How can I get my son to stop hitting me?

Jeanine - posted on 09/30/2010

Don't hit him back. You are teaching him that hitting is ok. The best advise I ever got was to tell him that mommy doesn't like that. It only took about a week and the hitting stopped. Not to say that 4 months later it sarted again and I did the same thing and then it was gone for good. Try it!! Better than getting yourself so upset.

Maurita - posted on 09/30/2010

Kids want attention it does not matter how they get it. Don't give it so much attention just put hiim down when he does and try to ignore it. My daughter had a couple of tantrums and I did not react and she got over it. He is just trying to control you and he is because you are reacting so much. It will pass. Take care, Maurita

Jennifer - posted on 09/30/2010

I agree with everything Irene said. Find what works for you, my son who is now 7, can be talked to, and rationally explain things He is first grade and is already teaching the bible to kids in his class, who say thank you and can we talk about this tomorrow again. so my son knows how to have discussions, but sdtill sometimes my boy, needs a spanking, because that is what works. you will need to follow Irene's advice and consistantly find what works with you. It is like, dieting...consistancy is the key.

Lu - posted on 09/30/2010

My son is 17 months now but at 15 months he started hitting and biting. I believe rule number one of raising a toddler is to not take anything personally. He doesn't hit you because he doesn't like you. It's the other way around. He feels so safe around you that he knows it's okay to "lose it" when you are around. It takes a lot of energy for these little guys to behave, so they tend to let it lose once mom and dad are around. When Caiden hit me I would stop everything I was doing and hold his hand for a while and say in a very upset (not screaming) voice: No, no. You don't hit! That's noddy! Toddlers hate to be confined, so just the holding his hand will drive him nuts. Be consistent with whatever method you choose at least for a while to see if it works. Just let him know hitting is not acceptable and the punishment will always be the same. If that still doesn't work, a slap on the butt (not on the diaper because they won't even feel it) has worked for all three of my kids. Good luck

Lisa - posted on 09/30/2010

Honey, my oldest hit me once in the face at about that age. Instinctively, I grabbed her little hand and squeezed it while staring at her in the eye and said in the scariest voice either of us has ever heard "Don't. You. EVER. Hit. Your. Mother" ... and she hasn't since!

Jennifer - posted on 09/30/2010

I think he is testing your boundaries, being with you the most, he subconciously, if not consiously sees you as the one that defines his world. He is young and he is dealing with his own self-expression and what is acceptable and what isn't. Be patient, know that it is not personal, and remember it is better that you grow a fine man, than be his "friend" I can tell you that when my son, who is now 7 did the same thing, I would remain calm and take his hand in mine and give the back a little slap and say, "no" that is not acceptable behavior." Even though he was young this consistant, and simple repeated behavior stopped his hitting.

Corisa - posted on 09/30/2010

My son was hitting me and I would act surprised and then sad. I would tell him he hurt mommy, he's not nice. He would give me love and for the love I would tickle him and say thank you, mommy loves love. One time Dad saw him hit me and dad grabbed him and set him in front if him holding his hands and sternly told him, we don't ever hit mommy. we love mommy. now you give mommy love and say your sorry. he hugged me and rubbed where he hit me and I told him I forgive him and I didn't interact with him for a while. He stopped

Tracy - posted on 09/30/2010

My son does the same thing. He's now 2 years old, but this has started at about 16 months. It is getting better, but he still hits and it's still just me. When daddy says no he listens, when mommy says no, he hits again and thinks it's a game. He's finally understanding time-outs, but they don't really work all that well. It's a constant struggle. I tried tapping his hand back when he hit, but soon realized that he thought it was a game and started hitting more. The most effective reaction I have found is putting him down or moving away from him and telling him "OUCH! that hurts and I don't want to play if you are going to hurt me." I know it seems like much for a 14 mo old, but he will understand OUCH! I also take his hand and show him gentle touches by gently touching my face or hand (where ever he hit me). He does still hit me when he's angry, but much less now. Just remember that they are still very young and are trying to figure everything out. They don't have all the words or understanding of their emotions, so unfortunately they use hitting, biting, etc. as a form of communication. I know with my son it is a long process, but is getting better. Good luck to you!
P.S. I was told the reason they choose one person to hit is because that it the person they feel most comfortable with and know whatever they do, that person will forgive them and still love them ~that made me feel better anyhow :)

