Help! New stay at home mom...bored to tears, gaining weight, getting nothing done...and feeling guilty and sad everyday :(

[deleted account] ( 51 moms have responded )

any suggestions about making this transition easier on myself and my son we are having a really hard time with me being a new stay at home mom....my son is two..i love him to tears...but I feel trapped in my own home almost everyday! I feel extremely guilty for feeling this way....and need support :(

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Jennifer - posted on 01/14/2009

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Hi Amy,



To say I know exactly how you feel would be the understatement of the year. When I first started staying home, it was really challenging. During the first year especially it was REALLY hard. I would cry so many nights to my husband and beg him to help me more when he got home from work because how would he like it if his only break was the 20 minutes after bath time when husband would give our son his bottle and hold him till he fell asleep. I actually had time to go to the bathroom by myself!!! I hope people will understand when I say this but there were so many times I had to fight resenting everyone around me for continuing with their lives and being out with people and even had to fight resenting my son for tying me to the house and isolating me (which would IMMEDIATELY be followed up by the worst post-partum-laced guilt you ever felt because how could I EVER resent the most wonderful person to ever come into my life!!!).. My son is 19 months now and in a lot of respects it has gotten easier because he can communicate with me and we can share 'jokes' and that sort of thing. But it's still extremely difficult because I don't drive and even if I did, there's no way we could afford another car. I'm out in the 'burbs with no other kids my son's age around me and all of my nearest and dearest work.. So, yeah, it still gets REALLY hard some days.



To help myself cope, I make sure I stay in the sunniest room in the house. I take walks with my son as often as the weather allows (bein' I'm from Chicago) and I get on the computer and check email and this place and facebook & myspace and try to stay connected as best I can. I can't get to the library or mommy & me classes or anything like that so I try to reach out to people here. I tell ya, my laptop was my lifeline and my saving grace, those first 6 months especially!!!! And when other people come over, like my Mom and sis and close friends, I duck out for 5 minutes here and there not only for myself but to help my son get more and more use to other people being with him too.



But MOST of all, I try my hardest NOT TO BEAT MYSELF UP. This has been a HUGE change in my life and I have to allow myself time to adjust to that. Apparently some Moms can do it alot quicker and a lot easier than I can and that's truly wonderful for them.. But it doesn't change that this is difficult for me (or any of us who still feel like we're gonna lose our minds). Yes, I have the TV on all day for company and my son loves to stare it (more commercials than anything else..) but he's in no way tied to it. We always have PBS on in the mornings before nap time and use the shows as learning tools, especially anything musical! When he's with other kids, he interacts with them just fine and he communicates well, too, so, again, I can't beat myself up for doing the best I can.



So, Amy, just know (which you must already from all the great response here) that you are SOOOO not alone. There's nothing wrong with the way you're feeling and it's more than ok to feel it! Remember, you WERE an independent person before you were a SAHM and that person needs time to adjust. It doesn't happen for everyone the same way and in the same time. The same outlets aren't always available and the same processes and coping mechanisms moms have don't work the same either. One of teh hardest things for me is when I hear or read about moms in this wonderful group or that (like gymboree, etc etc) KNOWING I can't get to any of them and am honestly probably too shy to go even if I could. Comparing yourself to other moms' 'successes' is the surest way to add more anxiety and isolated feelings to yourself! Think about what you really need and take what works best from all our stories, right?



You'll find your way!

Amy - posted on 01/07/2009

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Hi Amy! My son is now 16 months and for a very long time (even now sometimes) I felt the same way! Depressed, bored, guilty, etc. One thing that helped me even though it seems small, as early in your day as you possibly can take a shower, blow dry your hair, and put on a little make up! Just doing something girly for yourself will make you feel tons better and give you the motivation to go out with your little one, or just clean the house looking hot! The biggest thing I had to learn was DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! If your on an airplane, they always tell you to put your air mask on before you help anyone else with theirs, same principle applies, if you don't take care of yourself, how will you take care of anyone else? So take a little time for you, and good luck!

Kathy_Ann - posted on 10/17/2012

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i am always a working mom,now i feel so empty,always helping people,you no what mt children are so happy am at home when they are home from school,i see joy in all ther faces,tells me i have beeen stealing good quality time form them,here i am now making it up,so i thank God for this great opportunity to be there for them now,hope i'll find work soon,but still to spend more time than before.well my husband is feeling so bless,he had to come to pick me up whaen am finish working so our fuel bill will be definitely less,thank you God.

