How do I make hubby understand?

Bobbie - posted on 05/03/2012

Another piece of sound advice.....don't let the two year old have full run of the house to create messes. You say you spend time cleaning up your own mess? Are you creating lots of work for yourself? That's non productive. Toddlers allowed to carry food around or eat without discipline to sit still will have your floors sticky and messy and filled with crumbs. A child with tons of toys and no restraint to grab and run around with as many as he wants will cause a room to look real bad, real quick. Shutting off the toys from him that have been neatly put away and keeping on a few out at a time to occupy him is all he needs. Nap time routine habits will give you the time you need to chill out and not feel like you are always on demand.
Here is my daughter in laws handling of my grandson.
Schedule....Up at 7:00, watches 30 minutes of thomas the tank while she showers and blow drys her hair.
7:30 - breakfast and getting him dressed
8:00 - full focus on play. Flash cards, playing on the floor with him
9:00 - 1 hour of movie or tv time while she does housework
10:00 - story time and a walk or play outside
11:00 - prepare and eat lunch together. She takes him to whatever room she is cleaning with just a toy or two and talks and sings with him while she completes her work
12:30 - nap time He goes down without a struggle daily. She has a routine of taking off his pants and giving him a light blanket. He has started going to his room by himself lately and climbing into be.
She has from 12:30 to 2:30 to relax, nap, read, or unwind.
2:30 snack time
then the rest of the day is focused on planning and preparing a dinner for the family, having older son do his homework at the table and complete it before my son gets home from work.

Bobbie - posted on 05/03/2012

He isn't listening and you aren't listening. He apparently is feeling overwhelmed by the stress of carrying all the bills while you are home. Do you get up with him in the morning to spend a few minutes together? Do you make sure you are home, scheduling your social time to day time hours so you can spend some time with him in the evening? Believe me, it's not the house being messy, it's him feeling unappreciated and not getting enough attention from you on a daily basis. If you allow your child to stay up or if he doesn't have a routine so you and hubby get time every night to just unwind together than of course he is going to feel he always comes last.
Here is what I did for my husband that made him feel so much better. I got up with him when he went to work, didn't matter what shift he was on. I would offer to make him breakfast or coffee and I always packed a lunch for him. I made sure the loudness of the dishwasher, washer and dryer were done during the time he was at work so that house wasn't in kaos when he came home. I had two children and when my son was 2 I made sure he got a routine to be in bed by 8:30. This gave us a good hour or so to focus on conversation or just be in the same room together without full focus on the needs of a 2 year old.
Lastely, I didn't take long phone calls, text a lot or get on the computer after he worked all day. Look at it this way, he needs your time and so you need to devote some attention to your schedule so it better alines with his work schedule. That isn't too much to ask and that respect and attention to making time for "us" DAILY will go a long way.

Sal - posted on 08/22/2010

i have been known to take a photo (with time and date) when i actaully managed to get everything done and when hubby got home to the house looking much the same as when he left i showed him- it was all in fun but, i think he was stunned 2 little people cause so much havok, and has been a little more understanding about it, but he wasn't too bad just didn't understand.

Amy - posted on 08/22/2010

go away for a girls weekend!!!!!! say heres your son im off, then see if he appriciates u when u get back, dont forget to leave laundry, dishes ect for him to also do, otherwise its like my hubby, he dosnt know wat my problem is, its easy looking after our 2 boys he says, life would be easy if we just played with them and didnt have to bath change bums get dressd prepare breakfast lunch and dinner drag the kids to the shops chuck a load of washing on do the dishes remember to hang washing out , ect ectect, make sure he does ALL of your job not just the playing bit lol

