How do Stay at home moms spend money?

Chelsea - posted on 11/13/2009 ( 30 moms have responded )

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I am a stay at home mom. I have no income. When I go shopping I always have to use my husbands money. How do you moms get birthday / Christmas gifts for your husbands without feeling like your not really buying it for them and they are just buying it for themselves? The one thing I hate about being a stay at home mom is not having my own money to spend on my husband. Every time Christmas or his birthday comes around I know what I want to get him but it just doesn't feel like it's coming from me. And it's kind of hard to keep it from him since we have the same bank account and it tells you how much and where or what store your money is going to. How do you deal with this? How can I make myself feel more independent with his income?

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Brandy - posted on 11/16/2009

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I am a full-time Mom and Business Owner working from my home. We are expanding our business and I am currently looking for motivated, hard-working women that are willing to learn and enjoy working with great people.



I have three beautiful children, ages 6, 4 and 1. Before I started my own business, I worked 9-5 as an Education Specialist for a Computer Software Company in the corporate world. I am now living the ultimate dream of flexibility and independence through working from home and am currently on track to make six figures this year with our team. This has been the best thing I've ever done for my family and I absolutely love what we do.



We offer full training and a great support system to the women we work with and I can help show you how it really is possible for you to make a substantial income from home on a part-time schedule without stocking inventory and selling off products, hosting parties every week, or wasting gas delivering products all over town. Maybe you've been looking for a way to replace your income so you can stay home with the kids? Maybe you already stay home but would like to help supplement the family finances? Or maybe you're just tired of that old dead-end corporate job and would like to finally follow that dream of being your own boss...



If you are the kind of person I'm looking for, my team and I will invest our time with you to help you achieve your goals. You don't have to do it alone.



Serious inquiries only. www.workathomeunited.com/brandy

[deleted account]

being married, and at home with your children, we dont get "paid "monetarily.. our husbands are grateful for our work at home keeping house raising our children.. hellloo? huge responsibility and honor.. his money is our money.. it doesnt matter who the check is made out to.. lol.. we all do our part.. in the past i have put some cash bac so he wouldnt notice bc i wanted to suprise him as well..lol.. nothing wrong with it..so dont feel guilty

Jackie - posted on 11/13/2009

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Chelsea another thing.. its not his money.. Its both of yours! You may not work outside the home but you do work inside the home to save him money in child care and so forth. So don't feel like you are spending his money because in reality if your marriage is equal; well its your money also. This darn womans movement has complicated issues like this more then it ever should be. Us as mothers have enough guilt to deal with; we don't need to feel guilty about money also.



As for hiding it from him; the other ladies have given great ideas. I have a simple one that will work for this year... pull the money out of the bank account and pay cash for his gift. He might see that you pulled out the money but he won't know what you spent it on. If he askes just say you had to get a few things and that its rude to ask so many questions right before a holiday.



If it makes you feel any better for years now I have bought my own presents. I just bring it home and say "Look what you got me honey!!! Wasn't that sweet of you?" It works for both of us because if I left it to him I would be lucky if I saw a gift once every 10 years and according to him I'm hard to shop for because I don't give any ideas.

[deleted account]

I struggle with the same thing! I buy gifts for my husband with the money he earned working and what do I do? Well, I do a lot. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, caring for our son, etc... and my husband recognizes my hard work. He feels that I earn my keep and deserve whatever money I use from the account. I still battle with my guilt sometimes, especially if I feel like I am overspending, but it helps when you have a supportive husband.

Sarah - posted on 11/13/2009

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First of all, me and my husband have one bank account too, but we also have a family budget that includes our own savings. He has a certain amount he can spend a month on whatever he wants... and I do as well. This is very helpful for the both of us.

Secondly, my husband isn't very good at organizing, especially money... so I do the checkbook and keep the budget up-to-date. Therefore, he does not do much of anything with the bank account. This works to my advantage, at times, so I can buy him presents without his knowledge.

However, if you are BOTH involved with your bank account and both view it often, I would maybe tell him to, especially around holidays and birthdays, not view it so you have the oppertunity to surprise him. If he worries about how much you spend, give him a limit that you will stay in and keep that promise.



Hope this helps!

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30 Comments

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Elfrieda - posted on 07/02/2011

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Withdrawing cash is a good idea if he looks carefully at all the bills and you don't want to give away the secret before he opens it. But even if you start earning money, how would it help with this problem? I work 6 hrs/week and it goes into our bank account, same as his paycheck. If he looked at the records, he'd be able to see what's going on anyway. Fortunately for me, he's a little disorganized. :)

Kayleigh - posted on 07/02/2011

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I tend to make my partners gifts which my boy gets involved with, weve made him photo collages of nieces and nephews and pets, made little hampers of all his favourite sweets and chocolates, and my partners a big kid and we always get him a toy he can play with my son with so he doesnt actually notice on accounts its his shared gift.

Ruth - posted on 07/02/2011

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I'll second everyone who said that it's OUR money, not HIS money. We have a budget, and in that budget we have personal money allotted--basically, we give ourselves a monthly allowance to spend of whatever we want. We can let it accumulate for a few months to get something bid, or buy a lot of little things throughout the month. We also have money set aside for clothes, vacations and travel, and date nights.