Morgan - posted on 10/20/2012

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p.s time is important i just dont have the money or resources or offers to be able to get that. if so i would enjoy that so much lol

Morgan - posted on 10/20/2012

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Amy I am a stay at home mom and new to this transition as well... my daughter is 1 and you couldnt have said it more perfect.. I LOVE her to peices she is the reason i breathe however there are days where i feel like i am trapped, i also have a husband that works retail 12-close almost every night and off occassionally and even then attending meetings. My mom is 2 hours away one sister in high school the other in korea. his father lives 8 hours away we literally have NOONE to watch our daugther. I have often thought about hiring someone to watch her for even a few hours however how would i do that when 1 we cant afford daycare on his paycheck and 2 when would we go out? he works all the time! I think im needing as much help as you but to make things better on another note. i have lately been taking my daughter somewhere every day whether its to the park, out for frozen yogurt, to a jump place to release her and my energy as we live in a small apartment and it gets so confined! i do not have much support from my husband as well, he never wants to help since hes always working or gets angry and our communication levels just arent there. i have left and gone to my mothers alott but i feel thats just like running away since she is always busy anyway it leaves me alone just in her house! so it is hard you just have to stay positive and realize these days are precious, they are going to fly by and if we waste time being worried about how we are feeling, we really do miss out on these babies lives and how lucky are we that we get to sit with them and watch their every moves, yes it is so tiring and so exhausting and like trapping almost but it is also looking at the glass half full as my grandmother would say SO rewarding. when theyre 18 and off to college we will look back on these days and go dang why didnt i hold on tighter.. and i have to remind myself of that every day. they are more important than we are. their lives have just begun and we are the teachers and hands that help them into the world. :) hope it helps :) god bless

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Carrie - posted on 10/17/2012

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I was in the same boat a year ago. However, I was able to make the transition from being a career woman on top of the ladder to a SAHM. Let me tell you that the tears, weight gain, and the boredom cannot be avoided though. But my reason for quitting my work is to give full care to my daughter. I accepted this fact because it was my decision after all and it helped me a lot in my transition.

Yanica - posted on 10/17/2012

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Hi Amy! don't feel guilty. i completely understand what you are going through. your same emotions has brought to this iste about a week ago. I have a 17 months old baby and another due next week. My life changed completely, mostly after the news that I was pregnant again. I had to quit my studies and became a stay at home mum. It is very hard especially when you feel that your man doesn't understands you and wants time for himself, when you are trapped in a world that has changed because of BOTH of you had a child. Recently, I had lots of fights with my partner because of all this,as I feel he doesn't appreciate, not even the tiniest thing I do. Now we tried to talk and hopefully things will change for the better. I think you should talk about your feelings to someone you feel comfortable with, e.g. the father of your son, if he's present or else a close relative. Sharing our feelings may be a very good feeling. You should also try to push yourself to g go out, even if it easier to stay at home, because by the end of the day you will end up meeting new people, e.g at the playground or even walking in the sun etc. It will surely feels better than staying at home. I am a new stay at home mom too and believe many are in our same boat. Take care Amy

Shalaina - posted on 10/17/2012

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Joining groups is a GREAT way to help you feel better. If there aren't any mom groups, look into your local library or bookstores, many of them have meeting times for story time, music time, or craft time. Also,short walks, trips to the park, playing in the yard, etc. will help the time pass while having fun. Reading and crafts are also great.

Toni - posted on 01/12/2009

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Hello Amy. Wow you have recieved alot of responses. Im surprised that nobody mentioned a class like Stroller Strides. at www.strollerstrides.com you can find a group in your community to excericise with. It gets you out of the house, usually 2-3 times a week. You get to work out, meet new moms and kids, have playdates and usually all groups have a moms night out once a week. Basically a bunch of moms push there kids around in there strollers and break to do muscle training with bands and stuff. I have 2 year old triplets and at about 6 months joined the class and love the companionship. Hope you find it as interesting as me. Oh Stroller strides is not the only one of its kind. I believe there are a couple different mom and kids in there stroller excercise classes out there. Good luck.