Tanya - posted on 08/20/2010

i have the same problem...but my husband doesnt complain the house is dirty..the only thing he bugs me about is dinner...but he has a.d.d and a.d.h.d problem and hes always stressed out..i feel like im the one that has to make him feel all "it" hes the best at this and that..hes a sagitarious and im a scorpion...we dont get along very much but we try because we have a son..he is known to run away whenever it gets hard with our son..and i told him to his face i said can you plz help me...give me a f*ckin break stop running away and talking to your dad and come help your WIFE do the dishes and give our son a bath..right away he helped me with the dishes and gave our son a bath..hes so childish too it pisses me off..im not only picking up after my son im picking up after my 24year old husband..and i dont know how many times i tell him hes like ya ya ill do it...his mind works weird..i cant talk to him because he never listens...he will only listen if hes interested in actually listening to me..sometimes i wonder why were together...and i did leave him alone with our son for a couple of hours while i went to the gym...and he didnt even bother with our son...he cant deal with him he gets so frustrated and annoyed so easily...so i cant leave my son with my husband..i always have to ask my parents to babysit...my husband is seeing a dr and a sycoligist were just waiting for a phone call to go see her

Natalie - posted on 04/27/2010

They will NEVER understand.

Glo - posted on 04/27/2010

Some have suggested you leave the house for a few hours and let your husband take care of everything while you are gone. I disagree. You need to leave for a few DAYS! Go visit a friend out of town. Or go with a friend out of town for a few days. That's the only way your husband is going to get the FULL effect of being a SAHM! I did this when my son was about 2 and my twin daughters were a year old. (I went to a Mother's of Twins Convention) By the time I got home he was exhausted and the house was a mess. He NEVER complained again about how the house looked or why things didn't get done. In fact, he started saying things like, "You need a day off." or "I think we need to let someone take the kids for the night so we can get away for some R&R."! But the one thing I like most was when he would say, "Let me help you with that."!

Carrie - posted on 04/27/2010

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I will tell you what I would do. I would leave him with the child on his day off from the time he would normally go to work and don't come home till he normally would and see how he does. You take the day off and recharge. We all need that from time to time and it makes us better parents so don't feel bad about it. Good luck! :-)

Angela - posted on 04/26/2010

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Col... This link may help him see how much you are worth.

Hopefully, then he will have a whole new appreciation for you!!

Sarah - posted on 04/26/2010

I am in the same situation. Sometimes I think my husband thinks we live in a 1950's sitcom. He wants to come home to the spotless house, a nice 3 course meal, and a smiling wife who is ready to give him a back rub and have sex. He's gone all day long, and goes out quite often in the evenings as well as on the weekends. Yes, he works hard and his job can be stressful, but he does not seem to understand the stresses of being a full time stay at home mom! The only things he helps out with are taking out the trash and mowing the lawn!
I try to just let his comments roll off my back and do the best I can to take good care of my kids and keep things running smoothly. I try to do as much as possible while my one year old has her morning nap and my four year old is at preschool twice a week. Even though it is hard, I take the kids with me to do errands because I think it's important for them to learn how to behave in public and for them to see that there are things that have to get done,but we can have fun while doing it! I also have a weekly routine for keeping up with house work. For example, Mondays are errand days - the banking, grocery shopping, trips to the post office, etc. get done on Mondays. On Tuesdays, I clean upstairs - the bedrooms, and bathrooms, change the bedding, etc. while my son is at preschool. Wednesdays, I clean the kitchen, and downstairs bathroom thoroughly (wash floors, etc.) You get the idea... Having just one area of the house to focus on each day makes it less overwhelming and I can be sure that it gets done. It doesn't take long to keep up with the cleaning up if it never gets that bad. Keeping things organized and teaching the kids to clean up after themselves helps too. Some days are harder than others, and there are plenty of days when I don't feel like doing it all. However, I feel grateful that I have the opportunity to stay home and watch my kids grow up. I am glad that I am here to read to them, play with them, and take them to parks, museums, etc. I am fortunate enough that my husband's job can support us. Yes. money is tight, but this is all temporary and before I know it the kids will be grown up, and the house will stay clean after I clean it. For now, I take the time to look at their adorable tiny handprints on the glass before I clean them away...

