How could I discourage my daughter to want to kiss me on the lips?

Claudine Felice - posted on 01/28/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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I'm afraid that it's because she sees me and her dad kiss and that she sees couples kiss on TV, she would think that this is supposed to be okay between kids and parents.

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Denise - posted on 01/28/2009

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There is nothing wrong with my daughter giving me kisses on the lips. I love it. We cuddle all the time. That is our way of show affection.

Abby - posted on 01/28/2009

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I allow my children to kiss my on the lips but as they are boys my husband does not.



As a mom it is your decision as to what is ok and what is not, I am dissapointed in everyone disagreeing with you insteed of helping.



Try making a game out of it, like the rich and famous do and "kiss kiss" one on each side of the cheeks. 



Make sure no matter what you do that your daughter knows you love her, more than she will ever know, point out that now that she is getting older you need new ways to show affection.  Try things, extra hugs, back rubs, butterfly kisses.  What evr you do I would say to do it only with her.  Make it a speciall thing between the two of you.



Good luck, make sure she feels loved in the end and I'm sure it will be fine.

Ann - posted on 01/28/2009

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i feel that by allowing your husband to kiss you on the lips and then not allowing your daughter to give her mummy a kiss on the lips is unfair there is nothing wrong with mother and child having a kiss and a cuddle its not dirty or rude there is a difference between you and your husbands kissing and you and your daughter its perfectly natural that she would want to give her mummy a kiss by not letting her you may find she'll think your pushing her away my boys give me and thier daddy kisses before they go to bed its sweet not seedy

Dawn - posted on 01/28/2009

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what's wrong with kissing your child on the lips? i do. it's not like we're making out! just a quick peck and an i love you! it's totally fine and natural.

Beth - posted on 01/28/2009

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Why do you feel it is wrong for a child and parent kiss on the lips?

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19 Comments

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Victoria - posted on 01/30/2009

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What an interesting topic>!? I allow my kids to kiss me on the lips, doesn't bother me. But growing up I never kissed my parents on the lips, it was kinda gross thinking about it?! So anyways, I know my parents loved/ love me and there was no lip kissing...I would just try and keep redirecting her, and telling her that men and women kiss each other on the lips when they marry. (did you see the Dugger wedding on TLC?) (LOL). Good Luck...

Debbie - posted on 01/30/2009

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I've never started it with my 7 year old since it wasn't how I was raised. My husband does it with our 15 month old and it's cute right now, but since it's not how I was raised, I think - for me - it would be strange if she does it when she gets older.



My daughter when she was around 5 or so decided to start trying to kiss me on the lips and I just lightly redirected her to my cheek. And then I would give her a big smack of a kiss on the cheek and exaggerate it. She thought that was funny and I haven't really had the trouble since.

Michelle - posted on 01/29/2009

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I don't let my daughter kiss me on the lips anymore. when she was a toddler she did some. She did question me when i asked her not to kiss me on the lips but the check instead. I explained that that's where you kiss your husband or wife, she does not have any problem with it at all,we kiss on the check a lot and we do the kiss-kiss thing each check. She is 8 and she sees my husband and i give each other affection in many ways (appropriate ways) she understands but she also gets a lot of daughter attention as well. I think that every family is different in things they do and so if you just be open about that with her she will be fine. Some people let their kids do things I dont let my child do so there are times when i have to explain ( thats not how we do it in our family). I think it makes us stonger as mother and daughter .

Claudine Felice - posted on 01/28/2009

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That is so true! So in about four years, I'll be posting a question regarding that concern. Thanks, all, for sharing.

Pamela - posted on 01/28/2009

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Don't worry, she won't want you near her when she is between 11-17 so cherish it now!

Liana - posted on 01/28/2009

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The only way for her to learn that is for you to be straight with her and tell her.  She is certainly old enough for you to have that talk with her.

Claudine Felice - posted on 01/28/2009

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She is naturally a sweet little girl and very sociable towards other kids. Most of her classmates are eight-year-olds, and I am assuming that they are beginning to figure out gender differences and relationships. What I would like for her to learn is the appropriateness of this type of gesture and that she receives the intended message from the right sources instead of picking up silly ideas from other people or from watching TV.

Claudine Felice - posted on 01/28/2009

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Oh boy, my memory is beginning to fail me...My parents showed me and my siblings affection with hugs and terms of endearment, and not by showers of kisses or anything like that. I shower my daughter with affectionate gestures. I kiss her on her on top of her head (and she'd ask why I kiss her there), cheeks, then sometimes on the back of her hands and arms, but then the limit does come to her giving me a kiss on the lips. She has been asking less but then I wonder how she receives the message about that one particular gesture.



 

Liana - posted on 01/28/2009

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I agree that you need to sit her down and explain why you don't feel she should be doing that at her age.  She is old enough to understand we never give our kids enough credit just tell her that you'd preffer her to kiss you on the cheek and why.



I'm from the UK and both my kids kiss me on the lips but they are only 5 and 3 I think there does come a time when it is no longer appropriate though.  My partner already feels uncomfortable about it. 



Before you talk to her about it start giving her kisses on the cheek more so when you do talk it feels more natural to her.

Kathy - posted on 01/28/2009

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I completely agree with the last two posts. I just wanted to add that chances are that she will stop on her own. It has been my own experience that as kids grow older, they are less anxious to show signs of physical affection especially kissing on the lips.

How was it taught to you or your siblings when you were a child?

Gena - posted on 01/28/2009

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I agree with the previous post...it is your decision as a mother and others should respect that...especially when there is a cultural basis for your actions.  I think, if she is 7, that you can explain things to her.  "Mommies and Daddies kiss a certain way and mommies and little girls kiss a different way"  I would think at her age, that should be sufficient!  You dont have to go into a lengthy discussion, but to explain it to her in "7 year old" terms should be good for now!

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I was told that kissing your children on the lips can give them bacterias which can lead to infections in the mouth or on the mouth. I don't let anyone kiss my kids on the lips and taught them to offer the cheek. My kids are Mexican American so Mexican custom is to kiss the cheek while American is the lips.

Claudine Felice - posted on 01/28/2009

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She's 7 years old, and besides, this is not practiced in my culture (I am Filipina and live in my home country) as well as any other Asian culture I know. It might be seen occasionally among parents with small kids, like toddlers, perhaps. While at a younger age, this might be part of showing affection to kids. I don't necessarily scold her about this, I explain that it's okay if she were still a baby or that I do this with her dad.

Sani - posted on 01/28/2009

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But it is OK between kids and parents, surely :)

Sign of an effection, love, acceptance and etc etc. I take it that you are not talking about french kissing!!

If you prefare not to do it thats OK but most parents kiss their children on the lipps. We certainly do ( apart from the baby, due to any bacteria that could affect her as she is not eating anything yet, just breastmilk ) and my kids are 7, 6 and 2months..

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