Julie - posted on 09/30/2010

When I had my second son, my first son was almost 3 and he would come and hit me. I think he was doing it because he felt misplaced with another baby in the house and wasn't getting the attention that he needed. I was exhausted!!! What worked for us was my mother's suggestion that whenever he tries to hit me, I should tell him to go away until he could be nicer. It actually worked because children do not want to feel shunned or rejected, especially by their mother. I would definitely caution you against slapping your child's hand or hitting him as you are just reinforcing his behavior. It has never made sense to me why we tell our kids not to hit each other and then we hit them. Just something to think about. Find a place for him to sit until he can treat you the way he would like to be treated. You may need to even apologize to him for you hitting him. Start fresh with simple terms. Bottom line is that he wants your love and acceptance. I hope this helps! If you are looking for further guidance, 2 wonderful books that were helpful for me were "How to Really Love Your Child" by Dr. Ross Campbell and "Time-out For Toddlers" by Dr. James W. Varni and Donna G. Corwin. I wish you well. This too shall pass :o)

Oluseun - posted on 09/30/2010

I think he just needs a lil bit more firmness with u. Babies are like that; once u dont correct them immediately, they feel its ok and they continue with it. My baby also used to hit me but she stopped when i wound hit her hand and show her my angry face. she understands that she shouldnt especially when she does it again and i raise my voice a bit to let her know im not fine with it. she gets d message now and doesnt do anything i ask her not to do again. it applies to everytin not just him hitting u.whatever u wont accept him doing, let him know firmly dat u wont take it. it doesnt have to be spanking, it could b a serious look dat makes him know when u are not playing.

Jenn - posted on 09/30/2010

Umm....I highly doubt that a 14 months old has ODD! And that's not what ODD is - they don't defy you because they trust you.

"In children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), there is an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that seriously interferes with the youngster’s day to day functioning. Symptoms of ODD may include:

Frequent temper tantrums
Excessive arguing with adults
Often questioning rules
Active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules
Deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people
Blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
Often being touchy or easily annoyed by others
Frequent anger and resentment
Mean and hateful talking when upset
Spiteful attitude and revenge seeking"

April - posted on 09/30/2010

It's called ODD (oppositional Defiancy Disorder), it means that he defies you because he trusts you, and he feels that no matter what he does you cant really be mad at him, in a way thats a good thing, but he has to learn hitting you is wrong, try taking something away or a time out for hitting- I know lots of people say just hit back, but all that really does is enforce his hitting habit

Irene - posted on 09/29/2010

I agree with Jennifer that hitting a child and telling them "No, don't hit" is a confusing contradiction. I also agree with her that kids should be given a lot more credit and you should talk to them. Explain what is going on and ask them why they are doing what they are doing. I agree that some kids might be hitting for the attention so what Martha said could work very well. I'm going to try it with my grand daughter. Also have to agree with BE CONSISTENT! But, I have to point out that every child is a unique individual and what works with one might night work for all kids. So, if after a few weeks of CONSISTENTLY using a method, you find it's getting you no where... try something else. My grand daughter was biting us and it took a little trial and error to finally figure out that she was trying to let us know that because of teething, her teeth hurt! I do have to disagree with this new theory about using crib/bed/bedroom as a punishment. Sure MAYBE if you send or put them there in a cruel way with no explination they might get confused or tramitized but if you explain that they are being sent there to think about what they did wrong it will make it a place for quiet contemplation. I recently had a conversation with my grown son about this and he pointed out that every kid he knew growing up (his siblings included) was punished by being sent to their rooms and yet by the time they hit 10 - teen years they would escape to their room. If they had been tramatized or confused over being sent there for punishment why would they suddenly make it their sanctuary? Finally please be wary of the so called "child care experts". One of the biggest mistakes I ever made as a parent was to read and try to put into practice the advice of Dr Spock who was at the time the leading expert. The guy was a quack for the most part and actually had very little actual direct experience with children.Thats why I think forums like this are GREAT! But, I have been trying to get all the young mothers I know to look for a book called "Keeping Parents Out of Trouble". It's an older book and actually deals more with children a little older but the author was actually a practicing child psycologist and has excellant advice. Look for it and read it.

Cindy - posted on 09/29/2010

to give a bit of a different perspective, my son also did this when he was that age, along with a ffew other things that caused my friends to tell me to get an evaluation with Early Intervention in our county. Somtimes, hitting is testing boundaries and sometimes there are other issues. For my son it was a symptom of some sensory processing issues. Basically, hitting felt good to him bcause he *could* feel it. It provided the input he needed to recognize where he is in space and he didn't know any other way to get that input other than hitting.