Lyn - posted on 04/25/2010

do u live with "ward cleaver"? lol It's awful! I know! Men don't get it, but I think they are trained as kids to think that... so use this as a lesson as u bring up your son?/daughter? to teach them responsibilities. It is easier to do the chore for them, but if you teach them, they will always know how to do it. I teach both my sons and daughter how to clean, pick up, organize, etc. It not only helps me out, but will help them out as they get older and have families of their own. My kids are older than yours is, but it is never to late. .... talk to you hubby when you have down time, and kids are in bed, and make a plea to understand that this is "temporary" and your child is growing older every day, and things will change... if it really bothers him, guess what? God gave him two hands and he could use them to clean what he wants! lol Good luck!

Debra - posted on 04/25/2010

I think all husbands think that! Mine did too! Ocassionally still has a whinge - after 28 years and four kids, he knows what answer he will get too - do it yourself sunshine! I signed on as a wife, not as your personal slave, who you feel you can whip when things are not done to your expectations! The other one - you try to nag, I WILL nag, and you know that women do it far better than men! After all sweetheart, you said it yourself, now go and do the mowing - the lawn is shabby, then wash the car, - its a pigsty, fix up the bathroom - do I have to do evrerything in this house, and the next time we visit your parents, you can go by yourself! Good grief, you only work 40 hours a week - what do you do with the rest of your time - get a move on! Or you could just really do nothing for the day, and let him see the outcome! No washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking, shopping, putting away (except for the kids!) - I've done that - it's cute, the expression on their face when they come home. I just state, well, you think it anyway - might as well deserve it! Oh, you have to cook dinner dear! Now, we can go on and on, or we can have a truce - the choice is yours.

What's that cartoon where the guy comes home and complains, when the wife has 'saved the world' and she has a lovely big rolling pin and just says 'little man, I have had a big day' - gets me everytime, as I have shown my hubbie the cartoon and I do have one hell of a rolling pin - it was my mothers!

And the weekend away does work - make sure to arrange it when bubs is teething though! Leave Friday night too!

Cheers!

Cheers!

Shelley - posted on 04/24/2010

I would plan a few days away & leave him all by himself.

Rebecca - posted on 04/24/2010

next time he has a few days off...leave! go to a spa with a friend. when you get back just say "did ya have fun?" lol

Jovan - posted on 04/24/2010

I have the same problem guys. My man thinks that it is so easy for us. I got him to understand a little by leaving him alone for a few hours, which happened to be around dinner time, with our three kids, 5 yr, 23 mos and 10 mos. It changed his outlook but he will still say things from time to time.

Melissa - posted on 04/24/2010

LOL i go through the exact same thing you do except i have 3kids (one is in school part time) I understand COMPLETELY where you're coming from. Honestly if you find a good answer let me know cuz i'm curious how to make him ZIP IT

Ashlee - posted on 10/16/2009

what quiz

Bethany - posted on 10/16/2009

tell him to take a couple of days off and leave him with the kid for a day or two. or if you're breastfeeding, leave him for the morning! He'll soon see that you have to drop everything every ten minutes to see to your son. You two are in the same boat, make sure you're both rowing in the same direction. Being a Stay at Home mother is one of the most important jobs on the planet, and yes, sometimes we can sit and have a coffee with mates, but we also jump to attention in the middle of the night and can be up for a while. We need to rest, to do a good job.We are not on a 9-5 schedule, we need to pace ourselves and if that does not suit your husband then he can tidy up for himself. He would have to if he lived alone, so he can do it now. Whose side is he on anyway?!!

Roseanne - posted on 09/29/2009

After reading some of the responses from other mums, i'm actually really relieved that i'm not the only one! I thought i was alone in the whole hubby thinking nothing was done, constant moaning/arguing/huffs/moods etc when he gets home. I find myself getting more and more stressed as the time for him coming home gets closer, as i know what going to happen. According to him the house can look clean if you try very hard. Now i've seen him do this and is annoys me as both my children are completely ignroed as he's whizzing around the house doing jobs. Kyle can be screaming but oh the dishes are more important. Sorry, i cant do that. There will always be house work. Children leave home. Children will always come first in my books.