Toni

Kristin - posted on 01/12/2009

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Amy,



I felt the same way when I became a stay at home mom with my 5 month old. I was a working woman, and when we moved to the Chicago I decided to say home. I have found that finding a routine works best. Get up and have breakfast with your little angel, take a shower get ready for your day. Get out to a music class, or just walk around the block. It will get better! There are many days that I don't leave the house, but as long as I keep busy all day (which we know is not hard).

Jeanette - posted on 01/12/2009

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i have 10 yr old twin girls , the first 5 yrs i was at home with them , then i ended up getting a full time job and a divorce lol , now i have a beautiful little boy born july 31 and i plan to stay home with him for the first five yrs also . i forgot how hard it is staying home , i do not drive so the area i live in is very small in northern new hampshire so its hard to get out . i think alot of the advice about making time for yourself is great , we tend to forget about ourselves when we have children .

Alicia - posted on 01/12/2009

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Hi Amy,



I have been a stay-at-home mom for 7 years, I have a 6 year old son, 5 year old son, and a 3 year old daughter. My husband and I decided I would stay home when we found out I was pregnant, that is why I say 7 years; it is rough sometimes but I manage! Two years ago, I thought to myself about my daughter soon going to school and what will I do when no-one is home, so I decided to go back to school....online; I graduate in July with my Associates Degree in Psychology, I will then continue on for my Bachelor's Degree because then my daughter will be in kindergarten so I will be able to work full-time. I know how you feel, when I get overwhelmed with household chores I get a cup of tea and sit on my porch until my anxiety goes away because all my family live about 45 minutes to an hour away, I can't just pick up and go with my boys in school. Sometimes just talking to another adult makes me feel better than talking about Dora or Diego! Right now, it is about 19 degrees out so there is no walking for me but I will go through old toys and clothes, just to give myself something to do. I am on and off the computer all day long, my cousin lives in Hanover PA and we im each other so that is sanity for me!

Cindy - posted on 01/12/2009

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Yes! The best thing you can do is find some healthy activities you can get involved with...maybe even another mom to go to the mall or park with. Plan your day, to get the house work done in the morning so that you can go and do something else for fun after that and not feel guilty about it... Have you seen FLYLADY.NET ? It is a great website for helping you to learn how to organize your home and life.



Try to set a timer for 15 minutes at a time, and work on each room for atleast 15 minutes... You will be amazed at what you can do in 15 minutes, if you focus on it.



You can do this... You need to take care of yourself... It really matters. You really matter and you will be happier and a happier woman is a happier mom and wife.



God bless you.

Shauna - posted on 01/12/2009

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Get out of the house!! Join a group of moms - they have Mothers' Clubs in most areas, check at your library - or put your child in a class at the park district or kiddie gym. When my first was born, we joined Gymboree. I soon had a group of 4 moms with kids my own child's age, and we would arrange playdates (mostly for us moms!) once a week. Soon after I joined our local Mothers' Club and now, four years later, the women in that group are some of my best friends. Put yourself out there, and do not stay at home alone all day, you will go nuts.

Nicole - posted on 01/12/2009

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Hey Amy, Just hang in there i to am a stay at home mom my son is 1 year old and i just keep myself busy. I take my son to gymboree classes 3 days a week its like mommy and me. Maybe you should try getting out with the baby. Im sure it will help.

Jonellyn - posted on 01/12/2009

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have you tried www.meetup.com? i found two wonderful groups of moms that have children my daughters age. just type in your area and what type of group you are looking to join and see what they have! i betcha there are a lot of bored stay at home moms in your area!

Rebecca - posted on 01/12/2009

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Wow! What a response you've gotten!

Isn't it amazing, you can be home all day long and yet things don't get done. I'm gonna tell you, I was actually relieved to have that put out there. My sis & sis-in-law are also stay at home moms (plus my neighbors) and I swear, they are super women. It's hard not to compare yourself to others, but I guess the moral of my story is, don't. Easier said than done? Absolutely, I'm still struggling-my kiddo is 2. I also watch two other little one's and I'm always very excited to have their parents come home for that interaction. ( =



One thing I do everyday, without fail, is set aside Becca time while the kids do free play. Usually I'll grab whatever book I'm reading or flip on the t.v. while the girls play-we're still in the same room, but I get to be semi lost in my own world for a time. I think that's an important thing to remember-not only do you need space, but so does your kiddo.



