How did your relationship change after the baby was born?

Erin - posted on 08/05/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I keep hearing that things change and get so much better after the baby is born. So I just want to hear different women's experiences because everyone's situation/relationship is different. How did things change with the baby's father, your mom, his family, your family, friends, etc.? Right now things are awkward with me and the baby's father but I still decided to move in with him last week. We're both 20. He's in the Navy and we used to live in different states. So living together he will be able to see our daughter more once she's born. My relationship with my mom sucks. I have a better relationship with his family than my own. They are the only ones calling me and checking on me during my pregnancy. But people keep saying 'when the baby comes things will get better'. I'm not so sure about that though (first-time mom). Please share your experiences and if you live in the Hampton Roads area please add me to your circle.

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Soukna - posted on 09/20/2012

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When I was pregnant, the father of my child immediately started talking about marriage. I ended an engagement with a man I was with for 3 years and and before that I ended a marriage in an annulment. I was nowhere near ready to be married so it kind of distant myself from the father of my child when he started talking about marriage. I told him frankly that I was not ready to jump into that because we have the rest of our lives to be in one another's life. While in labor Smokey was catering to my every needs. I wasnt needy when I was in labor. Whenever I was thirsty he would just refill my drink, stood by my side holding hands the whole time. Something you see in the movies. I had to force him out to go eat. He was amazing. When our daughter was born the relationship grew stronger. We spent as much time as we could as a family. He was an amazing dad and while recovering he had done so much, made breakfast, took care of our daughter. I knew that this was the one for me. It took me 3 years to finally say yes! haha! We got married 4 years later after being together. And its just amazing. I wouldn't change my decision.

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The first four months for us was extremely hard. We are somewhat older in years for having a first child (35) and it was a huge lifestyle change for us which is hard when you are set in your ways. Our baby had colic and we almost didn't make it to be honest with you. We were both overwhelmed and tired. But we made it through and it brings you closer together in the end if you are both willing to commit to what is best for the child. My advice, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Children are wonderful, but probably more work than any first time parent realizes.

Emma - posted on 08/11/2009

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when me and partner first moved into together it was b4 i was pregannt and we argued constantly so he moved out when i was pregannt we mobed to a hostel and still argued for the first 6mnths after my lil man was born when we got a flat we are so much stronger and gettin married in febuary so my advice is to make sure u keep talking about how youre feeling and dont bottle things up. x x

Nicole - posted on 08/11/2009

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With my husband (we were not married at the time of my daughters birth but had lived together 5 years) we were very close after she was born, but later on we started to clash because of parenting differences, I'm a safety and clean freak, he's more laid back and not so worried about everything. As she got older though, well basically when she started walking, I let go a little bit and realized they are going to get bumps, bruises, and dirty, and we get along a lot better now! So I guess it depends on a lot of your similar or not parenting styles! As for my mother, she has bi-polar mania, and we just found this out just a year before my daughter was born. So our relationship sucked also! When I was pregnant I missed the mom she used to be when I was little and not the mom she became after my parents divorce, but when I had my daughter she was excited, but ppl with BPM have extreme highs and lows and as for my mom, theres no middle ground there. So we talk a lot but I just keep my expectations low with her and I don't get let down by her that way! That is great though that his family is excited about the baby! If you are close to them maybe you could talk to them about the awkwardness you and their son have, maybe they could help you! By the way your profile picture is gorgeous! I love it!



I hope I could help you!



Oh and I forgot, one thing that brought my mother and I closer was asking her questions about pregnancy, nursing and general care of the baby!

Pamela - posted on 08/08/2009

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Having children does not necessarily make the relationship better because a new baby adds a totally different dynamic to the relationship. Life is no longer about the 2 of you anymore and expectations are higher for you and your expectations of the father are also going to be higher. If the two of you just communicate and speak to each other lovingly at all times you should be alright. Some men are extremely handson with the baby and others tend to sit back and let the mommy do everything. My husband kind of did both. Things were rocky but we're closer than ever now.
My relationship with my mom grew a whole lot too because I started recognizing and appreciate all she was as my mother.

Valerie - posted on 08/06/2009

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The most important thing to remember is that things will be harder at first. The biggest reason for that is lack of sleep and anxiety over how to do things. I was very stressed out with my first and so was my husband. He didn't get up with us at night, and that made me very mad at first, until like the the last poster said, I realized that was my job. I am a SAHM and he worked all day. It will all get easier as a routine sets in. Try to relax and enjoy the newness. Most things that stress you out will be a short stage and will fix itself in no time. I'm sorry that I'm rambling. What I am trying to say is that it may not be easy at first, but it will get much easier very quickly. My husband and I have gotten much closer since having the kids. You will see a whole new side to him. Oh, and one more thing. It will be much easier if you will realize now that his way of doing things will be different from yours, and that is OK. The baby will probably cry when he is changing her diaper and it will stress him out. You have to be Ok with that and help him to understand it's not because he is doing it wrong. If you let him do what he can with her, they will bond, and you will fall in love with him in a whole different way. My oldest is 9 and my youngest is 13 months, and I am still falling love with my husband again and again when I see him with my children. They have their own ways of playing and snuggling and so on and it's so cool to see. I hope the situation goes better with your own mom. I don't know the circumstances, but my advice would be to give as many opportunities as you can for her and your daughter to connect as possible. Try to look forward instead of backward and forgive. You will be a much happier and relaxed Mom for your own daughter. I hope some of this helps you. And I also hope that I don't come off sounding as if I think all of this is simple and easy to do, but from experience I know it will make your life happier in the long run. Good luck to you and God bless.

Melissa - posted on 08/05/2009

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Things change... But long as you know that, you will be more out to except the changes. Me I thought my husband was going to get up with me and help with the baby at night. but when reality set in. It didn't happen I came to realize that, was my job. but that was because he worked all day and I stayed home so it was better for me to get up then him. But in my dream world it sounded better. things change more little things then anything. And its great you get along with his family. Most people don't get along with the in-laws. I wish you the best of luck and congrats on the baby i am pretty sure things will work out for the best

Kim - posted on 08/05/2009

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First, Congrats!

My Mom and I werent on talking terms when I found out I was pregnant. The first time i talked to her in over 3 months was when I called her to tell her I was pregnant, she wasn't very happy. After my first daughter was born she was very supportive. I think its a grandma thing (cant be sure because thankfully I still have at least 20 years before im a grandma) As far as the relationship with my husband, we have always had a strong relationship. The first couple months is tough with the lack of sleep, and bags of dirty diapers. Just remember it will all smooth out. you and your husband and baby will get into a rutine and it will all be second nature. I hope this helped a little.

Deziray - posted on 08/05/2009

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well actually for the first couple months me and my husband argued more cause we were both sleep deprived and stressed out. But it gets better once the baby starts sleeping through the night and is in their own room where you two can have your privacy once again. As long as you have a strong relationship you will do just fine

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