If your son hits and discipline doesn't work (yes, still consistent) then tey this --- face him and put his hands in yours and have him push against you as hard as he can. If this helps and seems to calm him, he may be hitting for input and not for pain or being mean. For my son, we have given him boundaries for hitting (he cannot hit anything living --- his sister, me, he dog, his friends but he CAN hit the couch, the pillows, the floor, etc.). Of course, my son is now almost 4 and he can process this for himslef to a point. There are other exercises you can do with him that will give him the input he needs so that he won't get it inappropriately.

If you find that this suggestion helps your son, I would recommend that you contact Help Me Grow or early intervention (birth to three year old) for a free evaluation to see if there is anything else going on. Document everything you see, and answer their questions as honestly as you can --- don't be embarrassed, they are asking for a purpose.

Carlie - posted on 09/29/2010

I did realise that this child was 14 months - I was not meaning actually putting him in time out as such, but if you are holding him and he hits, say that hurts and put him straight down on the ground..

Lauren - posted on 09/29/2010

Put him in a time out. Use his crib and tell him no hitting. My 16 month old does the same thing. I just use a stern voice and say don't hit that's bad, and put him in a crib or playpen.

Candi - posted on 09/29/2010

Girl... I know exactly what you mean. My son Memphis will be 13 mos. Oct.14th & he does the same thing, plus he head butts & 2day he bloodied my nose head butting me & thought it was hilarious! My son does not hit his daddy either & I know what u mean about it breaking ur heart. Memphis smacks me in the mouth if I tell him stop it or tell him no. I don't have any ideas though for u and i wish I did but I just wanted to let u know that it is NOTHING you are doing wrong & he will grow out of it eventually. I just suggest that when he does it to ignore it and if u are holding him put him down or in a playpen for timeout... I do believe there is a time & a place for punishmants by spankings or whatever just not when u are trying to teach him not to. My rule in my home for whoopings are as follows...If the child id doing something dangerous that can hurt themselves or somebody else, or when nothing else works...then go for the whooping. But with Memphis I just don't think he understands too much just yet! But my heart hurts & I wanna cry when my precious boy smacks the crap outta me for no reason... I feel for u I really do! Good luck...if u find a cure before me then plz do share :)

Summer - posted on 09/29/2010

My son went thru this too. At the same time. Only with me. I tried everything, spanking, not spanking, time out, ignoring, talking, leaving him alone, and nothing worked really well except NOT getting very upset and telling him "Hands are not for hitting. Hitting hurts." And then putting him on time-out for a minute or two. It seemed the more angry I got the FUNNIER he thought it was. There is nothing worse than a toddler hitting you and then laughing in your face about it. But I also realized he was doing it mainly when we were going thru some sort of transition (we moved and had a second baby) and he was upset a little I think. The more I didn't react strongly but dealt with it the same way calmly and directly the less and less he did it and until he stopped doing it to me and then tried it on his Dad. After Daddy started reacting the same way Mommy did he stopped all together. He's almost two and a half and no probs since. Remember, everything is a phase. I also got a really cute little book called "Hands Are Not For Hitting" that we read together and so when I say that phrase he clicks into the story and we then talk about what hands ARE for. They also make the stories for biting and kickinng. I highly recommend them.

Christine - posted on 09/29/2010

I would tap his hand like you said and tell him NO firmly and then get his mind on something else. Don't sit and dwell on it with him. Kids are going to do things that we may think are odd, but if you expect that they are going to do things than it won't come as a surprise to us. Kids will get their mind off of things when we take them to their toys and give them what they CAN have. He may cry and that is good, that means he understood that it is not a good thing to hit anyone, not just mommy. It doesn't matter if he is with you 24/7 he shouldn't hit.

This is from me Christine Brown. My kids are older, 14, 12 and 7, now, but that is what i did with them. He may not get it right away, but when he realizes mommy is in control, and not him, he will stop.

Susan - posted on 09/29/2010

This is definitely that needs to nipped in the bud. You should not allow this. I watched a 10 year old hit his mother and it sickened me.

When my boys were young, I grabbed my son's hand and said "no" as sharply as I could. Make sure you DO NOT crack a smile. The slightest indication that it is ok or funny to you will encourage the child. Also, get dad involved.