As for buying presents and such, sometimes we do with with cash, but usually (since we buy most of them online) we just put off balancing the checkbook until after December is over.

Cindy - posted on 07/02/2011

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What if you got a part time job or started a daycare in your home. Would it be okay with him if you took $10-$20 a month and saved it to buy gifts for him and others? That is what I did for awhile. I stayed home for 6months til i found a job and hardly spent money because I knew how hard he had worked and sometimes all I would get what some $10-$15 langiere for him to see me in because sometimes that is a treat ;)

Amber - posted on 11/16/2009

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I am a stay home mom and this might sound old fashion and what not but my husband works and so I do work to by taking care of the house and kids and cooking him dinner so I give myself a monthly payment and I buy him things it's the thought that counts and when it comes to christmas we come up with a plan on how much we want to spend on ourselfs and go shopping together its a lot more fun.

Wendy - posted on 11/16/2009

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I have started working for AVON, for mad money for myself, as I am a stay at home mom also.. I also babysit for a child three days a week, which helps.

[deleted account]

I am also a stay-at-home and do not have a source of income... I usually ask my hubbie what he would like for Christmas or birthdays... I save him the time to go out and buy it and I know when he opens the gift, he appreciates it because he needed it! I also may write a thoughtful letter or clean the house extra clean... or wash his car... something labor-intensive to show him how much I care and that gives him more time with the family...

Joanna - posted on 11/16/2009

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we don't buy each other gifts.

Somethings I do though if I want my "own" money, is cleaning house and selling things on Ebay.

Brandy - posted on 11/16/2009

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81

14

I am a full-time Mom and Business Owner working from my home. We are expanding our business and I am currently looking for motivated, hard-working women that are willing to learn and enjoy working with great people.



I have three beautiful children, ages 6, 4 and 1. Before I started my own business, I worked 9-5 as an Education Specialist for a Computer Software Company in the corporate world. I am now living the ultimate dream of flexibility and independence through working from home and am currently on track to make six figures this year with our team. This has been the best thing I've ever done for my family and I absolutely love what we do.



We offer full training and a great support system to the women we work with and I can help show you how it really is possible for you to make a substantial income from home on a part-time schedule without stocking inventory and selling off products, hosting parties every week, or wasting gas delivering products all over town. Maybe you've been looking for a way to replace your income so you can stay home with the kids? Maybe you already stay home but would like to help supplement the family finances? Or maybe you're just tired of that old dead-end corporate job and would like to finally follow that dream of being your own boss...



If you are the kind of person I'm looking for, my team and I will invest our time with you to help you achieve your goals. You don't have to do it alone.



Serious inquiries only.

www.workthomeunited.com/brandy

Lori - posted on 11/16/2009

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It isn't just his money. Its both of ya'll. You do work at the house by taking care of the kids and cleaning. I use to have a hard time with this also. My husband doesn't look at our bank account much so I don't really have to worry about him knowing what I spend on him. But I did just recently start selling avon. It helps me get money to help with the bills or the things we need. And I opened a bank account for just my avon that he never looks at. So maybe if you feel like you need to help out or make your own money you could try something like that. Hope this helps. If anyone wants to check out my site or has any questions about avon let me know. www.youravon.com/lschmoll

Lora - posted on 11/16/2009

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im a stay at home mom and i believe that the money that my boyfriend makes is mine to, he goes to work and i take care of the children. Taking care of kids is a job to! its not easy!

Gretchen - posted on 11/14/2009

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I wish I could work full time, but right now I have my own business in sewing and art. I do make some money, not much.. .and it's not like I have a lot of time to work on the commissions that come in. He says my first priority is to the housework. I say bah humbug to that. I can't wait for both kids to be in elementary school so I can start on my real career. I have a bachelors in Music Education and currently volunteer at my son's school. I love teaching. Right now the sewing and artwork keep me sane and I feel like I'm contributing some. I even created my own business bank account so I don't always have to dip into our joint account. Occasionally I'll send the paypal balance to our joint account.

Joann - posted on 11/14/2009

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Wow, I've felt the same way for 2 years now. My husband tells me to get over it because our daughter is my full time job. But it's still hard because i hate spending money even on myself for say a haircut. I don't know how to give advice on this because I feel the same way!

Laura - posted on 11/14/2009

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I don't bring in any income, but DH and I still have separate as well as joint accounts. He has a direct deposit into my checking and I get "paid" every other Friday. We enter everything into the computer and have a family budget. I typically end up saving more than he does. I saved up three months salary before I quit my job, so I also have that to fall back on.

In your case, I would ask for cash for Christmas shopping. That way you could spend what you want and where you want without spoiling the surprise for him.

Michelle - posted on 11/14/2009

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Forgot to say that each of us has exactly one credit card and they are different accounts so I can buy him a present with my money and then pay it off right away. It adds a layer of secrecy. All he knows is the money went to the credit card. If you don't have one maybe you could put some money on a pre paid credit card and then he'd never know what you spent it on.

