang in there.

Goldie - posted on 07/03/2012

hey.... dun feel so down... you r not alone. infact sometimes i still do lose my mind as well... i know what u're going thru. nobody should judge anybody. i have a toddler thats turning 3 this nov and a baby turning 1 this oct. its not easy and u r only human.. im guilty too and till now im still guilty towards my toddler son .... and i constantly remind myself that i MUST put myself in his shoes and see things in hi point of view. im so guilty that at one point no matter what my son wants i give in to him. and yes i spoiled him rotten :) thinking back now still makes me cry becos i feel so bad about it and i know i can never make it up enough.... i have reacted exatly like u before. things will get better. im always tellng myself this when i know im gonna flare up "there MUST be a reason why he is crying" then i will calm down and think what exactly went wrong. dun push urself too hard... get some help sometime and do things that u like just for a couple of hours. if u need someone to talk to, we're all moms here to care and share :) cheer up :)

Breanna - posted on 07/03/2012

First BREATHE! Second realize you're not alone. When the baby is throwing a fit go though your check off list & put him in a safe place crib/carseat then step outside. Take a deep breath. Then go back in & turn on your favorite music. Unfortunately his mood may not change but you are kind of a little refreshed. Make an appointment for your baby & discuss what hes doing play by play (talking about will help too) andy talk to the Dr about how this is all affecting you. You can also seek help from your local health center. If you are in north Georgia friend me! Ill help!! You need a break!

Stephanie - posted on 07/02/2012

I understand how you feel completely. And, honestly, I was guilty of it too. Babies are very forgiving, but that doesn't make it ok to scream at him. I was in the same position as you as far as feeling like your life is over and getting overwhelmed with just you and this little one. This causes stress, which he can pick up on. Since his crying fits seem to be an ongoing thing, bring it up to his doctor. He may have reflux (which is what my little one had). If you've gone through the entire list (too hot, too cold, tired, hungry, gassy, constipated, etc.) then it's perfectly fine to set him down in his crib for five minutes while you step out of the room and collect yourself so you don't scream at him anymore. I know a lot of moms may disagree with that, but it's better than stressing yourself out more and yelling at him. You have to take care of yourself! I didn't eat or sleep enough with my daughter, and it caused my milk to deplete. I wish I would have known earlier that taking care of myself had such an affect on my milk.

Ashlee - posted on 07/02/2012

You are defiantly not alone. My son was 2 months premature and also had colic. Colic was the worse 3 months of my life. My husband was laid off and we both got NO sleep. It was very aggravating. I eventually started putting cereal in his bottles which kept him fuller at night and he would sleep longer. Now he's 6 months and not sleeping through the night again. And he cries all the time and only takes 20 minute naps during the day. Long enough for me to eat or get a shower. It's so hard to keep him entertained. I moved him from toy to toy all day. Jumperoo, bouncer, floor, walker, ect. But nothing keeps him entertained very long and it's very stressful. He also doesnt allowed his father to hold him very long no more than 5 minutes or he starts screaming so it's mommy all the time and I never get a break. His father is now however back to work and I am a stay at home mom with him all day long. And I get very frustrated and mad when he screams and cries and I cant get him to stop. I have however yelled at him before. But knowing after I did it I felt bad and will pick him up and baby him. I try my best to keep calm but you can only take so much til you break. Also my son use to scream and cry every time we put him in the car seat. We finally took the head rest thing out and that seemed to work a lot better. Even though he cries you should put him in it a lot and try to take him out, the more he's in it the more he will get use to it. Now my son doesn't have a problem being put in his car seat and usually falls asleep on the ride. Hope things get better!

Lika - posted on 07/02/2012

Also, if making an appointment with the worker who can get your health benefits back is taking long, go to your local hospital or clinic, and see if you have a community care specialist that can at least help you temporarily. Thing is, that's for those of us that don't have insurance, yet don't qualify for medicaid. They will help you, and as an agency of it's own that's associated with the hospital, and they will also help push for a more long term action from the agency that handles medicaid needs.

Please keep us posted as to how you are doing.

Krystal - posted on 06/30/2012

My son cried A LOT when he was little, and i too couldnt handle it at times. I brought him to the Chiropractor. Beleive it or not, but babies can be out of alignment as well. And i will swear to you, he is the most laid back baby you've ever seen now. it took a week or two to really get him calm. Try it, all it can do is help.