I hope you get this worked out! Blessings

Nikki - posted on 09/29/2010

hi alysha - my 14 month daughter does the same to me. my situation slightly different as she is adopted and only been with us for 2 months but like you - she doesnt do it to nannie or daddy.
i dont hit back as i dont feel this would help but i hold her hands down firmly and say no in a slightly raised voice.
it's strange as she does it when she's upset, angry, or hurt (i.e. she's fallen over or something) but she also does it randomly in the middle of playing as well.
one thing i do know - it is NOT because he hates you. it's more likely because you are just there - and as you say it's 24/7.
sorry can't actually 'help' but you're not alone. xx

Sam - posted on 09/29/2010

my son is 4 and he chucked a table at me

Stacy - posted on 09/29/2010

That is EXACTLY what I was saying Jenn. I have a 14 month old and I am pretty sure he would have no knowledge as to why is was sitting in a corner for time out....

Jenn - posted on 09/29/2010

I'm truly hoping that most of the people who replied missed that this child is only 14 MONTHS old! You're going to put them in a time-out? Or even worse spank them? Even so-called baby experts who believe in spanking say NOT to do it before a child is 2 as they don't have a full understanding of what they are doing and why they are receiving this punishment. I think the best thing to do is to say "No hitting, that hurts" (or something similar) in a firm voice and then walk away. If you go on and on about it you are only giving them the attention that they are seeking. Offer attention later when they are doing something good, not when they are being naughty.

Sarah - posted on 09/29/2010

Try putting him away from you when he hits and make a big fuss/kisses when he comes for snuggles. He is looking for attention and when he hits you are giving him attention, he doesn't understand bad/good attention just that you are looking at him. Reward good behavior and ignore bad and this phase too shall pass.

Carlie - posted on 09/29/2010

Well my son did the same at the same age and I can honestly say it is because he is with you more and he is comfortable doing this. What worked for me was this: each time he did it (he mainly did it when I would pick him up - he would hit me in the face) I would straight away in a firm voice say "No, that hurts mummy" and place him away from me in the same room on the floor, sitting on his bottom. He did not like this and I only had to do it a few times before it stopped!! Try it...

Paula - posted on 09/29/2010

My daughter now 5 used to do this, but it seemed to be when anybody came to the house. I used to get her hand and hold it at her side and say "no" in a very firm tone. Shouting like hitting doesn't help as they just do it back. Then still holding her hand down I would tell her 'that hurt'. she would get upset. then I would let go of her hand and get on with what I was doing. Later she would come and tell me she was sorry for hitting me and we would have a hug. It didn't take long for it to stop. Trying to find the balance between no making to much of an issue of it and making then understand that it is wrong and giving enough discipline to re-enforce that what they are doing is wrong is like juggling eggs while walking on hot coals. And as every child is different it's always a case of trial and error. I have 4 and I am still learning. Take a deep breath count to 10 or 20 if 10 is not enough and give your son to your husband and have a brew and 10 mins on your own. Mums need time outs too !!

Stacy - posted on 09/29/2010

I have a question for everyone saying put him in time out. At 14 months do you really think they are gonna stay in time out and realize why they are there? Im just not sure... Like I said in my other post I have 3 boys 7, 5, and 14 months and I really dont think I needed to start punishing them until they were at least able to talk and communicate their problems. Both of my boys went through this stage and came out of it on their own as they learned to communicate.

Lina Chandra - posted on 09/29/2010

Hi :) my son, my friend's daughter was act like that too. We thought that it is about their motor and they have no skill about communication. We teach our child how to show their feeling in positive way. At the time my son hit me or someone else, I'll take his hand and tenderly put it on my cheek and say "love mama". And I help him to do that way to his friends too. It need times, but it will make u smile...I wish the best for u :)

Chelsea - posted on 09/29/2010

He doesn't hate you. He - like any domesticated animal ;) - is testing his bounderies. My son used to hit me, I instituted time out and after about four days of consistant and immediate consequences, it stopped. But he kept pushing the bounderies with his grandma. She would slap his hand back and say things like, "See, that doesn't feel good, does it?" But he would not actually be punished. To this day, he doesn't have as much respect for her as he does for me. I would recommend and immediate time out (one minute for every year of life), with a short and clear explaination of what the problem is. "We do NOT hit." Then leave him alone or completely ignore him for the time alloted. Then reiterate, "We do NOT hit." and require an apology before he can be let out of time out. A child will not obey you if you say one thing and do another. If you slap his hand and say "we do not hit" all he'll remember is that you DID hit his hand. My son - who is now 7 - still responds well to the parent being clear with rules and consequence. Most children will be, too unless there is some other problem. Good luck! It also helped me a lot to watch Super Nanny! ;)

Julie - posted on 09/29/2010

Put him in a time- out or take away what he is playing with or wants. Make him have a consequence for his actions. Too young for spanking.