It's hard this time of year to get out of the house all that much (at least where I live, brrr), but definitely what the others have mentioned with walks & libraries, excellent. Last year my sister & I were in a women's book group at one of the local churches, met once a week, they had childcare, and it was awesome to be out and have grown up conversations and use my brain a bit in the process.



Happy thoughts for you in the coming week.



Becca

Angie - posted on 01/11/2009

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I really need to count my blessings. One of my best friends is a teacher. She is going back to school. She has two young children and a teenager. Her husband works all different shifts and is hardly home with her. She hardly ever has "me" time. She hardly has a babysitter. I bet it is hard to be her. I have lots of pats on the back for her. I know I could not do it.

Jennifer - posted on 01/11/2009

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I know it hard, this is my 2 yr of being a stay at home mom. The best thing to do is get out of the house find a commity playgroup in your area that is my sanity. You get to meet moms near you and you kid can run and play.

Shelly - posted on 01/11/2009

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Get out and meet people!  Go the pubic library for story time and any other events in the community.  You 'll stay sane.  I had the same experience and got out of the house when my daughter was 8 months and joined various things consistently over time.   Don't be alone.  Also there are some great websites out there to meet other moms.  Meet Up's on Yahoo and also I have joined CharlotteMommies.com (on the site has many other city locations).   It has tons of resources, support and opportunities to meet other moms.  Hang in there.

Shelly - posted on 01/11/2009

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Get out and meet people!  Go the pubic library for story time and any other events in the community.  You 'll stay sane.  I had the same experience and got out of the house when my daughter was 8 months and joined various things consistently over time.   Don't be alone.  Also there are some great websites out there to meet other moms.  Meet Up's on Yahoo and also I have joined CharlotteMommies.com (on the site has many other city locations).   It has tons of resources, support and opportunities to meet other stay at home moms.  Hang in there.

Angie - posted on 01/11/2009

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I understand completely, it can be boring being a stay at home mom. During nap time is when I will try to do a workout or you could swap up every other day clean and then workout the next. I joined Weight Watchers and it made me feel so much better. It helps me to also get out of the house once a week for meetings. Try to join some kind of girls night out once a month. I play bunco with some friends. I do still feel guilty about leaving my four year old. I guess that is just the mother in us.

Julie - posted on 01/11/2009

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Wow! This is just amazing. I hope you are feeling better, Amy, because I feel lots better. I can identify with 95% of these sahms. Their advice is very accurate. Schedule a couple days each week to meet with people at the library, gym, or mom groups and STICK WITH IT. I know because I was in a deep depression for about three years. I cried because I had to get out of bed. But I knew what it was and was determined to conquer it,  so I took my daughter out  every tuesday to the library and park and to church on  sundays with the  family.  That  was the beginning of healing for me.  Like I said, just stick with it. It took a long time but I have felt better for almost a year now because of the interaction with other people. It makes a person have to shower and do their hair. lol

Vashti - posted on 01/08/2009

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Dont worry this is the time for you to get to know your kids coz once they start school you'll never have this moment with them!!

Vashti - posted on 01/08/2009

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hello amy,  I am a mother of 2 beautiful lil girls Viah 4 and rhianna 2. When i read through what you wrote i feel exactly the same and i feel exactly what everyone else here is going through..i thought i was alone...depressed,angry,gaining weight and your in the point where you feel so lost.....where you're home everyone but dont have the energy to do house chores??? sounds familiar?? well thats me...just like what the other mom suggested i try to pamper myself by looking good wearing make up,fixing my hair and wearing sexy clothes to atleast boost myself esteem...try to go out with your friends once in a while....having alone time with you partner....or having circle of friends with kids to go out on a picnic and talk to them you'll relate to them and you wont feel that your alone.our partners will never understand how hard it is for us just being at home when my partner tells me its easy....geez  its the emotional part of yourself that is harder to cope with than preaparing your kids through the day!!! i feel our pain!!!!!

