How do i get my husband to stop complaining?

Monique - posted on 11/02/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Although i have always worked, this last 1.5 years i have stayed home to take care of my girls while my husband works 5-6/12hr days. He definitely does his part but these next weeks hell be home more and now that he is home more i expect more help with the house and the girls. Every time i ask him to do something he says oh i did it last or i did it yesterday. I have tried telling him this is not a race and we are not keeping tabs. If something needs to get done one of us has to do it so if im busy, it should be him. How can i get this through his head and get him to just do stuff. 
He complains all the time that im bothering him. I have thought of punishing him but that doesnt really exist in marriages does it? I could leave him alone with the girls all day to let him see what it is like but i know all hell do is let them play all around him and give them snacks while he plays video games. which means when i get home at the end of this punishment, i am the one suffering - cleaning up and waking up early the next day since he didnt feed enough dinner or put them to sleep early in order to play better. 
WHAT DO I DO???? AHHHHH

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Jonellyn - posted on 11/04/2010

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its the reason why so many ppl refer to their husbands as another child..... you should leave him with the girls for a lil bit not all day, Go to the supermarket, just take extra long doing it, tell him the girls ask for too much suff to go with you. ALSO remind him the way he is at home is HOW THEY WILL CHOOSE A HUSBAND , so if he acts lazy they will choose a lazy man, BECASUE even if he isnt lazy the girls only see what happens at home..DONT attack him, the best way to talk to him about it is with bein calm and casal, if you but a man in defensive mode they wont listen. Men are stubborn fools. Talk to him calmly like, HEy honey Im going to play with the girls for an hour BUT I must go to the supermarket and run some errands so play your video game for an hour and I wont bother you BUT then please shut it off and watch a movie with the girls or go for a walk outside with them will I go to the supermarket, okay, then ina hour get your stuff together and leave, make sure its a day you HAVE to go so there are no excuses on his part, like you have no milk or something. Aslo tell the GIRLS play a game with daddy like Clean up the fastest then leave run out the door, he cant gt mad b/c you gave him an hour on his video..ALSO remind him 15 minutes before you go , Hney Im leaving in 15 minutes so finish up your game PLEASE....just take that higher road of please and thank you dont attack, purr i his ear of honey you are so o good, men are like dogs they do more with praise

Stifler's - posted on 11/03/2010

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Yeah I agree, happy wife happy life hahaha. If I'm not happy and he thinks it's his god given right to hot dinner, tv and bed while I wash up and bath baby etc. let me tell you there won't BE any hot dinner to come home to.

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Chrystal - posted on 11/04/2010

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I would definitely sit down and talk to him about it. He might not know you are feeling that way. So if you talk to him about it, he might try to put himself in your shoes. I completely understand what you are going through though. My husband will say the same thing at times. He will say I did it last or get annoyed when I ask him to feed our daughter b/c I'm making dinner and don't have 10 hands. There comes a point and time where men have to grow up and realize that it's not all about them anymore. Good luck:)

Corinne - posted on 11/04/2010

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Okay, games console is not allowed in my home til kids are in bed, mostly because I don't want my kids watching C.O.D or Biohazard or any other vaugely violent or scary games. Occassionally I let him play Fifa when they're about, but I insist that he spends time with his kids, playing, reading to them, bathing them, anything. I don't expect much, but I want my children to KNOW who Daddy is, and as I gave up my career to be a SAHM, I don't think it's a lot to ask.

Carisa - posted on 11/04/2010

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Most of our chores we have split up...I do laundry, he takes car of the yard. I cook dinner, he washes the dishes. Because we already have this understanding, there's no complaining about it. I do make him change poopy diapers when he gets home (but to be fair, my baby goes 3-5 times a day, so I do change most of them) When my husband has extra time off, he is usually working on projects around the house, so he doesn't pick up any of my chores, but he still has many of his own. If you set up a schedule ahead of time, he won't feel like you are nagging him and may complain less. Good luck!

