How do I make my husband understand that a stay at home mom is not as easy as it sounds!!

Crystal - posted on 07/14/2011 ( 25 moms have responded )

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My husband doesnt want me to work... so I stay at home with my 5 year old, my 4 year old, my 15 month old and my 4 month old... I have to clean, take care of them and i never get time to myself... And it really makes me mad when he says i have the easy life... Yes i love being at home with my kids but it makes me mad that he thinks its easy.... like I have such a relaxing day just cause Im home... What do u think... He's watched our kids b 4 he knows how hard it is to take care of them... He expects to much out of me...

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Jennifer - posted on 07/31/2011

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Lol, my husband was like that, then he lost his job so I went to work! He got NOTHING done! The 4 kids totally destroyed the house everyday. The bad thing was, you'd think I'd be understanding, but I said the same things to him he'd said to me! Now he's back at work and I'm staying home again, we still have those days though. I just know now, he does know the truth.

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Tonya - posted on 02/23/2012

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i would tell him to do it for a month make a list of everything you do in a day and tell him to do see what he says then he probably has forgotten did you have 4 kids when he did it

Lindsey - posted on 02/08/2012

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Sometimes I think the men in our lives are secretly jealous that they miss so much of our kids lives and think we take it for granted. Maybe first start with how much you enjoy the fact that you get to catch all the little moments he misses daily. That you appreciate his hard work. That being said- if you want more help set him up for success. Like dinner is made kids are fed and all he has to do is bathe them and read to them (while you finish cleaning up the kitchen and say fold a little laundry. Then together you can put them all to bed and get some much needed downtime. After I explained to him that I needed him to be understanding and respectful of what I do in order to even feel motivated to get my work done he was much better. I think helping me around the house and spending time with the kids are very different requests. If he helps with chores... Great. If not I'm not offended. I just don't appreciate the pressure of timelines etc. no matter how many dishes you do or how much laundry gets done or whatever... There is an endless supply awaiting you tomorrow. Take some pressure off of yourself and take it all in stride. Let home know spending time with the kids is helping you pick up the slack you lose during the day to accomplish your never ending to do list. Also set up some time say once every two weeks to go to a movie with a gf... Get a pedicure... Whatever you can to remember you're valued and appreciated too.

Darlene - posted on 02/06/2012

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Some men just don't get it. Have you tried to talk to him about how it makes you feel when he say's you have it easy? If he is not the type to listen, show him...Go on strike for a week...Don't do any housework. laundry or cook for him, just take care of your children. My sister did that to her over bearing, controll freak husband (no kidding, he's a jerk & they got a divorce) and he got the hint. Some men just need a hard slap of reality. Who knows it may work for you.



I wish only the best for you. Hang in there, you are bound to find a way to make him understand. After 29 years of marriage, mine is still under construction.

Nichole - posted on 02/04/2012

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yea my husband use to do the same thing but recently hes been helping get the house clean before he goes back to work for the week( he works a week and off a week) which helps me out a lot when he does go back to work.. it seems like i can keep up with the messes most the time... my down fall is when my 2 1/2 destroys her room and/ or is keeping me up for odd hours of the night.... The only thing I dont like that I wish my husband would help with is to get up with her in the morning...

Sara - posted on 02/02/2012

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My hubby knows it's not easy to be a stay at home mom.. He said he couldn't do it...

I say plan a trip away for the whole day and leave the house messy and have him deal with everyday stuff...

Id ask him for a little help when he gets home.. rather he helps with the laundry or helps you do the dishes... Or do stuff together..

It is hard being a stay at home mom.. but wouldn't trade it.. your doing a good job

Chasity - posted on 02/02/2012

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My husband will take them for a few hours and clean the kitchen and front room spotless but our daughter will have her destroyed etc and says he can do it then gets upset with her who is 4 ( autistic and asperger's). Cause her room is a messy! Should have paid more attention to the kids. It's frustrating he truely feels that I'm lazy!

Charm - posted on 07/31/2011

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My husband used to feel the same, but when I started working and he would watch the kids for a few hours it would drive him crazy but never admitted it to me. He would tell others how he wouldnt be able to handle it if he were a stay at home dad. We now have 3 girls and Im homeschooling. Between the house work, cooking, laundry, bath times and making sure that my kids are disciplined, are on a schedule so they dont drive my crazy and potty training there is not enough time for anything else even going to the bathroom which used to be my scape from everything is not my private time anymore. Dishes are in the sink, and mountains of laundry are piled up waiting to be folded while he would come home from work go to the room ad watch his shows. Though sometimes I dont mind, it does get to me when he thinks that staying at home is easy. I applaud each and everyone of you for choosing to stay at home with your kids. There are alot of benefits for staying at home with your kids. So if he cant understand all that you do for you and your family by staying at home then use selective hearing, it work for a long time but eventually he will know how hard you work at home, as moms are usually the first ones up and the last one down everyday.