Vashti - posted on 01/08/2009

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hello amy,  I am a mother of 2 beautiful lil girls Viah 4 and rhianna 2. When i read through what you wrote i feel exactly the same and i feel exactly what everyone else here is going through..i thought i was alone...depressed,angry,gaining weight and your in the point where you feel so lost.....where you're home everyone but dont have the energy to do house chores??? sounds familiar?? well thats me...just like what the other mom suggested i try to pamper myself by looking good wearing make up,fixing my hair and wearing sexy clothes to atleast boost myself esteem...try to go out with your friends once in a while....having alone time with you partner....or having circle of friends with kids to go out on a picnic and talk to them you'll relate to them and you wont feel that your alone.our partners will never understand how hard it is for us just being at home when my partner tells me its easy....geez  its the emotional part of yourself that is harder to cope with than preaparing your kids through the day!!! i feel our pain!!!!!

[deleted account]

Quoting Kim:



Have you ever thought of having your own home based business.  I have two children that I homeschool and I work from home.  The money is great and I get to be with my children during those valued years. 






Can I ask what kind of home based business you have. I have been looking for something to do to work from home. I have 3 kids, 4, 2, and 4 months.



Thanks.

Jess - posted on 01/08/2009

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Hi Amy,


I spent my whole life being super excited about becoming a mum one day. When i got there it was a totally different experience. There are a few things to be aware of, feeling depressed is different to being depressed! Its ok to have days when you dont want to get off the couch.


There are so many good suggestions here. I have a 2 year old and am pregnant, im a country girl who just got married and moved to the city and life is not how i expected it to be. I feel trapped in my currrent house and what sucks for me, is i hate it more then i hate being out and about. So for me, changing senery works, we are moving house, but part of what i am most excited about is getting hands on with my daughter in decorating it. Maybe you can keep left over boxes and toilet paper rolls and do crafty things with your child, some times the most fun is inside your house.

I spent a lot of time working, and my days were always scheduled, now i find that its the only way i get things done, i have a list of things i want to do (which includes say prayers with child, greet husband with a smile) Take the time every day to do something for yourself. Bath time is something i like, i take a bath first then after half an hour or so, my husband brings our daughter in, killing two birds with one stone.

The solution is simple, if you dont like it, change it. Find the things that you like doing, try again the things you used to like, and do things you thought you'd never do.

I find if i do the house work as much as i loath some of it, i feel better about myself and my home, even though i know when my baby wakes up, all that effort has gone to waste. Maybe you can make picture collages of your family, or cakes and cookies with your child that they can enjoy decorating.

Kim - posted on 01/08/2009

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I'm there too! I've found that even a trip to wander the mall or grocery shopping gets me out an makes me feel better- We have also been going to the gym - I can work out, and he goes to a play group there which is good for both of us! :)

Kelly - posted on 01/08/2009

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I can totally relate to how you are feeling. When I first started being a stay at home mom a friend of mine recommended a website. It's www.flylady.net . I know this is not for everyone but she (and her team) do a really good job of helping you get organized and overcoming that overwhelmed feeling when you look around at all that needs to be done. It's all broken into manageable chunks which make it easier with a wee one at home.



I started taking a yoga class about a year ago and it's been a sanity saver. I would run out the door on yoga night leaving hubby and the kids (already bathed and fed), my only hope being that they would be asleep when I got home so that I could enjoy a hot bath while reading my book. It has become a weekly routine for me. It took me a very long time to do this for myself but am so thankful that I did.



You are definitely not alone!!

Taryn - posted on 01/08/2009

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Hi Amy!  It is most definitely a tough transition.  I have 2 kids and worked full time during my 1st baby's year of life and felt guilty about that.  Now being home, I love it love it, but there are times I feel trapped too. 



What I found to help me, is to have a bit of an outlet.  I think its so important to get out with your son each day, if you can, but also have that time for yourself, to decompress.  You said you are gaining weight, are you able to find time to get to the gym or workout from home during his nap or before he wakes up?  I've found that has helped me tremendously.  I work out from my home at 5:30am before both my kids wake up.  It's great...I feel energized, excited to be with them for the day and know that I'm healthy.  I've gotten so passionatte about it, that I decided to make a business out of it.  So now I'm a health and fitness Coach for Team Beachbody.  Just knowing I can make a difference in my family and myself, by helping a sharing a new lifestyle with others, is priceless.  I'd be happy to share more about the workout programs or even the business organziation, if that interests you.



