How do at home moms deal with not having there own personal money?? I love being with my kids but miss my own money instead of having to wait for hubby to get stuff done. I was a very independant person while working and we split all the cost of bills and now he is paying them all and whenever I need something I have to ask and It drives me crazy. I just dont know how to get my feelings together on the subject??

Stifler's - posted on 03/13/2012

Why do you have to ask when you need something? I guess I ask depending on what it is and he also asks me if he can buy some things like we discuss more expensive purchases but if I need it like food or to go to the doctor I don't ask. I have always had a card to his account and paid the bills and organised the money savings bills groceries spending money etc. and i transfer a bit to my own account a week just so i have some money. I add up all the bills over the year and divide it weekly then transfer that sum to the sub account where all our direct debits come out of and then what is left i use for groceries and whatever else we buy during the week.

Lydia - posted on 03/13/2012

if you have a joint bank account you can work this out easily... you just need a budget or some sort of agreement as to how much money you are free to spent on yourself. I mean if you are better at going to pay the bills and stuff and want to do it you just have to get access to the money, which if you share a bank account is no problem at all. If you have a certain amount of money that both of you agree is YOURS to spend than you don't have to always go and ask him....

Jessica - posted on 03/12/2012

I feel exactly the same way. Ugh I feel like my FH is my daddy. I have to ask him for money so I can go out to eat or take my son and stuff. Ugh I hate it

Tera - posted on 03/12/2012

I was glad when my husband wanted to be in included in things like grocery planning, bills and such. Before we had kids and I worked we hardly did anything together. Now we feel more like a family. Even though most of the time I can't just buy what I want instantly, I usually get it later after we talk it over and see where it fits into the budget.

Stephanie - posted on 01/31/2012

I get maternity leave pay, and after that ( since i dont live with my boyfriend) I plan on going onto financial assistance, I want to be a stay at home mom, and dont want to work full time, but there are plenty of goverment programs that will allow you to stay at home with your child and still recieve some dort of income ( even if its just a small amount) so that you have some money that you can say is yours.

Jennifer - posted on 01/30/2012

(We chose to do this when we got married - before kids) My husband and I set up three bank accounts. The main one is for house expenses and bills. The two others are "personal". Every paycheck, a set amount is automatically deposited into each. It works great for us. No one can complain about how the other spends and it offers a little freedom.

Kena - posted on 01/25/2012

Everyone's comments have helped alot. Its not an issue with him making the money or the way he spends it. We have everything that we need in the house. I was just wondering because I recently became unemployed so its all new to me and was wondering how things with others are done. He always pays all the bills but I generally give him half the money for all them ( I like it that way). I dont see an issue with working and like to alot. Just such as crafting and stuff like that is really what I would like money for. I havent talked to him yet since our new born isnt here yet and we are just now dealing with me being unemployed im lucky to say even with that that he is able to pay all the bills. Most parents of the younger ages both parents dont have the option to stay home. I also like having seperate accounts. Our toddler is biologically not his but has been a great father to her( more than her sperm donor has. So I will be for sure talking to him tomorrow about it. Thanks again for comments!!

Chrystal - posted on 01/25/2012

My husband and I have one account all the money for bills plus 3/4 of the extra spending money (mine and the kids portions) go into it and I'm responsible for paying the bills through the month. My husband gets the other 1/4 of the extra spending money. He gets the pay check but neither one of us could live with the feeling that we had to ask for money from the other so days he gets paid he gets out his cash and neither of us have to ask the other for every little thing we want or worry that the other has already spent the money.

Sherri - posted on 01/25/2012

My husband has his check direct deposited right into OUR acct. I can access it just like he can and I don't feel guilty or even ask. I pay all the bills anyways. It is my money as much as it is my husbands. I am just as independent now as I was when we both worked outside the house full time.

Lisa - posted on 01/25/2012

My husband gives me his pay check, I do all the Budgeting and bill paying, we stay on track better when I do. I take cash out and give it to him for his spending money. It works for us, so although he is bringing in the money it feels like it is ours.

Kelly - posted on 01/24/2012

I am assuming that you understand that the money belongs to both of you, not just him, but you are waiting for him in an effort not to over draw the bank account due to miss-communication. Is that right?