Erin - posted on 09/29/2010

I'm going through this with my son. I think the people who say your son is hitting you because you are letting him hit you are ridicules, honestly who lets someone hit them, they obviously never had this problem. I say no at my son and he hits me and he laughs, I put him in a time out and he thinks it's a game and doesn't stay there. I just barricaded a corner for him to spend his time out in so he can't leave it when he's being disciplined, I hope this works. And I never think time out in a crib is a good idea because then they will think they're being punished when it's bedtime.

Mindy - posted on 09/29/2010

My daughter use to hit our cat (playing, not mean-like). I would just grab her hand, stroke the cat nicely with it and say "do nice...." After a while she would start to hit and stop herself, say "nice" and pet her nicely (nice as she could for a one year old). I do agree with not swatting back at his hand (no matter how gentle) because that does confuse them. Good luck. Also, when he does touch you nicely make a big deal and tell him how you love how nicely he is touching you. Let me know how it's going!

Angela - posted on 09/29/2010

i agree with karen's post, be firm and establish boundaries now. it's hard but worth it in the long run. and don't hit his hand, it just confuses what you are saying and what you are doing. my 14 mo. old hits me and smiles, thinking it's cute. but it's a phase he'll outgrow soon!

Christina - posted on 09/29/2010

my son doesn't take long at all to calm down and apologize. Once he realize he isnt going to get up he thinks twice about what he is doing. At first yes my son would sit in there for a min and I would go in and check on him if he wasnt ready to be nice he would be in there no longer than 3 min before he was ready to calm down and apologize. More than likely he wont want to stay there so he is going to start thinking before he hits and throws a tantrum. Nothing else worked on my son and to be honest when I started time out I was desperate for improvement. Nothing feels worse than seeing your child hurt himself or you. My sons tantrums where unbelievable and scary at one point, but now he is doing much better. My son has no problems sleeping in his own bed at night. And to be honest I was told to spank him that he wouldnt learn unless I did but I don't like to do this. I would rather him take time to himself to calm down.

Laura - posted on 09/29/2010

First of all i do NOT believe in hitting your child under any circumstance. There is always another way. Spanking does not teach them to respect you, it teaches them to be afraid of you. That you will regret when they are older and start going through a rebelliouse stage. All children go through stages such as hitting and biting. Sometimes it is to test there limits. You will see that the limits will be tested for years to come. You do need to tell your child "STOP! THAT HURTS! " Don't tell your child that they are bad, Thats just makes them feel like there is something wrong with them as they get older and it can really hurt their feelings. After you told them it hurts sit them in plan view in a time out. The less stressed you get about the situation, the less your child is going to feel stressed. A stressed child is only going to hit more, in order to take its aggression out. Your child is hitting you because you are the one he or she is most comfortable with. The grandmother they don't spend as much time with and there isn't the same kind of bond. If he automatically cries when your husband raises his voice at him, that just means that he's either scared or that his feelings have been hurt. Either way it is not a good way to build a healthy relationship with your child. I think showing them love, hugs, and kisses is always best. If you must sit them in time out don't be picky about how it is served ecspeically at that age, and never more than a minute. I was always taught a minute for each year. So if they are not yet two then only one minute is more than enough. No matter what you do be consistant no matter how long it takes. And remember the more time you spend focusing on that behavior, the more time your child is spending focused on that behavior. Spend more time focusing and rewarding for good behavior and showing them that bad behavior doesn't get the attention. I know it can be hard and very frustrating, but you need to keep reminding yourself " What is the best thing to do. "

Stacy - posted on 09/29/2010

My little boy is also 14 months and hits me too. I honestly DON"T think they are hitting to be mean. I believe they are playing and are trying to get attention anyway they know how. At this point they can't say "Hey look at me" and this seems fun to them. I have raised 2 other boys and they both did this same thing. They are 5 and 7 now and are VERY respectful, nice boys. I think its just a phase and will fade out!