Like the others ladies have said...it's challenging, but it's such a wonderful reward.  Don't forget to take time for yourself, as it will only help you be a better mother, wife and friend!



Best of luck,



Taryn



taryn.perry@comcast.net

Sarah - posted on 01/08/2009

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Hi Amy...



I'm new to this group, but I thought I'd tell you that you're not alone. It's a hard transition, but a lot of fun. One thing you could do is look into story time at your local library. They have weekly story times. I also discovered a play time sort of thing at the local community center. It gave me a chance to have some much needed adult time and gave my girls much needed other kid time. That also let me meet other moms close by and through that we all got together during the week.



I also would go to the mall. Just to get out of the house. I rarely bought anything, but I got exercise and got out of the house. Mommy and me classes are fun too.



Most importantly no need to feel guilty. It's a hard transition being a stay at home mom.



Best Wishes,



Sarah

Nicole - posted on 01/08/2009

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I feel your pain! I think nobady calls me because they know that I am going to talk their ears off just to have someone to talk to that doesn't just make razzing sounds or say things like poopoo and tinkle!!! And I hate the bored feeling, like you have nothing to do, but yet you have a million things to do and do everything you can to accomplish them and go to bed so exhausted to only wake up a few hours later to do it all over again! And then when the house is still a mess when the significant other comes home you feel guilty because everything is not done. Or you spend too much time on facebook because you have no one else to talk to and then you feel guilty for that... Neverending cycle!!! Again, I feel your pain!



Sometimes I just put baby/kids in the stroller and just walk around the mall or load them up in the van and take them to McDonald's or Chik F La and let them wear themselves out in the playground while a read a really good book. And you HAVE to get a reliable babysitter at least once a month and go out with the one you love or with a girlfriend/girlfriends to a scrapbook party, a restaurant or just to fast food restaurant and talk about nothing! Believe it or not, it takes taking time for yourself for you to stay sane! Good luck and make time for you.

Amy - posted on 01/08/2009

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Wow, this is exactly how I felt.  I felt really irritated about being so isolated.  My friends were living their lives while I was stuck at home with twins.  I couldn't take them anywhere by myself.  It was just too hard.  I didn't have any family that was willing to help. I couldn't afford a babysitter, so I started taking my twins out for walks.  They liked it, and I got some exercise.  Then, I got in good enough shape to run.  This activity helped me feel better, which gave me enough energy to take them to parks and play places to meet people.  The longer you stay at home alone getting fat and secluded, the harder it will be to get out of your rut.  Also, you start expecting your husband to meet all your needs, and he won't be able to, and both your husband and son will feel your sadness.

Rachel - posted on 01/08/2009

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hi, being a new mom is the hardest thing i have ever had to do and it is extremely life changing. i went through the same thing and just when i started to get over it i had another baby and 1 year after i am starting to get over it again although everyday is a struggle. if its been 2 years and you are still feeling this way i think you may have post pardum depression you should talk to a doctor and see what he/she says

Erica - posted on 01/08/2009

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Quoting Amy:

Hi Amy! My son is now 16 months and for a very long time (even now sometimes) I felt the same way! Depressed, bored, guilty, etc. One thing that helped me even though it seems small, as early in your day as you possibly can take a shower, blow dry your hair, and put on a little make up! Just doing something girly for yourself will make you feel tons better and give you the motivation to go out with your little one, or just clean the house looking hot! The biggest thing I had to learn was DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! If your on an airplane, they always tell you to put your air mask on before you help anyone else with theirs, same principle applies, if you don't take care of yourself, how will you take care of anyone else? So take a little time for you, and good luck!


I just wanted to say, I think this is really great advice!

Kim - posted on 01/08/2009

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Have you ever thought of having your own home based business.  I have two children that I homeschool and I work from home.  The money is great and I get to be with my children during those valued years. 

Carlie - posted on 01/07/2009

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im also a new stay at home mom, my daughter is 6 months old do you mind my asking what area you are in and how old you are cuz it will alter my suggestions.

Carlie - posted on 01/07/2009

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im also a new stay at home mom, my daughter is 6 months old do you mind my asking what area you are in and how old you are cuz it will alter my suggestions.