Erica - posted on 06/30/2012

Don't be so hard on yourself every mother has had their moments of frustration- you are not alone. I am a stay at home mom of 3 & 1 year old boys and it's no vacation here. My husband works 6 days a week and gets home around 7pm so needless to say there are no breaks. My 17 month old is still not sleeping through the night (wakes up 2-3 times a night and doesn't like napping). Us as mothers learn to multi task and everything gets easier - trust me. You're a new mom and I understand how you feel. If you feel like you're losing your cool put your baby down - take 5 min (even though he's crying), splash water on your face, breathe- and go back in. My youngest son also liked to be carried so I would just put him in the sling (baby bjorn- so he's sitting upright). I also have to chose sometimes whether I'm gonna eat, shower, clean, do laundry - there's always something to do! But patience is key.... If the anti depressants were helping try searching if there are any alternatives that you can take. Hang in there and I hope things get better for you.

Amber - posted on 06/30/2012

You mentioned that you are moving..first thing is first...the baby's safety and your health! Health Department, get there asap. They can hook you up with sources. Also, if you have a phone book near you, there should be some numbers that you can call for immediate assistance in many areas. Please do this. There is help out there for you, the hard part is navigating your way to it. Do these first and foremost. PLEASE.

Janice - posted on 06/28/2012

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I completely understand. My daughter had colic from 6-13 weeks. It was horrible! Some nights I would be bouncing her and I would suddenly realize I was bouncing her much harder than I should. And I definitely had times when I would scream "Shut Up!" at her. It was rough for a while as she also wanted to held all the time. But I did hold her and now at 2.5 she is sooooo independent. Also she would get ove tired and then she would just scream no matter what a did but wouldn't sleep.

With my son I knew I needed to do things a bit differently. I bought a wrap carrier. Its called a Ktan. My son loved it! I used from 1 week old and I still use it know that he is almost 7 months. He is close to me and I can breastfeed in it.

Try to take a few days and document your daughters schedule - how long she sleeps eats cries ect. Then based on what you find make a schedule. When you want nursing to be followed by sleep always sit in the same quiet place so that you daughter learns that as a signal. The schedule doesn't need to be strict at all but may help with getting you daughter fed and napping with major melt downs. Also figure out the insurance and get back on your meds.

Lastly, It does get better. They are tiny for such a short time. I know it feels like forever when they are screaming. However before you know your daughter will be meeting milestones and will need you less and you will be thankful yet wondering where your tiny baby went.

Brandi - posted on 06/28/2012

My son had horrible collic when he was a baby, and I too have found that I have become a yeller and tell myself I will not yell today. There is only so much stress we can take, we HAVE to find some time for us. If your child is going to cry regardless of you holding them or not, then trust me it won't hurt them lay him down in his crib, and go take a shower. I would put money on it that if you start taking care of you you will feel better and less stressed. We also just got kicked off medical card (because the gov. is in idiot ;) ) but our doctors office offers their own medical assistance, you may want to see if yours or any others in your area offer this. In those times you feel like screaming do the opposite pick up your son and just hold him and tell him, "mommy loves you and I'm sorry, you are ok" I did this with both of my kids when I thought I was going to yank out my hair and go insane, and it helped calm them down, and reminded me too.

Teresa - posted on 06/26/2012

You are not alone. First please get back on your meds for now. You don't have to take them forever but it sounds like you need them ASAP. I am having flashbacks after reading this your baby sounds just like mine. He cried for the first 4 months and it was awful. Like you, I had a husband that traveled and no support system where we lived. Having a baby like that it is HARD! when you said how one day you handed him off to your husband when he got home and you walked out the door i got chills. I remember doing that. When you have a baby like that you cannot do it alone. You need help or you will go crazy. The breast feeding problems you mentioned sounds familiar too. I know a lot of people won't like me saying this but have you considered not breast feeding? I quit at 4 months. my gut kept telling me something was wrong with his tummy. He cried sometimes 6-7 hours straight. His ped kept saying it was just colic. One day I decided to try the sample of soy formula the hospital gave me and that did it. Instantly I had a different baby. From that day on the crying stopped. We found out after he was 1 that he has several food intolerances. ditching the breast feeding doesnt make you a bad mom! Sometimes you have to try different things and just see what works. If it's tummy troubles you should also try the gas drops, and talk to other moms who have been thru it. I know you said you lost ins I understand you are frustrated but you have to find some help. And good for you for posting this. I hope that just knowing you re not alone helps a little.

