How can I GENTLY ask my SAHM wife to do more work around the house?

Viktor - posted 6 days ago ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi all,

I could really use some advice.

We have two small kids, one is 3 and one is 7 months.

I know being a sahm is tough. the kids are hard to deal with sometimes, but that's not the issue. My wife has family in town: her parents, two sisters and two brothers. Every single day she goes over to one of their houses mid morning and hangs out there until I get out at 5.

I work two jobs. One part time at home and one retail job. Total weekly hours are around 60. I usually work 5-5 or 6-5 and needless to say, I'm tired when I get home. And I know with kids at young ages, the house will never be immaculate and I don't need it to be. But when there are toast crusts sitting on the counter for 3 days, I get a little irked. Or when there's no laundry done and I have to do it, I get irked. Its not that I don't want to help around the house. I do dishes and change diapers daily, among other things, but I feel like its her job to do that stuff while I'm at work and instead of doing it, she's off having fun with her brothers and sisters. I'm glad she's having fun and enjoying life, but I'm busting my ass everyday to provide for our family and I'd appreciate it if she chipped in a little more. I cook dinner nearly every night.

She's very sensitive. If I try to offer constructive criticism, she takes it in the worst way and feels like I'm knocking her. I just want to gently and tactfully ask her to do more around the house. She's been a sahm mom for 3 years now and we've always kinda had this routine. Just the past year I picked up the second job because we couldn't make our bills. So it's partly my fault for letting us get into this routine.

I know she needs social interaction, but there's gotta be a way to balance it all.

Can anyone offer some advice? How can I tactfully ask her to stay at home more and do work around the house instead of going out and having fun at her sibling's houses? Please keep on mind she's very sensitive.

I'm starting to get resentful of her. She's off having fun and goofing around with her siblings while I'm busting my ass for 12 hour days to keep the bills paid.

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Michelle - posted 5 days ago

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Maybe suggest that she gets a job so you don't have to work 2 jobs. You could both then do the housework together.

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Yuen - posted 1 day ago

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I can understand why you are frustrated and applaud that even in this situation, you are still sensitive to your wife’s feelings. I would communicate your frustrations to her but in a way where you are asking for her help. For example, “Can you get the laundry done today? I’m running out of clean clothes and I won’t have time to get to it tonight when I get home from work. It would be a big help!” You could also divvy up the household chores so she knows what she is responsible for and therefore (hopefully), get them completed. Finally, I would find out why she is spending so much time at her siblings’ houses. Is she helping them out with something? Is she providing a time for the all the family’s kids to play together? Is she feeling lonely? As with any successful marriage, communication is key. Talk with her, not as a husband lording over his wife, but as man needing his partner’s help. Good luck with it all! Thanks for sharing!

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