Robyn - posted on 01/07/2009

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You can also check out a MOPS (Moms of pre-school support ages birth-5yrs) group at a local church.   You don't have to be a member, they just offer an amazing posative support group!

Anne - posted on 01/07/2009

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When being a stay at home mom it's very easy to have all days merge together and completely lose track of time! Perhaps if you are used to working you need structure. Therefore, make sure you have your shower in the morning and even put makeup on if it will make you feel better. We've all got housework to do but don't feel guilty if your house isn't perfectly clean all the time. Do the necessities each day, make a to-do list for the other stuff and break it up during the week. Is there are reason you feel trapped in your own home?? Make sure you and your son get out for a walk each day if possible. You may not feel like it but exercise will make you feel better. Do you have friends who are also stay at home moms? Arrange to catch up for coffee once a week. Take up scrapbooking - you can spend hours scrabooking all the gorgeous photos of your son.
Lastly, if your feelings of guilt and sadness become so overwhelming, you need to get some professional help. Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor as a starting point. :)

[deleted account]

Hi Amy! See if there is a local chapter of the MOMS Club (Moms Offering Moms Support). It's a group that has activities, play groups and moms night out activities for stay-at-home moms. See momsclub.org.

Robyn - posted on 01/07/2009

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Hi Amy!



As many of the other moms have mentioned, this is something many of us have gone through.  I dealt with it by joining a Mommy and me class.  Some are offered through rec centers in your area or adult education schools.  They are low cost and you will be able to meet and bond with other moms/dads that are doing the same thing as you!  The best thing about it, is your child will make friends that can last forever!



Also, If you are looking to make friends with children and earn some extra money to add to the household, I would love to share an easy way for you to get involved.



I hope to talk with you soon!



Robyn



www.WorkAtHomeUnited.com/RobynBrown

[deleted account]

Amy,



What I have learned from being at home w/ my nearly one-year-old for nearly one year :) is that getting out (even for a bit) during the day helps a lot...I sometimes literally make up errands to run, even if they are quick--just to get out. 



 



I'm told that moms' groups also help, but haven't yet gotten into that...but this Facebook concept (a new one for me) is maybe a good thing...lots of moms (I hope) who are around to chat with and just provide a sense of perspective and "I've been there, done that" advice...

Brooke - posted on 01/07/2009

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Hi Amy. I feel your pain. I went through the same transition 2 years ago, and I promise it GETS EASIER. After a little while you will wonder how you ever managed to find the time to work and how you survived being away from your son :)

A few things that have helped me: Girls Night Out once or twice a month is a must (for sanity!). My girlfriends and I go to a 'girly' late night movie (9 or 10pm) after the kids are in bed. Gives me much needed "me" time.

Also make activities out of the house with your son a weekly priority- Kindermusik, mom-and-tot swim lessons, meeting friends for lunch at a restaraunt with a playland, etc. Most libraries have weekly story times for tots and activities for kids (and you get to meet other local moms).

When you can't get out have him "help you" put laundry in the washing machine, make dinner, push the vaccum, etc.

Good luck!

[deleted account]

Thank you all for your replies...takes away some of the guilt having you all here for support :)

Dominique - posted on 01/07/2009

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Don't worry, every mother goes through those emotions at one point.
Being a parent is a full time job and it can get very stressful at times, especially when you are a stay at home mum.
I am one too and believe me, i get frustrated and emotional at times because i felt like im not doing anything thats just for me.
Maybe you should (if you havent already) take up a hobby or schedule a day once a week or fortnight where you get to go and do something by yourself.
Trust me, it makes you feel so much better! You need adult interaction, it really does wonders. Good luck and i hope you feel better.

Erin - posted on 01/07/2009

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Amy, I am in the same boat.  I feel guilty because I have the tv on all day as a companion.  I love my daughter (4 months old) to death and wouldn't want to be anywhere else.  But, I am bored, yet can't find the time to keep up with the household chores.  I am gaining weight, too.  I feel depressed a lot, even though I am happy to be where I am.  I am trying to make the effort to go out and find stuff for us to do.  I hope to sign up for Gymboree and Mommy and Me swim classes at the local gym.  And I just found out the nearby library has tummy time.  You could look into story times - there seems to be a lot more out there for toddlers than for infants.  Hang in there and good luck...