I'll read on in whats been said in this topic as its is sorta giving me some encouragement that what i'm doing is in fact normal!!

Angela - posted on 09/29/2009

Let him stay home for one week with the children, by his self he will see

Connie - posted on 09/29/2009

My mother had a simple solution to this one. Don't do anything for 2 days and let him see what you really do. And then explain that just because it's a mess when he comes in doesn't mean you weren't doing anything it just means that your 2yr old is quicker than you are. If you have him call you as he is leaving work you can pick up whatever is still laying around. Take a laundry basket keep it in the hall closet and just before he gets home throw all the stuff left on the floor in it put it back in the closet and no more mess when he walks thru the door. Tommorrow morning pull the basket back out and your 2yr old has stuff to play with, Hope this helps

Bernadette - posted on 09/28/2009

I too have the same problem, I went away from wednesday to monday and he found out its not as easy as he thought! He forgot to do half the stuff that was needed to be done! i will go away once a month until i am appreciated!

Sandra - posted on 09/28/2009

make a deal w/him, let him do all the house job for a week including the kid and u will see his reaction!

Alia - posted on 09/28/2009

Give him a weekend to go out for yourself and let him take care of things "as they should be done". Once he starts taking part in the parenting he will hopefully learn that being a sahm is exhausting.

Debra - posted on 09/28/2009

Leave him alone with the kid for a day or two, go visit your family, and let him see what you go through. It worked for me >.>

Jaimee - posted on 09/28/2009

i would tell him so be the stay at home parent and you maybe go back to work?

Tara - posted on 09/28/2009

I'm with Brandy on this one !!... Can u let me know as well ??

Jaimee - posted on 09/28/2009

i would tell him so be the stay at home parent and you maybe go back to work?

Krista - posted on 09/28/2009

Stay at home mom means stay at home mom, not stay at home housekeeper. Good luck with it though, I had that problem for 13 years. There really isn't anything you can do necessarily to make him understand, there has to be a change in his perspective of your job as a mother.

Justine - posted on 09/28/2009

I have seven kids and have two simple bits of advice that will help. 1. Search 'flylady' and subscribe - its free. 2. Eat at the table and ONLY at the table. Most serious mess from kids comes from eating.

Amanda - posted on 09/28/2009

Well unfortunately for me I had a mental breakdown and had to be in a hospital for a week. However, that helped me. He had to stay with the kids for that week. Only then did he understand how hard it was to keep the house clean and take care of the kids. He had to enlist the help of his grandmother lol. But he never complained again about the house not being perfect or the laundry not being caught up. I don't reccommend having a break down but have him watch your son for a couple hrs. Tell him to do a load of laudry, the dishes or whatever and see how tired he gets from it. Plus dealing with the constant yelling, playing and temper tantrums around the house should make him thankful that you are the one dealing with it. Guys are such little kids themselves. My husband is 29 and still can't do his own laundry or dishes. Sheesh.

Michelle - posted on 09/28/2009

Quoting Crissy:

Quoting Michelle:

Quoting Crissy:

omg michelle you are a complete life saver. i am totally going to try this out and see if it works for me. i am one of those people you referred to. my husband seems to think i have ocd or something but i dont cuz if i did..i would never sit down and rest. thanks for the wonderful advice. :]

LOL! I glad to help, I hope it works for you the same that is has for me. I know what you mean about the OCD thing, my hubby thought the same thing too for a while, but it is true - if you were truly OCD then you would never have a moments peace. It's just finding your groove is all. ;o)

yeh i have 4 children and barely find rest times. im sick today and dinner is in the crock pot. so im not doing much cleaning today and hubby has been helpin trumendously today cuz he knows im not feeling well. also lets face it...hes a guy and theres things he wants from me to..lol my major cleaning day is on sundays and i spot clean the whole house and hubby helps with that day cuz i have trouble moving furniture. :] im already excited to write up a schedule and i will update on how it goes

How funny, I have 4 kids too. So I totally know what you're going through. ;o) I'm happy to hear that hubby's helping out, and I hope you feel better soon. There's just no such thing as sick days for a SAHM. I look forward to your update.