Kylie - posted on 06/26/2012

Yes Jeana it will. It's what I did for my son.

Jeana - posted on 06/25/2012

Moms, in a case like this, will it be a good idea to pump the milk out to a baby bottle when he is hungry. So she could feed her son from a baby bottle?

Karen - posted on 06/21/2012

You are not a bad mom! Frustrated, possibly depressed, overwhelmed...yes, yes, and yes. You also are not alone as you can see. Many of us have gone through the same feelings and actions that you describe, and we understand. You said that your husband is in the reserves, and that may be a place to start looking for help. Check with some of the other wives or significant others. Maybe you could find somebody to babysit a few hours a day so you could get a decent shower and meal. You may also find other moms to socialize with. As you can see by the number of moms who responded, you may be embarassed in public, but you are not being judged for having a crying baby as much as you feel you are. Go to the park, go for a walk. If people look at you strange make a face, stare them down or stick out your tongue! It may even make you feel better! I am thrilled that you are reaching out for help, and also suggest that you get the insurance corrected as soon as you can. If not check your area for a free clinic. You will definately be in my family's thoughts and prayers. Please keep us updated.

Julie - posted on 06/20/2012

RE-APPLY TODAY! I am not a doctor, but this letter has Postpartum Depression written all over it. I highly recommend you go see a DR asap. Go to the ER if you have too.
Stopping anti-depressants cold turkey can have major side effects, and withdrawals. Dangerous ones, which it sounds like you are having. Worst case withdrawals have been injury to self or others, therefore it is considered a medical emergency.
Your out burst are an inappropriate response to the babies behavior, because you are not in a healthy state of mind or body.
Your feelings of inadequacy and loss of life is all part of the hormone crash with postpartum. You MUST tell your husband how bad it is getting. He is equally responsible for the welfare of your child, loves you, and has the right to know.
With the right help, you and the baby will come out fine. But do not let this go any longer. Thanks for reaching out, many of us can relate and want you to be happy, and healthy soon

Lisa - posted on 06/20/2012

You and I have what I would call more needy babies than all of my friends or anyone else I talk to. My son is nearly 3 but when he was a baby he cried unless he was held and he was very gassy and sensitive to everything I ate it seemed that he also had colic. When he was sick it was non-stop poo diapers or throw up for days at a time. When kendall cried he did not respond to words, even if they were soothing. He sometimes didn't respond to yelling either, unless he could tell I was upset, and a couple times I got the scared cry from him as well that made my heart break. I felt like you that I had no time for anything and that my life was now his, and I DID plan him. It is harder for you because help is farther away. Here's my advice, and it may not help, but you're not alone and it does get easier. With time, it will get easier. It may seem like forever and you'll get stressed out and think that it will never change, but with time, it will get better. You may have to hold him when he cries. I've done bouncing up and down and rocking for hours in the evening to calm gas and get him to sleep. I didn't go out much at all, or I tried to go when it was naptime and he might sleep in the store. I've yelled out of frustration sometimes and felt bad about it later. My son loved the light up seahorse that plays music. That was the first thing that made him lie down by himself without crying. Showers were a luxury for me.
Now he's a crazy 2 year old that wants to do everything by himself, which comes with its own frustrations. I've found that he does not respond to yelling when I ask him to do something now, so remember that like me yelling won't necessarily get your child to respond. I don't know if a different carseat would help or tying diapers looser would help but maybe his tummy gets squished a little when the legs are bent up like a pair of tight jeans when you have gas.
What helped me with the crying was earplugs. I could hear my son cry but it wasn't loud enough to stress me, and I could do diaper changes with no problem that way. When I went to sleep I'd just turn the baby monitor up a little. Good luck, I wish you well.

Jodee - posted on 06/19/2012

oh sweetie go and see your doctor your not a bad mum ,this is a hard job ,cleaning the house is not important , sleep when the baby does ,go and see a baby health clinic ,there is help available .