Amina - posted on 09/29/2010

oh you knw the same thing happiend to me he hits me when i shout at him or take someting from him i think its his way of comunicating coz they cant talk and tell us what they want so hitting is their way of comunitcation. dont hit him back u it will only cause u more hitting so take both of his hand sit him down dont let him go untill he calms down maybe he needs your attention try sitting with him and play together see if things has change good luck

Morgan - posted on 09/29/2010

spank him

Karen - posted on 09/29/2010

The moment he hits you need to hold his hands, get down to his level, look him in the eyes and in a firm voice say "do not hit mummy". You will have to do this many times before he gets it, consistency & keeping your cool is the key.
At this age it is a game to him, he is frustrated and sees that it gets a response. Take back control now.

Lauren - posted on 09/29/2010

hey hun i would put him in his cot or in a corner of the room after every warning at telling him no nd if he tried to get out just put him straight back there it might take a few times but he will get used to it lol make him stay in the spot for 10 mins hope it will work its normally does nd when he is in the naughty place explain to him why he is there by getting down to his level and make him say sorry after the 10 mins is up :)

Maryann - posted on 09/29/2010

Very rarely did my kids get spanked......They were sent to TIMEOUT & had to think about what they did, why they did it & why they shouldn't do it again....then come tell me their reasons....That's for OLDER kids thou, younger ones need lots of TLC and a stern action for their behavior...That's where the "Time-out chair" comes in & your explaining what they did wrong...if you just tell them they are bad & DO NOT explain, they will get confussed......We raised 7 sons & 1 daughter & now have 9 grandchildren.....My "time-out" chair sits in our dining room & all the kids know what it's there for.

Chrissy - posted on 09/29/2010

Thank You Lydia... and yes i also agree that smacking does not always need to be carried out, but I think that in some cases thats what the situation absolutely needs!!! It all depends on the actual behaviour and severity of it, as to how you treat it like you said Lydia, and the age of the child as well. As they get older, and depending on how well they learn, they can be punished in other ways too.

As an example my son is nearly 13 and knows between right and wrong and I havent needed to smack him for years... Not only that HE tells ME how other parents should treat their misbehaving kids, and he has a very good idea on what that is!!! My 22 month old daughter is different though, because she has a stubbornness that needs to be reminded with smacks and done consistently...

Lydia that comment about when you look at your son just made me laugh so much...so true!!!!! Good one!! :)

Maryann - posted on 09/28/2010

Try making him have a "TIME OOUT", by sitting him in a chair & EXPLAIN why it's NOT nice to hit....By hitting him back, he might think this is OK or a game.

Lydia - posted on 09/28/2010

I completely agree with Chrissy!! Spanking however does not apply to all children. Some kids will respond very well to a time out and others just need a good old fashioned spanking. My son needs variety, not everything requires a spanking. He is disciplined according to the severity of his negative behavior and he is NEVER spanked out of anger. Consistency is definitely the key!! If he hits, kicks, bites, scratches, pulls hair..etc on purpose and you have already expressed to him that that is wrong, it hurts and mommy doesn't like it when you do such and such and he does it again then you say ok you're in time out. you put him in time out and he has the audacity to do it again then this is definitely a child who needs a spanking on the butt not a tap on the hand. You are the adult and taking that from a 3 year old is unacceptable. Your child's behavior is a reflection of you as a parent. I swear there were times when I would look at my son like "when is your real mother coming to get you" because I felt like he was too much to handle but God has given him to me and I am responsible molding him and his behaviors. As I said before consistency is the key. If you want respect from your child you have to teach him how to have respect you. He wasn't born knowing any of this stuff. If you want him to love you then teach him how. When you've tried everything else SPANK HIS TAIL!! and after you've spanked him explain to him why he's been spanked and that mommy loves him and she doesn't like having to spank him but she will not tolerate this behavior and if you do it again mommy's going to spank you again. It may take a few times but I promise you he won't hit you again.

Paulette - posted on 09/28/2010

What I did with my son, is when he disobeyed me (and would freak out) I would find a corner of wherever we were and I'd make him sit and I'd sit beside him and tell him he has to be good and quiet for one minute. If he made a noise, that one minute would start over again. As that minute was going, you do not make eye contact so that they know that you mean business. I did this at home or in any store he did something that was not okay. It worked. I didn't have to do this too many times before he learned that negative behavior was not okay. It got to where I eventually didn't even have to use the technique - if he acted up, I'd say, "Do we have to find a corner?" Behavior stopped.