Crissy - posted on 09/28/2009

Quoting Michelle:

Quoting Crissy:

omg michelle you are a complete life saver. i am totally going to try this out and see if it works for me. i am one of those people you referred to. my husband seems to think i have ocd or something but i dont cuz if i did..i would never sit down and rest. thanks for the wonderful advice. :]

LOL! I glad to help, I hope it works for you the same that is has for me. I know what you mean about the OCD thing, my hubby thought the same thing too for a while, but it is true - if you were truly OCD then you would never have a moments peace. It's just finding your groove is all. ;o)

yeh i have 4 children and barely find rest times. im sick today and dinner is in the crock pot. so im not doing much cleaning today and hubby has been helpin trumendously today cuz he knows im not feeling well. also lets face it...hes a guy and theres things he wants from me to..lol my major cleaning day is on sundays and i spot clean the whole house and hubby helps with that day cuz i have trouble moving furniture. :] im already excited to write up a schedule and i will update on how it goes

Michelle - posted on 09/28/2009

Quoting Crissy:

omg michelle you are a complete life saver. i am totally going to try this out and see if it works for me. i am one of those people you referred to. my husband seems to think i have ocd or something but i dont cuz if i did..i would never sit down and rest. thanks for the wonderful advice. :]

LOL! I glad to help, I hope it works for you the same that is has for me. I know what you mean about the OCD thing, my hubby thought the same thing too for a while, but it is true - if you were truly OCD then you would never have a moments peace. It's just finding your groove is all. ;o)

Crissy - posted on 09/28/2009

omg michelle you are a complete life saver. i am totally going to try this out and see if it works for me. i am one of those people you referred to. my husband seems to think i have ocd or something but i dont cuz if i did..i would never sit down and rest. thanks for the wonderful advice. :]

Michelle - posted on 09/28/2009

Hi Jessica,



I know what your going through girl. :o) In my first marriage, I experienced the same thing. He didn't quite understand what it was that I did all day long. They assume that we do all of the things you discribed in your post. It is an unfortunate truth, and I've learned that they really don't understand what it is to be a stay at home mom unless they have walked a mile in your shoes. Leaving your hubby for a weekend with the children is a good idea. If you have a good relationship with his mother then call her ahead of time and ask that she be to busy to come over and help him while you are away. Let him experince first hand the chaos that is our job. ;o) Another idea that I read about once is this. "Hubby comes home from work, and the dishes are piled in the sink, toys everywhere, laundry undone, the children in the back yard playing in the mud, and mom is no where down stairs. Hubby thinks something has gone wrong, the house is in complete disarray, so he beings calling her name as he searches for her. He goes upstairs to their room, and finds her comfy in her bed reading a book and still in her pj's. He asks what happened, and she says casually looking briefy from her book, you thought I didn't do anything all day - so that's exactly what I did today. Nothing, and goes back to reading her novel." With either senerio you are going to have extra work the next day because either he won't be able to keep everything clean and be attentive to the baby, or you driving your point home by actually doing nothing all day.



One thing I do remember is that I used to feel like I had to clean the entire house every single day from top to bottom, and to top it off I suffer from what I affectionatly call BFS (But First Syndrome). This is when you start to clean the kitchen for examle and you're on your way to the laundry room to put dirty towels away and something else that needs to be done catches your eye so you stop that and start something new. This can go on all day long, your running around like a chicken with your head cut off and at the end of the day the dishes still aren't done, the bills aren't taken care of, the trash didn't make it out to the dumpster, and the whole house is a mess. You exhausted at the end of the day, working your butt off, and have nothing to show for it. If you are also one who suffers from this, my suggestion is to make a weekly chore list. On each day picks rooms in your house that you are going to clean. For example, Monday is kitchen, dining room, and entry way. Tuesday is laundry room, downstairs bathroom, stairs. Make one day a in the middle week a light chore day simple things that don't take much time, and have that day also be laundry your light laundry day. Then devote either a Friday or Saturday as your big laundry day - where that's all you do that day is laundry. Also, give yourself a day off (say Sunday) where you don't have any chores on your list. Naturally, during the week if there are things left on the floor do a quick sweep to pick them up. Stay focused on each day and only do the rooms for that day and that day only. If you miss a day because it was just a bad day, don't double up the following day. It can wait until next week. If you keep yourself on a constant schedule like that cleaning will become faster and easier each week because the entire house has been touched each week. This system has worked for me, and I have to say that my house stays much cleaner that way, I'm not as stressed out and or exhausted at the end of the day. If your husband comes home and asks if the laundry has been done you refer him to the schedule and say is it laundry day? If it's not, then tell him that if he'd like to have laundry done that day then he can do it himself, it wasn't on your schedule of work to do that day. :o)



