How do I explain the death of my father to my kids?

Carisa - posted on 08/04/2010

I am very sorry for you and your family. Maybe you could sit down and share memories about your Dad with him. You could even make a scrapbook about your Dad and have him write down his favorite stories. Most importantly, let him know it is okay to be sad and to cry. It really does help make you feel better. Time may be the only thing that helps.

Heather - posted on 08/04/2010

it sounds to me like your 9 year old really grasps what happened... the best thing i can tell you to do is share your grief with him, let him know its OK to be upset and sad and miss his papa - and that you miss him too. its going to take time to go through the stages of grief. just being supportive and answering any questions he may have-the best way you can is the best thing to do right now. and dont forget to let yourself feel the loss.... together you and your son can get through this rough time together..... good luck, and im sorry that you are going through this..

Louise - posted on 08/04/2010

First of all I am sorry for your loss. It is never an easy time for any body to lose a parent let alone to deal with others grief. Your eldest child is takng this hard and is the one that needs the most attention. Sit him down and tell him that you understand that he is very upset at the moment with the loss of his grandpa and that you are very upset to. Tell him that you always want him to remember his time with his grandfather as a happy time and that grandad would not want him to be upset. Tell him you want to help him remember the good times and that you think it would be a good idea if you planted a tree or a rose bush in the garden in memory of his grandad. Then let him pick what type of rose bush, what colour and where to put it in the garden. Let him help plant it water it and prune it and collect the flowers when in bloom. Rose bushes are resiliant and no matter what you do to them they will flourish just with a bit of water. Put him in charge of his grandfathers bush for as long as he needs to be. This will give him somewhere to go in the garden to remember his grandfather and he will not feel that people are forgeting him. In time he will lose interest but for now it will give him a new focus.

Sherry - posted on 08/04/2010

this is a rough one.. there are a couple of things I can suggest... perhaps taking each child aside and explaining things similiarly but a little differently..

You could try the religious method like tiffany suggested. This is sometimes easier for the children to accept. Your oldest one might not accept it and your middle child may not either.

You can try explaining that dispite the fact that Grandpa can't come and visit in person they can still visit in their dreams. That they hold his memory in their hearts and in doing so he's never really gone. if they're all old enough to remember something that grandpa did with them special (did they go to a place? Fishing? anything) you can tell them if they ever feel sad to think of that place and remember the time with grandpa.. and if they imagine real hard sometimes they can even tell their troubles to grandpa in their dreams in their special l place... this sometimes gives kids a little sense of confidence I don't know why it works but it always did with me when I was little (though i was a whimsical little girl- very imaginative)

You can also set up a bit of a ... I won't say shrine.. but a place where there's a picture of grandpa maybe a few coushons when you can tell them if they want to talk to grandpa his picture always listens.. it might not talk back... but it will hear what they have to say

The kids are going to go through the stages of grief your son probably the hardest because he's older and knows your father well... It's always rough, he's going to be sad, and angry, and he's going to want to lash out... I wish you luck and I hope something in one of these suggestions might help... I don't envy you your task-- this is really a hard one.

Tiffany - posted on 08/03/2010

If you are any bit religious or teach you kids about God at all you could tell them that Papa went to live with God. My sister in law didnt know how she would tell her kids either that their gpa had died and i suggested that and they understood and didnt ask questions at all. She explained that he went to live with God and he wasnt gonna visit anymore because God lives in heaven and heaven is beautiful and he is happy now and not sick anymore. Hope this helps.