Tracy - posted on 06/19/2012

You are not alone. I have 3 kids and I still scream at them to SHUT UP. My youngest is 4mos. I haven't had it as rough as you but I scream. I asked my son (4yrs) how I can stop yelling and he suggested playing more. From the mouths of babes. My son was a clingy baby. As long as I held him he was quiet but as soon as I put him down he would start crying. He only slept in my arms. All I did for the longest time was hold him, nurse him and slept when he slept. I don't think I showered or bathed regularly...who am I kidding, I still don't get the chance to shower regularily. My hubby drives truck so is hardly home. I cry, scream. People say to walk away but mine follow behind me crying and screaming. I rarely get a break for my sanity. When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed...take a deep breath...slowly let it out and repeat. It is ok to let a baby cry. Step outside and relax. Check on baby regularly but you need time to decompress. I know the pain of thrush and improper latch. It will get better. You are not a bad parent. You are human. Remember to take time for yourself when you can. Motherhood is hard but worth every minute. All your baby needs is your love. Let us know how you are coping in a couple months.

Dilini - posted on 06/18/2012

Sit down and talk to your husband whenyou are calmed down. Explain the situation to him. Tell him you need help and before that ask him to give you a few minutes to hold you and let go of your worries. You are not a bad mom. Handling an infant can be extremely overwhelming especially when you dont have any support. When possible go to your parents place and ask for help to keep the baby till you get a break even if it is for a few hours. No one will under stand what you are going through except another mother who has gone through it herself. When the baby sleeps get your rest whenever possible and forget chores that you believe have to be done. Take a warm shower when you feel stressed, play some music and sing with your baby. That worked wonders with both my little ones. If breast feeding is diffucult switch to bottle feeding. I had issues with my second baby and i switched at 4 months. Lots of people will criticise your choices on handling your baby but utlimately you hold your right to decisions wbout your child and your health. Remember if you are happy then your baby is definitely happy. and ask for help from your husband when he's home and from friends and family who you believe you can count on.

Sherri - posted on 06/18/2012

I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time, and you have no help. Please know that you are NOT the only mom to feel this way!! You said your husband is in the Marine reserves? Ask him to talk to the family support officer of his unit. They should be able to plug you into a support network for military families. Call your doctor NOW!!! You need to get back onto your anti-depressants! It is not your fault, it is a chemical response in your brain. Your clinic should be able to give you some samples until your medicaid is reinstated. I know that even making that call is overwhelming, but you need to do it for yourself and your baby. Putting the baby into his crib or stroller and taking a shower while he is screaming is a good thing. You are protecting him from harm. As long as he is not hungry, or wet, he will be okay for the 10mins so you can calm down. It sounds like nursing is also a problem? Call the local WIC office or La Leche League. They have peer counselors that can help you.
My older 3 children were born within 4 years, and my daughter, my 2nd child, was very similar to your baby. I can remember just weeping with exhaustion. Please know that you are not alone, and it does get better. Good for you for reaching out to this group! That is a step in the right direction. I agree that you need to tell your husband how overwhelmed you feel.
You didn't mention if you have a religious faith or not, but you could try reaching out to a local church. I know we have lots of older ladies at our church that would love to come help out a new mom. I hope some of this helps, and I will be praying for you and your baby.

Lika - posted on 06/17/2012

You are NOT a bad mom, and the fact that you are reaching out means that you are trying to improve your situation. Please do not feel guilty.

It's not easy being a mom, and it's even more difficult to have to go through all of that.

First off, I know this may make you feel guilty, but, let your baby cry 5 minutes just so you can eat. I had one of those Graco high chairs that with the chair out, the Graco car seat could fit in there, so I used to have my baby there while I ate, so he could see me. I also had a swing in the living room, that was easy to transport, so I could move that from room to room, and that was really nice, because then if I had to get something done with a fussy baby, the swing could rock him a little bit while I washed dishes and such.

Please talk to your assigned worker to get your medicaid back. You may have post-partem depression, and it's not so rare. Thank you for being brave enough to step forward, because admitting it to people isn't the easiest thing. Your baby really is an infant, and needs you, but, you need too, so please make sure you take care of yourself. It's okay to take a break.