Johanna - posted on 07/31/2011

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My boyfriend always gives me the whole well you go to work and ill stay with the kids... It drives me insane! I am a mom to a 16 month old and a 1 month old. They are both a handful and I hardly have time to even eat, and he comes home to sit on the sofa as soon as he comes home. Men just don't realize, he says he does but he has no idea. Its like i have to care for 3 kids not two.

Johanna - posted on 07/31/2011

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My boyfriend always gives me the whole well you go to work and ill stay with the kids... It drives me insane! I am a mom to a 16 month old and a 1 month old. They are both a handful and I hardly have time to even eat, and he comes home to sit on the sofa as soon as he comes home. Men just don't realize, he says he does but he has no idea. Its like i have to care for 3 kids not two.

Tasha - posted on 07/27/2011

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Ive only got one, a 7 month old, but he is definatly a full time job, and add our dog and its crazy so i cant imagine four, i wouldnt even be able to put a sentence together. My husband has acctually told me, (in an argument about how i do nothing all day, because he didnt get what he expected when he got home), that i should be happy about the "free ride" ive been given, im not a violent person but it took everyting i had in me not to slap the crap out of him. He has no desire to acctually consider what it is i do all day, he feels because he gets up, leaves the house, clocks in and makes a paycheck, that what he does is more important than what i do, i understand that money is is a burden that he bears alone, well my dad had helped us alot, and i appreciate what he does, but because i make no money what i do deserves no praise, no break, no nothing, i should just be happy to stay home. And i do love staying home, i love being with my son, but everything i do is expected, its very crappy. I do all the parenting, dr appt, reading magazines, articles, joining communities like this to connect and find things to help me and my son be happy, healthy and safe, has he even read one article or made one decision on diapers, vaccinations ect..? the answer is no. Im sorry this turned into my own rant, but i sympithize and all i can say is give yourself huge credit for being an awesome mom holdin down a house, husband and 4 kids. And put the hammer down one day and say what it is that he could do to REALLY help you feel the way you deserve to feel, relaxed and appreciated. Unfortunalty boys are sometimes slow at this stuff, good luck to us all!

Deanna - posted on 07/27/2011

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I understand what you mean I have a 4 almost 5 year old and a 5 almost 6 year old and I am a stay at home mom as well. I have left my husband with the kids and he has called me a few minutes after I leave wanting to know when I am coming home. He has done this since my oldest was a few months old and called me before I made it to the store which is on the same street as where we lived. I don't always ask him to help me around the house but when I do he always tells me he has worked all day at a job that he hates and the only reason why he is still there is because of how the economy is doing and no one is hiring at the moment. I don't mind taking care of the kids and doing the house work but every once in a while I would like some help and he thinks it is the end of the world if he has to help me with something small. The other thing that gets on my nerves is that when he comes home he decides to take everything off but his boxers or whatever but decides to throw them on the floor in the living room. The other night he went upstairs to get ready for bed and left all of his clothes that he wore in our bathroom that is in our bedroom with the dirty clothes only a few steps from where he was and when I asked him why he didn't put them in the dirty clothes he said that he was already in the bathroom.. GRRRR. My question to him was if you make the kids pick up there dirty clothes out of their bathroom and put them in their dirty clothes hamper in their room which is a farther distance then why can't you do the same? The other thing that he makes the kids do is when they are done eating in the kitchen he makes them put their dishes in the sink while he eats in the living room and watches movies and leaves the dishes beside his chair in the living room and makes me put them in the sink when he passes through the kitchen anyway to go to the bedroom upstairs. The other thing is that I have my kids on a schedule of when they eat, take a bath and go to bed because of school and he gets upset when I am cleaning and he wants me to watch something with him or when he wants me to go to bed with him and I am down stairs still finishing up the kitchen and washing the dinner dishes. I love being a stay at home mommy and wife, BUT I DON'T EVER REMEMBER SIGNING UP TO BE A MAID I FEEL LIKE I HAVE 3 KIDS INSTEAD OF 2 AM I IN THE WRONG FOR FEELING THAT WAY PLEASE HELP ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP THANKS IN ADVANCE........

Amber - posted on 07/26/2011

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Like you said your husband doesnt want you to work, so if he has a big issue with you having the "easy" job remind him of that. my husband does the same thing to me, but if i were to give him a list of things to do when i was gone i would be lucky if he did one thing on it. so i guess im sympathysing with you cuz with you cuz i have the same thing going on in my home.