I hope this helps. :o)

Crissy - posted on 09/28/2009

my husband has his moments and likes to complain bout stuff but not to often cuz he knows first hand how hard my job truely is. he also has this big thing bout complaining bout certain things i would throw in the dirty clothes to be washed. if it hits the floor, then i assume its dirty and put it where it belongs. that use to bug him and he threw a fit one night. so i dont wash his clothes for him anymore. whenever i see somethin of his on the floor, i throw it on his side of the bed. (so i cant see it cuz it being on the floor will bug me till i pick it up..lol) well he started noticing after awhile and wondered why i wasnt doing his clothes. told him if its dirty put it where it belongs and then it will get clean. im not a maid, just a mommy and my kids clean up after themselves as well.

Melissa - posted on 09/28/2009

Quoting Amanda:

I agree with the people who said this is like Deja Vu. Except I have left my hubby with out 2 1/2 year old for a few hours before and when I come home she's in her room watching TV and he's playing XBOX live. I wish it was that easy for me (to just shrug off the child and make her watch tv in her room all day while I screwed around playing games) but i'm apparently more mature than he is. Some men NEVER learn. Those woman who's hubby's get the hint after "the test" are lucky ducks!

Some men need a little more help...Take his game controllers with you when you leave, along with the remote control and hide her TV. Sounds like a lot of work just to prove a point, but most men won't bother if they've gotta turn the channels by hand..lol. MOST men don't think of it like we do...hey, the kid was entertained...he done his job. But in order to show him, sometimes drastic measures are needed...taking his controller and remote may indeed cause a fight, but it may just be the not so subtle hint you need to show him that it's time he spent some quality time with his daughter and that it's not all fun and games when you've got a 2 year old in your care. Sometimes a good talk might help too, but more often than not, they hear and understand...until you're out of sight. Good luck Amanda! I hope you can find a way to show him.

Amanda - posted on 09/28/2009

I agree with the people who said this is like Deja Vu. Except I have left my hubby with out 2 1/2 year old for a few hours before and when I come home she's in her room watching TV and he's playing XBOX live. I wish it was that easy for me (to just shrug off the child and make her watch tv in her room all day while I screwed around playing games) but i'm apparently more mature than he is. Some men NEVER learn. Those woman who's hubby's get the hint after "the test" are lucky ducks!

Melissa - posted on 09/28/2009

Wow, I feel really lucky. My hubby is awesome when it comes to this! He says that he could never do my job. He doesn't understand how women can stay home all day, care for the kids and the house and still have sanity..lol. He's a wonderful "stay at home father" when he has to be, but he'd never choose it over work..lol.



I agree with the ladies about letting him have some of your "lounging time" alone with your son. He may not get it the first few times, but after the "I'm a man, I can do this" wears off and the first few, "UH OH, Daddy's" happen, he'll hopefully start to get the picture. Good luck!

Jackie - posted on 09/28/2009

Me 2! We have a 2 year old and a 4 month old...

Hope - posted on 09/28/2009

omg i would so like 2 know aswell, some men just dont see how hard it is on both sides!