Kylie - posted on 06/17/2012

it can be so hard with your first child. i stuggled alot with my first. it seems like you might have post natal depression (which the anti ddepressents would be for). i also had this.

insurance is a horrible thing, it always seems to want to make everyhting harder.

you should try your local community centre, and see if they have a free councilling service (that is what i did), also see if there is any mother groups or something you can go to with the baby like that (i also did that, and some of those women are my best friends today).

it also sounds like you need a break. see if you can plan even an hour a week where you do something for yourself (even if it's sleep!).

also my brother was sick with ear infections, colic, milk allergies, colds, and other viriuses and infections all the time when he was a baby, i was only 2 when he was born, and all my early memories are of him crying. my parents found it really hard, and my dad worked shifts and the time as wasn't always around to help. if he seems unable to settle take him for a check up (not all the time, but if it's really bad), he might have a reason that can't be seen from the outside. also as he got older he got better, he is an adult now, and is never sick.

if you are in australia, like i am, there are free services for women with PND that can be arranged through community centres and centerlink. but i think there a simliar services set up in most countries.

Aimee - posted on 06/16/2012

You are not alone. You could have been describing me with my first child. She cried for about 6 hours a day/night because of colic. Never slept (same as your wee one - 10 min cat naps and I was up half the night). Had reflux and always spewed on me. Had to carry her everywhere I went. It's just so exhausting, hard and not at all like you imagined. Like you I would never hit my child but I sure did cry a lot and there was an scream to be had. Thinking back I wish I had smashed some plates outside or something too! It does get better. The colic left as suddenly as it came at around 14 weeks. It was amazing how much that changed how I felt - a crying baby is so stressful and I had felt so useless. My body adapted better to less sleep but introducing solids did help with that (around 5 months for my daughter). When you bub starts to roll and interact with objects more you will find you can pop her down on a play gym or something similar to keep her occupied while you do the dishes or sit and just have a coffee!
She is 2 years 9 months old now and while she has never been the best sleeper (she just doesn't seem to need as much as she should), she is a delight and mischevious trouble all rolled in to one. I also now have a 7 month old son who is the best sleeper and just pretty much the easiest baby ever. 2 good daytime naps and has been sleeping through the night since he was 3 months old. No doubt he will give me grief in some other way later but they are worth all the grief even if you can't see it now (I couldn't back then). Until things start getting better I think you should talk to your husband. If you don't feel comfortable telling him everything just tell him your not coping and that you want/need to go back on anti depressants and maybe you can find the money for it together? I don't really know how medical insurance works, I live in NZ and most ppl don't have it because we use ACC here, but can you get it back asap? It's important for you and your baby.
Don't be ashamed, you posting that on here, anonymous or not, shows how much you care about your son.

Sarah - posted on 06/16/2012

Wow. I read this & could feel your pain. I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time. I am the mom of 2 unplanned kids. It is hard to have a baby that is so high need. My 7 m.o. son sounds just like your baby. It's almost impossible to feel human when you aren't able to care for your own humanness (eat, sleep, shower, use the bathroom). I relate so much to your feeling like your life is gone. It sort of is right now, but that's not forever. Of course you need to get back on your anti depressants but there are some other ways to cope too. YOU NEED MOM FRIENDS. It was so weird when I had my daughter (who is now 4) & I didn't have any mom friends & didn't know how to make mom friends. Other Moms are very important. When I haven't showered, my kids are a mess, my house is a mess, & generally feel like I'm sucking at life, hanging out with a mom friend makes a lot of those things better. Where do you begin though? Try a La Leche League meeting where you could meet other BFing moms. Story times (yes even though your baby is tiny you can still go). Go out even though your son cries. Go to the park. Go where there are other moms. Reach out when you see other Moms. I know I KNOW it's hard to put yourself out there but the reward of friendship with other moms is SO worth it. Try meetup.com, getting in a "playgroup" for babies of the same age is a good way to meet other moms. You can always message me. I've been there. I've had the baby that doesn't stop screaming, the busy husband, the PPD... So please, if you are nursing & can get online at the same time (which is how I get to go online) message me, I'd love to be here for you. From what I've read, we have a lot in common. This is only for a short time. He won't be a baby forever, you can get through it. You just need someone to lean on.