Michelle - posted on 11/14/2009

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Because it's our money not his. I think I felt that way for a couple of months after my son was born. Mostly I think because I'd been working a job outside the house since I was 16. Being a stay at home mom was a big switch for me because I wasn't getting a paycheck for my work for the first time. The truth is that he may "work" at a job outside the house, but I work as well taking care of our kids and the house. We have allotted out in our budget an allowance for each of us twice a month and we have a present allowance too for birthdays etc. It works out. Most importantly the money is both of ours because we both do things that make it possible to have that money. You need to quit looking at it as his money. That money is both of yours.

Natasha - posted on 11/14/2009

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My husband and I call it our money and never HIS money. Even though i don't go out to earn it like he does i still have a job caring for our son which i feel is way more important. But like you i still used to feel that i was spending his money. This is when we decided to each get a certain amount a week to spend on whatever we want. I get a little more because i always seem to spend my money buying things for my son :) lol!! So now we are all even and if i need to buy a present for my husband i save up for it. All the best. :)

[deleted account]

I no longer have that problem as I am a working mum who works only 6-8 hours a week and work around my family. I am in direct selling and sell beautiful jewellery called Fifth Avenue Collection. The income I earn in 6 to 8 hours is more than an average wage earner working 40 hours a week. I am home with my children through the day and my spending doesn't stop. So if you or anyone else would like to know more about what I do, check out my website www.fifthavenuecollection.com/damckenzie or email me on dmckenzie@facmail.com to find out more. This wonderful business allows me to spend and buy what ever I may wish.

Darci - posted on 11/13/2009

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I have always seen the money that is brought into our house as our money. I was a secondary math teacher in "my previous life", and I still ocassionally substitute teach (when I need a vacation). But, all the money in the house is our money. However, we do each get our own "allowance" twice a month. We can spend it however we want to do so.
As for being secretive about gifts... it's challenging. Especially when I purchase most of his gifts online and he takes care of the financial part of our lives (because he likes it that way). I really liked the idea of getting cash and using cash to purchase his gift... I may have to try that one. Because most of my husband's gifts aren't too much of a secret.

Stacey - posted on 11/13/2009

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I'm in the same boat. Since I stay home and am better with the money and paying our bills, I'm a little more in control of the bank account. If I want to buy him something, I either go withdraw the money I need so he can't see where I bought it from, or I just tell him I'm buying him something and to not check the bank account. BUT, for Christmas now, instead of buying each other something, we just agree to go buy something we both want, like for our house or something. For example, last Christmas we bought ourselves a new flat screen which we both really wanted! But if you want to earn some of your own money, why don't you try selling for Pampered Chef or one of those companies? Just a thought... :)

Rebecca - posted on 11/13/2009

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I do childcare in my home. It gives someone for my kids to play with and an extra income. I make over 1200 a month watching 3 other kids. I'm home anyways right LOL. I owned a business before and made 2000 a month but then had to pay a sitter so minus 500 minus gas 100...so i really don't make much less and i get to watch my kids grow instead of working 60 plus hours a week. If you do decide to do childcare i suggest asking for immunization records for the children as i wasn't informed of 3 children i had before who never got any of them and i had a new born in the house so when i asked the parents to keep the kids home when they were sick and turned ugly... Cash only as well...if they do cheque the government can audit you and you could end up in big trouble if you didn't claim it as income. I claim some of mine, the parents who need reciepts. Anyways, good luck!

Chelsea - posted on 11/13/2009

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These are all great replies. They help me out a lot. I don't know why it was stuck in my head that I have to get him a store bought gift. This materialistic world is getting to me. LOL!

Tabitha - posted on 11/13/2009

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Hi Chelsea,



I just recently decided to be a stay-at-home mom and at first it was VERY hard because I was so use to contributing.



I usually make presents or do something special for him on holidays ... such as fix his favorite dinner, bubble bath and candles, back rubs, etc etc. I find things such as this are more intimate and sentimental then buying something.



But, now that I have almost been a stay-at-home mom for a year, I've decided to pick up a hobby and try to make some moola from that, just so that I feel like I have something to do for myself, and not all the time just cleaning, cooking, and taking care of kids :)



Actually today is my first day on trying my new hobby out which is Diaper Cakes. So, maybe you could try to make a little cash out of a hobby or if not do something for hubby that doesn't require a receipt :)

[deleted account]

im in the same boat as you. iim a stay at home mom but i will ever so often take on a kid to baby sit and i clean my aunts house and she pays me for it. so when his birthday, fathers day, and christmas come rolling around i have a little something put away, but there are times when i dont. like this christmas i wont have any money to spend on him.

So since i dont have my own money to spend on him, i dont want him to buy me any gifts either. If theres something he wants for himself, he can get it.

we dont really do gifts anymore because its really not that important. we focus on the kids.

i dont need gifts for myself because he basically gets me what i want when i want it, if we can afford it. so as long as my kids have stuff to open on christmas, then i dont really feel the need to have anything for myself.

for his birthday, instead of getting him a gift, i throw him a party, and he gets gifts from all his friends.

there are other ways to show love and appreciation then buying something from the store.

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