Karen - posted on 09/28/2009

That sounds EXACTLY like my husband when my oldest daughter was a baby and I was home with her all day. (She's now 6 and has a 3 year old sister). The answer is simple....pick a day he's not working, either a Saturday or a Sunday and go out by yourself for a about 3 hours and give him a list of things to be done while you're gone, letting him be in your shoes for once and maybe he'll see how difficult it is to keep everything in order. I just give up when it comes to my 3 year old who I call he white tornado...I say my house will be spotless when she's in college. Good luck from someone who could relate.

Miranda - posted on 09/27/2009

That pretty much happens to all of us with husbands! :) I definitely agree with Tiffannie about leaving your husband home with your child for a few hours! And afterwards, you need to have a talk with him. He needs to know that being a mom & a wife is hard work. Men have no idea how much women do lol! I have a 1 year old & a 7 week old (they are 10 months apart) & it's never easy trying to clean. It wasn't even easy when I just had one baby! I'm usually up really late at night trying to catch up on the cleaning. Your husband needs to give you a break. I say leave your hubby with the baby & go out & do something for yourself! :)

Shantel - posted on 09/27/2009

I had the same with my hubby so I just stopped doing any housework whatsoever, pretty much doing what he was saying I was doing....it took a week for him to realise exactly what us stay at home mum's go through everyday....he tends to appreciate everything I do for him now.

Bridgette - posted on 09/27/2009

Also, Read "In Praise of Stay At Home Moms" and "The Proper Care and Feedings of Husbands" and "Woman Power" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. These will help to encourage you.

Charlynn - posted on 09/27/2009

Ask him to give you a day off and to try to do all of the things he expects you to do while you are gone. I've been fortunate enough to have a husband who has had to stay at home from time to time and now works out of our home, and he has told me that when he has to take care of the kids and the house without me he develops a greater respect for what I can accomplish.



Also, if you don't take time to take care of yourself you will have a lot less energy to take care of your house and kids. Good luck!

Bridgette - posted on 09/27/2009

I challenged my husband. I have 3 kids under 4 years old. Now my house does stay relatively clean and supper is on the table by 6...usually. Even if it frozen pizza. See (www.flylady.net for house help. the suggestions are just nutty, but it DOES work!)



Any way sense my hubby is competitive...I challenged him... "ok babe, it's not done to the way you like it, so try it! Try doing my job. I know you work hard and I can't do your job. You're a soldier and you are wonderful at it and you have many decorations and awards for it. I'm a mom, all I'm trying to do it raise 3 children who love God, family, and have a good education and childhood. It's not that easy. I will write down for you everything I do during the day, their routines, and the "guidelines" which we live by while you are at work. i.e. don't leave the older 2 alone in the bedrooms they will destroy it; don't leave the kids downstairs for more than 2 minutes unsupervised. You give me 1 day from 8-4, then tell me how easy I have it. I bet you can't do it. If you pull it off then you get ___________ (don't remember what he wanted), if you DON'T then you have to shut up about it....and go yard saling with me for 2 weekends which means NO sleeping in."



He lost. By the time the day was done he was exhausted...he couldn't do it all. He apologized and now even offers to help out more around the house.



Another thing I did after our second child was born, this caused more work on me in the long run but it was fun. I took one day and did NOTHING! It was mircowave food that day, left the wrappers everywhere, didn't clean up toys, no laundry, sat in pj's all day, didn't cook, i did NOTHING!!! That upset him, just the next day he say how the difference was and he shut up.

Erica - posted on 09/27/2009

Oh yeah and check out this site...i found it to be a blessing!!! I do it every day and it doesnt take long to do what i need to do every day anymore! www.flylady.net
It seems like alot of info, check it out and do it its TOTALLY worth it in the end

Erica - posted on 09/27/2009

if he is off on the weekends tell him he can do what you do all day....then if he thinks he needs to complain after that fine. I suspect after 1 day he wont say another word. I did that to my husband when we only had 2 children (we now have 3) He got laid off from his job so i went and got a part time one until he could get work again and HE stayed home and did "my job" needless to say he never complains anymore!