Lisa - posted on 07/26/2011

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This mister finally got it when I was in the hospital for 5 days after our third child was born. He was supposed to be at the hospital at a certain time and it was 2 hours after that time and I called and asked where he was. He said and I quote, "Do you know what it's like to try to get anything done with these two in the house."
I dryly said without trying to laugh. "No, but then I guess I wouldn't when I have a fairy that comes and magically cleans the house, does the laundry, cooks the meals and everything else while you're out of town 2-3 weeks out of the month."
When he brought me home, there were piles of laundry, dishes on every counter, toys everywhere, blankets on the floor because they never used the beds. I started laundry when his mom walked and and scolded me and I said, you haven't seen the worst of it. She walked into the kitchen and gasped and just started washing dishes. Life's been pretty good since then. Sometimes I have a melt down and bawl which makes him feel bad and then he's better again.

Marta - posted on 07/26/2011

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Iam at stay mom with my 7 year old. I worked for a year when my son was 2 but it didnt work out but it was for the best. My husband is the main provider and i always understood that he works hard i never made him do anything around the house because i knew he was tired, i come from a family when chicks pretty much do everything as do I, from fixing stuff around the house , taking down the walls , trash to cutting grass u name it i do it, clean do dinner , plus my child i look after so i am like a mother machine doing all that and still being understandable wife that my husband works so i shld push him to do anything, First of all my husband is a game addict all he does is plays computer games and fishing on some weekends so i pretty much dont go out. Its not the 50's iam dont obey my husband and think he has the right not to do anything its just that my dad always said how hard he worked and he really did work hard so i always tought why bother him with stupid things to do around the house. Iam depressed most of the time that iam home i wanna go back to work but knowing that work and home is all on me will make me psycho crazy, so i just live basicly day by day mundane life of mine...He says he understands what being home is like yet he still doesnt do anything about it, i cant live my son with him to go for a drink or movie because i dont trust him to stay alone with my son , when he plays his game he doesnt watch for him it happend twice allready my son wondered out and second time he was sleeping under the table and he panic that he went outside he doesnt pay attention what my son does, so when he says that he knows what u going trough in another words he's telling u stop complaining u get to stay home and i work hard so dont complain and do ur job...but of course he wont say that at loud..

Amanda - posted on 07/20/2011

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They get it eventually. I have a 3 yr old and a 22 month old and only recently did my husband get it.
A few weeks ago I had a melt down and it kicked him into touch, he finally said he does understand how hard it is on me while he's at work and has now offered to cook on a Friday or Saturday night when he's home. He has also been helping out with the cleaning and stopped asking when the last time I vaccummed was :)

Krystal - posted on 07/20/2011

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My boyfriend did that. Although we only have 1 little girl, she can still be a handful with everything else that needs to be done. So I decided I wanted a weekend to myself. I booked a hotel with my girls and went to the mountains for a weekend. When I got home, my boyfriend huged me and bagged me never to leave, and he told me how he never understood how I did this everyday. Ever since then, all he ever does and is help out even after a 12 hour day (roofing) and now that we are expecting our second baby, he is even more helpful

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lol my hubby tells me he wishes I could go work and he could stay home all day with Harley, he forgets shes 2 and that she has brief moments of hitting, kicking and biting as well as tantrums screaming, and throwing things. She doesn't always play nice and sometimes she can be destructive as well as mean.
He only looks at how cute she is and the cuddles and hugs and kisses and all the good moments.

Amanda - posted on 07/14/2011

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Dr. Phil even said that being a stay at home mom is like having 2 full time jobs. if he has taken care of them he should know how hard it is.... but if he doesnt get it maybe he needs a day or 2 alone with them. good luck

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I like Mimi just left him home for a day...within hours he was calling me saying I have the hardest job he has ever seen! Now he understand when the house is a wreck, or the kids are screaming, or I'm just dog tired. I'm going out on a ride along with a friend of ours who is a cop and he will have the kids from 1pm-11om maybe later...I still wonder if he will survive the day, but I know he understand and its a great learning experience! He reminds me daily how much stress he knows I'm under with 3 kids 4 and under, and everything else I do with them in tow!

Mimi - posted on 07/14/2011

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I went away for the weekend and left my husband at home with the kids. I also left a list of chores that I get done on a daily bases for him to do. When I got back he sure understood then. He now trys to take some of the load off me.

Katrina - posted on 07/14/2011

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You need to let him see the difference between "watching" and "looking after". Leave him with them for a day...with a routine if necessary. He has to get them dressed, fed (breakfast, lunch and dinner) and do the dishes, washing and general cleaning. Plus, throw an errand or two in there for good measure.
See how he went when you get home and remind him that he has to multiply that by 365 days per year!
Good luck and keep us posted :)

Stifler's - posted on 07/14/2011

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I think he's an idiot. I only have 2 and I find it hard to cope when my husband is at work.

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