Lisa - posted on 11/04/2010

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I always ask in the morning, what are your plans for the day and then I'll tell him what else I need his help with. If he knows ahead of time, he's less likely to get annoyed.
I also don't expect my hubby to do more work at home just because he's not working as many hours. When he’s got downtime from work, that’s his downtime from work. I may ask him if I can have a little extra me time and he’s more than willing to accommodate because I don’t nag, yell, etc. We each have our jobs to do and he knows, as well as I know that we each need recharging from those jobs.
When he's home, I'll ask him if he'd mind cooking dinner, giving the kids a bath, doing the dishes, etc. but I don't think he should have to do half of my housework. If I don't nag him about doing things around the house, he's much more willing to help out with little daily things.
You said, "If" you left him alone with them, haven't you in the past? How do you know what he'd do if you haven't tried it. Monday I was gone all day and left instructions with bus times, etc. and had dinner in the crockpot and left a note on what the kids would eat for lunch and that they'd need baths before bedtime. Seem childish? Yes BUT hubby has a short memory and tends to get caught up in whatever he is doing so he actually appreciates it and he travels over half the month so he doesn't know a lot of the schedules, routines, etc. The house was destroyed by the time I got home but oh well at least everyone had a good day.

Bethany - posted on 11/04/2010

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I'd just keep doing what you normally do, and if he wants more than that done, he can do it, otherwise, let him have his little holiday, then when you REALLY need him, he'll be more likely to be there for you.

And if you need a proper break too, leave the kids at home and just go, but don't expect anything to be done while you're gone, just enjoy your time too. Even just an afternoon, or a day or two. He'll soon see how much you do when he's not looking, and if he doesn't, then at least you've had a little break.

As the saying goes "Let the baby have his bottle"

Candice - posted on 11/03/2010

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I would suggest counseling. Having a neutral place where you can both voice your opinions and feelings might ease some of your frustration. I know it seems serious but don't wait until your minor complaints and frustrations snow ball into a larger issue to seek out help.

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Sounds like he is acting like a child, so I would say put him in a time out......but it sounds like he already has lots of those and rather enjoys it. All I can say is that you don't have to punish him.....but you have to stand for yourself. If you have read any of my posts around here you will know that I have very little tolerance for the kind of "man" who sits around playing video games, watching sports, whatever, while his wife/mother of his children works like a dog. and sinks further and further under. My man will help out quite a bit.....but even he often has to be told or reminded about picking up after yourself, or putting things back where they belong. Like I say to him.....how the heck will I teach the children any kind of responsibility or common courtesy if I cannot get it through their father's thick head?!! I have been heard to cry in desperation on more then 1 occasion.... HELP ME....be my hero. dontcha want to be my hero? that usually lights a fire under his ass pretty quick. But it is also a reminder to him that once upon a time he wanted to please me.....strove to please me....wooed me. Is that all done now? because you never know how long "till death do us part" can be. Happy wife, happy life buddy.

Brandy - posted on 11/03/2010

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sounds like you need to give him a good kick in the butt monique my husband works 12 hr days 6 to 7 days a week and he still helps me.

Stifler's - posted on 11/02/2010

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I just yell at mine. He annoys me and I'm just like JUST DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, IF THE NAPPY NEEDS CHANGING AND YOU'RE HERE JUST DO IT. Then I walk off and refuse to change it.

Nelly - posted on 11/02/2010

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I've been a stay at home mom for 16 years, I take care of all household chores and raising the kids, my husband will help with homework, or with baths and bed times.

Erica - posted on 11/02/2010

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All I can say if he were my husband we would be having a conversation and if he chooses to continue to ignore me the xbox would "accidently" fall out a window. ;) Stand up for yourself you are just as important as he is in this partnership. Hope you figure things out!

Monique - posted on 11/02/2010

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yes thats exactly what i thought, i catn punish him. He is a grown man.
i have tried talking to him but like i said in the post he thinks by doing it the day or week before that means he is not going to do it again so often.
i like the idea of the list but i think that he wont even see it if hes playing video games all day.
i guess i just get frustrated because allthough i know rome was not built in one day, me and him have been together going on 8 years.

Erica - posted on 11/02/2010

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first off you never punish in a marriage.... That's my opinion anyway. Why not sit down and talk to him? Or just grasp this is the man you married and Rome wasn't built in a day. Just like with your children you don't expect them to start talking in sentences when they say their first words, why would you exect someone who's learning to handle their day differently to know exactly what it takes?



Why not make a list of everything that needs done that day. Post it where you both can see it and just check off what gets done. Try to make it as close to the same things every day. Then Start posting it later and later and you'll notice he'll just start doing things. That is if he is truly wanting to help.



But the idea of wanting to punish your husband disturbs me a little. Would he punish you if you didn't get the house cleaned to his liking???

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