Tianna - posted on 09/28/2010

AT 14 months he doesnt even know what hate is!! :) My daughter will be 14 months in one week and some times she trys to test me too. I find it what works best for us is a little time out chair where she has to sit for one min ( her age is one) then i get down to her level and explain she caint hit mommy, she sais shes sorry (trys) and then hugs and kisses! works great (thanks to super nanny LOL)

Lisa - posted on 09/28/2010

the reason he is hitting you back is because you are hitting him! Monkey see, Monkey do! The best thing to do is to ignore the behavior, not him but if he repeats it when you tell him "no", "Stop". don't hit him use your words instead. Key words so he knows its wrong! Behavior is bad not your child. a few seconds of Good role Model behavior to show how to react. instead of yelling, go straight to him & look him in the eyes. Eye contact, ignore behavior if he hits you w/no eye contact, no attention. good behavior- gets him praise and attention w/ possible rewards. it works! he will listen better & No more hitting! Good Luck!

Chrissy - posted on 09/28/2010

Ive said this to others before, and I'll say it again for you too Alysha but before I do, I just want to say that you sound like a great Mum trying to teach your son a valuable lesson in how to behave and treat people (most especially his own mother), and for what its worth I think your doing a great job I have much respect for you, because some mothers just dont care about that at all (and ive personally known a few) but anyway...

Sometimes kids just need a GOOD taste of their own medicine. Yes i know you said that smacking him back didnt seem to work, but its not always what you do that necessarily matters, its also HOW you enforce it.

Dont get me wrong, Im all for the smacking method, in fact thats my strong point that I've tried to impress upon people with naughty kids (with not much luck tho) but most people these days take their attitude toward smacking to the extreme, calling it abuse and blaming that for kids becoming violent and abusive themselves. I disagree with that but still there is a definate line between discipline and abuse.

When he smacks you even once, you give him one back (preferably on the bum though) but make it a really good sting, one that will hurt alot more than what he did to you and one that yes, will make him upset and cry but will more than likely shock him (because he probably wont be expecting it). Then in a very authoritive no-nonsense tone you tell him "NO, dont hit mummy", and put him straight in his cot or room or wherever he goes for being naughty. Then he wont have the chance of being able to smack you again.

If he does get the chance to do it again, you should smack him again even harder, and continue to put him in his naughty place. Keep him there until he stops crying or having a tantrum. Yes that could take ages i know but if you have done that once or twice, he will probably learn very quickly, because he will get to know whats coming for him if he tries the smacking thing again.

Whatever you do, dont let him get the last smack, its no different to him getting the last word. If HIS action is the final one, it will make him think he has won (and gotten away with it). Make your action the final doing. It sounds tough but that is what kids need to learn a lesson... "tough love".

If not, they do think they can get away with things, and continue to do them. Consistence is the key for discipline, keep on top of them constantly. This smacking method is not a contraidiction nor is it hypocrytical.

Kids need to be reminded, there is a reason kids are kids and grown-ups are grown-ups. Grown-ups can smack because they are mature and reasonable and are capable of making correct decisions about smacking/discipline. Kids are not mature and reasonable and capable of deciding when smacking should be used. Thats why it is ok for adults and not kids.

Not only that, he needs to learn that if he doesnt want TO BE smacked, not to do it himself because him getting that punishment in return shows him that he doesnt like it when it happens to him, so he shouldnt do it to others. That way you're also teaching him, that you will NOT tolerate it.

Letting it go by NOT SMACKING HIM will only teach him that he CAN be dis-respectful to mummy, and have the power over you because HE CAN DO IT, but YOU CANT....

Instead, you have to teach him by telling him (as soon as you think he can understand) that you are the adult and so YOU CAN do it as a punishment to him, because you are doing it for the right reasons... discipline, but HE CANT.

When I was a child, our mum taught us that way by saying, "If anyone around here is going to smack, it will be me smacking you as a punishment, not you smacking anyone else. Kids dont smack, adults do. Its used as punishment, not anything else"

Well anyway, I know there are alot of people who question my method and the implications of it but the end of the day I would rather go to jail for smacking my kids, than for them to go because I didnt..... :)

I think you get the picture!!!
Good luck Alysha : )

Jamie - posted on 09/28/2010

One more thing i also wanted to note. I dont recommend the putting him in his crib or any place he sleeps because he'll start to look at that as a bad thing when you put him to sleep at night or for nap time. you should find a neutral place to have his "time out" time.