How do I deal with a mother in law who thinks she knows everything,and underminds my choices!!!!

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Mary - posted on 11/10/2009

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I don't know what to tell u, cus i am not even allowed inside my mil's house. WE both hate each other. My husband goes to see her on the weekends and he goes crying to her about fights we've had. i yell at him its none of her business. Her grandkids are not even allowed to go my husband always has to go to her house. Sometimes i wonder if never mind.

Tasha - posted on 11/10/2009

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I don't have a problem with my MIL, but did have this problem with my own grandmother (she is only in her 50's so she is pretty young). I just politely told her that raising children today is way different from when she was raising children. There are things that we can't do today that they could back then and there are things that we can do today that they couldnt back then. I told her as politely as I could that she had the joy of raising her children and now I get to expierience it so let me do it how I feel is best. this might work for you and your husband as well. Either way you need to speak up or it is just going to make you more stressed out.

[deleted account]

I have dealt with this too. It can be very hard on you and your marriage. I would make sure that you and your Husband are in total agreement and stand up together as a unified team. You need his support regardless. If this is not in place you will have a very difficult time confronting your MIL. If it is, go to her respectfully as a team, and let her know what her boundaries are and what the consequences will be if she does not respect those boundaries. Be consistent. If she does not change her behavior, you may need to take further action for the good of your marriage and your children.

Brittany - posted on 11/10/2009

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My mother in law is the same way. She wants to control every aspect of our lives. I am greatful that she lives several states away. She still has not met her grandson, even though she has cancelled several trips due to "no money", and turned around to visit her other two kids (drunkies who aren't married and they are the "good kids" over my husband who is working so hard to support us). We have confronted her some, but she is one of those people that still doesn't listen. I would confront your mother in law, and if that doesnt work give her some space. I know we have gone for months without talking to mine when she has tried to control things and gotten angry. Good luck :)

Caryn - posted on 11/10/2009

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First you need to talk to your husband. Make sure he understands how you feel and make sure he is on the same page!
Next, you need to sit down and talk to your MIL. Explain to her that you have your own views on how your child needs to be raised and that you want her to help but she needs to respect your way of parenting YOUR children. Tell her that her opinions will be considered but not always something you will agree with.

Alyssa - posted on 11/10/2009

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I also had to deal with this. I am not a confrontational type person so I would just let her say her thing and just ignore it. Now that I have my son, she would try to tell me how to do things and I put a stop to that REAL fast! No one is going to tell me how to raise my child. I choose my battles with her so sometimes I just let her say her thing and just ignore her and then other times, I tell her what I think (when it's about my child!)

Alyssa M.
www.4theLoveofMyFamily.com

Shelly - posted on 11/10/2009

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My husband and I decided that no matter what happened or when (even if we just got in the door and she did something to undermine the way we wanted to raise or children we would leave. It was hard but we would pack up and say, "I am sorry but until you can respect our choices we won't be able to stay." and we would leave. It took some time but we stuck it out and eventually she got the point. Now she tells everyone what great parents we are and what a great job we are doing....I would have never thought that would happen EVER.

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