Tammy - posted on 01/07/2009

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I also have been struggling with staying at home and being a new mom.  I find that getting out of the house for anything helps.  Going to the library, window shopping, visiting a friend.   I like strolling my baby around a mall.  It's not much, but it gets me out of the house and walking.

Kendra - posted on 01/07/2009

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I quite my job a year ago after I had my second child due to the cost of daycare.. I got myself and partime job at nights and this has really helped me to cope with being at home all day with the kids (which are 2, and 1). By having this job I'm able to still have time to myself and able to still enteract with adults.

[deleted account]

Hi Amy. It is a hard transition, but one I feel is totally worth it!

Is there anything you can do to get out together? Library, park,...walk..zoo..Meet other moms at the same time? :)

My husband was always really good about kicking me out of the house once a week...I'd go shopping or go to the library..stop and get a strawberry shake. :) lol

I'd only get out for an hour or so, if there was a baby at home, but it was so good for me!

And..I developed lots of Mom friends on the internet when I couldn't get out!



Anne

Kristin - posted on 01/12/2009

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Amy,



I felt the same way when I became a stay at home mom with my 5 month old. I was a working woman, and when we moved to the Chicago I decided to say home. I have found that finding a routine works best. Get up and have breakfast with your little angel, take a shower get ready for your day. Get out to a music class, or just walk around the block. It will get better! There are many days that I don't leave the house, but as long as I keep busy all day (which we know is not hard).

Nicole - posted on 01/12/2009

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Hey Amy, Just hang in there i to am a stay at home mom my son is 1 year old and i just keep myself busy. I take my son to gymboree classes 3 days a week its like mommy and me. Maybe you should try getting out with the baby. Im sure it will help.

Jonellyn - posted on 01/12/2009

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have you tried www.meetup.com? i found two wonderful groups of moms that have children my daughters age. just type in your area and what type of group you are looking to join and see what they have! i betcha there are a lot of bored stay at home moms in your area!

Shelly - posted on 01/11/2009

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Get out and meet people!  Go the pubic library for story time and any other events in the community.  You 'll stay sane.  I had the same experience and got out of the house when my daughter was 8 months and joined various things consistently over time.   Don't be alone.  Also there are some great websites out there to meet other moms.  Meet Up's on Yahoo and also I have joined CharlotteMommies.com (on the site has many other city locations).   It has tons of resources, support and opportunities to meet other stay at home moms.  Hang in there.

Angie - posted on 01/11/2009

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I understand completely, it can be boring being a stay at home mom. During nap time is when I will try to do a workout or you could swap up every other day clean and then workout the next. I joined Weight Watchers and it made me feel so much better. It helps me to also get out of the house once a week for meetings. Try to join some kind of girls night out once a month. I play bunco with some friends. I do still feel guilty about leaving my four year old. I guess that is just the mother in us.

Kelly - posted on 01/08/2009

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I can totally relate to how you are feeling. When I first started being a stay at home mom a friend of mine recommended a website. It's www.flylady.net . I know this is not for everyone but she (and her team) do a really good job of helping you get organized and overcoming that overwhelmed feeling when you look around at all that needs to be done. It's all broken into manageable chunks which make it easier with a wee one at home.



I started taking a yoga class about a year ago and it's been a sanity saver. I would run out the door on yoga night leaving hubby and the kids (already bathed and fed), my only hope being that they would be asleep when I got home so that I could enjoy a hot bath while reading my book. It has become a weekly routine for me. It took me a very long time to do this for myself but am so thankful that I did.



You are definitely not alone!!

Sarah - posted on 01/08/2009

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Hi Amy...



I'm new to this group, but I thought I'd tell you that you're not alone. It's a hard transition, but a lot of fun. One thing you could do is look into story time at your local library. They have weekly story times. I also discovered a play time sort of thing at the local community center. It gave me a chance to have some much needed adult time and gave my girls much needed other kid time. That also let me meet other moms close by and through that we all got together during the week.



I also would go to the mall. Just to get out of the house. I rarely bought anything, but I got exercise and got out of the house. Mommy and me classes are fun too.



Most importantly no need to feel guilty. It's a hard transition being a stay at home mom.



Best Wishes,



Sarah

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