This is what my husband and I do. We drew up our budget based on the amount he brings home. We subtracted the monthly bills at their highest amount as well as our savings (J's college, IRA). The amount left over is the amount we can spend on other expenses, such as food, clothes, auto gas/transportation, play dates, medical expenses, extra sports expenses, etc.



We then split that amount between us based on who generally pays for what expenses. For example, we both needed money in our budgets for transportation every month, but I buy the groceries, pay for most of our medical expenses, J's sport expenses, etc. so I need more $$ in my budget than he does. We were able to look at past balances to determine a rough estimate for the "necessary" expenses between us, then divide the budget accordingly.



Using this system, I very rarely ever have to ask my husband about purchases, and he rarely has to ask me. We have thus far (9 years in) never overdrawn our account.



If I want something expensive, I can "save up" by not spending my entire budget until I can afford the expensive thing. Likewise, If I know I have a hair appointment one week, I'll buy less expensive groceries. Does that make sense?



For big purchases, over $500 we do consult each other and agree whether or not we can afford to spend that amount at the time.

Carol - posted on 01/24/2012

I've never understood these kind of questions and you're certainly not the only person to have them. Didn't these conversations come up before you had kids? Money is an issue whether you have a lot or a little so everyone should have a conversation about it as you both negotiate your new roles. Since either you never had the conversation or, more likely, you didn't realize that you wouldn't like your new arrangement, you need to sit down with your husband and let him know that it's not working for you. Who knows, he may feel stressed that he has to not only make all the money now, but he has to make all the money decisions too. We make a budget and adjust it a few times a year to make sure it's fair to both of us and includes all our expenses. We give each other an allowance that we don't have to account for where it goes (presents for the other one, a book, or a movie and dinner with friends - anything) All big purchases are agreed to together before we get them. We allot a certain percentage for mortgage, savings, groceries, utilities, etc. We try to overestimate anything that fluctuates so we're not left owing anything at the end of the month.



You could look at this as a positive. You're more of a team now than you've ever been before. You each rely on each other for something that the other is incapable of doing right now. You're both just as vital; you just have different positions. If your husband doesn't trust you with the money or considers it all his you have way bigger issues. Good luck.

Bonnie - posted on 01/24/2012

I understand how you feel. For awhile our main bank account was only under my husband's name because that was his account before we got married, but we had talked about it and decided that having it joint would be better so I could have my own bank card and be able to do grocery shopping, etc. without him.



Really at this point, the money is the family's whether you and he brings it home, you bring it home, or just he brings it home.



If you haven't already, discuss with your husband how you feel about it. Maybe once you get your point across, you both can come to an agreement that you need to make the account a joint one so you can have your own bank card.

Kristie - posted on 01/24/2012

My husband and I don't do the whole "his" money "her" money game. We kept one account and all of our paychecks went into that acct. While it did feel good when I used to add to "our" money it feels even better staying at home with my son. Which was a decision we made together. Personally I don't think a husband or wife should have to ask for money. Unless, of course, someone has been irresponsible with it in the past. Being a stay at home parent is a job.You just get payed in a different way. Like seeing your child walk for the first time or hearing him say his first word instead of them doing that with a babysitter. Anyway, your job is tough, and if you guys have "extra" money you should be able to spend a little on yourself without having to ask for it. :) Have you ever talked to your husband about how you feel?

Ruth - posted on 01/24/2012

Here's my point of view on things: You are are family. It is your (you and your husband together) money. You should therefore spend it together, even if he is the only one providing income.



One way that can help is by setting up a budget, actually. For our budget we have categories for rent, food, utilities, car upkeep, clothing, gas, etc. We also set aside a small amount of money to spend on other things--dates for the two of us, entertainment for the whole family (seeing a movie, going to the zoo, etc.), and personal spending for each of us. In essence, we give ourselves an allowance. When money's tight, it tends to shrink, and when we have more money coming in, it goes back up again. But we both have the same amount of money to spend on personal purchases. I tend to spend mine on books and stuff for my sewing-related hobbies, and his goes for computer parts and games. But we both understand that most of the money coming in is to take care of the family as a whole.